Ask Me Help Desk - Dumped for another or rebound?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Romefalls19

Yea man, you seriously need to delete her number from your phone. You are letting this broad into your head way too much. She has you by the b*lls, I'm going to be completely blunt with you as I have followed your story from the beginning. Feel free to hit me with a reddie but you will thank me later.

DELETE everything you have in ways to contact her, phone number, myspace, facebook, cut the string to the tin can(old people know what I'm talking about). Reclaim your manhood from her by showing her you are strong enough to walk away like a MAN. Sure she broke your heart, she's a cold calculated b!tch, what more is there to say? NOTHING! Take all of her crap that's in your room down and box it up. Hang pictures of some nice attractive models or motivational quotes(that's what I did) If you don't stop the way you are acting you are either going to have one or both of the following happen 1. You will be known as the pyscho stalker or 2. Restraining order

I plan on getting my damn books and gifts I gave...

Quote:

Originally Posted by hjpan

I plan on getting my damn books and gifts I gave...

Ha ha!! Funniest thing, is that is a chronic excuse on why people keep calling. My ex still owes me $140, coach purses, Tiffany's jewelry, tons of clothes, and a promise ring. I wrote it all off as a lesson learned... i.e NEVER spend that much on someone you are dating and when you're married they take it anyway, so in reality, never spend that much on someone.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Romefalls19

Ha ha!!! Funniest thing, is that is a chronic excuse on why people keep calling. My ex still owes me $140, coach purses, Tiffany's jewelry, tons of clothes, and a promise ring. I wrote it all off as a lesson learned...i.e NEVER spend that much on someone you are dating and when you're married they take it anyway, so in reality, never spend that much on someone.

Yep

I've done all that.Got rid of everything. Pity her number is in my memory. I probably won't text again. Can't really say anymore to her anyway.

She was far too insecure to handle my honesty.

My mind is racing again. I'm now thinking that my brother will be at her wedding.

So what??

You guys must be hating me now.

Almost went into her work at lunchtime. But the word "stalker" came into my head so I just walked on a bit and sat on the pavement and calmed down.

I'm pathetic.

I'm beginning to think you might need to seek professional help. I don't think its your last time you will text or call her especially when you almost walked into her work at lunch.

We don't hate you at all, and your not pathetic, just hurting, and could use some personel counseling from someone other than us, to guide you through the process of letting go. I think a pastor, who is trained in personal guidance, by the way, or an older trusted adult can benefit you greatly, if you cannot afford a therapist. Its no shame to need a little more help, or more time. Why not get them both?

Tal is right, there is NO shame at all reaching out for help from a therapist, I did it for my jealousy issues and I have rebounded from the lowest point in my very well I think. Everyone needs a helping hand sometime, no shame in admitting it man.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sammie66

You guys must be hating me now.

Almost went into her work at lunchtime. But the word "stalker" came into my head so i just walked on a bit and sat on the pavement and calmed down.

I'm pathetic.

You're not pathetic. Just confused.

One of my worries is that I end up like my half-brother. He is clinically depressed and has pretty much ruined his life. I am determined not to end up like him. I'm determined not to do what he did.

I gave myself a really harsh talking to this afternoon and I am feeling much better just now. Walking home from work was actually really good. It's the first time I've actually looked forward to a weekend in ages.

I was just thinking of something silly - she dyed her hair blonde the first time I dumped her, red the second time, and the night before she dumped me it was dyed again.

I think maybe she is the one with lots of problems and not me. I was trying to see if I was depressed and came across this. This is exactly what she is like. She even told me several times "i can't make decisions" which is funny reading this. Why she didn't ever tell me she was upset and why she bottled it up until she couldn't take any more. I knew she had to be mental to dump me :-0

Dependent Personality: People with a dependent personality routinely surrender major decisions and responsibilities to others and permit the needs of those they depend on to supersede their own. They lack self-confidence and feel intensely insecure about their ability to take care of themselves. They often protest that they cannot make decisions and do not know what to do or how to do it. This behavior is due partly to a reluctance to express their views for fear of offending the people they need and partly to a belief that others are more capable. People with other personality disorders often have traits of a dependent personality, but the dependent traits are usually hidden by the more dominant traits of the other disorder. Sometimes adults with a prolonged illness or physical handicap develop a dependent personality

So someone probably convinced her to leave me, which is what I suspected. Someone convinced her that I didn't love her. I hope to god it wasn't him and I hope he won't get bored and dump her or even cheat on her.

