Ask Me Help Desk - Search Results
Sorry, but this one should tell the whole story.
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Ask Me Help Desk - Search Results
Sorry, but this one should tell the whole story.
He needs to fix himself, he has a lot of problems that only counseling can fix. Either he goes to counseling and admits he has a problem or you need to leave.
Unreal, you'd put your own life on hold for this chump? People do change but it takes a long time (like a decade) and it's impossible while in a relationship. He needs to be on his own to see who he really is. You can't fix him.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lovelee
He sounds like he's afraid to be alone.
Don't stick around with a guy like this, you will lose your friends, and for what? Not worth it.
I was wondering, Is there a reason that he wasn't invited to the SB Party & to play Pool? His insecurities are obvious, but it really seems that he may just want a bigger role in your relationship without being able to tell you.
Just my 2 cents, take care & good luck.
He was invited to come play pool, he chose not to go.
Not to place blame, because HE is definitely the one with the problem, but was there a reason for not inviting him to the Superbowl Party? How long have you been dating? When you invited him to pool was it not after the Superbowl Party and only after he was upset again about being neglected?
The problem is definitely his but depending on how long you have been dating it is probably difficult to be secure when you aren't introducing him to any of your friends when you can tell that it hurts him and makes him insecure. You should never stop your life for a man, but you should include him in it. Once he goes out with you a few times he probably would stop being so insecure about what you do when he is not with you.
Once again I repeat this is not your problem it is HIS.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Justwantfair
We've been together for about 16 months.
I didn't invite him to the superbowl party because when I called him he was a little annoyed as I had interrupted him from his sleep so I told him I was going out then all of a sudden he tells me that he was going to invite me over by him and got angry when I told him that I wasn't coming. Then he went on saying that I would rather be with friends then with him which is not true at all. I would like to go out with him more but he would prefer to stay home. I like being home myself but every once in a while I would like to enjoy a nice night out.
I was wondering why he was not invited too. When you intrupted him from his sleep, was it late at night when you called him to invite him to the party? Then I could understand why he may have been upset, but then why were you upset?
Sounds to me like you two are just not a match. It maybe time to say good bye.
So here's the story:
My boyfriend just asked to borrow $350 dollars until he can get the money back in a week (or so he claims). The problem is he owes me a lot of money in which he hasn't paid back yet. Several months ago I lent him $1200 dollars because he was going through real tough financial issues. He told me at the time that I will get it back in a month of course I didn't get it. Then about one month ago he asked for $400 dollars and I gave it to him willingly, he told me that I would get it back a few days later and again he didn't pay me back. Now today we had the audacity to call again with a sob story saying how he needs the money badly.
THe Problem - I was recently unemployed for two and a half months in which I had to struggle to keep up with expenses and I'm finally getting my finances in order with this new job.
The boyfriend is not the only problem however, a friend of mine who has been unemployed for months asked to lend $500 dollars from me, I couldn't give it to him unfortunetly. If I have to calculate the amount of money each individual owes me I'd be very rich!
My boyfriend is taking advantage and its making me angry. He expects the money today, what the heck do I tell him without causing problems in our relationship?
Don't give him any more money.
It does sound like he's taking advantage of you.
You need to talk to him about this! If he gets angry over this well then he's not a good boyfriend! You are unemployed and need to take care of your OWN bills-- if he gets upset he is obviously using you!
Sarah
You have to stop giving him money. If he hasn't given you back any money, it's because you haven't started chasing him for it yet. If you started chasing him to get back some money, he wouldn't keep asking you.
I can't believe how fast he spends his money. You really need to talk this over with him. Doesn't he have a job?
Tell him you simply can't ,that he is a poor risk and if he needs money ,so do you.
You are trying to pay your own bills.I assume you have to work for that money as well.
You don't have a tree in the back that grows it.
If he gets mad ,then he is a very ungrateful and thoughtless boyfriend.
I am very opposed to money borrowing and I would rather go hungry than borrow.I will lend,but not to the degree that you have.Your just GIVING it away.
Just say NO.I know it comes hard for some people but this guy is bleeding you.
Tell him that you are behind on your expenses and that he is a poor investment. If you have to, put it into stock explanation.
Just say "no".
Then I would asked him about the other money he owes me.
Stop lending out your hard earned money especially to someone that doesn't pay you back.
