It sounds like you are more worried about him than you.

Like you said, he enjoys girls pining. Breaking up, getting back, then breaking up again. Let him be and figure that one out without you.
Good luck to him. Later...

You don't deserve this. Your past friendship is one one thing, your relationship after is another.

The reality, and an unfortunate thing is that sometimes we don't want the same things. Sometimes it takes a breakup to slap us in the face to help us realize that.

Don't worry. You will be fine and better for someone who is better suited.

Don't be concerned about his list. You're not crazy. He his.

Do you want someone with a list anyway?

That may be a good thing to talk to your therapist about. Why you went from friends to partners. Maybe a friend is all he ever wanted. Maybe he enjoyed the benefits without ever really wanted to commit.

Hey, hope.

Excuse my harping here, but I see a lot of similarities here with me.

I was in a relationship that was one-sided. I gave and gave & she was all too happy to take & take.

And deep down I knew it, but denied it for my own insecurities.

There was always a tid bit, a blissful time or whatever to manipulate my feelings to continue for her selfish benefit.

Ya know, I went back through my journals a few weeks after the breakup & said, man, you knew this. Why did you continue?

That's a recipe for a world of pain. And pain felt throughout.

My guess is that you tried way harder then he even wanted to.

Take this as a lesson of what it is for you that makes someone special & worthy. For me its someone that you don't even need to worry if they are going to reciprocate. Its unsaid. Its mutual.

I will never give my heart in that way again. Jump in without thinking and being conscious of what's transpiring.

We rectify our mistakes.

Just focus on being aware. We already see your capacity to love.

Put your love where it counts. For now its loving you.

You don't need to send him any letters nor write him any notes.
You get closure by accepting that it's over.
Your best option is a dignified silence.

Don't pin any false hope on his coming to pick his stuff up-in fact if you could have it sent to him you would probably be much better off as you would be shut of it sooner rather than later.
Me I would just give it to the nearest charity shop.

Question - do you think you can bounce back to being friends after so much drama?

We were best friends for 16 years before we got together. I am close to his family and he has always been there for me in the past through it all.

Is it possible?

I just went for a swim - feeling better and realizing that I need to move and let this go for my own sanity and health.

I can't change his mind - that is obvious - as he wrote our flatmate to change the bills into his name.

Any tips for really moving on? Other than just focusing on myslef - which I keep trying to do.

Also just wanted to say that I really appreciate everyone's help.

This has been the hardest thing I have had to go through. If I can get through this I think I could do anything! :)

Its nice to know that people out there actually care and are willing to help out others in their time of need.

Don't worry about friendships,it's your own healing that matters now.
It's good that you keep yourself busy,stick with that.

All focus on YOU and getting over this.
Make that choice for you,nobody else.

This is like riding a rollercoaster! One day I feel OK - next day I crash.

NC is supposed to make me feel better - but just knowing that he is not reaching out to talk to me either - everyday just gets harder and harder.

Do you feel like you are spinning out of control before you are actually on the road to healing?

Yeah, Its going to be like that. Give it time. You can't heal overnight.
Just keep doing things for yourself & hangout with good friends & family.

Whatever you can do to take your mind off. Books, movies, excursions.

I know what you are going through. Just go and cut all contact. My boyfriend broke up with me last week 1time too many and I've cut all contact and already I feel like I've taken the first step forward

I agree as well aoifee - it feels like I have taken a step forward - but on the other hand - it is on his terms as well - he does not want to talk to me either. I wish I could have gone in NC before when he was still in contact with me and before I begged and pleaded.

And the fact that he won't face me when he gets back in a month to move out (as this was all done over the phone) - HURTS.

Yep, it hurts like hell. Like a death.

But you can't worry about what you've already done. You are doing it now & I know you will be fine.

This is a supreme test of our strength and will. Strength we never knew we had. To truly take control of ourselves.

Just make sure you are treating yourself well & don't dwell too hard. Try & do as many fun things you can. Believe me, that helps.

