Well it is Friday today and I think it will be a better day today- I got to work and the first thing I saw was this email sent to me--

Well it made me laugh my eyes out and well I could not resist sharing this with you guys...

Virgin: the world's best passenger complaint letter? - Telegraph

With kind regards
Zee

That was HILARIOUS! :)

I've got tears running down my face Zee. That was WAY TOO FUNNY!! Poor little Hammy the Hampster! LOL!

Well I thought to update as I have not done so for a while. It is the evil V day today- half way through the day here in Singapore. The day is actually Okay- it is the first single V day for me in 15 years... lol… I guess the best way is to embrace this day positively as I can and to treat it like any old day- except it is hard when you see nothing but bloody red hearts everywhere—I guess today I will try very hard and embrace the single feeling of freedom and peace.

Last week was rather stressful as I did get a V card from the ex-(a week ahead of V day- that was the first in timing) after debating on what to do, I did open the card, sneaky using the steam from the kettle (not to destroy the envelope) and had a look- I know I shouldn't have- but I was too damm curious and so I did. The card was full with words + a letter was in it- I can see that he regrets what has happened v much and would do anything to put it right—and from what he said- I am sure he would. Obviously my mind was in a whirl and I had a lot of thinking to do. At the end as difficult as it was, I resealed the V card and resend it back to him. I am so sorry but I am unable to re-consider trying again- of course I had thought about it- but too much has happened and too many damages has taken place, in particularly these last 6 months. I had the unfortunate experience of seeing a very ugly side to him that I never knew- that has stopped me re-considering as I see him as a very different from the person I knew and so it is best to leave things in the past now- this decision has been a tormented one as you can imagine but at the same time I am feeling the real ME and that I will take as a positive sign.

I am lucky I have no 'Love Box'- should really say 'Ex- BOX' to raid today- the BOX was the first imagine that came to me the second I opened my eyes this morning and it was HELL. The box had all the cards we both gave each other over 9 years and I think there were over 170 cards (love, B'day and engagement cards). I still remember the cards- and yeah that hurt v much today. Again I thought of the V card and letter he sent- but I can't go back=there will never be that level of trust ever and I will always worry if what if it happens again. I am so glad that I sent the box with the cargo back in Oct as at the time, it was too painful for me to see, and I did not have the heart to get rid of it (that would make me non-human), and so I sent it all back to him with his stuff and left the fate of the box in his hands as I did not want the burden on my shoulders of what to do with the box- thought I should let him decide- at the end he did screw everything up. Glad I did that, as if that box was here- I would probably (most likely—okay def) destroy myself looking at all the cards.

So today will be a normal Saturday, but a busy one. I brought a huge box of chocolates to share with the old folks at the volunteering place I have been going to this month on the weekend. Don't worry I will make sure I will MUNCH a few chocolates and will try very hard to leave some for them! Saying that I am looking at the chocolates right now and now am wondering if they will make it to the old peoples home in 2hrs time! After that I will be visiting the gym and then late evening I am meeting up with friends for a good drinking/chitchatting session at a funky bar which we booked two days ago. Thankfully the friends I am meeting up with are a mixture of couples and non- couples and I am glad for the balance, as I seriously am not in the mood to do the 'lets go out together cos were all single crap'- that seriously is just not me. I guess I am not ready to date yet- funny really as when you make a stance like that with yourself- you always find someone asking you out! Well I managed to wiggle out of 1 V lunch and 1V dinner- (first time to everything I guess) as I just am not ready. I think relaxing and having fun and good laugh with good friends is enough for me at the moment and so with that I will carry on.

Hey Zee save some chocolates for us too! :)

I know days like this can be tough but I'm glad you're able to stick to the realization that you can't take him back. Just out of curiosity, he didn't ask for money again in that card did he? (sorry, couldn't resist asking... )

Just wanted to add that your story has been an inspiration for me. You've shown some serious strength of will to get to where you are now. Thanks for keeping us updated with your story.

It really does sound like you are doing very well, considering. Valentines Day sometimes isn't much fun when all you see around you everywhere you look, every show on TV, and every song dedication on the radio is gushing looove

You opened the card, you got through it. You're going to do a very nice thing today to go and visit the old folks. I'm sure they will absolutely love and appreciate the chocolates. If there are any left! Back away from the box! LOL! Have a really great time when you go out with your friends tonight!

