It's been a month. How much time is sufficient for this type of situation? Why does she keep my stuff at her house and lets me keep my keys to the house. I know I am going to have to put my foot down at some point, but have I given her enough time? We have not gone many days in a row without seeing each other since this started which hasn't really given her consecutive days to miss me. I want to feel that I did all I could before jumping the gun. How much more time should I give?

Personally - it's different for everyone. Obviously I don't know everything. But, I think it's getting to be time.

If you wait. Just don't go calling her or contacting her for now.

I'd go get my stuff though. It would give you a lot of your power back.

In response to putting your foot down,

All I can say is I did that same thing. It did feel like an ultimatum, but it made me feel better. Everyday it makes you feel a little better about yourself.

How do I respond to this. The money issue is money she took out of savings a long time age to catch up bills that I have that are in her name. I have been paying them on time for the last two years and have paid back $500 of the $1500 in the last month. What do I need to say. Its been a month today since we've broke up. She is continuing to leave me in limbo and I feel we could work our issues out together and not apart. This is an e-mail she sent me just now. Help me to reply please!


Hi, how's your day going? I had you on my mind so thought I would drop a
Line. I miss you but still need my time. Be patient. I am confused about
A lot of things and still angry at things. I still think about you
Oweing me money and again you haven't tried to give me any of it lately.
Why don't you just give me what you got from the car? And not giving it
To me all at once just makes me more angry. Or at least half of it. I
Took out 1500.00 all at one time for you, and me too I guess I had to,
To save my credit.
I just can't see how things will change that much in the future. I will
Become bored and resenting you again and you will get tired of me
Ing and whatever else bothers you about me. I'm sorry for the pain
I have caused you but I feel differently these days and have for a
While. I don't know what I want but do know I want my space.
Hope you understand. I do still love you but I am fighting it right now
And think that is what I need to do at this time. I want to call you so
Bad sometimes but I can't. Hope I didn't upset you again too much but I
Needed to vent.
Love...

This is where break-ups get really messy. When there is a co mingling of money, finances, and property, without the benefit of marriage. An argument can be made that all debts accrued during the relationship should be split, so more info is needed as to where this money went, and if it was indeed to your benefit this money was used for then you owe it. She doesn't want to work this out so continue to pay as you can since it will look better in a small claims court should she pursue it. Is this the only area of disagreement as far as money and finances go? Could there be offsets so far as property she took during the break-up? These are factors in mitigating any debts.

No, this is money she pulled out of her savings 2 years ago to catch up bills that was accrued for me to open a business but they are in her name and I have not attempted to pay it back and she's mad about it.The actual bills have been paid on time by me for the last 2 years. There is no issue that I owe it and am paying them off. She is trying to deal with our issues by herself. How should I handle this?

All I can say is WHY don't you pay her back??

You should never owe her money. This is a deal breaker at your age.

Quite honestly you should never OWE a women money. This sheds a lot of light on the situation.

Dude - quite honestly it doesn't sound like you have your SH++ together in her eyes. She needs a MAN!! Not a sponge. (sorry - but that's how she sees you).

Pay her back everything today. Then give her space. Give her a ton of space. This is such a deal breaker.

This money thing sheds way much more light on the situation. WHY haven't you paid he rback? She doesn't get it - I don't get. GET THIS MONEY ISSUE IN THE PAST!! It sounds like you have money and credit issues - that's your priority right now. And if you do you have no business being with a women with kids.

You need to pay her back today!

Total deal breaker. If you can't hear that in the e-mail

Yeah, pay her back and leave her a** alone. Seriously, leave her alone. I am beginning to think she is not worth the effort right now. She doesn't even like you right now so just give her the money and go on with your business. Once again she said I don't know what I want but I do want my space so get your stuff, pay her back, and focus on yourself and your happiness. You can be happy without her-it just takes time. Yeah you owe her money but if it were me, I would be really annoyed with her and that email-if she wants space then why is she still trying to talk to you? Unless you are bothering her... that second paragraph is really annoying-don't be sad be mad and leave her alone. I'm rambling... so I'll stop

You should have never borrowed the money in the first place. I see why she's not with you now. Women want a guy who can take care of them, not borrow money.

Pay her back today. All of it. Borrow from a family member or friend if you have to.

Don't go borrowing money from a lover - ever unless your married. Wow, that's just such huge deal breaker.

It sounds to me like you think this money thing is a game or something - like you hold something against her. WELL she resents you and DOES NOT RESPECT YOU AT ALL.

Pay her back and move on.

I know I am so wrong with the money issue but it's not totally like it sounds. The 2 years we've been back together I've spent a lot of moneyon her and her house. I've bought her a washer and dryer even though hers was not broke - they were just old and I wanted her

To have something nice. I've spent hundreds on home repairs and maintenance. I didn't mind doing these things because it was for her, but I should have paid her back first and then did these things. I also pay hundreds per month for electric, cable, gas, water, &

Phone as this was our arrangement. I have bought most of the groceries for her, her daughters, and myself. I've spent well over 1k and maybe up to 2k in just us going out partying in the last 2 years. I don't mind these things and I am not at all complaining, but

Things should have been handled differently especially in the partying and I should have been paying her instead. We love to go out together and hang out with our friends, but we should have cut way back. I am not making excuses as I know Iwas totally wrong. My

Priorities were not in the right place. I am off tomorrow and I will go hand the money personally. I feel so terrible about it and I wish I would have handled things differently. I go to work everyday and I pay all of my and her bills on time, I just neglected the most important one. I have not missed a day of work in years. I don't know why she has not asked me to get the rest of my things out of her house. Maybe she's just waiting for the money. I guess I'll find out tomorrow. I am a very loving man to her & I really treat her right other than this. We actually love each otherand are great together. I just really screwed this up and caused resentment and anger in her because I was a dumb a**. I will give her the money personally tomorrow as I am off and I will apologize then leave her alone. If I could turn back time I would. I have not seen or contacted her since Friday. She sent me a text yesterday morning that sais " Good Morning have a fantastic day I Love You" and then I received the e-mail later yesterday which you have seen. Hopefully she will find it in her heart to forgive me. I guess time will tell.

I feel for you man. I undrrstand the score is different between the two of you. Women keep score differently. The money thing appears to have FORCED her to resent you completley.

The only way to fix it is pay asap.

Then make her come to oyu.

Actually I think you have taken good care of her and your responsibilities and hope that you have gained a valuable lesson into the ways that this woman thinks. Especially combining the finances without the benefit of marriage, which would have protected your assets and efforts. Getting this behind you, is the point, and retrieve all your stuff for a nice clean break. That way you never have to look back and their will be nothing held over your head.

Why does she ask me to be patient and that she misses me and loves me? Why does she contact me and tells me to have a good day? Why is she doing this?

You are asking questions that only she can answer. Stop already and get busy making sure you stay focused on your path. That's the important thing right now, not what motivates her actions.

You sound like you did a ton for here. But like I said - women keep score differently. Pat her back then give her all the space in the world.

You know, maybe Wildcat she doesn't resent him for the money thing. Maybe she is just using that as an excuse...

It's possible. But she brought it up. He needs to clear that up. But you should never borrow money like that long term, from her savings and not pay it back. That would be the first thing you pay off. He let it slide for what ever reason - but read the e-mail she sent...

I think it's the money. I've seen this before - a women not able to get through ONE issue.

Did yo utake care of that?

Im having the same situation and I know its hard, but just let it go , stop thinking about her and think about u , that's wats helping me now I can do a lot of things I couldn't do before. Make yourself happy and shell love you for that