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Originally Posted by magikman

Been there, done that. Unfortunately, we tend to fool ourselves when we so desperately want things to work out in our favor. Do you REALLY want to know the answer to that question? Be honest, do you REALLY want to know? A good break is in order here, which is what everyone has been saying... I know it's tough, but it'll help clear your head.

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Yeah I want the answer. It sort of falls like this: if she honestly tells me no she hasn't done anything then I'll be happy and leave it at that. If she has done something then I will take that as her actions of completely ending our relationship and not speak to her at all. Like I've said previously I don't contact her anymore and she seems to text or call me every 2-3 days or so it seems. She's asked if I've done anything since our breakup so I'm going to ask as well.

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Originally Posted by lazzyboyy313

Yeah I want the answer. It sort of falls like this: if she honestly tells me no she hasn't done anything then I'll be happy and leave it at that.

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And what if she does say "no"? Then where, exactly, does that leave things for you? It leaves you with the false hope that she still might come back, right? You'll continue to hold out - waiting - dreaming - hoping - grasping for a sign of life that things will pan out. She's already thrown you into the friends-zone, dude.. you said so yourself. Focus on yourself and find someone who REALLY wants to be WITH you, instead of playing these silly friends/not-friends games.

It's just one of the questions I'm going to ask her. If she says yes then it would save me a lot of time and not having to ask her everything else I'm going to. I said I'm going to have a be all end all conversation with her hopefully in the next couple of days. I've gotten my life together. Of course I still think about her like crazy and wish we could just go back in time an change things and get back together, but I'm not grasping on to that as much as I used to. I would fall hard for any words of hope she gave me during the initial break up and now that I don't put myself out there like that and neither does she I've started to move on... SLOWLY.

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I've started to move on... SLOWLY.

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No you haven't you've just gotten careful. Your still stuck though.

So today has been the worst since the day we broke up. I'm an emotional mess and can't do anything but cry and feel so hurt. It's finally hitting me that it's over and she doesn't love me anymore and has just strung me along for her own healing. While she's on my mind constantly I know I'm nowhere near that in her mind. I went to her house to drop off something I got her a long time ago and I planned to have the conversation I talked about in previous posts. Basically I got there and hung out with her and couldn't pull the trigger to initiate the conversation. So it comes time she wants me to leave because it's late and I do the only thing I could, I leave her a letter I had previously written telling her how I feel and all that. I text her saying I left it there after I left her house and I got no response from her. Right now it's hurting me so much to think that she doesn't even care enough to let me know what she feels on the situation. I didn't expect the note to make her have a revelation and love me again or anything like that, I just wanted her input to the situation. She left for her own mini vacation with some friends and she comes back on Thursday. I know everyone is going to say just leave it at what I did but like I've said in previous posts as well, I want to do this in person and get all my emotions out. Problem with that is I'm a softie ( I can't hold in my emotions, I cry too easily when it comes to talking about the relationship) so I don't know what to do. This is the pain that everyone has been warning me about and for everyone that thinks it won't happen to you, brace yourself because it's the worst I've ever felt emotionally

Right here with you Lazzy. I know it hurts man!! Just let it out, you will be fine!

Yes, we have all been there. It will take time to get over this, but you will. You will be better from this experience and will find how much fun life can be after you get off this emotional rock bottom.

Like I said I left her the letter and she didn't respond but I'm left wanting more from her. I couldn't gain the courage to physically talk to her and she's out of town until Thursday. I was thinking we can meet up (I'd tell her I want to give her some stuff back) and actually talk about things and if she doesn't then it's left at that and I get rid of some tangible reminders I have of her, she made me a blanket which I still have.

Throw that stuff away... you have no reason to keep getting in touch with her. You are searching for excuses to keep talking to her... it is over, time for you to heal man. No more contact!

I would just leave everything as it is right now. Why put yourself through more emotional pain than you need. You already couldn't talk to her before, what makes you think that a week later you will be able to?

You seriously need to take a time out from this and get your emotions settle before doing anything. I think you should take all of the stuff that reminds you of her and put it in a box or in the garbage. Why bother giving the stuff back? Like KC said, you're just looking for excuses for yourself to stay in contact.

