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Resisting what is, denying reality, refusing to accept... is a painful activity. "What if" thoughts are an extension of that painful resistance. There are no "what ifs" to learn in this. Only "what nexts". The sooner you stop resisting, the sooner that pain will end and the pain of it being over can be worked on to lessen it too.
I'll never be able to understand why it's better to simply kill the affection of somebody you cared for so much, but apparently that's the way it has to happen... Everyday I regret the friend that I lost. I could enver kiss her again if only to have that friend back. But would a true friend really turn their back on me, as she did?
I don't know. I just hope that I didn't force her into it...
Don't mind me, just voicing the pathetic immaturity in all of us...
I will a few more things here 4answers, you are focusing way too much on the good things about her and less about the bad things about her and your relationship. You keep punishing and blaming yourself and it is not ALL your fault.
Quit analysing.. That might be rich coming from me because I did the same but I am trying to pass on what I know to be true and the path I see for you which is forwards rather than backwards.
Val wrote this to me in one of my threads and I think that you could take something from this... I was blaming myself over and over when in fact, I don't think it was about me for the most part but I was reaching out for some confirmation as Val puts it that it was in some way my fault. You do this 4answers and it must stop, I'm not trying to say that you think you are a loser but you do blame yourself a lot and I must say that I have done this too.
This is not maths either!! There might have been nothing you could have done to avoid this situation!Quote:
Originally Posted by valinors_sorrow
I don't believe there is anything I or anyone else here at AMHD can say to change what you are doing, you need to want that inside, you need to want to let go before you begin to really listen. At the moment I think you are only listening to one person>>>>Yourself!!
What is done is done! Learn from it!
You can turn this into a positive learning experience you know, you really can.
I think you need counseling!!
You are obsessing way too much about this. And you still don't get the point of no contact!!
By the way 4answers, I don't mean what I said to sound like you should not vent because this is very positive. You just need to change your venting in my opinion to something constructive, something that better illustrates your willingness to move on rather than about what you should have done in the past to win something back that has gone!
I wish you well and I know you will get there! :)
Hi 4Answers - Gosh, I just hate to see someone hurting. So does everyone else here and I think that is what is behind all their words.
Someone once told me, that the grieving of an actual death of a loved one, is somewhat similar to the grieving of a relationship that is now over. I know that is sad, and I hope I didn't make you feel worse.
But it does have similarites - Missing them, what ifs, what should I have done, what didn't I do.
We all go through the grieving process when we loose someone. But we may all go at a different rate. Some slower than others and some like lighteining speed just to get through it. The important thing, is not so much the speed of it, but that each minute of each day, is one more minute closer to you reaching acceptance and finally healing.
I feel for you 4answers, I truly do, as everyone does. You go at the rate that you need to but ask yourself are the actions you are taking, are the thoughts that you are having, moving you forward, or keeping you in a backward motion.
We are always here for you :)
I also mean it with respect 4answers when I say you may need to talk to someone. I have watched every thread since you came here. I have felt your pain and fully understand what your going through. BUt I just think you aren't quite understanding the concepts behind what is suggested to you. You still after all this time think that the reason you cut contact with her was to get her back.
Big big mistake and that is the main reason why your still hurting so much! If you could just understand that reason you cut contact with the ex is for yourself, to work on you, think about your own situation etc. then I think you would have come much farther by now. BUt rather you have spent this whole time obsessing about her and wondering what she is feeling and how you can get her back. Don't you see that this is huge road block in your healing path. It is preventing you from making any progress at all!
Excellent stuff Skell... Furthermore, I would say that 4answers is either not understanding this concept or is in huge denial about the reality of the situation...Quote:
Originally Posted by Skell
I fear that the latter is further to the truth!
I think you are spot on Geoff! Spot on!
He is in massive denial. He still thinks that she is coming back if he follows some sort of text book or plan. Not the case and it won't work!!
The reality of the situation is 4answers that you now have NO OTHER OPTION but to move on and cut contact. Do you think continuing to live the way you have these past months is healthy or enjoyable??
Please know we only want what is best for you and it is why we are trying so hard to get it through to you what you need to do!!
I parted with someone many years back, regretted this and tried to get the person back. However since I have not met another, I find myself really missing her. Stupid really as if I met her know, she would not be the same person I loved and the things that anoyed me about her would also be there.
But it really hurts losing that love ! Anyone one else feel like this, and how do you come to terms with these feelings?
The reason you haven't meant anyone else is because you are still tied up in this ex. It is a self fulfilling prophecy. You need to move on. That relationship ended for a reason and you are focusing on it as a means to avoid being hurt again (I imagine).
Quote:
Originally Posted by GlindaofOz
Thanks for the reply. Normally I would agree, but its been over 7 years and I have been with other women since then. But I have never met anyone with whom I have had a good connection, which results in me missing my ex ! Silly, as she is now married with kids...
Its daft for me to feel this way, but feel it I do. Just wondered if others experience this ?
The one that got away? Put it down to experience and move on? You made a mistake, nothing you can do about it now is there.
You just have to remind yourself that that was then and this is now. You and she are both different people now, so it's true that you cannot recreate what you once had. As the old saying goes "you can never go back home again." Also remember that you broke up for a reason. You yourself said that there were things about her that annoyed you. If it wasn't right then, then it isn't going to be right now.
If your ex changes her phone number, so that automatically means she is over u, especially if you have a cycle of getting back togeher
Well, u mean native americans or Indians in Aisa?:confused: I only know how to dance like the Asian-Indian in India:pQuote:
Originally Posted by Geoffersonairplane
Well, I think you would do just fine! :)Quote:
Originally Posted by nicespringgirl
May I bring Sushi then?
Whatever floats your boat.Quote:
Originally Posted by nicespringgirl
What you going to bring?
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