Willing to bet you were in that didn't see it coming category, which explains the bitterness of your posts. Think on it.
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Willing to bet you were in that didn't see it coming category, which explains the bitterness of your posts. Think on it.
I believe that love can die... I'm not going to lie to you love... if h's anything like my x... then yh loves died... becoz if HE REALLY loved you that MUCH do you really think he would have done this?
did e leave u 4 sum 1 else like mine?
w.b x
Hi you
Ok does anyone have any good dating advice? I honestly don't know how to date. The last time I dated I was 16 and I married that guy. Was married for 17 yrs then divorced. Almost immediately after that I hooked up with my ex that you've all heard me crying over for the past few weeks. I didn't meet him in a dating kind of way either. He basically walked into my living room and suggested we go out. Soon after that he moved in and that was 7 years ago. Now I'm dumped while he's dating the bimbo he left me for and I'm left without any social skills. I'm not so sure bars are the best place to meet guys. Alcohol and clear headed thinking don't seem to mix. The hang out options aren't to plentyful where I live so basically I'm looking for suggestions. I'm kind of a homebody. My ex and I were cuddle on the couch watching TV kind of people. So any advice would be great. I'm not sure I'm far enough into my recovery to date just yet but hey what's good for the dumper is good for the dumpee. Am I right?
Wow I Google just about everything. I had no idea you could Google a date.Quote:
Originally Posted by abhinandan
Give yourself time... u shouldn't even be thinking about it too much... honestly, what you need is a fresh breath of air... take time off to yourself and zoom off to a holiday all by yourself...
Hello
Try joining a group or club of some kind. That way you get to meet new people and have something in common with them already.
BUT before you can think about finding another Mr. Right you need to find yourself so take some time to get to know who you are and what you want from life. You are in control and can mold your life in any way you want it to go so relax and enjoy the ride.
Dennis777
Doing positive things for yourself should be your focus. Right now, dating is not the focus as much as "finding" yourself. You can do that in many ways. Get involved with your community by volunteering, taking a class, working out, start going to church, see if there is a group in your area called, "Beginning Experiences" (a group for divorced people), develop a hobby, talk to a counselor about what you are going through, etc.
For some ideas on what to do after a break-up, see the following thread on just that:
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...kup-78597.html
The idea is not to concentrate on dating but concentrate on your own emotional and physical well being. Good luck.
Thanks everyone,
I know I'm not ready to date yet. I just figured it worked for him. He seems to have forgotten the past 7 years by hooking up so soon so I thought it would make me forget about him just as fast. But hey that only works for those that have no HEART. Am I right?
MissingHim2Much - I've been trying to casually date (you know the whole situation with my ex).. while it did help keep me busy, the one thing that always would happen, especially if it was a bad date, is that I would get home and think about how much more I missed my ex. So really, its probably a better idea to wait until you're really ready. Everyone I went out with I compared to my ex and it generally just made me miss him more. Now, I've tried to just focus more on hanging out with my girlfriends than looking for a replacement boyfriend.
The final stab to my heart. My ex just called my son to say he wants to get the utilitlies out of his name because he's getting a place and moving out of his parents house. I know he's moving in with her. He didn't say so but I know he is. It couldn't be anymore final than that. Anyway even if he isn't moving in with her it's clear he isn't coming back, EVER! And yes I already know that I shouldn't want him back but that shread of hope that he would see the era of his ways kind of kept me sane somehow. Wow less then 6 weeks and I've been replaced like I meant nothing. What is that? Who does that? My brain is scrambled and I can't comprehend what some people can do to the ones they claimed to love more than anything in the world just days before he walks away. Is he even HUMAN?
He's an as*. Don't worry about the other girl. There's NO WAY that's going to work out. You can't jump from a 7 year relationship into another serious relationship that quickly. And besides, in a couple of months I guarantee you he's going to be miserable! My friend's husbad did the same thing. Left her for his mistress and within 2 months, he realized how good he had had it, and came crawling back to my friend because he was miserable with the new girl. My friend of course told him to get lost! Its been 2 years, and he's still with this other girl and STILL calls my friend telling her how miserable he is and what a huge mistake he made...
