I actually think that mobiles, texts, myspace, mobile technology has a bigger role in modern relationships now more than ever! They create undue stress... I wonder what life would be like without them.. Thing is we become so used to these stupid things, personaly I think if we got rid of them all a lot more relationships would be succeeding.

It is easier to reach out and touch someone , but I think that it still boils down to how people deal with each other. I will admit it was a lot easier to disappear from some ones life back in the day.

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Originally Posted by missbeach123

Hi, As I've posted in my last thread, my ex and I have been broken up a month and a half. He has been seeing this other girl, well, hooking up with her I don't know to what extent they have a relationship connection/ commitment.

Yesterday I received a text saying, "So I hear your new bf is hitting it, he must be pretty smooth". It was quite rude, and I don't have another bf, and I'm not hooking up with anyone. If anything, he might have saw new pictures of me with guys, but nothing to make anyone think I had a boyfriend.

I have had no contact for nine days, and I didn't respond to the text. I want him back, but everytime I've tried to see him, he says "no" and that "it wouldn't do any good". We went out three years.

What does this text mean? Is he jealous? Is this indicitive of feelings? Please, any advice. I know I'm obssessing a little, but I'd love to get peoples takes on this. Thank you!

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I agree with a lot that the others have said. I have an ex that had the nerve to ask me not to "give it up" to anybody else, even though he didn't want to be in a relationship. He even admitted to me that he knew it was selfish of him to ask. My point is that whether people want the responsibility of being obligated to you or not, they still don't want to know that you might be doing a little bit better with someone else because that raises the question of how much of an effect did they really have on you. I had to learn that. The more that you stay away and do your thing. The better. I learned that from a great book that I read. I'm not really into reading but it's the best book I've ever had before in my life. I cleared up sooooo many of my questions about relationships. I would suggest that everyone check it out. www.myspace.com/heartrx

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Talaniman leave them in their own confusion. You can be manipulated into sticking around till they find whatever it is they think they want. Stop wasting time, and get some fun and happiness and let the ex be confused while you strut your quality.

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Tal this is one of your best responses although i cut it down. I have no doubt this is vital information for everyone, i have realised so many people who get dumped don't think that there dumper may be missing them. This can definitely happen especially when they say i'm just not sure i'm cinfused i need to think. Well this is spot on why stick aroun and call them when they are confused hell if they really are unsure and can't thin let them do that on there own let them get upset and unsure by themselves half the time the only reason they are still unsure is beacause the ex is still calling and hanging around a truye decision can only be made when you walk away and let your dumper realise exactly what a break is not having you there to lean on and be with.

Problem is not many let there dumpers handle this on there own and they all say well i want to make sure he doesn't forget me i want to know what his her thinking / i want to know if we are getting back...

This should not matter to you hell they didn't want you last week or month so if they want you back they are going to have to contact you. Geeez leave them tro wonder what they have actually done by breaking up with you.

No one gets this if they break up with you they lose you most people just say i lost them well they are sitting there without you now let them do what your doing wonder.

Give them the treatment of missing you and if they want to come back or have contact hell it shoudnt be easy for them they can't walk in and out yourve got options plenty of people arnt like that why would you let someone tret you inthat way.

I undestand some people do need time as i thought my ex may after 3 years. But i realise now she may need time and that could be her honest truth she was deciding on the rest of her life but i now know why should i make and try and sway her decision for if im hanging around she still has me and doesn't realise what life will be without me in it. That's what the ex needs to feel for anyone to have a chance of reconcilliation. They need to know what it is like with you gone and some people do need a break to realise this just don't let them decide with you around show them you are a winner you don't take breaks...

I still haven't heard anything. Im having a really hard time with my own life, the saddness has been overwhelming. It should be easy. I dream about him, me chasing him, every night, so I have horrible mornings. Its been 10 days no contact. I want to talk to him so badly, is there any smart way I can go about talking to him?

That's so true Talaniman! I feel like when I run through memories I only think of the love, comfort and fun times. There was lots of bad stuff, but honestly, I have a hard time even remembering it, even though I want to. Its like erased from my memory! He didn't cheat on me, just to correct you. He did start screwing a girl not even two weeks after we broke up.

I don't want to want him back. I'm trying, but I'm not feeling any better. I am feeling so hopeless and uncapable of a life without him, which shouldn't be the case. Literally, I feel lost without him. I Don't WANT TO BE LIKE THIS ANYMORE. Its been 10 days NC and its touturing me because I feel like Im not contacting him to get him to respond in a certain way, not really for my own healing, its sick. I ideally want him to realize what he's missing and come back to me, but he's so stubborn and has a new chick so I don't think its probable. But yet Im holding on. I'd lie if I said I was better, I'm better for a day or a few hours, then its back to this.

