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Originally Posted by digibrink

It is amazing how those websites will get you in trouble. Be it friendster, facebook, or myspace, you can't let them show how you feel at the time. I was stupid enough to let those show the "at the time" way i felt as opposed to how i truly felt overall. let me just say that it caused a lot of baggage and pain for absolutely nothing. live and learn

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Since you just joined today, and wrote 2 posts, I don't think you had the time to read the entire thread you just posted this answer to, so please do not judge this site with others that maybe have disappointed you. We are not here to be judgemental or critical, but to help - get the idea? Besides, no matter what advice you received, either here or another site, it's still up to you to choose your actions and nobody twists your arms. Hope you stay on with us long enough to see some benefits.
http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/16/16_12_7.gif

Oh I wasn't judging this site. I think this site is great. I was just saying it is easy to get carried away with those "online profile sites."

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Originally Posted by digibrink

Oh I wasn't judging this site. I think this site is great. I was just saying it is easy to get carried away with those "online profile sites."

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I tried checking out what you meant - and you are correct, we (or better I) don't matchmake. I stay completely out of crap like that. Been doing fine all my life without them. Thanks for setting me straight.

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Originally Posted by jeffatl

I think I am just holding on to that whole angry thing is because it feels better than missing her. ... but that is the beauty in being able to read all the BS I have posted over the past few months.

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Wow!! How honest was that!! Jeff, you may not see it, but you are leaving this chick behind more than you realize. If you can have that much insight about yourself as to make a statement like the one above, you're doing okie dokie! It won't go away in a month or 2 or 3, it's going to take time, lots of it. But just because you've been broken up with her for 3 or 6 months doesn't mean that by now you should be over her. I mean, define "over". You want to release some tension and anger. Beat the hell out of your cell phone or pager or wherever she sends your text messages to before you flush it down the toilet. Get a new number (I know it's a pain in the ash ;)) and make sure she never gets it. Every step you take away from her, whether an easy step or a calculated difficult step, is a step toward your new found healthy future. You'll never have to worry that you're out on a date having a good time only to get a text from her in the middle of it and BAM, there goes your evening! You can leave this site for a while if you really believe that's what you need to do, but this is your sounding board. Hit the keys while you help others, it helps! Good luck!

I think the only reason I felt like I needed to leave is because I am sick of hearing myself cry about this crap, so Im sure all of you are too. The one thig with me though, is I will ALWAYS be honest, weather it be on the internet or in person. I think this goes along with the whole "I know whats wrong, but not sure how to fix it" type thing. I do feel MUCH better about myself now, and things are looking up for me. I am dating a new girl now and I really know exactly what I want and what to look for. I think I have gotten a lot of my confidence back, but of course the whole relationship thing is kind of scary to me right now. I am going out with another girl for luch tomorrow, so I am really just trying to keep myself out there. I guess the thing I don't want to do is settle for anyone or the next person to come my way. I will be graduating school and hopefully getting in to med school in the summer, so I know I have a lot going for me. One thing that I have enjoyed is looking over all of this thread and seeing where I have come from emotionally. I will NEVER be the "door mat" again, but I have also realized that doesn't mean I have to be an *** in the process. A big reason that this was hard is because I thought I found "the one" but knew in the back of my head I needed to get out before I did something stupid (like marry her). This whole thing has really taught me a lot about myself and relationships in general. Sure it sucked going through all of this, but I really think I needed it to see what I want, and its not as complicated as I thought it was before. Its funny how something like this can humble you in certain ways. I have really had a chance to get in touch with myself and build a REALLY strong bond with a few of my friends in the process. I do love all of you for rubbing my back while I cried on here, and for giving me a lot of straight answers as well. HA I was going through that whole "oh crap....Im 24 and I am looking for my wife" phase, but (not to sound full of myself) I am finding that I can still get girls with relative ease. Take note I am not a "player" or sleep with any girl that comes my way, I am just a friendly guy who LOVES women... hahahaha. Ok, got off track here. The thing is, on the last post I was really coming on here to look for validation again, and I know that its not you or anyone else that I need to validate myself too, but ME! I do want to hang around and help out, but I agree I need to leave the "me" out of it and give some straight up knowledge about the subject matter. Love you guys! :)