... and if you can stand one more...
http://www.postsmile.com/img/love/2506.gif HVD!

Hey Unlucky Ducky,
In the letter he did not ask about the money - I think he knows better not to as I would chop his b@lls off frankly. The letter was fair and sincere as he could be under the cirumstances, that is what got to me- guess that grass was not that green on the other side after all...

Well me off now- haven't raided the chocs- but will soon!

Zeniee! Sup

Good thing that you are keeping yourself busy.I think you did great by sending him the letter and the box back

Don't hog up all the chocolates ,save some for the old people and me.

Zeeniee,

How are you doing? Everything okay with you.Any updates?

Hi Everyone, Sorry that I have not posted for a while- I guess I was taking a break from this site.

Not much to update, except Myles turned up in Singapore on the first week of March out of the blue- we did meet and talked and I finally got to say what I really thought of the whole situation and him. I had a lot to say and I am glad I said what I did. He actually came to apologize as he said he could not leave it this way- sadly the apology was just too late - it is clear he does have a lot of feelings for me- but I made things clear- that we can never be.

He said he did not meant for things to go this way-or this far but then I found out. At the end of the day, I don't know Myles anymore and the guy I saw was not the person I knew. He looked lost, weak and well a mess… it is such a sad thing to see. I hope he does sort himself out for himas it does hurt me to see him this way. Anyway since then it has been a clear cut NC. A while back his sister got in contact through FB and requested friends- which I declined – but I felt very bad and so explained my reasons and gave her my hotmail if she wanted to email- but so far nothing and I am glad as I don't want any contact. Last week 'someone' hacked in my FB and changed my picture profile- to the one of me on our last trip together last year…well there was not much to do really but change my password and let it be- if Myles did this (very sure he did)… that's his problem not mine. I don't wish to see him again and I hope that was the last of him. I don't love him no more, but I miss him (well the person I knew) v much- he was not just someone I loved, but he was also my best friend. Crap...

Apart from the above, I have been really busy at work- and I have booked a few places to go traveling- first stop is next week to Angkor Wat- finally I can have a bloody break! Next stop is Darwin in June and Melbourne in August and I can't wait!

Good to hear you are doing well Zeenie! We missed you!

Thanks Kctiger! It is strange to add a post after such a while- lol... anyway I like your post about 'the joys of being single'... I guess I will have to make a small list and add on to the post!

I thought to update my post as I have not done so since April and I wanted the opportunity to share my thoughts and developments with everyone as a reflection of my year so far. I can't help thinking back to this time last year where I was well one big mess. I was very heartbroken and my pain was unbearable to the point I did not want to know me anymore. The breakup destroyed my world, heart and soul and left me spinning insane for months on end. Well over a year on…I am happy to say I am alive and kicking!! Cheeky as ever and a bigger chatterbox than I could imagine (did not think that was actually possible, nor did my friends! Hahaha). 2009 has certainly been one of the hardest years I have ever endured, but bizarre as it sounds I recognize it has also been a very good year in disguise. I have to say I do feel like if I have done nothing this year, aside from crying a lot and staring at empty space, but the true fact is I have done a lot- rather, it has been a case of me working away quietly in the background. I now believe I have created a new, better foundation for me, which will no doubt help, benefit and secure me in all my future endeavors in life.

