Ask Me Help Desk - Stuck. Lockdown.

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Originally Posted by Kitkat22

It depends. If someone hurt my family....:eek:

Very, very different thing there.

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Originally Posted by kp2171

very, very different thing there.

V ery different... I slapped my daughters boyfriend when she was in High School. She had broken up and he was stalking her. She tried to get into her car and he grabbed her arm. Left a bruise. I went to where he worked and slapped him HARD. My husband was in San Fransisco and wanted to leave a project he was on. The boy moved away a short while after.:mad:

Sneezy, that sounds like my younger cousin when he was a child. He eventually outgrew the behavior after he got into some trouble he couldn't pin on anyone else.

The next three weeks should be fun. :rolleyes:

Good luck seeing each other when you can. :)

Yep. I think I got a good grasp at things. So far, she's holding firm, and if I know her well enough, she's pretty darn stubborn, so she won't budge.

Her family has... somewhat accepted that I'm here to stay in their daughter's life. The recent conversation that they had about me (yes, they had a family meeting about me) included ideas from her brother that Asian men beat their wives, and if anyone on this thread knows me, chances are, I'm more liable to get beaten than beat.

On one hand, that's an outrageous statement... on the other, at least they think I'm there to stay for good seeing as they're thinking about the future.

Her brother... is 20, and academically brilliant. Socially, not so much, but academically, a really smart kid. Graduated high school in 3 years, graduated college in 3 years... and is now attending med school. The kid has never left home, so the girlfriend is hoping that once the kid leaves home, he'll be better adjusted.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kitkat22

V ery different....I slapped my daughters boyfriend when she was in High School. She had broken up and he was stalking her. She tried to get into her car and he grabbed her arm. Left a bruise. I went to where he worked and slapped him HARD. My husband was in San Fransisco and wanted to leave a project he was on. The boy moved away a short while after.:mad:

A friend of mine was being hassled by her exboyfriend... to the point she ended up with a bruise on her face. She insisted that she fell, and it all may have been true, but this guy had been bugging her/making her life miserable altogether, so a group of my friends and I flew 800 miles to pay him a visit. Not enough to put him in the hospital, but enough so that he knew not to contact her ever again.

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Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny

included ideas from her brother that Asian men beat their wives,

Um, aren't they Asian? Isn't he implying that his father beats his mother and that he would beat his wife? :rolleyes::)

Hopefully they will be coming around to actually meeting you someday soon.

Sneezy... you're my kind of guy... I hope this girl knows how lucky she
Is. It will work out.

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Originally Posted by Cat1864

Um, aren't they Asian? Isn't he implying that his father beats his mother and that he would beat his wife? :rolleyes::)

Hopefully they will be coming around to actually meeting you someday soon.

Yeah... but we're a different asian ;)

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Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny

yeah...but we're a different asian ;)

You mean that you're a different Asian. ;)

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Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny

yeah...but we're a different asian ;)

What? Aren't ALL Asians alike? (Been a while since I could fully use the sarcasm font. :) )

Of course he, the brother, is the Chosen One so he gets to make the rules, right? :rolleyes::)

I am wondering if this incident might be opening mom and dad's eyes just a little bit to what type of son they have raised. The daughter may have had her moments (seems more understandable by the post), but the son's character flaws seem to be glowing nice and bright, IF they pay attention.

Cat, from what Sneezy has told me, I have a feeling that the parents are blind to their sons behavior, or looking the other way.

They'll be the parents that stand up for him in court saying "I had no idea he was like that. My baby boy is perfect and he couldn't have done the things he's being accused of", even with overwhelming evidence to the contrary.

They don't want to admit that a child of theirs could be so devious, so cruel, so deceptive. If they did admit it, they'd have to take responsibility for their part in it.

It's easier just to pretend he's perfect.

Just my opinion. ;)

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Originally Posted by Altenweg

Cat, from what Sneezy has told me, I have a feeling that the parents are blind to their sons behavior, or looking the other way.

