Kadd and Chuff, you are right, I was a little confused for a moment as to who posted what, sorry for the confusion, but when I went back and reread, I still think that the thoughts I wrote still applies! :) Right guys? :P

Well guys, I went on Sunday to the party I have been mentioning and well I can't say that it was such a great idea.

I took the advice and only said hi to her, however evtually in the night we were around the table and after alone on the table. We spoke briefly and somehow talked about her new boyfriend.

either way she took off not long after, I was fine I guess till this morning one of her friends tells me that she would rather not talk to me anymore even consider a friendship later on =(

I am not sure why or what I said to make her feel that way, but I feel like seeing her took me a step back but her having to say she will never be my friend took me even one more step back... Anyway I feel like I am back to square one and I am not sure why!! Any input?

Whether she likes the idea or not. Your going to be crossing paths at one time or another. I would put my chin up and still say hello. That is it. Whether she wants to be friends or not. I would just let it slip off my back. I do not think talking about her boyfriend was such a good idea, Unless she is the one that brought it up. Oh well, you still need to show her that your strong that when you guys to cross paths you will be the better person.

Joe

Well... you really did not take our advice. You should not have spoken with her - period - end of story. But of course you had to. Bad idea, really bad.

You keep shoving a knife in your back. I might suggest a counselour because you don't quite get it.

This lady is a snake and not reall you very good person. Move on.

It should have been - hello - that's it.

She sees a sick puppy dog in you. Needy.

WHY on earth are you talking about her boyfriend. So insecure. You should have said I don't care and walked away.

I still don't understand why on earth you would want to be friends with a person that did all this to you... and now more.

You knew it was a really bad idea to talk with her - and now she has a concrete opinion of you.

Now would be a very good time to go back to square one and renew the no contact rule. Forget the curiosity and move on with your life. Leave the past where it belongs and forget this female completely.

Yep - the plan was NOT to talk with her... yet you did... and she hit you with an upper cut.

Your whole appearance SHOULD HAVE been one of indiffference and not caring one bit about her. You should have walked away from that table... yet you need attention from her and she smelled it - not vewry attractive.

You made a mistake by talking to her. But I understand why you did. Avoid her. At all costs. If you know she'll be somewhere, be somewhere else. It sucks for me too. I go to school with her. And invariably, I will run into her. But I decided I won't go anywhere she will be. And it is sad, because I was at the school first, I know the people better. But seeing someone who insulted me as she did, and continues to insult me by not being civil, walking past me without saying a word, not even "hi" makes me feel bad, and very angry. So it is extreme on my part, but I don't want to go to parties, functions, events where she is, even if my friends are there.

I just stay away. You should too.

Wow - Cali - I had no idea... that gal is wacko... but maybe she feels you're trying too hard right now?

I know how much it sucks when your ex is the one deciding things and you just have to learn to accept it. My ex boyfriend called me and said the same thing your ex girlfriend did. He told me he was moving on, that I should too and that he does not even want to be friends- he prob. Never will. The thing is, I had never wanted to be his friend, but the finality of it all was overwhelming. Its really hard when something takes us back a step after time to recover and then you feel like you have to do it all over again. Just remember even if it feels like you took some steps back- u have taken too many forward to ever return to square one- we all feel this way when we see an ex or talk to them or even allow ourselves to cry at something that reminds us of them. You have to go back to the no contact and stick to it no matter if you see her again, or if you feel like calling- call a friend or go out- don't go back there- its too painful. I know its hard and I'm not telling you to change your life, but I know that my ex boyfriend is a manager at a certain store, so I avoid that store. It doesn't have to be drastic like mine, but I mean it is always better not to even put yourself in that situation. Anyhow, you can't always plan life and it is probable that we will run into our ex at some point in our life. But when you do just keep your distance or if you want to just say hello or something ( no more than a friendly hi) but most of all keep your dignity. Anyhow- don't beat yourself up. It didn't go the way you planned or how you would have liked it, but everything happens for a reason and maybe this way the no contact will help you to really move on for good. Anyhow, everyone falls down but it takes the strong at heart to get back up and keep going. You are doing amazing and just let her go on her way. Goodluck!

Letting others make you feel one way or another... letting them decide what goes down and what doesn't... taking on any of the shame of their bad manners... or letting them set the conversation agenda and listening to stuff that is plainly none of your business...

Makes me wonder if there is an adult here instead of a candle in the wind. The answer to most of this is that dirty word: Responsibility!

