Ask Me Help Desk - Learning from break up

Quote:

Originally Posted by Geoffersonairplane

If there were more "nice" people in the world, then it would be a much better place to live in.

Say that again, please Geoff. I would like to make a billboard ten feet tall with that on it! There is a way to mix nice with powerful. People get the erroneous impression that nice equates to weak and even worse that bad equates to powerful. Rubbish!! I can personally testify that there exists a nice so powerful, it blows the ill intentions of others out of the water. But it takes knowing who people are, and knowing who you are to pull it off. It takes beefing up personal integrity and compassion both, in almost equal proportions. It requires that you be as nice to you as you are others, and when that conflicts, finding the truth in the conflict, regardless of who that benefits.

OH Sooooooooooooo TRUE. Knowing yourself and loving yourself gives you the power to know and love others.

Me and my first love broke up about 2 days ago. Her name is Megan (she is 17 I am 18) and we were in really love with each other. We helped each other with our demons(she had been sexual assaulted and me beaten in our past). We spend almost all our time together (everyday after school) and most all weekends. We had been doing this for almost 1 year. I had truly fell in love with her and gave up my virginity. And when we were together we said intimate I love you's and played around, we almost never fought.

Over the past week things have just fallen apart right in front of me. Her mom has gotten in her head and will not let us be together. And I have no classes with her. She began to say that she was getting tired of her mother and sisters constant "break up with him" yelling.

On Tuesday she hands me a note in the hall. It basically says we need to take a break and that she had been thinking about this for a while. I was heart broken... I wrote her a note saying that if she wants a break OK, but I truly had loved her and If we broke up I don't think we could ever get back together (that was more a bluff than truth). She wrote me back a letter and gave it to me at lunch. It basically said that she was hurt badly by the use of the phrase "I loved you". I heard she started crying in class when she read it. So I ask her to come with me and skip the rest of the day. When we got alone in the car we started taking and we decided to stay together and not let anyone separate us. She said she wanted to run away and everything.

Then the next day was wed. and we got through the end of the day and decided to spend the day together. When we got to my home, I ask her what she thought when she looked at me. She sat their and thought for a moment and said "that I love you". Then her mom called... she said she was coming to pick her up right away. I was really hurt and I ask her to fight to stay here, she said she would try but she didn't want to fight. Her mom and her argued for about two minutes and then she said she had to go. But she wasn't crying or anything. I ask her to but she said her mom wouldn't care. I thought about her constantly for about 2 hour and called her at about 7 p.m.

Then she said something I never thought she would say "I think we need to break up". I started to get upset (crying a little) and then she started too. She said that she had never done this to a boy(great). I had ask here why and she says that she I don't love as much as I used to. That hurt so much. She started to say that I was too controlling and she just never told me. I am a kind of person who will change for someone I love. And I thought "if she just gave me one more shot".Then she goes "but I still love you and I want to be friends". "Odviously not" I said, then she started to really cry hard. Mind you this all happened in less than 26 hours. I said "Goodbye Megan" and she started crying as I hung up.

I started crying and thought why am I doing this? I waited for about two hour and called her back. And she had fallen asleep but her sister woke her up. I ask her if we could just go back to the break, and just dating and that I was so sorry for being controlling. She said OK if I can get a friend to go on a double date the next day.Later I sat in my room and thought what a terrible idea it was to do this double date, if she didn't want to see me fine I thought.

I stayed home on thur. and so did she oddly enough. I guess she thought it was a bad idea too. I called her and basically said that I think we should break up too(I read a note over the phone I wrote the night before). In my heart I just wanted things to go back to the way they were. I wanted to just be together with her alone for a hour.

Now today(friday) rolls around. I give her the note I wrote (It basically said you were my first real love) and her ring she gave me. She wrote me back and said that I was her first real love too (that almost made me break down) and that she wouldn't tell my secrets or anything. My note felt heartfelt and her just seemed informal to me. The notes when back and forth all day. Mine heart felt, hers more informal. The last note I said that I didn't know if we could be friends and that I didn't love her anymore and that I wouldn't ask her out again so don't worry. She replyed that if I need time to "Get over it" before we could be friends that OK. And if I didn't want to talk to her it was OK too. And now I am home typing on the computer.

I fell so hurt by her. I just want things to go back the way they were, but I know they can't. Now that you know my story I was wondering if any of you went through anything similar to this breakup. And I need some advice.

What do I do about seeing her every day?

Can we really be friends? What do we do and don't do as friends?

Should I care for her anymore? Would it be a good idea?

How long does it take for this pain to start to fade? Is their anything I can do to speed it up?

Is their anyway to help deal with the pain when she starts to date again? (I just want to finish out high school and date in college)

Should I try to get back together?

And when I do date again what are some ways to not get this hurt again?

Sorry for any misspellings. Thanks for reading my long story and giving advice, I am just really hurting right now and I just feel so stupid for loving her.