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Yeah.. but she did leave a voicemail wanting to talk earlier in the day. And I am going to be up in her town in a few hours, I'm talking 2 miles from her place. She knows that too. So I don't kow when to differentiate if she REALLY wants to talk . As I won't be able to come on here and talk to you guys haha
Some of you are going to hate me, for breaking NO contact.
After 5 days of NC I was in her town visiting some friends. At around midnight I texted her asking if she wanted me to come over. And so I did. We did the sex, and that morning I told her friends with benefits was great, and she got extremely upset. She bluntly said I want to get back together with you. And I asked how am I supposed to believe that. She said because she wouldn't have slept with me then. So of course I ask, why the hell did you break up with me then. And she said she needed space. She was overwhelmed again. So I told her I don't know I want to get back together with her.
Later that day she called and asked me out on a date to lunch, so I accepted. I made it clear we're not together, but I'll go on a date. We hung out for a few hours and she said she apologizes for breaking up. She always works on an impulse, and doesn't think. So I asked her you assumed we were together even though you said we were broken up? She said yes, because she just needed some time to get things together. This is the second time she did this, and I told her I can't go back and forth. She insisted she come visit me all weekend this weekend and spend time together and wants to take me out somewhere nice to eat. I figure, what do I have to lose. She's trying to chase me again, as I'm not being completely available to her.
Any thoughts?
You've been going along with the program so far, why stop now?
Here's what I don't get. You call her up, clearly intoxicated and looking to get laid. Fine, you did. Then you say to her how you are cool with the whole "friends with benefits" thing... again, whatever, I think it is a pretty lame thing to do, but whatever. Now, if you are "cool" with that deal then I don't see how you expect to resolve anything by having casual sex with your ex girlfriend. That is like starting a whole new thread.
Why open up one can of worms for another? It almost seems as if you are trying to act like the typical guy who has no emotions and wants to be in control role. Correct me if I'm wrong.
I was cool with it, but she totally was not. And then she opened up and told me the whole deal about wanting to be back together and she made a mistake yada yada.
Then I think you know maybe she was confused those past few weeks back and forht, and now she finally know sshe really wants to be with me.
Because I believed that she really wanted me back, and she said if I didn't call her thur she would have tried to get a hold of me on Fri. since she already texted me on wed and didn't want to bug me again.Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
Got to love relationships. Especially with the wrong person. So it's been months since I posted. But basically we got back together. Things were going great. We talked numerous times a day text, phone call, skype (I see it was too much though.)
We hung out pretty much every weekend I picked her up a few times and brought her back to my town, spent days of the weekend with her. She said I love you a lot. Things were going well. Said I was the best thing that has ever happened to me. She asked me to her thanksgiving but I was out of town for that. She talked to me about christmas and spending christmas eve with my/her family.
Well.. the weekend before thanksgiving I was down there for a few days. She started acting weird. She said immediately that she needs some space. We don't need to hang every weekend. She felt as it was just school and me. So I said okay to the space, then the next day she thought I should leave. Well I went to a friend shouse in town because I wasn't going to leave already since I planned all weekend up there. Ended up going back over there and she said it was a bad idea we are hanging out because she was wanting space and we had sex twice but after that she felt as that wouldn't be good either.
Okay. Fine. But then she said I'm in town so its hard not to want me to come over. Confusing.
Finally I left. Out of town for thanksgiving, with the understanding that she wants space, and I told her I do, but we would not see other people.
Thanksgiving eve we talk a little and she still wants space, so I said fine then she said lets revisit in a week. So I told her happy thanksgiving because I wouldn't talk to her the next day.
Few hours later I find that she removed the fb relationship status. She said that we weren't really talking now so she didn't want to have that on there. What a bunch of bs.
Well, the next day she calls me on her way to work. 8am. I sent her a text to email me her thoughts, because she wants space yet contacting me. So in the email we agreed let's give space, AGAIN. What happens? After work, she calls me again, and I'm like I thought w weren't talking. She got mad and said I just called to with you a happy thanksgiving to you and your family. Then got off the phone. I spoke to her again and told her I couldn't do this. I need an answer. I threatened to break up and she said its ironic that she wanted space and here I am wanting to break up (after reading many articles on this site, I see that POWER thing here)
Flipping crazy. Then the next day we talked a little bit. At night she seemed VERY irritated aggravated on the phone. I was confused, she wanted space, we agreed we wouldn't talk for a week, and here she was contacting me. Yes it's my fault for not doing NC. I SHOULD HAVE. But I didn't. Idiot.