MISSBEACH... I'm sure you know what is the right thing to do. If you contact him right now, that would not be smart. It's like drugs (not that I have any experience, but any addiction). Once it's not there, you want it so bad. It can give you a quick fix but then what? You're back in square one. Right now you need your drug. But you know it will certainly not do you any good. It will please you now but then you will be miserable longer and the process will continue. So far you are doing great. Keep it that way. Don't let yourself and us down. Stick with us... We are now a team! Emotional Team! We are here to save you! Believe me, you will feel this way for a while. It's only natural. We all have felt that way. Heck, most of us feel that way now. Life gets better.Ever heard how the sun is always shining somewhere else? Well, right now it's in China. Don't worry, it will come back again. But first you must go through this process. It's the best thing to do. Everything will be all right!

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I want to talk to him so badly, is there any smart way I can go about talking to him?

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In your nightmares.

Lol... Once again T-Man saves the day!

Grrr stop being so right T ! I swear I have the mindset that can rebound to knowing nothing in a minute. Im impulsive and easily taken by emotions. Im staying the course of NC. Thanks for bringing me to earth. Damn I need some hobbies besides the gym, swimming, and hanging out with friends. Any cool suggestions?

We all go through that. You are not alone, and if you can wrap your head around this, HE HAS MOVED ON WITH SOMEONE ELSE. Move on.

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I Don't WANT TO BE LIKE THIS ANYMORE.

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Then you need to find something to do besides thinking of him, RIGHT?

The rest of your post is just another repeat of other posts, so I won't even bother with it. Now go straighten out your closet, and stay busy till the feeling passes.

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Originally Posted by sypher373

Generally when one partner in a relationship asks for a break, they ahve been thinking about it for quite some time. While you are blissfully unaware, they have been slowly detaching themselves from the relationship. In this way, when you are suddenly stuck with the shock of the breakup, he is well on his way to healing, and possibly ready for another relationship.damn that's hard to bear!
It does seem, however, that most of the relationships that cause the breakup of another hardly last. Many of the times, it appears these are merely crushes which crash and burn once the novelty wears off. Its hardly any consolation, but someday in the future, he will likely regret leaving a faithful relationship to pursue an infatuation.

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the guy i was involved with says there's a saying in his country something like" you shouldn't break up a sure thing for someone you're not sure of".... i wonder if he even heard himself when told me that.....

Ok so today after 12 days no contact I called him. He answered right away, which normally he didn't in past times, so I don't feel like a complete failure for breaking down and dialing him up.

He was at a bar, by himself which is a little disturbing. My voice was strong and unaffected, I sounded happy and upbeat. We talked about day to day things for a few minutes and then he asked me abruptly about my "new bf".

This is when things got confusing... He kept saying things like "Yeah, why don't you go talk to your new bf" and I would reply "Hey, I'm not in the buisness of getting into another relationship right now". He kept asking me whether I was sexually involved with another guy, and when I would answer, "I don't sleep around", but I didn't want to say anything to reassure him that I'm not seeing other people, I wanted him to wonder. And, I asked him why he was judging me when he was screwing new girl anyway, and he replied, "well its not like I have something with her, theres no emotional ties" ( classy, I kept thinking, just screwing.) He was clearly jealous, but not asking for me back either, just so unclear.

I started to wrap it up because he was clearly frusterated. I said, "you know, I'm not going to try to make things work between us, because I know they can't since I'm going back to college in a few months, but I would like to have a cup of coffee with you sometime" he never gave me an answer, he went off about the "new bf" I apparently have. I finished by saying strong and confident "well matt, if you dont want to get together with me I'm not going to waste my time, because really, it's your loss in the end".

All in all he sounded a lot different from how things were a few weeks ago, he clearly was jealous about me potientially with other guys, but yet he made no distinct move to see me. Our conversation really threw me back because we were so normal, and I could here he was happy/relieved I called. I'm going to leave it alone again, but does it sound like maybe there can be a reconcillation? I still love him, and I'm thrilled he told me that he does not have anything on an emotional level with skank face.

What do you all make of this? Why would he be sooo jealous and offer the info that he and skank face aren't emotionally getting into anything? Is he maybe beginning to see what he's lost?

