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There is no shame in this... I was told, OVER and OVER again to do exactly what we have been telling you, and I, countless times, ignored the advice, thinking that my situation was different. Finally, after slamming my head into a brick wall one too many times, I woke up, an started listening to everyone... Thank God I did! You will get there too.
Kc is right, he broke NC a few times and didn't follow our advice, hell we all did. Countless times I didn't follow the advice and found myself asking why. But then I got serious about NC and went 5 1/2 months of it until she tried talking to me and I felt like I was done and responded
Well, I am back to being sad again and afraid that I will lose her. I know that I need to move on. I know that I will find someone else. I know I will be happy again. I know I will learn from this experience. I know not to have no contact with her. I know she might not come back. I know I will heal.
I know all this but I feel like the world crumbled around me. I am not happy with having no contact with her. I am not happy with my own personal free time because every time I have fsome free time, all I do is think of her.
A4effort, go out and buy an xbox360(shameless plug) and then get XBoxlive(another plug) and then start playing some games. I am online from time to time when I get an chance, I'll game with you and even explain over the mic why you are better without her.
Don't be so hard on yourself. You've learned lots! But putting it into action is a whole lot harder than words on a screen. You will get through this.
Well you are only human and subject to weakness just like the rest of us.Quote:
Originally Posted by A4Effort
Learn from this small relapse.
Regarding your previous post where you mention living through a genocide,first let me say I am very sorry for your pain.
You held your emotions in during that crisis in your life and now you fear that you will regress back to that behavior.
What you did then was an absolute tool for your emotional survival.
By regressing back to that now when you are free from the threat would be to deny yourself the emotional freedom to live life to the fullest.
Don't cheat yourself that way.Not all relationships are going to end this way and you have to believe that when one door is closed another opens,even if you can't see it at the time.I know that sounds very cliché but there is a real element of truth there.I am 54 yr.old and I have seen this so many times as to know that it is a fundamental truth.
Stay strong and don't be afraid to love or express yourself... don't cheat you!
I highly doubt she truly means any disrespect by what she said or is saying to you, although at face-value it is disrespectful. The more break-ups you have the better you'll be at discerning stuff like this.
She's probably jealous of her single girlfriends and you weren't an over-bearing, jealous boyfriend so she felt she could leave the relationship safely. If you were an assh**le, she may have stayed with you because she felt she had to, but that don't mean she'd really want to.
You can't expect to cut all ties with your ex right from the start. Recovering from a break-up is just like rehabilitating from an addiction, there's bound to be a relapse.
It's a damn shame you two go to the same school, even worse that you're in the same dorm. Next semester, get an apartment.
Thank you slapshot_oi and artlady. Your responses are very helpful and supporting.
Today, I had one FINAL (and this time I mean it, FINAL) talk with her about everything. I just wanted to end everything on good terms. There were some things that we still didn't agree on but we were able to understand each other well and how this needs to happen for both of us. We both still love each other and maybe one day when we meet again, we might discuss us and our relationship. I am not waiting or hoping for this moment and right now I will be taking this time to be single. That way I can rebuild myself. Afterwards, I will attempt to seek another relationship if that is something I am looking for at that time.
Even though this talk went as I wanted it to, I still feel like just crying and I am not the one to cry. With what happened in the past I have always hidden my emotions from others and myself.
I'm glad you were able to end things on good terms, many don't even get that chance. I think you're taking a good positive attitude towards this situation. It is going to be hard for awhile, but I'm sure you can do this. Whenever you're feeling down or just need to let things out - I hope you know that you can come back to this forum anytime and tell us how you're feeling or even to just keep us updated on your progress (which I hope you do).Quote:
Originally Posted by A4Effort
I will make sure just to do that. There is still a long process ahead of me in healing myself.
Oh man! Today, I am experiencing another low. It seems the more time passes the more sad I get. I keep telling myself she is not coming back and am trying to keep busy. But my thoughts always go back to her. I really do think she is my true love but I can't do anything to be back with her.
Sorry to hear about your bad day, but it's to be expected. There's nothing wrong with you. There's a void right now. You have these feelings and this love but no place for it to go. It's normal.
During these stages of a break up you go back and forth from denial, sadness and anger. Detaching is heart-wrenching. Literally physically painful. Eventually you'll get to acceptance. It will happen.