She said that she loves me the same but the level of interest wasn't the same. I told her you can't tlel me you love me the same but want space. So either A) you are interested in someone else, or you just don't love me the same. She got mad, yelled at me, and hung up. I called her back and told her she has to stop playing these stupid games. Then she said maybe we should be friends. I said okay. She had to go because she had 'another phone call' and said she would call me back.
I sent her a text, saying I know you aren't going to call me back, but I love you, and I wish the best of luck to you on whatever road you take.
She replied immediately saying best of luck?
I said yes, I want you to be happy, and I accept whatever decision you will make.
A few hours later, she sent me a sweet dreams, I ignored it.
Removed her from Facebook.
Havent' talked to her in a week.
Those of you reading this may see like it's a game. And yes, I agree I take responsibility for some of it. But I guess in the heat of the moment and the way the relationship was going, I just got pulled into it.
I can tell you one thing. DAMN did I learn a lot from this relationship looking back. Asking myself, was I really happy? I mean was I happy at the idea of her, who she was, having someone, how she got along with the family. But did the negativity really outweigh the positives?
Ah, life continues on.
Hey whatsnext- I really think you have to put a fork in this relationship and call it done once and for all.
Sounds to me like she is definitely still in college party mode and I'm sure she's seeing other guys in college. She's young and is just playing games right now.
I know how girls that age are- my last 2 ex'es were 21/22 and they were the same as her. Girls that age don't want to settle down and want to do and meet whoever they want without a guy getting in their way.
Just let her be and start no contact but this time don't give in and get on with your life. You sound like a good guy and you're successful so my advice is find someone your age that has her career and appreciates you more. Good luck!
It sucks looking back on the memories and thinking of what could have been.. Or it's funny how just a week before the breakup you're told that you are the best thing that has ever happened to them.
I haven't spoke to her in, 9 days. I've been fine the past few weeks but then just recently I some saw pics go up on fb (nothing bad) but just like her looking as if she's doing great happy and not regretting her choice. And she removed this necklace I got her that she has worn for so long.
So I sat back today thinking wow I do miss her... but I have done nothing to make contact nor do I plan to. It is just tough.
Oh believe me I know just what you mean. For a while after my break up I'd look back at all our pictures from so many incredible times... I knew I couldn't keep doing that and stopped cold turkey. Yea she told you that you're the best thing that ever happened to her and 3 days before my ex was saying that I have forever with her.
As for FACEBOOK just don't ever look at it again-all it could do is cause you pain. Of course she's happy- she wanted the break up. My ex was very happy after she dumped me. I read her twitter days afterwards and it said "loving life- happiest I've ever been"... that was not easy to read :( I'm sure both of are ex'es don't regret their choice but I've accepted that and you need to also to move on.
Its been almost 4 months and I still miss my ex also. Its going to take a lot of time and patience. It will get better- just very slowly.
Sounds like you're on the right track and were all here for you. I still post on this site whenever I'm down and it helps a lot.
Thanks for the response bjohn.
What bothers me is that you trust someone and they tell you things, only for it to hit you in the face.
Then for me the next time I meet someone I'm on a higher guard because of past experience, then the new person always wonders why I'm uptight or not letting things flow as usual, and well, of course, its because of the past
Yeah it makes sense they are happy as of cousre theyinitiated it. And now I see where people say when girls breakup they actually have been contemplating it and probably just kept you around (or planned to after breakup) until they are over you. For me, I felt the last 4 days I was with her she had me around so it was easier to let go.
Oh well
Her loss.
I just read your original thread on here again and its pretty weird how similar our situations are. You said your girl lived 90 miles away... mine lived 95 miles away!
The only differences being fri-sun & Tues I lived in her house with her & her family and we were engaged. Other than that its very similar situation.
Mine like yours wanted to spend more time with her friends when summer came around because her free time we were always together and also mine like yours left me/cheated on me with a boyfriend from 4 years ago.
You said that yours kept you around for 4 days after the breakup- so did mine! We went to see her family that she never met and it was a 4 day trip and after the trip I never saw her again (except when I had to pick up the ring) So just know you're not alone and its NOTHING you did. I'm sure you put 100% into the relationship just like me.
The difference is I drove to my ex's house probably 100 times and she never drove to mine once. Our ex's were almost the same age and most (not all) girls that age are just going to bounce from guy to guy. Then when they get to 30 or low 30's they start looking for someone to stay with. But they want to go craqzy through there 20's.
All the things your ex said to you near the end is the same things my ex said to me- its weird. Mine was like yours in that she never wanted to have serious conversations either. When I tried talking to her she wouldn't say anything and it just got me more frustrated.
Wow. I just read your post, and you are right we are quite in similar situations. But you are wrong, as I did travel there to visit SO MANY TIMES MORE than she did haha, she probably visited on avg once a month.
