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Hi, HotPotato2009!
Concerning a mid-life crisis, I would think that age 30 would still be a bit young for that to be happening. I went through mine from about ages 40 - 45.
Is there anything happening currently in his life that might be causing him to have stress? Also, does this sort of thing between you and him happen frequently, as far as the mood changes are concerned, please?
Hopefully, others will also come along to address your question.
Thanks!
It sounds like he was trying to get some "action". And since it took you a whole 30 minutes (I know), he had his wittle feewings hurt.
Is he childish? Does he act immature?
Some guys go through stages when they realize that they are not 21 any longer. That they stand out at college aged parties, and no longer get carded. But this sounds like because you weren't immediately aroused and receptive when he "presented", the offer was removed from the table. He might have even "finished" without you.
Try talking. Stroke his ego, but don't compromise yourself.
People think that women are complex creatures. Men sometimes are too. But mainly it's food, entertainment, sex, and sleep. I wouldn't look too deep into this.
Good luck.
Okay what did I miss. He was falling asleep on the couch, and he came to bed, and fell asleep? What's to wonder? Sleepy guys don't share, and I see no reason to make this a big deal.
How do you get mid life crisis from this? Or even mood swings?
@ JMJOSEPH - No he didn't want any action at the time. I know how he get when he want to get action, and that was not it.
He's way too young for a mid-life crisis.
How long have you been together? Has this moodiness surfaced at other times in your relationship or is this something new?
If you’ve been together for a significant period (over a year) then you should know him well enough to determine if this is a personality issue or an isolated incident.
If it is an isolated incident, you need to find out what is troubling him (money, job security, etc).
If you can’t find a valid reason for his moodiness, then you might consider that he may be suffering from some depression and may need some outside help to overcome this.
There are so many possibilities for his demeanor. Can you provide some additional background information to help us point you in the right direction?
Have you tried talking with him about your concerns? An open and honest discussion might help resolve some parts of the problem.
Did this happen before his stroke? If not, then it might be an idea to talk to his doctor about the side-effects of the stroke and the job related stress.Quote:
HotPotato2009 agrees : Well he did have a small stroke a couple months ago. And I feel that he feels that he getting bored with his job and not having money, That could cause him stress
Is he looking for a better job?
Are you planning your wedding? That can be added stress, too.
@ DEVORAMERIA - What happens when a person goes through a mid life crisis?
He's had depressing moods from time to time after his stroke. And we just recently got a car too. So they could be it also. We have to pay $164 every other week then we have car insurance on top of that. I think the car may have added some stress too.
What kind of background do you want?
@ CAT1864 - I've tried talking to him about it, and sometimes he tells me and other times he says nothing.
He talks about looking for another job, but doesn't do it. He just talks about getting a part time job. He says that he wants to wait on me to get a permanent job before he looks for another job. But I feel he if wants a new job he should look for one. Cause it might take a while for me to find something permanent.
No, not planning a wedding yet. I think I may be the one stressed out more if we were planning a wedding :-)
Its clear he is under stress, and from the finances to his health, he may be distracted, but I doubt it's a mid life crisis. More like learning to deal with a tough situation sounds to me, and we men do get a bit moody, and distant, when we are looking for a comfort zone.
I don't think this is all unusual given the circumstances he has been through, and going through, so be supportive, and stay positive, and not take it personally, as it sounds like he is wrestling with a few things at the moment, and needs time to make the right adjustments for himself.
So patients, and understanding are your best bets. Don't try to fix him, he ain't broke, just "growing"
@ Talaniman - Thanks :-) I appreciate that. And I will try to stay positive. It's not always easy trying to stay positive because his attitude is kind of making me feel depressed in a way. You know, his depression affects me too, but I will try. I guess that's all I can do. And hope that he will tell me what's wrong
He will, but don't take his distraction PERSONALLY! :cool:Quote:
Originally Posted by HotPotato2009
Is he on any medications?
Thanks :-)
@ CAT1864 - Yes he is. But he's been taking them for like 3 almost 4 months and he hasn't been acting this way. He takes some cholesterol pills that are supposed to lower his cholersterol and something else that I don't know the name of
I just wanted to make sure he wasn't having any issues with medications that could be causing their own issues along with what he is going through mentally.Quote:
Originally Posted by HotPotato2009
Yea I understand what you mean. I really feel that he is just really tired of working where he is now. He's always told me that he wanted to get another job. He's also pretty good at drawing and I kind of think he wants to pick up on that more. But there aren't many art school for airbrushing around our area...