I do agree that there's nothing you can do or say. Just keep busy. Being with other people--friends and family--and doing things you enjoy always helped me when I was in your shoes. We've all been where you are. Hang in there : )
There is no One True Love.
Period.
I love my wife dearly. She's a great woman. Smart, funny, sexy, motivated. Id like to think she loves me dearly too. ;) you'd have to ask her. I think she does.
Kidding aside... if I kicked the bucket today, I don't believe for one moment that there isn't another man on this earth that couldn't be good to her and good for her.
Its not that I'm indispensable. I'm just not that damn unique, with several billion peeps running around.
Likewise, I don't think for one moment it diminishes my love for her to say that, if we weren't together, in time I could find another love as true and right as hers.
I dispise the term Soul Mate.
On the boards here you usually see that used when someone is trying to elevate their relationship above all others, so "normal" logic can be ignored or doesn't apply... or they are young and haven't experienced several good loves.
So... as I've said before here on this thread... its going to suck.
You are going to have highs when you feel like you are doing the right thing... and then there will be days, or most likely nights, when your skin is almost crawling you are so out of place.
Been there myself.
Knowing where you need to be for yourself just doesn't shake off the lows that you are going to experience.
Hell... I felt like crap for almost a year with my first Big Love Lost.
Eventually I got bored, more pi$$ed at her, and finally... FINALLY... I met another good woman. Sure, even that relationship didn't last, but it was a step forward.
So expect to feel like crap. Its going to happen.
Today, is a great example of the ups and downs. I started of sad as it can be. But than she texted me and said she was feeling like crap. I broke the rule once again but it ended in my favor. I told her I was not feeling well either. She asked me what I was going to do to get better and I said continue listening to my head instead of my heart. Once I told her that she did not text me back and I did not care about how she felt. But who knows how long this strong moment will last.
Hey, Kp2171 said it all. He is 100% correct. Could not have been said better.
There really is no such thing as a soul mate. There are many different women with whom you can be perfectly happy, content, in-love and compatible.
That's how you learn about yourself and who you are and what you want.
Yeah, the lows suck, and he's right, the nights are worse. Only the passage of time and less and less contact (preferably no contact--you seem to be weaning yourself) is going to heal you.
A broken heart needs time to heal just like a broken bone. No one said it would be easy. But we are all saying that it will get better and better.
Yeah, well its funny because I am so no to this "love" thing. Nobody ever told me things such as what has been told to me above about soul mates, etc...
I am just bouncing high and low with my emotions. Today I started sad, than became confident, and now the second I came home from work I became sad again. Her door was open and my stupid head decided to go in there and casually talk for a little bit about her day. Afterwards, I decided to go into my room where I am now but I have the bigget urge to be with her. I keep telling myself "DO NOT GO TO HER" and it almost seems like I am fighting with myself. I have 3 midterms this coming week so I have plenty to do but my head just can't focus.
Every time you break NC you get a temporary fix and then you feel worse after.
It's not easy but it takes time , so start healing by being vigilant with NC. Otherwise your just delaying the process.
Ok, I deleted her phone number off my speed dial and phone, I removed her as a Facebook friend, and hid (not throw out because I couldn't get myself to do it) every little thing of hers that was in my room.
It hurts so bad to have to do this and I feel like horrible. The last time we spoke she told me that she wants to be with me (and I know her feelings are true) but right now she just needs space. She is not even going on dates anymore. She says once she comes back she will be ready to commit for a long period and into marriage. But now the fact that she is 19 and so young, she cannot get herself to commit to me. I never asked her to commit to me for that long. All I asked her was that she would not regret being with me if another man came along.
I will do my best this week before vacation to adhere by the NO CONTACT rule. I need to do this for myself, otherwise a.) I will lose her forever and b.) I will never heal and be ready to move on.
Well, she just found out that I removed her from Facebook. She barged into my room and asked if I did that to her. I said yes and told her that I also removed her from my phone and hid all the stuff she gave me. She didn't say a word but tears started showing and she went back to her room.
I feel horrible for causing her this pain but it needs to be done. I HATE THIS SO MUCH!!
Think of the pain she's causing you , it was her choice remember.
Time to start worrying about yourself , not her.
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