Thank Suelle,Quote:
Originally Posted by Suelle383
God this hurts so f'n bad I can't hardly see to type because I'm tearing up. Better to have loved and lost my @$$. I would take never to have loved and never felt this pain. It's unbareable sometimes.
You will be a lousy date right now, so don't go there. Better would be to find social outlets, such as joining a church, taking a class at a community college or park district, joining a bowling league, getting into a reading discussion group at your library, doing volunteer work at an animal shelter (lots of unconditional love there) or nursing home or library or school. Get yourself healed first. You find yourself when you lose yourself in service to others. Don't date until you are a fun person again who is looking to the future instead of moaning over the past.
Sounds horrible.. but honey in the long run it is best. Sounds like he doesn't care about your feelings and doesn't respect you. Its going to be hard but keep your chin up. Everyday gets a little easier. Trust me!
Good luck,
Mel
Almost everyone that has ever been in a serious relationship has gone through something like this. Most survive to go on with their lives and become a better person by learning more about themselves, yes there is something to learn from it.Quote:
Originally Posted by MissingHim2Much
I sympathize, because after 18 years of marriage and two lovely children my wife announced that she "thought" that she loved someone else and was leaving.
This announcement left me devastated; my father had left when I was five and I didn't want my children to have to go through some of the things I did while growing up, and yes I loved her very much at the time.
Sometimes someone comes along at the very moment you need them the most. This person knew what I was going through (no there wasn't a relationship OR anything between her and me).
But she said something to me that helped me see that life goes on and made the pain a little better. What she told me made more sense as time went by;
"People have to be true to themselves and make decisions on how they feel and what they think is best. Believe me or not, someday you will even forgive her."
She also said; "When a person makes a decision to do something like this they have taken the time to prepare themselves for it, you were not prepared. You will have to go through the pain now but it will last only for so long, you didn't make the decision to leave; she did and she will have to live with it.
She is strong in her decision now BUT years will pass and believe me she will be asking herself over and over again; did I make the right decision. The responsibility for the decision was hers and she will ask herself if it was the right one."
I dated for the next eighteen years and until my lovely new wife (remarried five years ago) came along I really believed that I wouldn't again fall in love deeply enough to want to give my heart and trust to another woman completely. There were many "dates" during
This period but when I asked myself; is this the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with, I convinced myself she wasn't. I found everything I ever needed or wanted in life when I was introduced to my present wife and things are better than I ever expected or deserve.
Sorry I carried on so much but I wanted you to know that there IS love and happiness that can be found if you look for it and you are ready. It took me a little longer than most but I am very happy now.
About a year after the divorce my ex-wife and I were talking on the phone (by the way my children stayed with me) and out of the blue she said; "I want you to know that you were a good father and a good husband." At that point I was able to completely let go of all the negative emotions I had bottled up inside me. I didn't say it to her and she wouldn't need it anyway but I was able to forgive her.
It's funny how my ex-wife's simple acknowledgment meant so much to me.
Just got another stab to my heart to.Daughter just told me my ex going to be moving in with is "New family" as he likes to call them! He replaced me 4 months after coming out of a relationship of 24years an he's been with her for 20months now.16 of those 20months he would still come round and try and seduce me ,and like a fool I would give in.final straw that made me realise that I needed to get some self respect is when he slept with me the day before he took his girlfriend on a weeks holiday! by doing what I did I no I've hindered my recovery and that's why istill feel pain 2 years on.missinghim2much I feel that unbearable pain to,just want to move on and be happy.hopefully time will help us do that, xx
I think everyone knows my story by now but I had a question about my ex's behavior. We had a long stable relationship and were very close. The break was sudden and of course I called a couple of times that first few days after he left. He was civil to me and even said we had a strong bond and I was his best friend. Its been 6 weeks since I went no contact and since then he seems to hate me. He had offered in the beginning to help me finacially but after a week refused to give me any help. When he has something to say to me he doesn't call me directly he calls my son. He did leave me for someone else so I'm not sure if that has anything to do with the fact that he is so cold to me now. How or why do you think he went from saying I was his best friend to this hateful cold person that won't even talk to me directly?