The ex situation: I am happy to say I feel no love for the ex and I am happy he is no longer in my life- this bit I feel no pain and nor is the ex relatable to me or my life anymore. I acknowledge that total and a non- reversible NC with the ex, his family and all our mutual friends was the only way. Painful and very hard it was- but glad I did this. My advice to anyone who is reading this- take all the advice this website gives you and use it as an opportunity to turn you around with a positive spin. NC is very important – in fact vital if you want to move on and become a better you. For me the consequence of NC has been huge... aka my world is no longer spinning out of control and I now see everything that dares to move!! I am now in control of me, my life, and more importantly I now think of how I would like to do things to give me the best choices with maximum flexibility. It took me a bloody long time and a lot of hard work, effort and serious soul searching from me to get to this point, and I have to say it is worth every molecule of air I breathe today. I now realized that I have not lost me, nor have a f u ck ed up, or lost the plot, but rather I just got sided tracked for a while with a broken heart, and if anything, I recognize I have a lot of power, strength, will and determination inside me- how I really don't know- but it is all there, waiting for me. The fact is I am the same person as I always known me and I am now just a bit wiser and smarter ( I hope). The only thing that gets to me is the bouts of sadness that comes and goes, as what I miss the most these days is having that special x factor connection with a soul mate in everyway- I recognize that this is normal and a natural thing and so now I don't give me a hard time about it, rather I just let the feelings come and go as they wish- I guess time will do its thing and I am confident enough to know my potential, dreams and aspirations with myself and the life I would like to lead, that one day I will meet a much better soul mate in good time. Now when I think of my ex- I remember the good times we had and did. That is all I will allow myself to acknowledge, cherish and respect, as this = represents important parts of my life and who I am as a person. Aside from that, my mission and journey with my ex is over.

My healing over my breakup has been much slower than most people. For me the biggest learning curve was to find a way to let go of my soul-mate (the hardest thing I have ever done in my life), recognizing me- who I am and what I am worth, giving myself a good slapping when I wanted to just 'give up' (there were plenty of slaps from me and many people!! )….learning to be comfortable with me, and being on my own and not expecting anything from anyone. Only once did I get to this point, and not before, did I allow myself to come out and party again and I am slowly getting there- it is just taking me a longer than I thought. The most significant people in my life this year were my family and a few very amazing friends- all who have reached out in their own ways for me to get back on track. This I am extremely grateful for, and I will never forget. Friendship has been a huge and major factor this year for me. I had to let go of all my and ex's mutual friends. I lost 3 friends that sadly died very suddenly out of the blue this year, and I have made a few new good friends (this includes er... a 3ft monkey called jack the lad). As Xmas is arriving soon, this year I decided to do something different. Aside from give cards and gifts to family and friends like I do ever year, I also chose 6 friends- these friends I regard very special to my heart, as they were the most significant friends to me this year that help me get back on my feet. For these friends, I got a special Xmas gift, a way of a huge thank you and expressing massive respect and appreciation for kicking my a s s lol and listening to my heartache for months on end and I hope to continue being good friends with them as always.

In terms of dating etc- this has been a slow progression. Initially I just switch off like if all males species never existed in this world (sorry guys). This I did for me and so I can just focus on me for a while. I also did this as I did not trust me – as I know how easy it would be for me to fall for someone for all the wrong reasons. Now that I feel me and I am happy, and I am getting my life in order, I have been slowly dating on and off for the last 3 months in a friendly way. Surprisingly and luckily most of my experiences so far have been kind and sweet and I have met a few nice guys in the process. I have learnt I still have all my devilish flirting skills ( if not more now lol) and that I am not DEAD but very much alive and kicking :-) . I have to say I have been overwhelmed at times with some of the flattering feedbacks I have received from guys I have casually dated, which has been a good confidence boost to me. This in turn has made me realize what a frigging tosser and a looser the ex was (and is), how much better I can do, how much more I deserve as a person, friend and soul-mate. I have not met anyone that has blown my mind and heart yet. A lot of this has to do with the fact that I am not quite ready for a relationship, nor have I been actively looking and nor have I really placing a huge effort in the dating situation. At this point I just want to be free, happy and just enjoy myself, getting to know people in a good and sincere way and if I wake up and I find someone special that turns me to a happy jellyfish then that will be fabulous…and so at the moment- I am just looking for good friendship and going with the flow of things with caution. Having said that, I have found this challenging at times as I have very tempted to nibble and munch a few lol…. Hahaha I see this as I am moving forward in a positive way.

Currently in the last two months – I have been heavily focusing on my career- which is in the process of a huge revamp- I think it is a good time to do this, as I am young and fancy free as people say! Ultimately I am now thinking where I want to be within the next 5 years time and making solid plans to create this change.

Thank you for reading my very long post- hope you all are looking forward to Xmas and the New Year. For me this Xmas will be way better than last year. I can't even remember what the he l l I did last Xmas- I have no re-collection of memory... well this Xmas me and 3 of my female friends will be celebrating the long Xmas weekend at Gilli Island, Lombok, for some serious sunbathing, snorkeling and partying. The island has no cars or motorbikes- the only mode of transport is a frigging donkey! Bliss! Things can only get better - I hope
with kind regards
Zeeniee

So happy your doing so well!