Unfortunately, I agree. I do try to have hope, but it nearly always gets dashed when dealing with parents like these.:(

For the daughter's sake though, I will continue to try to have hope. :)

Alty you said it very well.

Yeah, it's OK. 3 more weeks, and I'm out of this popsicle stand.

Been keeping busy though... I've been studying ahead, cleaning my room 4 times a day, working out, practicing my sutures on oranges/banana peels, and ooh, working on my knife fighting skills. Why? No idea.

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Originally Posted by Altenweg

Cat, from what Sneezy has told me, I have a feeling that the parents are blind to their sons behavior, or looking the other way.

I wouldn't say that they're BLIND... he does get in trouble... they just don't punish him for his mistakes.

Example: recently, he left his e-mail wide open on his computer and his parents happened to walk by it and saw... naked pictures of a girl his parents are strongly against. He told them that they were no longer dating, and that he has no idea WHY she would send him these pictures. Parents simply had a chat with him, told him not to do things like that anymore. End of story.

... yeah... not too fair...

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Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny

I wouldn't say that they're BLIND...he does get in trouble...they just don't punish him for his mistakes.

Example: recently, he left his e-mail wide open on his computer and his parents happened to walk by it and saw...naked pictures of a girl his parents are strongly against. He told them that they were no longer dating, and that he has no idea WHY she would send him these pictures. Parents simply had a chat with him, told him not to do things like that anymore. End of story.

...yeah...not too fair...

I admit that I'm not an expert on Asian parents, but I did work in a daycare for a year, and there were two Asian kids there, a girl and a boy. The girl was one year older than the boy, 8 and 7 years old.

The boy was a nightmare. He wouldn't listen, wouldn't behave. The little girl was a dream child. When the parents would come to pick them up we would mention that the son was misbehaving, causing trouble. They'd yell at the daughter, like it was her fault.

It was very obvious that the boy meant more to them than the girl. They once told me that after having their daughter the reason they tried again so soon was because they couldn't live without a son. She was a mistake, she should have been a boy.

I'm not saying that your gf's parents are like that, or that she means nothing to them, but it sounds like the son only gets a talking to whenever he does something wrong, and when the girlfriend does something minor, they throw the book at her.

Not fair at all.

Yep. Welcome to Asian prejudice. Every once in a while, you'll hear about an Asian family burying/drowning/killing their daughter because they wanted a son instead.

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Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny

Yep. Welcome to Asian prejudice. Every once in a while, you'll hear about an Asian family burying/drowning/killing their daughter because they wanted a son instead.

:eek:

Urban legends. I'm going to choose to believe that's not true. Welcome to my rose colored world. It's pretty here! :cool:

Her brother sounds like someone who is very troubled. His obsession with his sister is very disturbing to me.

Furthermore, as he's very accomplished academically, the parents have very little leverage when they give him a lecture. So a simple: "Don't do that again" speech sounds appropriate.

Relatively speaking (relative to her brother), your girlfriend is the one who is struggling, which is why it's easier to give her unfair lectures.

Maybe he will be different when he moves out. Maybe things will be different when she moves out. Maybe things will be different when either of them starts working. Or things could stay the same for a very long time. Who knows?

Time will tell what will happen. In the end, you're better off preparing for both scenarios. It's one thing to live in a world thinking that people can change. But realistically speaking, people don't change too much when they're already in their 20s.

I agree with I Wish. Yes, her mother even notices that the brother is a bit too obsessive with her, but she sees that it's not doing her much harm, so she lets it go.

Time will tell. Until then, I'm here to stay.

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Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny

I agree with I Wish. Yes, her mother even notices that the brother is a bit too obsessive with her, but she sees that it's not doing her much harm, so she lets it go.

Time will tell. Until then, I'm here to stay.

You're a good man, Sneezy. :)