If it was that important to her, she would have asked for it.

I'm so sorry dude - it's a tough situation, one in which most of us have been there multiple times (too many for me to count!). I removed all reminders of my ex, boxed them up and got them out of sight. Those reminders will tear you up - cause you'll think about all the memories associated with them, and this will prevent your emotional healing. This coming Sunday will be one month of NC with my ex - trust me, it DOES get better. She's tried contacting me a few times, and I've resisted the temptation to respond. You have to take care of yourself Good luck lazzy, I know it's hard but we're all here for you.

I only want to contact her because I'm searching for answers. I want to know in her eyes why we broke up and why she thought dragging me along for 2 months was necessary. I want to know why she played me like this and why she wouldn't just let me go. I know I should just leave it but the unknown is something that drives me crazy as person! I didn't have the courage to talk to her about it because I was afraid it would be the last time to see her and talk to her and it's really hard for me to stop talking to her and accept that a romantic relationship is OVER with her. So I think no matter what I need to have this conversation with her for my own self and nothing more.

Hey lazzy. You already know that the answer for those questions do not matter. If you knew them, then what good would come out of it? Plus, there's a huge chance she might not know the answers to the question, and you also know this.

Of course, this is one of those things where you will do this independent of what we say. But trust us. It's a bad idea.

Well, ultimately you've got to do what you want to do - nobody here can make you do otherwise, although we can make recommendations. The truth is, you're NEVER going to get the answers you're looking for - not today, not tomorrow, not ever. It doesn't matter how many conversations you have, how happy or sad you are, what the weather is, blah blah. You're just NEVER going to find the truth.

When my 5 year relationship ended in early 2008, for many weeks - maybe months - I felt like I needed to seek her out to find the reasons. I thought I needed answers and closure. With the help of friends, family and the wonderful and candid advice of people on this forum, I've now realized that there are no answers. It was just excuses to make contact, and I'm glad I held out. And... the closure I was seeking was in my own heart.
10 months later, I don't need her for closure - I created it myself.

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Originally Posted by lazzyboyy313

I only wanna contact her because I'm searching for answers. I wanna know in her eyes why we broke up and why she thought dragging me along for 2 months was necessary. I want to know why she played me like this and why she wouldn't just let me go. I know I should just leave it but the unknown is something that drives me crazy as person! I didn't have the courage to talk to her about it because I was afraid it would be the last time to see her and talk to her and it's really hard for me to stop talking to her and accept that a romantic relationship is OVER with her. So I think no matter what I need to have this convo with her for my own self and nothing more.

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Here we go again.Q

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Originally Posted by lazzyboyy313

I only wanna contact her because I'm searching for answers. I wanna know in her eyes why we broke up and why she thought dragging me along for 2 months was necessary. I want to know why she played me like this and why she wouldn't just let me go. I know I should just leave it but the unknown is something that drives me crazy as person! I didn't have the courage to talk to her about it because I was afraid it would be the last time to see her and talk to her and it's really hard for me to stop talking to her and accept that a romantic relationship is OVER with her. So I think no matter what I need to have this convo with her for my own self and nothing more.

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Here we go again. Keep on blaming other people for your mistake. How can she drag you along if you didn't want to be dragged.She didn't play you, you played yourself, everyone here was telling you to go NC but still you don't get the point. What answers are you looking for, and do the answers really matters. She has moved on she does not love you.Your questions are answered. Now whatever like crumbs of your dignity you have left, pick them up and move on

After a few weeks of NC the closure will come from within you not her. As your thoughts start shifting from her on to you, your head will clear from emotions--not completely though, but they will interfere much less. When your head is clear you can draw much better conclusions and see things objectively-- except it's not about her now it's about you.

Right now it's all about "Why did she stop loving me?", "Why has she removed me from her life?", "Does she care about me at all?", "Does she know how much pain I've endured?"... But then, when you let your head clear your questions will be "Why did I let myself be treated like that?" "Why was I crying over a chick that didn't value me?" "Why did I waste so much time trying to get her back?"... This is when you start focusing on yourself and in the future rather than her and the past. Believe me, after a month of NC (except for a two-way txt exchange on xmas and nye) I am at this stage. It feels much better believe me. I can finally have fun, eat, be myself--almost. Go FULL NC and everyday you will feel better and better. I promise. NC works for you.