Jeff, you are such a light in my life. I lost both sons through therapeutic abortions because I was not supposed to have children due to heart problems, but manage to cheat fate by having a daughter in spite of it all. If I had my sons, I would have wanted them to be like you, including the whole emotional thing, because this proves to me that you are a feeling person and care a lot and are not ashamed to show it. I might have been a little harsh now and then, but I felt so close to you that I had to shake you out of torturing yourself for this very reason. I'm so proud of your progress and that you still like women. I was raped several times and married a wife-beater (got rid of him) and have some serious medical problems to where any other person would also be in the loony bin, but I still love men and enjoy life and want to help others enjoy life because it's so short and we deserve to be happy. So, I kind of chose you as my 'proxy son' here. And what a coincidence, I also studied medicine, then specilized in therapy for abused and drug realated illnesses and have helped many people because I went through it myself. I am so proud of you that I could just give you a great big hug, and hope that no matter what goals you have in life, you wll reach them. Please always consider this your home away from home and stay in contact, even thuough you'll be a busy guy.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/36/36_1_67.gif You'll be a great catch for any deserving young lady in time, until then, have fun and enjoy your freedom.

Awwww Chery, I wish all the women in my life were as good to me as you and momincali. I know a lot of times I need that tuff love apporach, and it means a lot to me when someone can just be straight foreword and honest. I really try and pride myself in just being genuine, just being me and nothing else. I can get a tad snappy at times, but at least when I do I will still tell you what is on my mind. I have been through a lot of hard times in my life as well. I lost my father when I was young and pretty much grew up with all women (my mom and 4 sisters) so I think that's where I get my emotional side. I have always tried to take a positive outlook on life, and I think I just realized over the past few days that I really let this whole situation change me. I was drinking A lot and that was just making me even more bitter and emotional. I wasn't sad, but I needed to really detox over the weekend and pull my head out of my butt. My father what an alcoholic so I know that booze needs to be the last thing I play around with. I feel like I have a few mothers now, and I ALWAYS appreciate any kind of response that was given to me. I have been smiling and really laughing it up over the past 2 weeks, and the most positive thing for me is, I don't think about her when I go out with other girls now. I am really excited about my date tomorrow (I will make sure to tell you guys all about it) this is probably one of the most beautiful girls I have ever seen, so Im hoping she has personality to match. You women are going to be the death of me HAHAHAHA! But... I love it... what can I say. Chery, Im going to call you M2 from now on (for mom#2) thanks for taking me under your wing and really looking out for me. Momincali you will be M3 (mom #3) hahahaha, you have been sooooo supportive of me and always made sure I was OK. Man this is strange, when I first came on here it was really just to vent but I really feel like Ive found some form of a faimly. My new policy is 1 strike and your out! (with cheating). I have really learned to value myself, HA! There is some lucky girl out there for me, I just hope I can chase her a bit first! :cool: This is a new start, no baggage and no more heart ache (for now). I guess to say it bluntly, I am proud of myself, and damn it... I should be!! Everything that reminds me of her is gone, pictures, cards, bears, even her # out of my phone. Im cleaning out all of the negative people in my life, and Im sad to say a few of my "friends" didn't make it either. I am just done with drama and games. Games just waste a lot of time and I don't have to deal with that anymore. I am done with the girls, and I am ready for the women. There are TONS of them here in Atlanta, and luckily Im in college too!! Ahhhhhhhh, New year coming up, with the same me, but more mature and a little wiser. Time for fun and a lot of crappy work too... YAHOOOOOOO!! :p

Thanks Jeff, it's a pleasure to be M2, and I'm in great company with M3, as her and I see things almost the same and I liked her from the start. Did I mention that my daughter is a Georgia Peach? She was born in Hinesville, GA, on the military base of Fort Stewart, so both my kids (including you) are 'southern'. Another coincidence?? Fate does strange things..