Change jobs is not to good of an option at this point in the economy, and trust me, I know the trapped feeling when your options are extremely LIMITED. That is depressing, as well as the fear of taking a chance with landing another job, when the hiring is tough, when you have a job, even one you hate. That's not easy, but he may get creative.
Cholesterol drugs have side effects, and he has to be tested every 3 months to see if they work, and he probably takes blood pressure meds and thinners also, having had a stroke. They too have to be monitored, and adjusted. Ask me how I know.
He seems to have a full plate.
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/marria...im-469922.html
You might gain insights from this thread, and know you're not alone.
Well you guys, I found out what was wrong with him. He said it was me! He said that he feels that I treat him like a child, because I asked him who he was talking to on Facebook. Now I'm not the type to ask every time, only sometimes (I would say like 40% of the time. Which isn't a lot compared to others. Then he said that he don't always want to me go to VA with him and then the issues about the car (that he claims in my fault) but its really not if you know the story behind it.
So I told him I was sorry if he felt that way. I don't understand why he don't tell me these things when the problem occurs. Like all those times, I asked him what was wrong,he said nothing. So how was I to know that he was feeling that way. He wait until things get so bad to say something.
But, I told him that I was try and slack off a bit.
It's normal to suffer from some depression after suffering a stroke. A stroke would make you realize that you aren't immortal.
I've heard people say that once they have a stroke they constantly worry about having another one - a really bad one, so that could present a lot of stress and worry.
With everything he has going on right now and knowing his history, I think you just need to be patient and supportive for a while longer. If he doesn't knock the depression in the next few months, he may need to see a health care professional to help him through this.
I don't buy his crock of crap, but you did the right thing by not making it a bigger deal than what it is. That's a great sign, that you can deal with his mood swings, and weird a$$ thinking, and actions.
"Its never about what life throws at you, Its how you deal with it that counts!"
Yeah. I do try. Sometimes I get a urge to say things, but I know how sensitive he is, so I try to walk away.
I don't think he's being fair though. He really hurt my feeling a bit by blaming me for his depression. The last thing I want to do is depress someone
Entire story merged
Hi everyone!
Some of you here know the issue with what happened about a year ago with my fiancé and his coworker. But for those of you who don't, here's a recap:
In February, (boyfriend) at the time, got busted! He was at his female coworkers house getting help with myspace (use to be famous). I called his cell several times and he didn't answer. Well when I found out where he was, of course, he tried to lie about it. Played as if he didn't know who I was talking about, blah blah. Eventually he came out with the truth. He said nothing happened with her and that they are just friends and he was wrong for doing what he did. I forgave him, but this girl just rubs me the wrong way.
Now, she is supposed to be some "aspiring" singer. She coming out with demos and shows. My fiancé got her demo yesterday and I snapped! I didn't say anything, but you can see in my face that I wasn't all happy about it. He was saying things like "I'm so ecstatic to get this". So he gets mad at me.
Then 2 days ago, I will admit, I do go on his fb page and see who he makes comments too. Mainly to see what he post on her page. So I asked him about one post he made on her page and he got mad at me. Said that she pushes him to go back to school, etc. He says I don't do that for him. And that I need to step it up.
So as you can see, I am getting a feeling that I am slowly losing my man for his coworker. He tells me he don't want to be with her and that she is just his friend. But in my mind, isn't that usually how it starts? You become friends with someone who is doing 20% of what your spouse isn't doing, then you end up having feelings for that person and hanging out more, then you end up having sex with that person. I desperatly need some advice!!
This isn't about what he is doing to you. Its about him using her to make you jealous.
Why are you even trying to be with a guy who plays that game with your feelings? Don't you know that is a sign of control on his part?
Remove yourself from this situation, and worry no more.
I think men and women are capable of being friends with the opposite sex without sex coming into play. I just think you don't trust this guy since he lied and tried to hide it the past. However, once you took him you forgave and if you think you can't get over this then maybe you need to rethink this relationship.
By the way, why would you want to be her friend?
@ DaisyBoo -I firgured If I was her friend, maybe I wouldn't be so mad about him talking to her.. And your right, I don't trust him that much. I mean, I trust him to a certain point. I thought I was over it, but now that their friendship is still existing, for some reason I can't shake it off. I keep thinking, "is he going to sneak off with her again?"
You really need to step back, and get some clarity here so you can figure out what's really going on.
That to me is a big red flag you should pay attention to. No way is that love, caring, or reassurance for your insecure feelings.Quote:
Said that she pushes him to go back to school, etc. He says I don't do that for him. And that I need to step it up.
