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Originally Posted by tree56

What really hurts is that she never gave me any good signal of her being bored with our relationship. At least I would be expecting it, I'd be prepared for it.

And, what also hurts, is that during those 7 years, she was always this pretty cute girl, that was polite to everyone, shy, she never -ever- hated anyone, she would forgive everybody for their mistakes, She had a VERY big heart (or at least, I thought so -maybe she was pretending? I dunno)

So, what hurts, is that suddenly she became this arrogant, selfish, revengeful woman. When I say suddenly, I mean it. It's ok for people to change. But not so suddenly.

Please give me your opinion about this: guess what she also did on facebook: she added a new friend: a guy my older sister was dating for 8 years. My sister broke up as soon as I met my girlfriend, 7 years ago. Hence my ex & this guy only met 1-2 times. She even roughly could remember what his name was -let alone what his last name was- .. So HOW they hell did she find him on Facebook, and WHY did she add him on her friend's list? This guy lives 500 miles far from where my family & my ex live, not a chance they had a mutual friend or something. They were complete strangers.. What is wrong with my ex?)

Sorry for the big post. It's just driving me crazy. I look forward to hear your thoughts.

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I already advised you to get rid of her on Facebook or myspace...

Its your own fault for checking it. You say you are starting to move on, when obvioisly you are not. Stop all the confusion, hurtfullness, anger whatever you may be feeling by no contacting what so ever including social networks like Facebook. -_-

How old are you and how old is she? First big loves or not? Sorry if its been talked about already.. I try to answer a lot of posts and that sometimes means not running through every detail of every thread...

Mkay... you are 31... took me a minute to come back to this thread and all the details... sorry about that... I've followed this from the start but had a momentary lapse of brain activity...

Look... I think you are hurting, which is fine...

But honestly, you are overanalyzing the who is on her Facebook or not BS...

I'm sorry...

You can always find "bad news" when you are looking for it... so she added a guy on her Facebook.

Mkay.

I think you aren't over her or aren't over her being over you and you are searching for things to explain the possibly unexplainable...

You are going overboard here. Get off Facebook. Step back. Step away from the trainwreck. Or not. Its up to you...

People find other people on Facebook all of the time, it means nothing. I have male friends on my page. I'm not dating them or after them, they are friends.
This woman was tied to you for 7 years and now she is not. She is moving on with her life.
I still think she got tired of quietly waiting on you and decided it's been long enough.
Stop looking at her page, stop trying to figure her out. Move on with your life.

Firstly, I should remind you that our plan was to get married next year. We had a very specific plan about our lives, she wasn't waiting for me to decide a date to get married.

Moreover, it's not a random guy she added on her list on Facebook. It's THIS guy, who she knows that is my family's enemy, he did very bad things to my sister, my ex knew everything about it. This guy was a disgusting stupid guy, my sister hates him.

So, that's why I'm wondering. Why the he! Did she add him on Facebook. It reveals a very revengeful personality, as if she wants to become friends with my enemies. As if she hates my family.

Why were you guys dating for so long? You said you had very specific plans. Were they your plans or hers. You said she was very shy. You said you were getting married next year, that would have been 8 years, that is a longtime.
Who knows why she added this guy. How long ago was it that he dated your sister?
Maybe it means nothing more that she added him as a friend. Is she supposed to base all of her friendships on you and your family?
I think you are reading way too much in to this. Let it go.

Ungh...

I give up.

You are way to into what her motives/intentions/schemes are.

Again... I've lost more than a few big loves along the way... but I've been able to cut the ties hard and swiftly... I have little patience for wondering about a person who has done you wrong...

Wish I could help... going to unsub from this thread... I just don't get the obsessive and relentless wondering...

You're right. I should give up. Just wondering about small weird things she does. Anyway, thanks for your advice. It's been really helpful I found AMHD, I finally discovered that break ups happen all the time.. I thought I was the only one.. lol :) Thanks all of you, you've got truly big hearts

Just one more question..

How "final" is the first break up a couple goes through? I mean, statistically, couples that get married, don't they every go through a major break-up before marriage? My cousin broke up for 1 year (yes, 12 months, no contact, no nothing) before getting married. And now, they are as happy as any can imagine.

Also got a friend that broke up for 3 months, then got back together.

I mean, should I have any hope? Happy couples are always happy? Don't they ever get through tough periods where they need a break?

I don't think things will ever be the same with you two. You say she has changed, may be she has found herself and the relationship has run it's course.
I think you need to just let it go.

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Originally Posted by tree56

Just one more question ..

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Which is the same question you've been asking in a different format.

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Originally Posted by tree56

I mean, should I have any hope?

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No. It's over. It's done. It will never be again. She is gone. She has no interest in you. Ever.