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/4/4_1_203.gif

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOhhhhh! I am truly blushing! What a compliment! I proudly accept the M3 title and will confess that I have a long running obsession with BMW. My first car was an M3 (about 8 years old) but I'd take an old BMW over a brand new car anyday. I now drive an X5 that wants to be a 7 series when it grows up! I need to thank you too Jeff because you are literally preparing me for what is to come with my son in about 23 years! I can only hope that he is as open minded as you have been, as mature about handling constructive criticism and as determined as you have become when you realized things needed to change. Definitely tread with caution in the future but don't do it with steel toe boots or you may chase away the right ! Have a good time with your TRUE friends, have fun, go out have a nice meal and a drink or two at CHOPS (love that place) and relax but focus on your med school first and foremost. Any mature good woman will understand that school comes first now and if she's willing to be a doctor's wife, will be patient and accepting of your tight school schedule as well as your hectic intern life that is yet to come.

How exciting, a date tomorrow! Where you going? Wherever it is, cut loose and show her your fun loving and sweet side, she'll be knocked off her feet.

Love you too!

P.S. Keep in mind that when you do find the future Mrs. Jeff, Chery and I are inviting outselves to that wedding!!
:D

Hahaha, that's funny! When I get married, you guys are more than welcome! I went on my date the other night, and it went OK I guess. I took her to a Tai food place, very nice and intimate where we could talk and get to know each other better. She looked AMAZING! I was truly blown away by how pretty she was, and I made sure I told her how wonderful she looked. We hit it off pretty well, she is smart and has a good sense of humor. We talked about our past relationships (she brought it up) but I was just honest and told her I am ready to get back into the dating scene. She was recenly burned by her EX as well, so we just laughed abou it and talked about places we have been and things we want to do in the future. I found out she is a model for some jeans company (dont remember wich one) and she is 23. We went back to her place, and we went in her hot tub and just talked all night. We enden the night with a kiss (NICE!) tasteful and a definite spark (for me at least) was there. She called me today and we are going out on the town this weekend. I have to admit I was prretty intimidated by how pretty she was at first, but I just thought to myself "screw it" and the night went great. Keeping my fingers crossed on this one because she is a wonderful person to talk to and to look at. :cool:

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Originally Posted by Chery

Thanks Jeff, it's a pleasure to be M2, and I'm in great company with M3, as her and I see things almost the same and I liked her from the start. Did I mention that my daughter is a Georgia Peach? She was born in Hinesville, GA, on the military base of Fort Stewart, so both my kids (including you) are 'southern'. Another coincidence???? Fate does strange things..

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/4/4_1_203.gif

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That is pretty strange... small world sometimes huh? I am a Ga boy all the way (without the souther twang) I grwew up about 30min north of Atlanta. Fate is CRAZY sometimes... :p

Dude - couple tips - watch compliments, keep them few and far between. Woman love compliments, but too many and too early makes them run.

And going forward - don't talk about past relationships on the first date EVER. Usually a big red flag some one have not gotten over the past.

Don't rush this one. Give her some space. You don't need to talk every day to start.

Play it cool.

Have you ever looked in the mirror?Ask that person you see -are you a good person?-If the answer is "yes" Then be happy,thank GOD and just be the man you are!If you are a mature MAN,you'll enjoy yourself,(a model!)dude end this longass thread on a happy note and let us know.I'm happy for you. :cool: ;)

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Originally Posted by Wildcat21

Dude - couple tips - watch compliments, keep them few and far between. Woman love compliments, but too many and too early makes them run.

And going forward - don't talk about past relationships on the first date EVER. Usually a big red flag some one have not gotten over the past.

Don't rush this one. Give her some space. You don't need to talk every day to start.

Play it cool.

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I agree, I only told her "you look great tonight" and SHE brought up the past relationships, not me. All I said is "I just got out of a 5 year relationship" I didn't go into details.