You have made my holiday season a happy one indeed. I am thrilled and excited for you finding your happiness within yourself.

The next sound you hear is me cheering you on, > big ole cyber hug<

Great to hear!
All the best and Happy Holidays!

Great Zeenie!

Hello EVERYONE!
Sorry I have not been on this site v much, but I thought to update etc... sorry the thread is long- I wrote it when I was on a 12hr flight lol...

Moving on after the ex

The word ‘move on’ has to be the most annoying word on the planet. I hear it all the time, like it is easy to do with a click---wishful thinking. When people say this- they expect you to move on with your life like nothing happened- crazy but true.

I have often asked myself when will I see that day?? - I always assume that I would see myself move on slowly bit by bit- the fact is it does not happen that way- but rather you realize this when a situation comes and after you deal with that situation- the realization comes with a surprise BANG.

In the past, when I tried to get over the ex- I tried to erase the love I had for him- each time I tried= I failed miserably. This frustrated me v much and I felt = I will never over this f-ing prick. What the f u c k do I have to do to get over him?? Jump over a cliff and die?? Believe me – I am ashamed to say that this did crossed my mind a thousand times in the first few months. It is only with time and space- I realize I can’t erase the love I had once for the ex= impossible task- eventually this frustration turned to acceptance. Once I accepted that it is okay to not erase the love I once had for the ex- which was defined by a given time and space of the past- I stopped giving myself a hard time on this subject= some peace with my mind and soul. Eventually with time, I was able to dissociate love I had which will always be, to I don’t love him right now anymore- in this moment/time = a good sign= . For me this= the start of I am getting over the ex as the love= STOPPED DEAD. Once upon a time I would close my eyes and see his face, hear his voice , feel his heart beat and even see a vision of a future—now I see blank blackness= no vision, no future= and if now want to see the face, the voice, the smile= requires me to stop breathing while I focus v hard to feel again=this was the only feeling my heart showed me- I am over the ex. SOOO GLAD!

People assume as you don’t like your ex anymore, or love them= you can move on happily now like munching chocolate and ice-cream. Well again it is easier said than done- the funny thing about this- is I would love to get up and move on- but it is so the damm the opposite in reality. The hardest thing for me was to carry on- with the daily routine crap – surrounded with the same environmental cues as when the ex was in my life. So I start doing all this crap - telling myself all will be fine- but the truth is non of it made sense anymore—all I felt = meaningless life in my heart- even though people will point and tell me how lucky I am- even I would tell me this—but for some reason I was not feeling it. As time goes by eventually one starts looking to fill that loss – many times we don’t actually want to fill that loss- but subconsciously that is what we end up doing – am I guilty on this as well—as I unintentionally went through a period where every guy I met- I think is he BF material or not way lol- I know it is v wrong—I did not do this on purpose- but that is what happened-as I went through this= I realized how messy I was, how very vulnerable I was and how a action of one guy can make me smile one second and make me cry the next= a v unattractive Zeeniee= SHOCK to me!! However by going through this= made me see I have a lot of work to do on me- and me alone.

One of the biggest frustration= dealing with the consequence of a break up—aka starting life again from SCRATCH-for me as time went by, I realized- I just don’t feel the same way about a million of things around me- that ‘X’ factor that made me buzz in life= not there anymore= DEAD feeling everywhere I go and with everything I do. It is hard to explain as – to this day I can’t even describe it- v frustrating! The best I can describe is me floating in the sea day by day for eternity. And so I told myself to give me time. So time came by and went- and well came my and went again and nope I felt the same- sometimes even worse= more floating in the sea- with no real direction.


Eventually I came to the realization that the only way I will move forward with my surroundings is to change something- and so I went soul-searching and I struggled v much to find ‘that f-ing thing”….eventually I attacked something that I loved and was passionate about the most- my career- aka my love for science and research- so without actually realizing at the time ( but I do now) I threw myself from my boat by not accepting a future with my company after my 5 year stint. Very daring- very insane as well- In effect what I did- which I did not realize then, is I placed me with two choices- swim Zeeniee or go and sink Zeeniee. So I very nicely went and placed myself in HELL for the last 8 months= by throwing myself from that boat-to a deep deep ocean- to swim. It was a long, long, long, swim- neverending and many times I regretted it and wondered why I did it. At times swimming= fine, but a lot of the time= hard. Whenever I wanted to give up- I stopped swimming, only to find myself sinking= panic!! = the will to live life hit me hard in my face= start swimming again. It was the only way for me to really push myself hard and mean to find a better path and to focus on something else instead of the ex or guys.