Yes, I agree with Talaniman. Your boyfriend is comparing you to her and throwing her in your face. And being her friend won't change the situation your in it will only make it more complicated.
Sometime we have to know when to throw in the towel.
I see red flags with his attitude. Sure he's a seasoned jogger, but obviously you aren't, and patience and understanding on his part is just not there.Quote:
Originally Posted by HotPotato2009
Most men wouldn't mind at all walking until their girlfriend caught her breath. It's normal for a new jogger to have to take some breaks, and normal for a boyfriend to show some understanding.
He sounds harsh, demanding, and controlling - just not a pretty picture at all.
Ok, being her friend is out of the question then. Thanks guys!
Well I spoke with a lady today about counseling. I'm going to set a appointment and see what that can do for me... with my insecurity and trusting issues. I thought I would try another approach.
Sometimes I just don't understand why this girl bothers me. She's not pretty at all. Her face reminds me of a gorilla
Its not her, it's the attention and importance he gives her that has you frazzled.
Ever wonder why two females will fight in public, while the weasel in the middle looks on, and goes unscathed?
Watch Jerry Springer sometimes. Focus on his actions, not hers, and see what HE is doing, instead of being distracted by jealousy, insecurity, and confusion.
I will try that too then.
You guys, I have another issue!
Yesterday, I picked my fiancé up from work. He seemed fine, but not really talkative. So when we get home, he asks me "when am I going to start cooking because he got somewhere to be at 9" I ask him where he got to be, and he says a open mic. Of course, its his female coworkers open mike thing. You know, the one I was talking about in previous threads. Well... I ask him "can I go" and he gets a attitude with me! And says "where can he go by himself". He then leaves the house. I leave also... cause I had plans on going to the grocery store with my mom. When I come back, he's not speaking to me. Hasn't spoken to me ALL NIGHT! And not this morning either. So I ask him "are you not going to speak to me all day??" He shrugs his shoulders and says nothing. Then 5 minutes later he says, "i'm not mad, im just unhappy"
What gives you guys? This man is really confusing me!
One minute he telling people I'm the best, now this?? What to do?
Why didn't you ask him, "unhappy about what?". That would be my question.
Cause I was on my way to work. And I would rather not talk about "bad issues" before I go to work. I end up having a messed up day and everyone pretty much gets my attitude. Bad news before work, does not mix with me
I feel that you tried to handle the situation well. You asked him if you could join and he got defensive. What's to get defensive about?
Either he is really immature and doesn't know how to communicate correctly, or he has a crush on this girl and doesn't want you to see the obvious signs in person.
I'd sit him down and ask, what is making you unhappy
Well I got desperate and called and asked him. He said that he feels that I always have to have my eyes on him or know what he's doing or where he is at. He said that he feels that I am trying to handle him. Then said that he has to make himself happy for him
Hi everyone! Hope you had a great weekend! :-)
Okay, so here is what happened. I posted a status on Facebook saying "Sooooooooooo hungry right now" and one of my guy friends posted "that's why you need a real ni*** to bring you breakfast". And then his sister made a comment saying "hope its not you cause you can't cook" then he said "i wasnt talking about me"... now these two are nobody to really take seriously cause they always joke around like that so I thought nothing of it and just said "you guys are wild". So my fiancé reads the comments and calls my guy friend out, saying "thats not cool she got a real man". So then my fiancé calls me and says "you need to delete him off your friends list cause that was out of line". Also he says, that it was messed up of me cause I didn't take up for him by telling my guy friend that I got a real man. I told my fiancé I wasn't even thinking to say that cause my friend wasn't anyone to take seriously, but I deleted him off my friends list. My fiancé said it was cool and that he will just take care of himself from now on.
Then a few minutes after that my fiancé writes on my wall "i love you babe".
Now am I wrong for not telling my guy friend that "i got a real man"? I can understand where my fiancé is coming from but I don't think it was that serious to get mad about.
I've asked him one time before to delete someone off his friends list and he raised hell with me. Said that he is not deleting his friends off Facebook cause he knew them longer and before me.
What do you guys think?
If your BF gets mad from a Facebook post then you don't have a real man. You have a jealous insecure little boy.
Judging by your previous threads in regards to this guy, it seems like you both have a LOT of growing up to do before getting married.
It says a lot about someone when you have to constantly turn to this website with every argument or problem between you two. I hope that with a more developed mode of communication between you two, this won't become a pattern much longer.
@ kctiger -?? Meaning??
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