There's no reason to ever consider his feelings ever again. Just yours.
Put yourself first.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by hopeflies

I agree as well aoifee - it feels like I have taken a step forward - but on the other hand - it is on his terms as well - he does not want to talk to me either. I wish I could have gone in NC before when he was still in contact with me and before I begged and pleaded.

And the fact that he won't face me when he gets back in a month to move out (as this was all done over the phone) - HURTS.

---

You my boyf broke up with me and I got rid of my number but he still has my parents house so if he really wanted contact he would have contacted me through that. So this is on his terms as well but just think of a future with him, you will be unhappy. That's how I like to think

So true.

Its always on the dumpers terms.

But after that, all on yours. Everything.

Sometimes our ex's do us the best favor we could have ever asked for.

I thought during my breakup, "Do i really want to be with someone that is capable of such hurt & selfishness" Nope.

Sometimes one's true colors are revealed...

Hope,

I was dumped over the phone after 5 years.
Deceived, lied to & cheated on. All with me thinking things were OK.

Even after 9mo. I play back those ridiculous excuses and hurtful things. But only for a second. To help me get back on track.

Read my post sometime if you have a few days. Hehehe.

My point is that there is a process here driven by you.

For me, I wanted to heal asap. To not feel that pain & one that I didn't know how to deal with. I did everything in my power to speed that up.

I joined up here just like you & without the help & advice, I wouldn't still be here. I hope at some point you can give others advice.

It takes time. Letting the dust settle. Coming to the realization. Picking ourselves up, dusting ourselves off and with time, patience and hard work realizing that we can either feel good or bad. Our choice.

And not only because of tragedy, but always. Every day.

And to recognize that and those triggers that pop up in our heads. Things that cause joy or pain.

When Im feeling the best, Im not even thinking about why, just want more.
When Im felling lousy, I try & change it. Realize why.

Im saying that things like this, if we are smart & spiritual (emotionally grounded) helps us grow.

We are not here as people to feel crappy. That doesn't serve anyone, especially us.

There's a light at the end of this. Its all about how we chose to get there.

Lifes too short to waste our time on people that don't want to waste their time on us.

Having a really bad day today. I am not dealing well with this break up. The other day I just wanted to call him - because I didn't care - I can't make anything worse - he already doesn't want to be with me - so how can I make it worse. But I stopped myslef.

Everyday just gets worse and worse - no matter what I do. Its like a nightmare - our whole relationship playing over and over again in my head. I just want to feel normal again.

Vanheart - I have tried to give adivce - but I feel like such a fake - telling someone everything will be OK - when I don't believe it for myself :(

I started no contact January 19th 2010. Its been crazy hard... and days were I don't want to breathe... but yes it's the most healthy way to push forward... keep it up.

It's hard till you get past the first goalpost.

It gets easier by the day,you have to be patient with yourself,keep busy and change that relationship dvd that you're allowing yourself to keep playing in your head.

We have all been there and come away from it whole,healed and wiser.

My girl the answer to your problem is obvious... THE GUY Doesn't WANT YOU ANYMORE, ITS OVER BETWEEN YOU AND HIM, FACE REALITY HE Don't FEEL YOU ANYMORE... The guy moved out and he wants you to stop calling him, there is a another girl he is going out with trust me, just let him GO and implement NC. Do not worry, they will break his heart out there and hell come back crawling back to you. Just be PATIENCE and strong right now.

Feeling worse and worse is just part of the healing process. If you read the NC related threads in my signature, you will notice that I mentioned that the pain gets worse before it gets better.

Once you've reached the pinacle, it will only get easier from there. As long as you don't break the NC rules, you won't have to restart the process and re-suffer this pain.

Be patient with yourself. It takes time to heal. Keep yourself as busy as possible so that you don't have to think about the pain.

Hope,

You stopped yourself from calling. One of many of your exhibitions of strength. Congrats. One step at a time.

There's more to come, but it gets easier & you will go through the stages that many of us have.

You say that you don't believe in happiness yet. That's a great place to start.

This is not your end all or defines you.

One day you will look back & smile at your strength.

I have no question that you will get through this. Keep it up.