You need this site right now and I don't want to be the guy to run you off but you are not asking any new questions. You are asking the same question 35 different ways. Now you are still in shock and denial but you need to stop this. Not stop posting, but stop the same question. IT IS OVER. Stop asking if you have a chance. You don't. Nor should you even offer one at this point. You can get a lot of benefits from the sticky's and learn from other situations. But in your case you need to come to terms with this. It is done. Do at least this for yourself and accept that it is over so you can move forward, because right now you are just spinning the tires.

My question was very specific. And I don't think I have been asking the same question over and over again.

I asked: statistically, most of the couples, don't they go through a major break up before ending up married? I repeat: most couples, not all.

Please don't attack a desperate person that is emotionally vulnerable and unstable & can't think clearly. You've been through this yourselves, you know how it feels. And I'm most proud of myself, that I'm going through all of this all alone, with no one except myself to support me.

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Originally Posted by tree56

My question was very specific. And I don't think I have been asking the same question over and over again.

I asked: statistically, most of the couples, don't they go through a major break up before ending up married? I repeat: most couples, not all.

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Your question was another way to ask if you were going to get back together.

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Originally Posted by tree56

Please don't attack a desperate person that is emotionally vulnerable and unstable & can't think clearly.

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You were not attacked. You were given a straight answer that pierced those emotions. I don't think I'd call you unstable either. You are seeking answers which I don't think most unstable people do.

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Originally Posted by tree56

You've been through this yourselves, you know how it feels. And I'm most proud of myself, that I'm going through all of this all alone, with no one except myself to support me.

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First you are not alone, you have a wealth of information and help from people at this site. Alone is a feeling that comes after the break up, but you have been at point in your life before where there was no woman and were not feeling alone. This is temporary and will pass but in order for that to happen you have to stop asking if you'll get back together and start focusing on the most important person in your life and that's you.

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Originally Posted by tree56

My question was very specific. And I don't think I have been asking the same question over and over again.

I asked: statistically, most of the couples, don't they go through a major break up before ending up married? I repeat: most couples, not all.

Please don't attack a desperate person that is emotionally vulnerable and unstable & can't think clearly. You've been through this yourselves, you know how it feels. And I'm most proud of myself, that I'm going through all of this all alone, with no one except myself to support me.

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Answer: Who cares? That's besides the point. If its meant to work out it will, if its not you got to cut your loss and move on but it is not for you to decide if it works out or not. It is time that decides it.

Actually if you must know, you are actually driving her further away. Girls like confident guys who don't need them to happy, who are not desperate, who have a life of their own. You are not only ruining your chances to get back with her, but also attracting another girl. So go on with your life and let her go and be happy on your own and don't expect a reunion.

If you can't accept that just yet, than you need to do whatever you have to and learn things the hard way. Go beg, make promises, take her out for dinner and you ll see that the only thing you ll end up with is less money in your pocket.

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Please don't attack a desperate person that is emotionally vulnerable and unstable & can't think clearly.

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That the way you see It? You aren't being attacked, but you will get some strong suggestions.

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You've been through this yourselves, you know how it feels.

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Thats a fact, so pay heed when we don't answer some of your questions with what you want to hear.

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And I'm most proud of myself, that I'm going through all of this all alone, with no one except myself to support me.

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Welcome to reality, its darn hard sometimes, and if we didn't care.............we wouldn't bother. So your not going thru this alone, are you?

You know what is weird? I do know that your answers are correct. But for some reason it's tough for me to accept them as correct. It's a tricky game of my mind, I know.

Anyway, thanks for your help. Guess I should try to really move on. Even if she comes back now, I don't want to be with her any more. I have no feelings for her, after what she has done. There are plenty of ways to break up after a 7-year relationship. Some ways are good, some are bad. She chose the bad one.

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Originally Posted by tree56

You know what is weird? I do know that your answers are correct. But for some reason it's tough for me to accept them as correct. It's a tricky game of my mind, I know.

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I know that you know we are correct. I've been exactly where you are at, and I've wanted to believe that everybody else was wrong and this was different. But the realtiy is you always know it's not different. It's a hard to accept just that fact alone, because you know that once you do your life is changing forever and things will never be the same. That's not a bad thing but it seems like it when your facing it. Give yourself some credit, your in shock, you were caught off guard, and you are dealing with a range of new emotions that took you by surprise.

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Originally Posted by tree56

Anyway, thanks for your help. Guess I should try to really move on. Even if she comes back now, I don't wanna be with her any more. I have no feelings for her, after what she has done. There are plenty of ways to break up after a 7-year relationship. Some ways are good, some are bad. She chose the bad one.

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Exactly. After 7 years she has the right to break up with you, but you were owed some respect while doing it. She's was a coward to the end and that should not be something you have to accept.