Kad, If your going to ask for advice on this website or anyone like it than you have to be prepared to follow that advice. You wanted the hollywood ending where she would wake up and realize you're the man of her dreams. The problem is we don't live in the movies. We live in real life and she's using you. When everybody said don't talk to her they meant not at all. Quite frankly, she doesn't even deserve a hello. She already put the dagger in your heart, now she's twisting it. The worst part is you let her.

If you ask for advice then, for the love of God, follow that advice. Especially when all the advice is consistent. Look, I'm not trying to run you down, because I've recently been where your at but nobody on this board has an emotional attactment to this woman like you do. If you know she's going to be somewhere than avoid that place. Don't do it for her, but do it for yourself. Going to a party that she was going to be at was asking for trouble. Talking to her, alone non the less, was giving her all your power.

If you don't know what to do, and it's cool if don't then follow the advice of those that do. Follow it now and if you get stuck ask again but whatever you follow it. DO NOT do what you think is best. Your wrong. Your thinking with your emotionals, not rational thoughts.

Well I must say all what was said above was RIGHT. It was my fault and I should have walked away but things are easier said than done.

However I feel great today because I realised that by her saying that it means I will not see her again, if fate decided that we become friends later on in life so be it but for now I am taking care of ME.

Thanks again guys for all your help it was very much appriciated. I will be on this board daily to read other subjects and hopefully learn from them, my saga with this person is over and I promise the next subject will hopefully be a positive one and with someone who appreciates me. Thanks again to all of you see you all soon =)

Now do you understand no contact as well? By talking to her you ruined the mystery.

She can't cpmplain that you didn't talk to her or pay attention to her.

Nothing changed. You were right there with her.

Chuff - has a GREAT post here... you gave away the power by talking with her. She took it.

Ande yes - people all the time confuse movies with reality.

WOmen want to work for things.

I don't know why she said what she said or feels the way she feels but I wouldn't waste time and energy fretting about it. Part of the problem is that you blew it in that you had previously decided that you were just going to say "hello" and nothing more. You didn't stick to your guns. As we told you before, it's over and that's that. You really don't need to worry about or care why she feels the way she does about being friends (or not) or anything else. You know what the score is and what you need to do. Everything else is just empty filler so remove it from your mind once and for all.

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Originally Posted by kadd0007

However i feel great today because i realised that by her saying that it means i will not see her again, if fate decided that we become friends later on in life so be it but for now i am taking care of ME.

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No offense Kad, but I still don't think you get it. Why at this point would you ever want to be her friend in the future? She totally screwed you over. It's not like you both dated for awhile and it didn't work out because you were two different people with two different views of the world and had a mutually agreed upon break up. She frickin dropped you for another guy. Screw her. You can't trust her ever. You can't trust her to be a friend. Your still hoping that in the future you can be friends? Why? What did she ever do to deserve your friendship?

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Originally Posted by kadd0007

Thanks again guys for all your help it was very much appriciated. I will be on this board daily to read other subjects and hopefully learn from them, my saga with this person is over and i promise the next subject will hopefully be a positive one and with someone who appreciates me. Thanks again to all of you see you all soon =)

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Good for you. I joined this site about 4 to 6 weeks ago after getting jerked around by a girl I work with. I have no choice but to see this woman everyday and I still don't talk to her. She used to say hello everyday then whined to our friends when I wouldn't respond. Now she isn't saying hello at all and telling people I'm mad at her. I keep saying I'm not mad at all, I just don't care to associate with liars. That is what you need to do. This woman lied to you and dropped you for another guy. Your in the right here. Not her. You didn't do anything wrong. You need to quit acting like you did, and hope that she will somehow forgive you and become your friend. Forget her. You tell anybody who asks that your just not looking for the kind of friends who lie to you. Who could argue with that?

Like I said, I came to this site and I have gone back and read older posts and looked for patterns of behavior in others that I have in my personality read the advice given to those in need. I've really learned a lot about myself through that advice and I've been able to go back to previous relationships, seen where the attraction started, where it started to go down hill and where it just ended. The relationship usually ended before the actual break up. Just like yours did. I, like you am an extremely emotional man and I've always heard women like emotional guys, but again, that's fantasy... that's hollywood - that stuff sells to woman the box office but it doesn't sell women on in real life. When all these posters say work on yourself, really do it! Really look inward and to your past. I've been looking all the way back to my childhood. I've been trying to figure out where some of my beliefs came from and if they are practical in the real world. I've made some improvements in just a short time but I've got a big mountain to climb. I'm not a quiter though and neither are you. Read some older posts and learn from them. Think what you would do in that situation, and then think what should you do that situation and then think, in the future when that situation presents itself, what will I do? Really take those steps to better yourself. Don't just say but follow through. You'll be glad you did.

