Is closure vital in order to move on?
So I'm trying to tackle this question in order to help myself move on, but I fear that it might come at too high of a cost. I dated this girl for 2 years and we both fell in love with each other. To make a long story short, she decided she wanted to move to San Diego but basically approached it in a way where if I didn’t go with her, she would move anyway. I told her that I needed to think it over. Over this time she started becoming distant and we started fighting a lot. I then found out she had been talking to this guy and hung out with him once at night. I had no proof she was cheating but she definitely crossed the line. I eventually forgave her and we tried to work on things but it just wasn’t the same. She broke it off and said that she couldn’t give me what I wanted at the time. I went into NC and a couple weeks later she wanted to get back together and told me that she wanted to start treating me better. We were about to get back together but I was out one night and ran into a friend of hers. Her friend told me that she had been dating some guy while we were broken up. I confronted her about it and she completely denied it and said that she had not spoken to her friend at all in the past 2 months. Her friend then called me up to apologize for making assumptions and said that she thought they were dating because she had seen some pictures of them hanging out on several occasions but that she had not spoken to her in a while. It tore me apart because I did not know what to believe and I did not believe anything my ex had to say. I tried to pull the truth out of her but she maintained her story. Emotional as I was, I did not want to lose her and I decided that I had no actual proof and must give her the benefit of the doubt. She told me that she still loved me but that she wanted to move to San Diego and she did not want to hurt me. We tried to work on things but I did not see any commitment from her and I became very resentful towards her. I told her that I was not getting what I needed from her and that it wasn’t working out. I tried to meet up with her to talk but I got canceled on twice. She apologized and told me that she was just scared as to what was going to come of it. I basically sent her an email telling her it was not working out and that I needed to move on because I could not settle for someone who did not appreciate me. . I then received an email around 10 days later telling me that her dad had gone missing in Colombia and that she still loved me and didn’t want me to think that she just forgot everything that we had but that she was going through very difficult times. She is not exactly close with him but it was still traumatizing for her. I told her I would be there for her for whatever she needed and the past month we have been talking and chatting every now and then. (Sorry this is a bit long)
I then heard from her last week and she told me that she is going back to school and that she is going to stay here until she finishes her Masters. I’ve been trying to worry about myself right now and not fret or become insecure about the things that are out of my control. I’ve been getting in great shape, starting up a business, and finishing up school in a week. I am trying to move on but at the same time I feel it would be heartless to just start ignoring her while she is going through this very difficult time. I want to know what she feels so that I can have some closure but I also don’t want to bring up anything while she is going through this very sad time. I still love her but I’ve also realized being away from her that I have a lot to offer and I need to be with someone who appreciates that. She was a great g-friend when we were together but the last 2 months of our relationship completely shipwrecked everything that we had. I feel like the only way I can truly move on is if I sit down and talk to her and actually hear from her mouth that she no longer loves me. I just don’t know if this is the right move… Any help?