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Originally Posted by momincali

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOhhhhh! I am truly blushing! What a compliment! I proudly accept the M3 title and will confess that I have a long running obsession with BMW. My first car was an M3 (about 8 years old) but I'd take an old BMW over a brand new car anyday. I now drive an X5 that wants to be a 7 series when it grows up!! I need to thank you too Jeff because you are literally preparing me for what is to come with my son in about 23 years! I can only hope that he is as open minded as you have been, as mature about handling constructive criticism and as determined as you have become when you realized things needed to change. Definitely tread with caution in the future but don't do it with steel toe boots or you may chase away the right ! Have a good time with your TRUE friends, have fun, go out have a nice meal and a drink or two at CHOPS (love that place) and relax but focus on your med school first and foremost. Any mature good woman will understand that school comes first now and if she's willing to be a doctor's wife, will be patient and accepting of your tight school schedule as well as your hectic intern life that is yet to come.

How exciting, a date tomorrow!! Where ya goin? Wherever it is, cut loose and show her your fun loving and sweet side, she'll be knocked off her feet.

Love ya too!

P.S. Keep in mind that when you do find the future Mrs. Jeff, Chery and I are inviting outselves to that wedding!!!
:D

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That's a fact Jack (Jeff), we are coming to the wedding, even if I have to hire a 'proxy' for myself if I can no longer travel by then. But will send you a picture soon of me and my daughter, so you can see us for real! Love, Chery

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_9_16.gifI always wanted a big family - feels like I got one now, and it's GREAT!

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Originally Posted by jeffatl

Hahaha, thats funny! When i get married, you guys are more than welcome! I went on my date the other night, and it went ok I guess. I took her to a Tai food place, very nice and intimate where we could talk and get to know eachother better. She looked AMAZING! I was truely blown away by how pretty she was, and I made sure I told her how wonderful she looked. We hit it off pretty well, she is smart and has a good sence of humor. We talked about our past relationships (she brought it up) but I was just honest and told her I am ready to get back into the dating scene. She was recenly burned by her EX as well, so we just laughed abou it and talked about places we have been and things we want to do in the future. I found out she is a model for some jeans company (dont remember wich one) and she is 23. We went back to her place, and we went in her hot tub and just talked all night. We enden the night with a kiss (NICE!) tasteful and a definate spark (for me at least) was there. She called me today and we are going out on the town this weekend. I have to admit I was prretty intimidated by how pretty she was at first, but I just thought to myself "screw it" and the night went great. Keeping my fingers crossed on this one because she is a wonderful person to talk to and to look at. :cool:

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Happy for you dear, if you do have the need to call her now and then, just tell her you like the sound of her voice, no matter what she says, that'll get her to feel special. And remember, looks are not everything, and if she picked you, you must not look too bad yourself. Have fun, son.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/11/11_15_8.gifLove, M2

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Originally Posted by jeffatl

Hahaha, thats funny! When i get married, you guys are more than welcome! I went on my date the other night, and it went ok I guess. I took her to a Tai food place, very nice and intimate where we could talk and get to know eachother better. She looked AMAZING! I was truely blown away by how pretty she was, and I made sure I told her how wonderful she looked. We hit it off pretty well, she is smart and has a good sence of humor. We talked about our past relationships (she brought it up) but I was just honest and told her I am ready to get back into the dating scene. She was recenly burned by her EX as well, so we just laughed abou it and talked about places we have been and things we want to do in the future. I found out she is a model for some jeans company (dont remember wich one) and she is 23. We went back to her place, and we went in her hot tub and just talked all night. We enden the night with a kiss (NICE!) tasteful and a definate spark (for me at least) was there. She called me today and we are going out on the town this weekend. I have to admit I was prretty intimidated by how pretty she was at first, but I just thought to myself "screw it" and the night went great. Keeping my fingers crossed on this one because she is a wonderful person to talk to and to look at. :cool:

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Yaaaaaay! It sounds like a perfect date to me. I am so glad. I know you still think about the other one occasionally, but when you least expect it, like some Jedi mind trick, you'll be filled with memories of this girl, pleasant ones. You'll catch yourself thinking about her laugh and her good sense of humor and of course her Jeans (haha) no one will be able to erase the smile off your face. Don't worry about being intimidated by her, your intelligence and plans on going to med school may make her feel a bit intimidated herself. She doesn't seem to be hung up on her looks or you would have sensed that already. Whether you're Brad Pitt or not, she not only agreed to go out with you but invited you up to her apartment and into her hot tub! So, either you're drop dead gorgeous or looks are not her priority which gets my thumbs up. It's okay that you guys brought up past relationships briefly because it shows that neither of you are hiding anything and you're comfortable enough to talk about it without crying or something nutty like that.

Either way, it sounds like you had an outstanding time. Looks like Santa brought your gift early! Keep in touch! :p

I have been REALLY sick for the last few days, and I found out she has TB. I went to the doctor today, and it looks like I have a good possibility of having it too. YAY! I haven't seen/nor kissed her in about 2 months, so I don't know how this happened. I won't find out for sure until my tests come back on Monday, so PLEASE keep me in your prayers. I will be on here a lot this weekend because my doctor pretty much told me not to be around people until we know what is wrong with me. Crap...

Sorry to hear that you aren't feeling well Jeff and you might have TB.

Here is a website about TB is you want to take a look:

http://www.gocolumbiamo.com/Health/C...TB/tbtret.html

And TB is curable, so that's always a bit of positive news, if you do find out on Monday that you have it.

Im sorry you aren't well. Tb is curable as cf says. I will pray for you everyday to get over this sickness.

Sorry to hear of your situation. If you do in fact have TB it's fortunate you're finding out now before it gets any worse. If your test is positive follow all of your doctor's instuctions exactly and follow exactly the antibiotic regimen that's prescribed for you. If you're allergic to any antibiotics (penicillin is a common allergy), make sure your doctor knows.

Thanks for the support guys, I just think all of this is funny considering what I have gone through with this girl. HAHAHAHA! This isn't really too much of a surprise...

It is a air borne illness that you get from breathing air in the area where people have TB (and other ways)

You may have gotten it from the same person you wife did months and months ago. You can have it and not even know it for a long time

The health departments in your county should offer low cost test.

Many people in certain jobs are exposed daily, and have to take all sorts of precautions

She wasn't my wife, but I couldn't have gotten it from the same person she did because she was out of the country when she got it.

Oooooooooooooooh Noooooooooo! Hang in there Jeff, I'm praying for you too and your results will turn out okay. Oh wow, am I having a psychic moment here??

That is pretty freaky that you haven't seen whatshername in so long yet you may have the same thing she has. Maybe she kissed a guy who kissed a girl that kissed you?? Naaaaah... Keep your mind busy. I found a great online game (it's supposed to be for kids but I am HOOKED). It's called Chicktionary and you can download the free version from kewlbox.com. It's got these funky chickens that make the cool chicken clucks every times you make a word out of the scrambled letters... it's fun, just don't play late at night or you'll find yourself spelling in your dream.. seriously, I once was up until 2:30, it drove me nuts, oh and it's timed so it puts a little more pressure on you.. feel better!

M3:)

Im so sorry to hear that. Im sure you will be okay. If you do have It, I believe there is a cure for it. Ill defenitly will be thinking about you and keep you in my prayers. Let us know what happens.

YAY!! I got my test results back and they were NEGATIVE!! I just had a really nasty virus according to my doctor, somehting close to mono. I feel almost 100% now. Thanks again for your support guys!

Yayy! That's good new. :D

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Originally Posted by jeffatl

YAY!!!!! I got my test results back and they were NEGATIVE!!!! I just had a really nasty virus according to my doctor, somehting close to mono. I feel almost 100% now. Thanks again for your support guys!