I'm not sure which "depression" I have. Maybe these ones, but you can guess why

Avoidant Personality: People with an avoidant personality are overly sensitive to rejection, and they fear starting relationships or anything new. They have a strong desire for affection and acceptance but avoid intimate relationships and social situations for fear of disappointment and criticism. Unlike those with a schizoid personality, they are openly distressed by their isolation and inability to relate comfortably to others. Unlike those with a borderline personality, they do not respond to rejection with anger; instead, they withdraw and appear shy and timid. Avoidant personality is similar to generalized social phobia

Cyclothymic Personality: People with cyclothymic personality alternate between high-spirited buoyancy and gloomy pessimism. Each mood lasts weeks or longer. Mood changes occur regularly and without any identifiable external cause. Many gifted and creative people have this personality type

It's quite interesting - try it
Personality Disorders: Mental Health Disorders: Merck Manual Home Edition

In a way I feel a bit sorry for her, because by rushing into this relationship she'll probably make the same mistakes and get hurt. At least I have learned from this experience.

That was one thing about her that frustrated me - I was always the one driving. I even asked her once - why don't you ever initiate sex and then purposfully waited for her to make the moves.

After we'd broken up I told her that I had pictured us married with kids and said "don't you think that sounds nice?" and she was smiling ear to ear. She also said she would have moved in with me the week before if I had asked.

I think she loved me and someone convinced her I didn't love her.

It's all pointless. Love sucks.

She obviously just didn't want to commit to me anymore after I had broken up with her the last time, where I had finally committed myself to her.

Bad timing.

Do you think it's possible for someone to fall in love with me that quickly then lose it so quickly? I know I don't feel the same about her now than I did 2 months ago.

We went for lunch the week after we split and that was the first time she ever let me pay for her. She had always insisted on paying her half before. I guess she just doesn't care at all anymore.

Something drastically changed in 1 week. Maybe it was gradually growing over a longer time, but something happened and I don't know what it was.

"Dont Leave The One You Love For the One You Like, Because The One You Like Will Leave You For The One They Love..."

She'll see it, when it happens to her.

One thing that annoys me is that she never told me when she was upset with me. How was I supposed to realise she was unhappy about some things when she never told me? She never gave us a chance.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sammie66

One thing that annoys me is that she never told me when she was upset with me. How was I supposed to realise she was unhappy about some things when she never told me? She never gave us a chance.

Dude I hear you my girl did the same thing.. she kept saying you everything is fine until one day bam that was it.. like I was supposed to know what was wrong or something but w/e.. I guess some people don't know how to communicate

A relationship takes two people working together, and just because there are a lot of "I love you's" back and forth, doesn't mean you two have enough to last forever. It takes a lot more than just saying it to be the truth.

Stop torturing yourself, you just were not compatible, and while you still dwell on her, your not getting healthy, and be better prepared for the next opportunity.

Don't be stuck on what was, when what will be is on its way.

I'm slowly feeling better. Thinking about it less.

It just sucks that I feel like I won't see her again. I miss her.

I don't think we were incompatible, it was just a communication problem. And if she does the same with her new boyfriend then it'll probably work out the same. Although now she is living with him, maybe she'll be forced to tell him when she is upset.

It just all feels really stupid. It's as though love is about how much time you spend with someone rather than who the person is and what they stand for. She always tried to please me and that's why I loved her. She never told me what she wanted so I couldn't.

And how I've reacted to the breakup has terrified me. I'm getting there, but the last 2 months have been HELL.