Over weekend, my husband and I flew to Florida, and stayed at the house of my father-in-law 's best friend couple. The man is a prominent 'somebody' in Washington D.C. area, and his wife is absolutely gorgeous even for her age. They have been married for 45years successfully.
Over diner, I politely asked them how they met. Here is the story from his wife.
"I went to a charity dance party with a group of my girl friends, and I saw him in the party . He was the hottest eligible bachelor in the area by the time. He was with his date, and she was beautiful. (she said 3 times literarily his date was beautiful.) After a couple of drinks. my girl friends became playful, they pushed me to him while he was dancing with his date. We bumped to each other, and said Hello. It was the start of our conversation. Long in shot, he asked me to go out with him week after, and he proposed me in 6 month."
They smiled at each other, and hold hands.

The wife instantly made the man as trophy (the hottest eligible bachelor) and herself as the true winner (over beautiful girls in the area) to a stranger (me). I realized that she is the most valuable asset in the mansion, and how they could make the wonderful marriage for 45 years.

pslayne2233,
What could be the statement if your ex was in the scenario?

Hello Winding 200, Im sorry could you embelllish on the question posed? I don't understand what specifically your asking me? Are you asking me what would my ex say upon our meeting each other? Or how she viewed me upon meeting each other? Hope all is well with you!

Question: If I texted my ex about a check that was for her in my mailbox, and asked her where she wanted me to mail the check to does this break or violate the no contact rule??

Winding 200 I will answer what I think your asking me.. I think my ex viewed me as "hottest eligible bachelor" for sure.. But like I said I had a significant past.. And this scared her very much.. I never thought I would be married, until I met her. But unfortunately she believes that people don't change and will always resort to a life more comfortable to them in times of trouble.. She viewed a few incidents similar to the event that happened at the restaurant as a sign that I would eventually leave her... And I believe that's why she is gone today...

What's up buddy?

Sorry, I didn't really read any of the eighty responses to this thread, and apologize if I'm way behind the ball here. Anyway let's get down to it.

In my personal, professional opinion, it sounds like she was looking for some sort of reason to break it off with you, I mean who the hell does what she did in public? Like come on, that's just dumb and retarded. Embarrassing isn't even the word. I think you should let it go man, but here's what I really wanted to get across, I HATE the fact that you randomly added about her education, makes me think your only seeing dollar signs, and not really seeing her, I mean I just don't see the point of you adding that at all, and you can write back and give me some wack answer, but I don't want to hear it, lol. I just think she's done especially if she's been NC with you for a month, time to heal buddy, sorry.

Yours Truly,
LCM

Lifechangesman,
Hate is a strong word especially if you don't fully understand the reason or care to ask why I mentioned her education.. But to answer you, in your catch phrase whack, I added her education because I would expect most people with that kind of education should be a bit more civilized. Don't you agree? By the way, whack is spelled with an H.Im not really sure what rock you climbed from underneath, but to suggest I saw dollar signs, is an insight to how you think so shallow. You see, we met in a hospital because Im a physician as well. I think most people on this sight are trying to be helpful and considerate. I don't find you considerate nor "professional", as you claim to be. So if you could refrain from future further posts on my 80 threads, it would be appreciated. Take your "hate" elsewhere OK.. Thanks

Lifechangesman.. Do you realize you called another person dumb and retarded? You must be pretty bored to go onto a sight to where your descriptive adjectives are dumb and retarded? Maybe you need to stick with sites with Steve-O and Wee man where that kind of talk is native? Just my opinion of your situation.. lol

Your ex sounds very insecure.if your see yourself three months into the future where would you be?really and truly? All the best to you.

Jeez, and to think I was trying to help you. Lol

Comical for you to be criticizing people trying to help you, regardless of whether you totally disagree 100%.

Maybe you just need a big hug. Lol

I hope it all works out for the best for you my friend.

I'm going back under my rock,

LCM.

Amicon, thanks for the reply.. My ex is /was insecure of me and my past. That's an additional reason why I stated her education.. Hence, she is used to things being very planned and doesn't like static or things(my past) that could impede on her plan.. I think you asked me where could I see myself in 3 months honest and truly? Ideally, I would hope to amend with my ex and we carry on the intense love that we shared and try to correct the reasons we separated. If not ideal, then I will suppose I will be a better person from what Ive learned and how I felt about someone.. Just happened to me once and it took so long to find her. Will be a stronger person but unfortunately because of the no closure, Im afraid Im not going to trust what women might say to me, and that is a sad thing to feel..

You d benefit from some space and thinking time .I did.
Relationships take a lot of work and both parties should contribute in the process. All the best.

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Originally Posted by pslayne2233

Winding 200 I will answer what I think your asking me.. I think my ex viewed me as "hottest eligible bachelor" for sure.. But like I said I had a significant past.. And this scared her very much.. I never thought I would be married, until I met her. But unfortunately she believes that people dont change and will always resort to a life more comfortable to them in times of trouble.. She viewed a few incidents similar to the event that happened at the restaurant as a sign that I would eventually leave her... And I believe thats why she is gone today...