People will only take of you if YOU allow then to. Then it won't stop until you put your foot down. Time to put your foot down.
If your boyfriend gets mad then it time for a new one. To be honesty you shouldn't gave him anymore money after he didn't pay you back the first time.
You isn't his sugar mommy even though you gave him that impression a little.
He is self-employed and although business is good he says many of his clients aren't paying him fast enough and now he can't pay his rent. I have rent due too and I pay twice as much as he does! When I was unemployed he would give me a little money but it was a far cry from what he owed me. I don't like lending money or taking money from other people. Things were so bad that my mother insisted that I take money from her but I felt so guilty taking it even though she's a bank manager and makes a lot of money! I have a problem saying no to people and I also have a problem asking for the money back. But this time I wouldn't give him anymore money, the bank is closed!Quote:
Originally Posted by I wish
Lovelee don't be afraid of the word "no". Practice saying it and learn to say it to people. Your nobody pushover.
Ask Me Help Desk - Search Results
With the problems you have had with this fellow, breaking up would save you a bunch of money. Matter of fact it would be a better deal to pay him to leave you alone.
Time to say no, or at least if you decide to, you make him sign a loan paper for all the money he owes you. Setting up reguar pay plans, then if he does not pay you, you can sue him in court.
Definitely stop lending out money. You don't need both of you to end up poor.
Don't lend money unless you don't care about getting paid back.
You have to support yourself and you can't keep giving him money. Tell him to start paying you back as well. If he really wants to stop having so many money problems, he needs to stop digging a deeper hole.
I think I got his game. Your mother is a banker so tha's why he knows that no matter what your able to at least get money from her. Hmmm.
Then you turn around and make excuses for his asking you for money. Hmmm.
I don't know what your really going do but I hope you don't give him your money.
And make him sign a note recongizing the money you give in the past as a loan not a gift in case you do have to take him to court. So there won't be any dispute regarding the money or any denial.
Well I'm hoping that I don't have to take extreme measures you guys mentioned like taking him to court. I just wouldn't lend him any more money. He called me a little while ago and there was no mention of money.
I think there could be several reasons your boyfriend brings up your past relationships but I think the main one is his maturity level. He could be very insecure about your relationship so he is "testing" you. He wants to see your reaction when he mentions your past relationships---Will you say, "No honey, I love you more than all those guys put together because you're the greatest, and I don't know why we even argue because you are always right..." or will you say, "Why the heck did I break up with that other guy, cause you are more of a pain than he ever was."
Unless you are comfortable dealing with his behavior, I'd say leave him. A loving relationship should not resolve problems by verbal attacks about one person's past.
Communicate exactly what you told us, or better yet. Tell him to read your post, without him knowing you wrote it and ask him what he thinks you should respond to this person with. Watch as he reads the post and gives a response and then tell him that it's about him.
Lovelee you stating he have trust issues so this is the problem. However, when someone have this problem there is nothing you can do to change it. It has to change it.
My question to you is "why are the two you aruging so much?" Agruing doesn't solve anything and only leads to you saying things out of anger because of that heated moment.
In order for your relationship to make you must be able to talk to each other in a calm, open, civil matter. Remember it takes two to agrued and I pretty sure he wouldn't enjoy agruing with himself.
Also, for the relationship to move forward he better work on his issues because personally I can't date someone with insecurities.
Hei shouldn't be focusing so much on your past relationship but should only focus on the two of you.
I am at my witts end here. The last time I heard from my boyfriend was Saturday around 6:45 p.m. I have been calling him all day yesterday which was Sunday and his phone just kept ringing, he didn't try to reach me either and I'm worried. This is not like him to not call me everyday or not accept my calls. My home phone isn't working but my cell phone sure is and this is just very upsetting. This morning before I came to work I drove by his apartment and asked his landlord if he's seen him for the morning, he said no and told me I can knock on the door but since I was running late for work already I couldn't.
At this point I would rather he be with another woman then to find out he got in an accident or WORSE. I just don't know what to do.
I'm sorry that you haven't heard from him, but you have no idea where he is, so don't jump to any conclusions so quickly. If he has a habit of contacting daily, then I'm sure he will contact you as soon as you get a hold. The best thing for you to do is hold judgement before he gets a chance to explain himself.