You know, I just re-read my post, and totally forgot she broke up with me before in the past, as well as did the space thing before. I did NC back then also. Then she hung with her Ex after she asked me and I told her it would bother me and disrespect me. Why did I miss these clues. Then when we were broken up and space, did she hook up with anyone? I mean now I don't really care if she did, but I guess I would want to know for the benefit of knowing if it was okay for me to put full trust in that person or was I just too blind to see it... and need to kick up my guard next time and not be so easy to trust.
I;m happy this bs relationship is over.Seeing it with the emotions not all at its high, I can see there was no future. It was just a game. I was blindsided at the time, just happy to be in love and all that junk. She's a great girl, very beautiful, great fam, good sex multiple times (well, least the first 4 months ahah), and we got along well.
But what did I learn from this?
1) Never will I date a girl under 25.
2) No more bs long distance relationships. If you don't live 20 miles from me, FWB is all it will be.
3) Space? You want space? No contact, and NEVER attempt to fix it. Walk away. Goodbye.
4) I made her priority, I reorganized my schedule daily life to be with her.
5) I was ALWAYS available. At first not so much, but then after a few months I rarely missed a call or responded to a text longer than an hour. Psh. No more
You learn from mistakes. It may take time. I'm glad there's a site like this. Do I miss her? Yes. I do. But I think it will be great once I find that someone, that is nearby me, that will put as much effort as I did, and the relationship is with ease, and not a burden to keep it moving forward.
OK but mine never drove to my house once! Not that I minded though- her house was very big and the parents spoiled me so I liked going there.Quote:
Originally Posted by whatsnext2009
Yea mine said she wanted to go on break back I May (2 months before she ended it for good) I told her were leaving for our cruise in 4 days and then she didn't know what to say but stayed with me and went on the cruise. I should have known- that was just one of many red flags. Two months before that I saw a text message to her best friend saying that I was like a monkey on her back that she couldn't get rid of! So obviously me coming there every weekend was starting to pi** her off long before she dumped me.
Oh man so I definitely think our ex'es did the same thing in that they asked for breaks in the middle of the relationship so that they wouldn't feel guilty when thet were cheating on us. I would almost guarantee both our ex'es were cheating at that time. When girls ask for a break or space they're basically breaking up and so girls never break up to be alone so they were doing other guys- almost guaranteed. Yea I hear you about the trust thing- I never could fully trust my ex... she did too many shady things that she always had an excuse for. I always got surprises when I snuck a look at her cell- its not that I have trust issues- she made me be like that. I should have checked her phone a lot more than I did and I could have saved myself some bs.
Same here- part of me is glad the relationship is over and it was just a game to her. I guess I got played but was just too in love to see it. Yea mines family was awesome too- I was so close to them. I mean they let me live there 1/2 the week! Sex was incredible until 1/2 way through the relationship- then I was the one doing most of the initiating so who knows if something was going on with her then (cheating?)
Yea I hear you with the no one under 25 thing- anything under that there's a very good chance it won't work out or if it does they'll end it eventually. Yea I agree about the no more long distance relationship also- its so hard to make it work because there's too many obstacles and not to mention its wayyy to easy for them to cheat and us not to ever find out. Yea when they say they want space or a break NEVER EVER talk to them again- I learned that too now. I made mine priority also and was always available. I was so crazy about her I think I always answered calls and always texted back. Whenever I didn't she'd get mad but I should have played the game more.
Talaniman Rule-When they want space, give it to them, and disappear from their lives, and do your own thing.
Talaniman rule- You came here for help, so don't second guess yourself. Haha.
Hey Tal- how many rules do you have? I'd like to see the whole list haha
I think the worse feeling is when you are trusting someone, and they questioned if you trusted them in the past based on some talks or actions.
Then I look back, and wonder if they did cheat. Not that I can do anything now, but to really learn if what I had was real, and if I was just too silly to realize that certain things that happen were red flags.
It was real to you, and really that's all that matters for now. The rest will come to you when your clear headed and logical, usually way in the future. Funny how that works, but for now look forward, not back. When the emotions are all gone and your into the reality of the now, (the misery, pain, and confusion, no longer stings your soul) Then you can examine what you have gone through.
But I think that's been happening. Because back in sep when we took that break, then broke up. Well when we got back together from that point on until the breakup around thanksgiving. I kind of was seeing things a tad differently. Like, do I see a future. We have no plans. etc.
I guess I wish I could really know if it was real, I felt it was, but now when I look back, and I question a few things.. which I didn't before, but when I read other peoples post and they have ex of cheating for quite some time, it's like, wow.
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