Leave it there mate. Nothing she says will make you feel better. She hasn't shown much regard for your feelings and every time you see her you only set yourself back and get hurt. You want this again? Get your power back. Save your dignity, you are worth more than that.

Pick yourself from the floor, stand up, dust yourself off, and keep walking without looking back.

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Originally Posted by Dare81

Here we go again. Keep on blaming other people for your mistake. How can she drag you along if you didn't want to be dragged.She didnt play you, you played yourself, everyone here was telling you to go NC but still you dont get the point. What answers are you looking for, and do the answers really matters. She has moved on she does not love you.Your questions are answered. Now whatever like crumbs of your dignity you have left, pick them up and move on

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Before I posted on here and had the advice of NC we had been broken up for 5 weeks. During this time she said she didn't know what she wanted and that I should just see how things go. She would contact me all the time and basically acted like nothing had really happened, other than we didn't see each other as frequently. Without me saying it she would tell me she loved me and was confused and yes I wanted to believe everything would be OK so yeah I'm to blame too. She couldn't let go of me easily and that's why she wanted to stay "friends" I get that now. By my wanting to get back together and be happy I made her healing process way easier when I should have stuck to my original feeling of "I can't be friends with someone I love".

side story pertaining to above. We broke up on Halloween day and already had plans to go to a party together and she convinced me to still go to the party. To say the least the party was really awkward between us and it lead to us arguing( didn't help we were both drinking). At the party I told her I couldn't be friends with her because I want her as my girlfriend and nothing else, if she doesn't love me why should I stay with someone like that". She talked me down and eventually I said I'd go along with it because she was "confused and didn't know what she wanted at the time" She would repeatedly tell me things to keep me coming back to her and I played along. She probably knew damn well the game she was playing and the piece (me) she was playing with. I hope I had more value than that to her but I honestly don't know anymore. This has all been a learning process you never learn any lessons the easy way. No matter what I do it's going to be hard, I'll never have all the answers but I'd rather have some of them than none at all.

Expat2009, just last week you told me I should at least seek out the answers for my own self-worth. I didn't go through with the plan I originally had but I think now that she hopefully knows the way I feel she can at least give me the benefit of the doubt to sit down, talk to me and let me go for good. I know she still cares about me but it's the context in which she cares, as a friend and loves me as a friend. If she wants to talk to me she has my contact info, I'm not going to seek her out to have this conversation though.

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Originally Posted by lazzyboyy313

Before I posted on here and had the advice of NC we had been broken up for 5 weeks. During this time she said she didn't know what she wanted and that I should just see how things go. She would contact me all the time and basically acted like nothing had really happened, other than we didn't see each other as frequently. Without me saying it she would tell me she loved me and was confused and yes I wanted to believe everything would be ok so yeah I'm to blame too. She couldn't let go of me easily and that's why she wanted to stay "friends" I get that now. By my wanting to get back together and be happy I made her healing process way easier when I should have stuck to my original feeling of "I can't be friends with someone I love".

side story pertaining to above. We broke up on Halloween day and already had plans to go to a party together and she convinced me to still go to the party. To say the least the party was really awkward between us and it lead to us arguing( didn't help we were both drinking). At the party I told her I couldn't be friends with her because I want her as my gf and nothing else, if she doesn't love me why should I stay with someone like that". She talked me down and eventually I said I'd go along with it because she was "confused and didn't know what she wanted at the time" She would repeatedly tell me things to keep me coming back to her and I played along. She probably knew damn well the game she was playing and the piece (me) she was playing with. I hope I had more value than that to her but I honestly don't know anymore. This has all been a learning process you never learn any lessons the easy way. No matter what I do it's going to be hard, I'll never have all the answers but I'd rather have some of them than none at all.

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I went through the same thing you were going through, my ex girlfriend dragged me around for a whole year before I realized that I was nothing but a backup.
So don't repeat the same mistake I made and move on with your life