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Originally Posted by Wildcat21

Chuff - has a GREAT post here.....you gave away the power by talking with her. She took it.

Ande yes - people all the time confuse movies with reality.

WOmen want to work for things.

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THANK YOU. I've read many of your posts related to others and I'm doing my best to improve. So for you to say those kind words really means a lot. Thank You again.

Chuff I guess you are right, why would I want a friend like that?? But I always had one thing I believed in and its to forgive and forget.

Don't get me wrong though, by me saying that it does not mean that me and her we'll ever be close again even as friends, it simply means that I will maybe aknowledge her presence one day if I see her around! =)

Nothing wrong with forgive and forget, but you have nothing to forgive and don't forget her boot up your butt

I think you need to take away from this is... sh really is NOT a good person. You found out early enough what you REALLY would get in a long term relationship from her.

There are many great ladies out there - she is not one of them.

Glad you did not find this 5 years later.

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Originally Posted by kadd0007

Chuff i guess you are right, why would i want a friend like that??? but i always had one thing i beleived in and its to forgive and forget.

Dont get me wrong though, by me saying that it does not mean that me and her we'll ever be close again even as friends, it simply means that i will maybe aknowledge her presence one day if i see her around!! =)

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I'm not sure I caught your age but I'm guessing your young and hard headed. Take it from me as I've always been hard headed myself and stuck to my beliefs. As I've gotten older I've realized that some of my beliefs have really held be back. Even when I thought they were good beliefs. Sometimes your beliefs are wrong. Sometimes you need to change and I think your belief of forgive and forget needs to be changed or at least modified.

When you forgive someone it isn't for them. Forgiving someone is for yourself. It is something you do to move on. It took me a long time to grasp this. By forgiving someone your giving up the pain they caused you. Your giving up the hold they have over your emotions and thoughts. Your saying to yourself, "There's nothing I can do about what that person did to me and instead of carrying around anger, I'm going to put it in the past and move forward."

I believe you should change your belief to forgive, but never, ever forget.

KAdd,

Chuff and cat have given you some great advice here. I really hope you listen to them.

Stop blaming yourself for what happened! It wasn't your fault. You are indeed lucky (I know you don't feel this way right now) that you have seen these things now.

It is much better than 5 or 7 years down the track.

You should be glad that you have saved yourself from even greater pain in the future
Keep moving forward and be strong. Work on YOU!

Yep - this is a woman you've found out you could NEVER trust. She doesn't respect you.

Hey guys,

Without having to rebore you with my current situation, I have a very and simple question.

Its been excatly one month today that I have not talked, e-mailed, messaged or heard anything of her!!

So I know now that I am capable of not contacting her however I still miss her dearly, I know she does not even deserve for me to miss her but yet I can't help it, is this normal?? I mean I feel like what we had I am never going to find with anyone else, what if I don't am I going to settle with someone else further in life and always think back to her?

I am not sure why I miss her more than usual this past little while I sjut do, any advice?

Go another month - then a simple phone call to say hi.

It's still a grieving process.

The first 3 months or so are going to be hard. You will miss her. You will probably miss little things about her for a long long time to come. This is normal behaviour. I have been broken up with my ex for about 6 - 7 months now and I'm not going to lie and say that it doesn't still hurt at times. It does. Sometimes I still feel a little hurt and upset and just miss certain things about her.. She was a good person and a big part of my life and now it is gone. You can't just replace that in a few months because you don't contact them. In fact I will never replace it. Just find something / someone new that makes me happy.

So yeah I still hurt little. But so so much less then before. So much less. I am now happy most of the time as opposed to miserable most of the time. You will too my friend.
You just have to give it time. Keep up the no contact. Just find things to keep occupied and it will get better.

Thanks guys really appreciate the response, however wildcat for the first time I am going to disegree with you.

As much as I would love to call her and say hi in a month time, I think I am just going to call her on her BD which is in April 2007...

The reason why I am waiting that long is because I know myself, in my heart I want to call her in a month and have her be just as happy to hear from me and want to see me which in order proves that I am not near being over her, hoever in April 2007 I am sure by then I would be over her and I should not care what she says then... what do you think?