With the guys situation I realize-I was in such heartache= everything was just wrong and I could not understand this- I have split up before= it was not hard then = so why now…. It was a classical case of when a guy liked me—I was not ready, I did not like him or when I did like a guy- he was leave the country or was not even living in the same country, he is getting over an ex and so on….. In time I realized my mind, heart and soul mentally, physically was still at this beautiful level- where one was in deep love - sadly I was at that high love level in space when the ex abruptly dropped than bomb on me and so with time I realized I what I needed to do ---is to slowly and gently start climbing down that long f-ing ladder from space - step by step such that I reach the bottom at step zero=-earth ground-- where my mind, heart and soul mentally, physically was at a friendship level. Only when I got to this level- life started to look different- people started to look different- my love and care for people around me grew and my appreciation for friends and family that helped me when it matter the most was acknowledged. Now when I see a guy= he is automatically a friend= and that is all I will do and give for now. How I give is by how I feel for that person and how I value him as a person. If ever I woke up and find more- okay- but all in good time, space and in small steps- I will now only give if the love and surroundings are correct. It took me such a bloody long time to get to this level- but by having this power, strength and belief= a lighter, kinder and better heart and soul= I now find I am much more open to talk and to view different thoughts, ideas—not only that I now can breathe when I have to, pause my world when I have to, speed my world when I have to= finally I am feeling Zeeniee- after 19 months of HELL= thank god for that= cos I thought I died forever to be honest. Most important realization is the beauty of good friendship= one that two people enjoy, are there for each other one way or another, even if it is in a small way= super special, and one where there is no demands of an expectation= beautiful indeed. This is where I am at today.


Now I am at a place with me- I see this, I feel this- I grab it lol- with care and full respect! You can say I have stopped swimming & reached the shores= which is a nice thing- However I know if don’t get it right- I have to go out to sea again- and I don’t want to do that!! I now wonder what life holds for me. All I know is my passion for science is strong. I am happier (when the ex and his f-ing family don’t bother me), I have good friends and family= I feel this= good. I think I am doing okay and finally I see another vision- a crazy one indeed- but it is a vision of a hope, a dream and a will to live well- without ting on any one lol. All I know- only I can do this- if I want to- this power is in my hands only- and so use it, use it well. One advantage of being single= less complicated life, less drama as well- as I am focusing on me solely for this period in time- well if that is the case- I tell myself- I better create something f-ing good to show for it to me. I see this as a opportunity to grow, develop me well, create a better foundation in life in everyway and so if I do wake up and meet that amazing person= heaven… and if I wake up and that person walks away= I can still go on= never fall so hard like I did with my ex and if never meet anyone- well I hope I have enough around me to be happy. With this hope and faith in myself I try to walk again.

So well I can say now I have a new job!! I get paid a lot more than my last job ;-) :-) , new place to move :-) :-) - yes finally I can leave that place where I had to stick it out for 19 months no thanks to the ex! Things are looking better- slowly thou- I also have a v good vision of the future and I hope to work hard, save hard and so I can move to OZ asap. That is my goal to drive me now. In the meantime- I heard the ex – v cleverly got his smarty pants on and got his chick pregnant 3 months after he came to Singapore last March= and well he is now a dad! At first when I heard this= I was speechless and v shocked! But now I laugh at this. Well I say good luck to them- as well what ever plans he made- aka traveling round the world, partying, drinking, saving 20k and moving to New Zealand- opening a nice pub in a mountain blah blah….(well is what he bragged about last March when he came with his chick)….is not going to happen as easy as he said it. GOOD!!!!!!!!!! It will do him good to think about someone else for a change rather that himself. I don’t mean to sound horrible- but this has made me happy- he don’t deserve any traveling holidays lol!! I guess Karma does come in mysterious ways :-).
With kind regards zeeniee