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*continuation of the rep on confused25*
Thought...
Don't be awkward. Don't be too sarcastic. Don't make weird comments. Quit staring at her face too long and smiling. Am I smiling too hard? Wait. Uh oh. Silence has gone on too long. This is getting awkward. Quit smiling at her! Say something! Crap!
The 3-day rule in dating is...
Once you go on a date, you should wait 3 days before you call her again for another date. Day 1 and 2 after the date seems too desperate. Day 4 and 5... she'll think you weren't interested.
Don't stress about the dates. Just relax and have fun. Honestly, getting the girl is not that hard if there is a true connection there, keeping her around is where things get difficult. (At least in my experience)
Seriously, if anything will happen between you two then it will occur naturally. Remember the number one thing women love is confidence, and it sounds like you have plenty of that.
Wednesday is the latest I would call for a Saturday night date. I think it is so sweet how you are so excited. You must be a very nice guy to care about this girl that seems to be a "good girl". You are not so eager to love-em and leave-em. You want to get to know her slowly. I like that and she will too.
My son told me about this 3 day rule thing and I think it's a little crazy and a little dumb. I think that if any guy waited 3 days to call me, there would be no second date. I used to like a call about 2 days, not the next day and not in 3 days... my hubby also broke all the rules and asked me for our second date in the middle of our first date. So rules are made to be broken.
When it comes to dating there are definitely no rules, only guidelines. What matters is that there is an obvious connection between two people. You shouldn't have to convince the person to be your boyfriend/girlfriend. It will come naturally.Quote:
Originally Posted by susangpyp
I completely agree with the 3-day rule being a bit weird...
However, I have heard a lot from my female friends as they sometimes get a bit weirded out about guys asking them out on a second date almost immediately. It apparently makes the guy seem too available... and in turn makes it a turn off. I don't make the rules ladies... I just follow the guidelines.
When did these "guidelines" come about? We never had any during the Dark Ages and we even married each other (eventually) back then.
Just got back from my date... I shouldn't really be updating my situation on Sneeze's thread, but I don't he'll mind...
Pretty much a bummer of a date... haha, she shows up buzzed (at least) and long story short, she's interested in one thing (my penis)... goodness, if I were a weaker man... I told her that I'm sorry, but I'm not a one night stand kind of guy, and then I left... she texted me later saying that I was an @sshole, and that she would have "rocked my world". I didn't text back... perhaps if I was also drunk then maybe she would have indeed rocked it... but I highly doubt it.
Kind of makes me think of my ex though... we had a perfect first date... oh well, that's all said and done.
Yet the dialouge during this evening wasn't too bad... just her morals... sometimes I wish I was a scumbag, lol.
Jesus ihatewestseneca... forget "bummer of a date"... that seemed like the date from hell.
Don't worry about it, keep your head up. I had to go through some crazies (muffin girl + crazy-yell-at-me-after-we-kissed girl) before I met this one.
Actually, yes, we did, and no, there weren't.Quote:
ISneezeFunny agrees: and I'm pretty sure they looked DOWN on divorce right? There weren't any billboards that said "divorces starting at $500!!! CALL NOW!" right?
I suspect anyone under 35 today would be totally lost in the world we used to live in. Dad went to work and came home for supper, Mom did the laundry and baked cupcakes before she made a wonderful supper that was on the table at 5:30 or so, the children did their homework after school and played outdoors until dark (and were all accounted for at the suppertable), and then the family together watched a couple of TV variety shows (on one of the three channels available) before reasonable bedtimes.
Yes, it happened that way. I was there, first-person narrative.
Forget rules, and guidelines, when dealing with a female. If she likes what your cooking with, she will sit at the table, and if she don't, It won't matter.
Update...