AND ANOTHER THING read "Letting Go" by Dr. Zev Wanderer It shows you actually techniques to "thought stopping" and other exercises that help you put your ex lover back in perspective and help you get on with things.

If two are destined to be together, they would be happy for the happiness of another, and sad for sadness of another. Since you have been apart, why not forget the past. There are more wonderful things in the future awaiting you, and I am sure when you look back on those confusions someday, you would think it very trivial. Talking and caring your situation with other one, he is just immature. But you could keep your friendship in a proper manners.
Wish you good luck!

Well it does seem like he is thinking a bit. But to be honest if he really wanted you back he would have said why don't we catch up. He has nothing on an emotional level with this girl but that could be becaiuse she may have said to him I don't want a relationship with you at the moment. You can't trust anything he says. Think about this he says that yet he is still screwing you. Im a guy you screw the person who you wasn't to be with this is the truth, Why when he could have you would he be screwing her. Maybe though at the moment he thinks you have aanother guy and he cannot screw you which is good for you. But I just think he is playing you and does like this other girl but is not sure where it ois going. The only way you will know for sure weather he wants to reconcile. IS TOTOTALLY Disappear DO NOT ANSWER COUPLE OF CALLS WAIT FOR HIM TO RING IF THIS IOS GOING TO WORK HE WILL BE THE ONE WHO HAS TO ASK YOU TO CATCH UP. THIS IS SO IMPORTABNT HE MUST MUST!! MUST BE THE ONE WHO WANTS TO CATCH UP. THINK ABOUT THIS IF HE DOOESNT HE DOES NOT REALLY WANT YOU THAT MUCH SO WILL NOT WORK. HE MUST BE KEEN AND HE WILL RING!! WAIT IT OUT HE WILL CALL HIS STILL KEEN... HIS WONDERING LET HIM WONDER. YOUR WINNING HERE YOU HAVE NOTRHING TO GAIN BY CONTACTING HIM ALL YOU ARE DOING IS LETTING HOM KNOW YOUR STILL THERE

Move on! You're toying with each others emotions.

Who knows what he wants. Who cares. The two of you aren't together anymore. Simple as that!

Do no contact properly and for the right reasons and concentrate on your life. Not his!

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Originally Posted by mckenzie134

well it does seem like he is thinking a bit. But to be honest if he really wanted you back he would of said why dont we catch up. He hsa nothing on an emotional level wih this girl but that could be becaiuse she may have said to him i dont want a relationship with you at the moment. You can't trust anything he says. Think about this he says that yet he is still screwing you. Im a guy you screw the person who you wasnt to be with this is the truth,. Why when he could have you would he be screwing her. Maybe though at the moment he thinks you have aanother guy and he cannot screw you which is good for you. But i just think he is playing you and does like this other girl but is not sure where it ois going. The only way you will know for sure weather he wants to reconcile. IS TOTOTALLY DISAPEAR DO NOT ANSWER COUPLE OF CALLS WAIT FOR HIM TO RING IF THIS IOS GOING TO WORK HE WILL BE THE ONE WHO HAS TO ASK YOU TO CATCH UP. THIS IS SO IMPORTABNT HE MUST MUST!!!MUST BE THE ONE WHO WANTS TO CATCH UP. THINK ABOUT THIS IF HE DOOESNT HE DOES NOT REALLY WANT YOU THAT MUCH SO WILL NOT WORK. HE MUST BE KEEN AND HE WILL RING!!!! WAIT IT OUT HE WILL CALL HIS STILL KEEN... HIS WONDERING LET HIM WONDER. YOUR WINNING HERE YOU HAVE NOTRHING TO GAIN BY CONTACTING HIM ALL YOU ARE DOING IS LETTING HOM KNOW YOUR STILL THERE

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You still think it is all a game don't you mac? Silly silly mistake!

You will learn in time that tactics and game playing only hurt you more. It prevents you healing and moving on with your life.

I know your right, false hopes are so easy to get though. He sounded so like my man again, not cold and bitter. I just miss him so much

Silly girl, common after our chat on MSN! Don't call. Get a life where your happy, you're a very attractive girl - there's plenty more out there for you. The more games you play the worse it will be. Maybe one day you will meet or be friends again but that's not going to happen until your fully over him. YOU NEED TIME!

SKELL this is a partly a game weather you believe it or not and to get the most out of it she should use every advantage that she can. He is still trying to find out about her life qnd the only reason someone will do that is because they care or they just want to check in. Ive only suggested she should just disappear nc which in the end will helher or will ge him back either way she won't be so confused. There is no use contacting someone who doesn't want you . That we know.