He may not be as mature as you gave him credit for and is trying to cut ties with you and move on with his own life. Don't worry about why he does what he does as only he can know for sure. Leave this alone.
As I've expressed in other posts, you need to stop obsessing with everything he does, as he is obviously cutting ties with you.
I agree with the above, he is prob getting grief from the other women and is trying now to cut ties. Try to Move on and do something new for yourself.
You are still hurt, and bitter over your break-up, and would be lousy company until you can heal, and resolve your feelings.
Tell you son not to take the messages and for "the boyfriend" to call you directly. Its not right for "the ex" to involve your son in any of this. Plus, money and friendship is a "no no". It creates more of a problem than resolves one.
Good Luck,
Mel
I think that this guy feels pretty ashamed and guilty for what he did to you and that's why he's acting like he hates you and won't even call to talk to you directly. Possibly in time he will miss you and want to make up for what he's done and come back around. I highly doubt he will make a go of it with the new girl.
"How or why do you think he went from saying I was his bestfriend to this hateful cold person that won't even talk to me directly?"
Think back and you should find the answer. From Best... to hateful requires some indications unless he's on drugs. What's missing here? Do you know the "other woman?" What were you doing while he was developing the other relationship? Does he get along with your son? Do you and your son have issues? This will all become very clear, very soon. Best to all.
Hi Missing :)
I tend to agree with DJ1963 , the guilt thing is the main reason your Ex will not be contacting you , and I think we all construe this to mean they HATE us now. Don't get yourself down with this feeling. But try and remember when you join here, and your sitting, staring at the screen, crying and at the lowest point you think you could ever go. Please know that you will be sitting doing the same thing in a couple of months the only difference will be, you will not be at your lowest point, you will be rising.
Things change, we evolve and life goes on.
There is not one single person in this world worth the exchange of your life and dignity for. Love is a bond, it comes in all shapes and sizes and in the most strange of places. There is not just one person for each of us. There is however just one life we live, no deposit, no return and its very short. Live it and embrace who you are, not what you think someone has made you :-)
Very sad story sweety, I wish I could say something to help but only time will tell and I do not think his new relationship will last from what I've read in your previous posts he is just keeping himself busy with this girl. She doesn't seem worth a crap so he'll see that soon
Quote:
Originally Posted by statictable
?" I don't know her personally but my son works with both of them and he knows her and also my sister know her.Quote:
Do you know the "other woman
I was being his lover, his best friend, his support system and every thing I had always been.Quote:
What were you doing while he was developing the other relationship?
Well not anymore. But they were good friends for years my ex was my sons bestman in his wedding.Quote:
Does he get along with your son?
No we are very close and that's why he isn't friends with my ex now.Quote:
Do you and your son have issues?
How??Quote:
This will all become very clear, very soon.
This very young guy broke your heart, and we get that. Realise that you were in different places in your life, and start to let go, and move on. You have a lot to offer, and until you get to the point of accepting what has happened, how can you move on?? He was not ready for the gift you gave him, bottom line, and now he is on his own, AS ARE YOU!!
Talan believe it or not I do realize more of this to be true than I let on. But the pain of it all just isn't that easily explained away. Only time will make that happen. I think that explaining to others how it feels and being open and honest about the pain and how it effects us is a possitive road to recovery. I do find your advice to be very logical and I do take it to heart I just think questioning what went wrong in a seeming happy relationship is part of the healing process. Is'nt that why were all here?Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
Your questions cannot be answered, and will lead to confusion, which will slow down the healing process. You keep the feelings of anger, and betrayal still fresh enough, to affect your emotions and thinking processes. Not a healthy way to deal with those feelings, in my opinion, and we see that a lot here on the forum. Only through acceptance, and some very positive actions on your part, can you help the healing process. Keeping him alive and well in your mind ,is so not going to help. Not to be harsh at all, but just wanting you to see that you are your solution to the problem, not anything he can say, or do.Quote:
I just think questioning what went wrong in a seeming happy relationship is part of the healing process. Is'nt that why were all here?