Characters involved:
Ex #1 - my most recent ex
Ex #2 - my ex before ex #1
Friend - my friend I went to lunch with
New girl - girl I'm currently enamored with
Oops - girl from my "oops" update (post 137) (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...161688-14.html)
So. So many things. Where do I begin? First off, ex #1 texted me to tell me happy birthday. (it's my birthday today). I didn't respond... mainly because then I would have to respond to 20 some odd people who sent me the same birthday wishes.
Secondly, ex #2 recently called (last week) just to say HI... I haven't spoken to her in about a year or so... so I thought it was weird she was calling. But I brushed it off thinking it didn't mean anything... and I didn't even bother posting it on here.. . well, she called again, telling me happy birthday, and that we should get together for dinner soon.. . weird? Yes. She's currently living with her new boyfriend but I get the feeling things aren't working well between those two... I'm COMPLETELY over her, and I also don't want to meddle with her new relationship, so for now, I will just play it safe.
Third, I went to lunch with a friend. This friend is close to ex #1. We went to lunch... and she was telling me how ex #1 is upset that I'm still not talking to her.
Me: That's weird... why would she be? She's with a new guy.
Friend: she's not with the new guy.
Me: she's def lying to you. He sleeps over
Friend: but that doesn't mean things are happening
Me:... the new guy is going around telling people that they've hooked up and are about to become official soon...
Friend: REALLY?
Me: yeah...
Friend: so... wanna tell me what happened with OOPS?
Me: (drops fork)... huh?
Friend: I heard about it.
Me: (panic) (indigestion) (urge to vomit) uh oh.
Friend: she hates you
Me: WHY? We only kissed. NOTHING else happened. She expects us to be in a relationship??
Friend: it's because you were her first kiss
Me:... (runs to the bathroom to throw up)
... I actually didn't throw up, but I could have. Good god. What have I done.
I feel absolutely filthy for what happened... best way to fix this is to talk to OOPS and try to explain everything, but as of right now, it's been a week since it's happened... I'm not so sure talking to her will do anything. Regardless, I will talk to her and try to explain what happened and apologize for it. Damn.
Afterwards, I told FRIEND about NEW GIRL and she was happy for me... and asked why I haven't called her yet. I thought... "girls don't like it when guys call the day after" She disagreed... told me that she's probably freaking out about why I haven't called yet...
After much haggling, she convinced me to call NEW GIRL tomorrow to ask her out for dinner for Wednesday night. By me asking her to dinner Wednesday, it should tell her that I'm definitely interested in her, and it should tell me if she's interested in me. We'll see what happens.
Sorry this post was so long... but I felt like... everything's happening on all aspects, and you guys wouldn't get the full effect of what just happened today (on my birthday of all days) if I didn't tell the whole story. Yikes.
And MY birthdays are sooooooo boring...
(Happy Birthday, Sneeze!)
Happy birthday guy, many more, birthdays as you seem to have toooooooo many girls. But whose counting? Leave oops alone for now, she'll get over it.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY... and Happy dating while I am at it..
Birthdays are the big excuse ex'es use to re-kindle. Many many moons ago, my boyfriend broke up with me. After mourning for a bit, I decided to play it cool because I had a plan. We broke up around March something. I knew he had a birthday in June, so I just lived my life in peace knowing I could make my move in June. This was in the late 70's so there was no texting etc. My plan, I would send him a birthday card, he would be touched, interest aroused, have a legit reason to call me without losing face, and the whole relationship would start up again.
Worked like a charm. Everything I thought would happen, happened. We started dating again. Still. After a few months it fizzled again. Guess it wasn't meant to be.
My point, there is nothing like a birthday to use as an excuse to test the waters.
Firstly Happy Birthday! I have to say sneeze I'm a little jealous! I think your ex dumped you just before mine but only a week or so maybe and you seem to have no problems getting dates and such. I know your not over her yet but you seem to be open to new relationships and dating and have no problem asking girls out - that's great. Wish I could be that confident right now...
Wow... I just read this whole thread.
So for now, I'm just going to say HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!