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Don't be so quick to blame others, eh? ;)

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Originally Posted by jeffatl

YAY!!!!! I got my test results back and they were NEGATIVE!!!! I just had a really nasty virus according to my doctor, somehting close to mono. I feel almost 100% now. Thanks again for your support guys!

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Awesome news jeff!! You must feel way better. Congrads.

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Originally Posted by rkim291968

Don't be so quick to blame others, eh? ;)

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Hey, I just put two and two together on this one buddy... take it easy...

That's so wonderful, you must be so relieved.;)

So the EX had been calling me a lot over the past few days, and I never picked up. She left me a message telling me she really needed to talk to me, I just thought BS. She called again, so I picked up and we talked for a bit. She said she was in town and she would like to meet up for luch. I thought about it and agreed. So I go out to luch and we talked for about an hour, then out of the blue she starts crying... ALOT. I just thought to myself, great. She starts telling me how big of a mistake she made and the guy she is engaged to doesn't support her in anyhting she does, and he pretty much expects her to say home and "make babies" for him. At first I got VERY mad, and almost just walked out on her. I collected myself and just told her "look, you put me through hell for the past year of my life. I still care about you alot, and I only want the best for you, but you are not the best for me". I told her I could never love her the way I did before, and she shouldn't marry this guys, but there will be someone else for her that she can be happy with. She started to freak, and just sob. I just sat there (I felt so terrible). I told her that The way she treated me was totally unfair, and I have found someone new that dare I say, Im falling in love with. She said she would do anything to make things right, and I looked down and see this ring on her finger... I started to laugh. I told her that she hadent changed one bit. I said "its just like you to run to someone else when things get tuff, and that why I could never respect you". She just looked at me in shock, she tried to sweet talk me but I wasn't hearing it. I then thanked her for everyhting she taught me about myself and relationships, paid for lunch, and left. I was sooooooo happy when I got in my car because I made my peace and I wasn't mean, rude, or anything. I flet like I could do a backflip! LOL! I made my peace guys!! Im cured!! :D

Well done you! You have done the right thing and what's more important, you have moved on with you life. You have strength, courage and the motivation to do anything you want and to achieve all of your goals in life. It is obvious to me that you are happy with youraself and content with your life, which is half of the battle. You are on the road to finding true happiness and I am really pleased for you. The only way is up :)

That is awesome! You were in total control of yourself and didn't let yourself get sucked in by the tears!
You sound like you are doing really great! I wish you the best!

Hi,
CONGRATULATIONS, Jeff.
Learning about life is what makes it fun. I am 64, and my "hats" off to you. You told her some things without being mad, rude, or insulting. You are off to a very good start with life, and everything enjoyable with it. Best of luck.

I think there are a lot of people that can learn from your example. :)

Jeff - ALL I can say is OUTSATNDING!! You totally figured this chick out!!

You've learned SOOOOOOOOOO much in such a short time. I am prouf of you my man!! And I do mean MAN!! You grown from a maybe (not to be rude), young man - to a real man.

HOW DOES IT FEEL??

AND she freaking shows up with the ring on?? Is she nuts?? I think so.

Two days later she would have said it wouldn't work out. Bottom line is she would have left again.

You got all your power back - sapped all her power away as well.

Ughhh - I hopw she leaves you alone - but, I doubt it - you now are massive challenge in her head.

Not really a good feeling so much. I just feel like I have finally put that ugly past behind me FOR GOOD. I always thought I would crumble at the sight of her, and let her make me weak again. Now that I know she doesn't have that control over me anymore, I feel like I am a free man, and a new man. Its refreshing to know I hold no baggage for my new lady, we hung out today and had the best time. I haven't told her about the meeting with the EX, Im just waiting for the right time to let her know. Thanks for all of your support guys! For all you new people that are going through a hard break up, take me as an example. I was a shell of a man (just read my 1st thread here!) I thought I would never be free. If I can do it, so can you!

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I am a free man, and a new man. Its refreshing to know I hold no baggage

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That's good to hear, I hope life keeps treating you good...