First of all your being honest with yourself and you've put some questions on the table in front of us all. Takes a special person and others will learn that about you and will have found a treasure. All good things will come to MH2M.
My story just keeps getting better. As you all know by now my boyfriend of 7 yrs left me 6 weeks ago for a total HO that he works with. Wait the plot thickens. Now she claims she's pregnant and its his. Ok they've been together not quite 6 weeks and she is miraculously pregnant by him. We were together for 7 yrs and never used birth control. Anyway her best friend so to speak also works with all of them ( my ex, his new girlfriend, and my son ) her friend had told my son about 8-10 weeks ago that she thought that Shannon ( that's the ho's name) was pregnant but wasn't telling anyone. This friend has also had threesomes with her boyfriend and Shannon. I wrote about that on a earlier post. And Shannon lives with her ex boyfriend and says they aren't together they just live together. This is the boyfriend that doesn't know if he's Shannons baby's daddy or if its his brothers baby. That baby is 2 I think and she has 3 more children by different fathers, 2 of which live with the fathers because she lost custody of them. This is a true story I swear, you can't make this stuff up. This is what he thought was good enough to leave his relationship, his home, his family and all of his possessions for. He took nothing except for about half of his clothes. Can someone tell me, does this guy have a huge brain tumor effecting his decisions? Do guys just walk away from a stable longterm relationship into a soap opera of baby daddy drama??
Brain tumor? Probably not. He's not the brightest star in the sky or could be acting out. Is this man mature? Has he lost a close friend or parent? If you have the desire and strength to avoid all contact with him and also his friends he may return if that's what you want. Good luck.
Is he mature? I'm questioning that right now but yes he was mature and very responsible our whole time together. He never did anything crazy or out of the ordinary. We had a close relationship and were very respectful of each other. I didn't see this one coming. It was so far out in left field. He never let on he was unhappy or that he wanted out of our relationship so I am clearly baffled. He did have one loss this year but it wasn't a person it was our dog. She was my dog for 16 yrs and his dog for the 7 he lived with me. She was like one of the family and we had to put her to sleep because she couldn't walk anymore. He went into the room with her while the vet put her down and he held her while she was dying. He was a mess about that for along time. He also resently found out his mother is dying of parkinsons disease and cryed on my shoulder many times about this. I have maintained no contact pretty much since he left calling him 2 times in the first week to ask him why he left and if he was coming back. But I've had n/c in about 6 weeks.Quote:
Originally Posted by statictable
I know what you are going through my boyfriend left me a few weeks back and is now dating a slutty ho. Is there something in the water? So many men these days just up and leaving good woman for these woman that would do anyone with a pulse. I thinks its porn, I think porn has warped their minds
Ouchhhhh Missing, that has to hurt. I once asked my brother how woman are able to steal men away from good relationships and his answer to me was... Lots of flirting and feeding their egos. ( you're so funny, you're so smart, you're so cute etc. etc etc) He said that men in a longterm relationship sometimes feel like their gf's don't think they are special any more and when someone else makes it a point to make them feel like they are something great the other woman is able to steal him right out from under you. Once she shows her true colors he will see his mistake and probably come crawling back to you. If that's what you want.
God that must suck!
Well, I would not worry about why he did it, but rather HOW you are going to move on.
YOU know WAYYYY too much. WAYY too much... And so do your kids. Get Away.
We all make mistakes. You made a 7-year one. Now take a year to recover.
This is the real him. SORRY! He loved you, (in his own way -once)
But he also did you a favor...
You'll thank him for your freedom and his indescretion one day.
Sad situation but surely if you go back and read this doesn't it make you slightly happy that you aren't involved with a man anymore that involves himself with these type of people. They all sound like they deserve one another and you are better off without them all in your life.
Missing, I've read some of your earlier posts and it sounds like you and your ex had a good relationship all the time you were together. If that's true then what has happened in his life that would make him do something this destructive?
What the heck is with this guy?
I'm really wondering if he is living out some sort of "young guy acts self destructive" phase or something. It just seems weird that he was content in a stable, healthy relationship only to slip into some insane relationship with a sketchy chick. I totally get why this bugs you it seems so out of step of who he was when he was with you.
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