And now I'm going to wait on an update about NEW GIRL. Good luck!
And BTW, no wonder so many girls are after you! You're funny... AND you actually PAY for things? I wouldn't know what to do with myself in that situation. I'm always stuck paying for EVERYTHING when BF and I go out. He never has any money...
He's the cat's meow, isn't he. The bee's knees. The cream in our coffee. The frosting on our cupcake. The sizzle in our steak.Quote:
Originally Posted by dunno
And BTW, no wonder so many girls are after you! You're funny... AND you actually PAY for things? I wouldn't know what to do with myself in that situation. I'm always stuck paying for EVERYTHING when BF and I go out. He never has any money... [/QUOTE]
Another subject but , boyfriend doesn't have money because he doesn't have too. You have taught him how to treat you. He is taking advantage of you. Don't allow him to.
Quote:
Originally Posted by cozyk
Actually no. He pays child support. He got screwed in court and pays more than he should have to. He works construction so work is slow right now. He is picking up some side jobs to help out but it's not enough.
For a second, I thought you were talking about me. I read the post and thought, "No I don't...crazy lady"Quote:
Originally Posted by dunno
Quote:
Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny
ROFLMAO
Happy Birthday sneeze :-)
Happy Birthday, Sneeze.. may you get lucky.
Happy Birthday my friend, you deserve it.
thank you ALL for the warm birthday wishes. Sadly, I have 2 midterms this week and a major paper due... so no celebrating until... next week (maybe).
so. I called NEW GIRL today around 9pm. First of all... I called, phone rang half of a full ring, and then disconnected. I thought... weird. If she rejected, then it would have gone to v-mail. So instead, I called again. Same thing.
At this point, I'm thinking... why. Damn. So I texted her "My phone apparently hates you and won't connect fully so I'm not sure if you got my call. Anyways, how are you?"
She calls me later and this is how our conversation went:
Me: Hey! How are you?
NG: I'm good, you?
Me: busy, but I'm doing well. How was your week?
NG: pretty good.. then goes on to tell me about her week.
Me: You have a busy week ahead of you?
NG: Yeah, pretty busy... at least until next week.
Me: Oh, I was calling to see if you had any time to grab some dinner this week.
... this is where the $hit hits the fan.
NG: Sneezy, we have to set some ground rules. First of all, if we do dinner, we can't do it Friday as I already have plans. Secondly, we have to go out as friends, and you have to let me pay for myself.
At this point, I'm stuck on "we have to go out as friends..."
I was expecting "yeah, i'd love to..." or "actually, sorry, I'm pretty busy"
did... not... expect... that.
So I was running it through my head, and then I hear, "Sneezy? You there?"
Me: Oh yeah, sorry, I'm not used to a response like that.
NG: yeah... so... ok?
Me: yeah... um... yeah... uh... why do you insist on paying?
NG: because friends don't pay for each other all the time
Me: well, I just felt it was prerogative to pay for you since I asked you out
NG: yeah, but seeing as we're just friends
... at this point, I hear the screams in my head yelling GET OUT NOW! BAIL OUT! BAIL OUT!
Me: oh... I see...
NG: yeah...
Me: yeah... um..
NG: OK, bye sneezy
Me: yeah, bye.
... a metaphorical truck metaphorically hit my metaphorical face.
it's not TOO much of a downer, I mean... it's just a rejection, not that big of a deal... it's just that I REALLY liked this girl and was looking forward to getting to know her more. Also, she is about one of the few nicest/happiest people I know, so it was really good to know her as a friend... and I feel like I made that a bit awkward.
Granted, guys risk the friendship whenever he asks a girl out, but... yeah.
so. It's a rough week. Was looking forward to seeing her... it would have made my week a WHOLE lot better. But no worries my friends. No worries. There are more fish in the sea.
... just that... this fish was really pretty. =(
Quote:
Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny
Pretty fish is taking control, she knows exactly what she is doing.. showing you her independency along with showing you she is in no rush and wants to start with a friendship..