If you are that worried, then I suggest that you contact his family or friends to see if they've heard from him.
His family lives very far from him and I don't want to call his mother to worry her, she already worries very easily and I haven't seen any of his friends.
If you don't want to bother anyone else, then you're just going to have to be patient. How was your last conversation? Was it an argument? You can always try to go by his place again after work.
Our last conversation was very good. He told me that he had just finished work and that his back was killing him. We both said I love you and hung up. His phone does give problems from time to time but he would have found a way to contact me. Since he is a five minute drive from my job I will go over to his apartment around lunch time since he works from home.
Thanks
Unfortunately we don't have much other help we can offer, except patience. :)
Keep us posted.
UPDATE!!
Well he just called me!
He told me that he was home sick as a dog and in an angry tone asked me why I didn't knock on his door this morning when I passed by? He said if I was worried so much I would have called his friends or come to his place, just like you mentioned I wish. He said his cell phone dropped into his friend's car and even he tried calling it but his friend refused to answer his calls. I'm glad he's all right but I just don't understand his anger.
He's just really sick, so it's really fustrating. So he might be taking out some of his fustration on you. Don't let it get to you too much. Furthermore, it feels like you didn't care, because it looks like you weren't putting much effort (because you didn't contact his friends/family, nor did you knock on his door). Instead, you even suggested to us that you rather he be sleeping with someone else. That's why I warned you not to jump to conclusions until he can explain himself.
It's just a huge misunderstanding. Just go see him the first chance you get and let him know that you were worried sick too, but you didn't want to worry his mom or that you haven't seen his friends. And that next time this happens, you will knock on his door for sure. And then just take care of him as he's sick.
Just don't get sick yourself, cause you need to go to work.
Lately we are having some issues and just when I think things are getting better they get bad again.
My boyfriend lives in a fantasy world. He would swear that our relationship is the best thing in the world but it is not. He says he is so in love with me yet I don't feel it so much lately. Sure he loves me but I can't believe he doesn't see our problems.
Major Problem No. 1, "Money"- I felt that I have been supporting him for these past few months. He is self-employed and says that business has been very slow and he struggles to pay his bills. A couple weeks ago he got very sick and the doctor ordered him to take three days off work. Now that's like plunging a stake through his heart. He said it would cost him 3 days pay which is about 600 dollars, then told me he will work anyway. So I begged him not to then told him I would pay him for the missed days, (stupid me I know). But I was concerned about his health and didn't want to make it worse, so he hesitated then took the money. My boyfriend made a bad business investment some months back and has barely been able to keep his head above water. He is in deep debt and expects me to bail him out every time. I'm tired of it! I really wish he didn't know my salary. I have expenses too and my rent is literally twice as high as his! Nevertheless he still gives me his sob stories and because of my giving nature I he knows that I have a problem saying no. He promises to pay me back but I haven't seen a penny of it!
Major Problem No. 2, "Trust"- These days he has been doing some questionable things like not answering his phone or rushing me off it. I think he may be cheating. Of course he swears up and down that he wouldn't do that to me but why is he so secretive lately? We don't live together and I feel like sometimes when he says he is working he is not. When I was over by his house his cell phone rang and he wouldn't answer it. So I said; "aren't you going to answer your phone"? Then he says its business and it can wait because he wants to spend time with me without interruption. Mind you, my boyfriend never refuses work if it means money for him. I let it slide. I tried to break up with him a couple days ago ane he flat out refused to let me go. Telling me that I am paranoid and that it will devestate him if I left and he'll never find another woman like me. But these issues we're having is crushing me. I have stress, pains, and headaches over this man and he is driving me crazy! I tell him he has to do better or I will leave, but he continues to do the same thing. I told him if he loved me he would let me go. He says the opposite. "If he loves me there's no way he will let me go." If things don't change for the better he may very well be history.
Is this the guy from your previous threads? If so there are trust issues and a severe lack of real communication .
He can tell you 24/7 that he loves you,but his actions speak a different language. I d say leave him and let him fend for himself.
Totally agree :)Quote:
Originally Posted by amicon
When I merged all your threads, it started to be apparent that you have been going through the same things over and over for more than a tear and have had no resolutions that work for you. At some point, enough is enough. Given the bad and no good things written about him, I would be long gone. Reread this whole thing and tell me why your still there.
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