As wildcat said, this is a grieving process... which trust me takes time. You're not going to wake up 1 fine morning and say " oh how great i feel today, im not even thinking of her "... unfortuntaley it doesn't work like that.
You are only thinking now that you will never find someone as good as her, all these things take time.

Just keep yourself busy and try your utmost to push her further back in your mind and prioritise what should come first... YOU.

Why bother to call her on her birthday.. you've gone without calling for so long...
Think of you.. what if you fall back where you started... what will u do then?

For now work on yourself to get to the point you are healthy again and the hole in your soul has healed.

Good point, that's why I don't want to call her now, but you never know what if I call her in April and then it takes me back to square one.

Well then there you go my mind is made up, if somehow we connect again so be it but its for sure not going to be from me calling her!. thanks guys!!

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Originally Posted by kadd0007

... i mean i feel like what we had i am never going to find with anyone else, what if i dont am i going to settle with someone else further in life and always think back to her??

I am not sure why i miss her more than usual this past little while i sjut do, any advice?

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After breaking up with my girlfriend of seven years (through HS, college) I felt like that. How in the world am I supposed to find something better, etc.

Well you do. You are going to think of her often for some time. Even when in a new relationship you'll think back to her... as in maybe she didn't like the food that your new girlfriend does, or maybe she was less patient about something... she's a part of your life and your past. Its not going away.

But, as was mentioned, it is exactly like a grieving process. Ever had someone you cared about die? Well... it hurts like hell for a long time, and over time it hurts less. You never miss them less, but the hurting does fade.

The only difference with the girlfriend is you do miss them less in time.

I've been married over 6 great years to a fantastic person. I still think of every girlfriend from time to time. Two of which I was madly in love with. When I think of them now its more of a "i-wonder-what-shes-up-to" pondering, not an angst-filled suffer-in-my-own-misery thing.

Meaningful relationships mean something. Its supposed to hurt when it falls apart.

Thankfully, others come along. They are never the same as the previous one. But don't classify all others as not as good just cause it isn't the same. I had connections with my first girlfriend that were unique to that relationship. I'm thankful for the experiences... and some of the connections I still miss a little. But you find that in all relationships. Don't harp on the "what if i dont find better". You're setting yourself up for failure.

Be patient. Eventually you'll miss her less and like someone more.

kadd0007 - if you can wait until April - more power to you.

I'd satrt doing gother things now - hope you work out, run, lift weights etc - I'd start dating - dtae, date, date - wortk harder at work... school.

I know 1000% working out helps you move on.

LOL its funny you mention the gym wildcat, I am a regular client at the gym but lately I have stepp it up and I am there more often and the results I am getting are great.

At the same time me and a bunch of my friends are planning a trip to Cancun Mexico so should be a blast...

Well to clarify things, I don't hurt at all anymore, I never think back to her or our time together and get upset and teary like I use too, I just think back and ONLY miss her as I am not exgareting when I say this but I have dated a lot in my time and still am at the moment and NEVER have it had anything close to what and me and her had... thats why I am having a hard time with this...

But just like most of you said I am being optemestic and I will wish for the best and cross my fingers to the day someone comes along that I will share similar experiences with =)

Good - a long work out or run puts a ton of stuff in perspective.

Traveling is the best - helps sooooooooooooooo much.

That's good - see missing some one like that is healthy. You weren't in love with the relationship idea - but with her.

Wildcat did you mean to say that in reverse... I was with the relationship but not her??

Or am I getting ti wrong?

What I was saying is some people are in love with an idea of a relationship - but not necessarily that person. They want so desperately to be in a relationship - anyone might do.

Ah I see it makes sense now!! Hmmm I wonder if that was my case??

Something to think about lol!!

It is. Happens to everyone. Depends on how good of a person she really was.

Well to be honest with you she seemed like she had a good heart, but its kind of hard to lok back and say that she did after she treated me like crap for 6 month and at the end she cheated on me!!

A lot of my friends tell me it's a case of ( you want what you can't have ) since I never had any girl turn me down, and that also makes some sense too but I am not too sure!!

Hey guys,

For theone who are familiar with my situation here it goes, today I got sent a picture with my ex making out with some really really ugly dude when she went away with her friends for the weekend.

Wildcat I was saying how maybe I should call her so yesterday ( **** THAT ), so my question is? Now that I know about another time she was cheating, I though about just sending her an e-mail with the picture just to let her know that I know, I am not even going to write anything.

So should I? Is it a good idea? Please keep in mind this gesture I want to do is in no way a way to try and get her back at all it is merely to let her that I know??

Please give me your thoughts??