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pslayne2233,
sorry for late response. Yes, that was my point. Depends on mind setting, people can make themselves happy or miserable in any given situation. As I said before, the old woman made the marriage successful since she saw her husband as treasury 'due to the flamboyant past' and appreciated him so much. Your ex is a type of woman, constantly focus on the bad side of the fact, downgrade & destroy the value. If she does not appreciate you, your marriage proposal & life commitment, only bothered by your past & make troubles constantly, nobody can help it. She has doubt about you, marriage, and your commitment, and she is breaking off based on her suspicion.

What I can say is she is not emotionally mature enough to sort out important things vs. not important things & deal with the facts. I hope she learns the lesson that she should not blow up the most precious thing over minor doubts, and grow up. It is so immature she is still threatened by the 'ghost' of your ex girlfriend before the wedding while she is soon to be a wife. Gee... Why is she missing that much? She does not know how to see the forest at all, and created disaster for you and herself.

I hope you are doing well.

Pslayne you should just keep making up excuses for why this isn't your fault, it seems to be working out for you.

Winding 200. Excellent example and story. Im reflecting back about our relationship and I recall her saying that her mother suffered so much pain when her father died that she never wanted to experience that of which her mother went through. Im beginning to feel that no matter what I said or did she wouldve downgraded and destroyed our relationship because she had a fear of commitment from getting hurt. I guess in the end she chose just to love herself and not our relationship. I would at least every 6 weeks do a emotional mental check in with her, by asking her if everything with our relationship was everything she wanted and everything she would want it to be.. Her answer was always.. yes, this is what Ive always wanted and Im happy. That's where Im confused more I guess, she had the opportunity to vent or state what she wished could change.. I didn't always ask when we were out and about and happy, when most everyone says they're happy, I asked her unexpectedly.. I guess Im just a slave to time to see if what she really wanted was our relationship... Im doing better thanks for asking, and I hope all is well for you. Peace to you.

I wouldn't want her raising my children that's for sure!

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Im beginning to feel that no matter what I said or did she wouldve downgraded and destroyed our relationship because she had a fear of commitment from getting hurt. I guess in the end she chose just to love herself and not our relationship.

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Yes, excellent insight, and that was my point.
That tells the level of love she has for you. If she cannot jump down from the cliff with you, she cannot make the real Love or Marriage happen.
She chose herself not you. She told you she would, but she abandoned you at the last moment, while you already jumped down.

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Her answer was always.. yes, this is what Ive always wanted and Im happy. That's where Im confused more i guess, she had the opportunity to vent or state what she wished could change..

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pslayne2233,
The more I read your post, the more I am convinced you have been a very considerate boyfriend, and will make a wonderful husband for the special lucky woman who sees your value and appreciate your loving nature much.

I believe she has been happy with you, and you do not have to doubt it. She just could not make the last step toward the wedding, due to her unreasonably nasty & self-destructive nature. It is not you or your love. It is her. She destroyed & downgraded herself 'from the happiest bride-to-be' to ' a loser who lost the wonderful great-husband-to-be' pointlessly. She damaged herself the most not you. Have you ever thought about she killed the wedding, future husband and future children? If then, is she a murderer? HA-HA I am trying to be funny to cheer you up. I believe her feeling is hurt 'by her choice', and still blame something else for the cause of pain. Let's see what progress she will make by the W-day. Love hurts. Right? Have a great day.

Pslayne2233,
I know your W-Day is getting close. How is everything going? Any contacts from your ex-fiancé?

Winding200
The wedding day is approaching in Oct. I feel like Im getting better either from time or realization that she has some real issues that she has to conquer for her own growth. The things that you have said to me really made sense and struck some chords. I was willing to work out the problems, which weren't many, but she was not. There is the problem. Im also feeling a major obstacle was that she was ambivalent on where she wanted to live. She went to school and works in the Northeast but is unsure if she wanted to stay here or move back home, where it is warmer and her family is around. I did tell her that I would go with her if that was the case, but she either didn't believe me or didn't want me that bad to go with her. It has been two months since we last had contact, she still hasn't contacted me in any form, and I have not contacted her either. I really feel, as you have said, that this is her loss. On a side note, she does a local TV program, and one day a friend and I happen to watch it and it seemed as if she was really forcing smiles in between periods of sadness. It was sad to me as well because of love lost and if she is somber, why she hasn't tried to reach out to me just to say hello or just ask how Im doing. She just does not make any sense. Thank you for checking in with me Winding 200.

You sound like a really nice person.one day you ll meet someone who deserves you.

Thank you Amicon that was really nice.. I am confident that my special person will come into my life, can only look forward to that day.