I'm not so sure if she's saying that she wants to start as friends... or if she's just flat out saying, "No. sorry"
I'm taking it as... "no. sorry"
Don't know about you, but me, I'm going out with her, and she's paying, Man that's heaven. Friends is cool for a second date. Give her my PM, oh wait I can't, the wife would kill me. Back in the day she would have a date, and I'd make sure she enjoyed it. Sorry Sneeze, she sounds like a dream come true.
Ahahahaha! Oh man. Did hit the fan and then, proceeded to pelt you in the face. Jkjkjkjk of course. Awkwardness is always thorougly entertaining. The ongoing inner monologue was a plus.
But hey, at least you took a chance, right? And she was straight with you. I'm glad you're not disheartened or anything. Like you said, there are plenty of fish in the sea and I bet a hell of a lot prettier.
[Pppsssttt. What are the frkkin odds? Lol. That was totally unexpected. Then again, our people tend to be emotional beings... -__- ugh. But it sucks for sho.]
Oh and apparently, it was your birthday. Happy belated Birthday, "Sneezy."
Um. So... after much thought into this (4 hours)... I figured that the phone conversation ended... REALLY awkwardly. I mean, REALLY awkwardly. I made it SO weird.
I will contact her again and apologize for being awkward, and explain that I didn't expect "ground rules" and then go on to tell her that I enjoy hanging out with her and talking to her, so I would like to do dinner... and she can pay.
Really, I'm a pretty prideful guy, so for me to do this AFTER a rejection... it's a bit difficult. But I actually like her as a human being. So here goes.
I'll keep you guys posted.
Sneeze, no worries, man. You both contributed to the awkwardness.
I think that you should say yes to din with her, but back off. This happened with me with a guy friend. Even after I set "ground rules," he became so persistent on making the friendship something more (he just couldn't hide it) that I had to end things. Just make sure you can keep any more-than-friends feelings under the radar and just be genuine friends. The last thing you want to do is make her uncomfortable.
Who knows? Maybe (and the keyword being maybe) she will change her mind down the road. You never know with girls. We warm up to guys who we hadn't seen as anything more than friends.
Gl.
Hey dude at least she is telling you up front right now. Trust me, it would have sucked if she pulled that friend line after you had taken her out on a few expensive dates. I can see how she would have reacted once you asked her about a relationship:
"Girl: Oh no! I'm sorry I thought we were just going out as friends! I'm so sorry I hope you don't feel as if I strung you along."
Yeah that would have really sucked (happened to me lol). Anyway, I think you should play her game a bit and go out with her as a friend. Just make sure she has an awesome time! Don't make any moves, just make her laugh and feel good. After that disappear for a bit. If she enjoyed herself she'll eventually give you call. Remember: Girls like mystery and a guy that has to be chased every now and then.
Jilted is right, she may come around, especially if you play your cards right. But for now take what she said at face value and simply enjoy the friendly night out.
I don't think she rejected you, she just let you know don't try to get in her pants to soon, so relax and have fun, and pay attention, but don't go falling in love, and expect her to feel the same way. That's many months away, like 6-8 months to see if you click. Don't forget your single and free, and there are a lot of fish in the sea.
Meh. She replied, saying that her nights are busy, so we should do lunch instead.
I told her my free times, and she said she couldn't do either. She asked if we can do next week.
I said, "sure, let me know. if not, have a nice trip" (she's going on a trip in a week)
Meh. No biggie. My only concern was to get myself out of that train wreck that was last night, and I feel like we're fine now. If we do lunch next week, great. If not, I'll try to see her when she gets back.
Two weeks to go before I go on MY trip!
DUDE you worry too much, just relax... For your own sanity.. just let it happen..Quote:
Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny
Hm. I didn't think I was stressing too much about it...
Oh okay... :D no need too because you're a great guy.Quote:
Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny
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