No pills, no stupid myspace, no crutches. Just like any other addiction - you have to stop looking for the easy fix - it's not going to happen.

Sorry, but you are doing this to yourself, no matter how many posts you write.
Talaniman is right, time and concentrating on what you should be doing to continue the healing process is your best bet. You need to make the choice of wanting continued pain, whining, and staying on the 'pity-pot', or moving on.

So, gather what is left of your self-respect and start mending yourself and look for your own 'bliss'. You'll be a lot happier once your main fix is self-respect and independence.

It's your move...

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_11_2.gif

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Originally Posted by Lilyloo

Well the thing is, if you've read my other posts...I'm trying to deal with my boyfriend dumping me about a week ago after becoming distant witihin the last month. We got along very well, I thought things were progressing then he says that he can't juggle a GF with all of his problems...has too much going on, etc. This was after being together for a few months and after meeting his family and becoming close. Bam, he doesn't want to be with me anymore.

So, i haven't been contacting him...in fact he texted me over the weekend that he "misses me" and really screwed up my head. The thing is, and I know this is not good....he is still one of my friends on my myspace page. i know that sounds juvenile, but I only keep my page because it's a great way to keep up with friends and also my brother who is out of state. Anyway, I haven't been looking at his page, but i do look at my friends status updates, and he changed his tonight to "blissful". Oh ****ing great! I am sitting here with my heart in pieces, barely making it from day to day and he left me in the dust and now he is blissful???!!!!

I know, I know, what else should I expect right? I was so good to him, and he just threw me away like nothing. I wish i could turn off my feelings. :( :(

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Just forget him, there is other fish in the sea,, someone who will love you and not play games you will find you night and shining armor I'm sure just be yourself and forget the one that hurt you... from angie

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Also why would the ex apply NC when the were the ones who crapped on you so to speak

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For exactly the same reason as you do, to heal and move on.

It might be easy to think of the one that dumped us a being a villain, but as we heal we find out different in most cases.

Because they don't want what you want, doesn't make them bad.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

For exactly the same reason as you do, to heal and move on.

It might be easy to think of the one that dumped us a being a villain, but as we heal we find out different in most cases.

Because they don't want what you want, doesn't make them bad.

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Very true,but that shouldn't absolve anyone either if they cheated or lied orr worse verbally abused you. True many people who write in posts like these don't see the warning signs and we all make mistakes. However,it does seems as if the dumper can move on and pretend you don't exist,then how can they be hurting? Just my opinion.

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However,it does seems as if the dumper can move on and pretend you don't exist,then how can they be hurting? Just my opinion.

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Dumpers have an advantage of having a lot longer to get used to the idea, and don't have to deal with the shock of a break up. True sometimes a break up is after a stormy time together, and you can't condone cheating , but dumpers are people two, with feelings that hurt. No contact is a healing tool for any one hurting from a loss of their relationship.
Let me guess, you've never dumped someone, vivia?

I agree Tal, they had the break up on their minds for awhile. With that being said, it's easier for them to move on. Start NC and heal and find someone who appreciates you treating them great!

I can honestly say Mr. Talaniman,no I haven't dumped anyone,I have walked from unhealthy relationships that leaned towards emotionally abusive,which I can honestly say this one marked one of them. Also if I am not interested in someone I will let them know right away,after the first date,not wait 7 years or more like some dumpers do. I mean,really.
I understand perfectly its not realistic to point the finger at the dumper, I believe that people should all be held accountable for their actions. Because really, who is hurting the most the one who was rejected,and that's whose posts we see mostly in these sites. I am not saying that dumpers don't have feelings but do you see them coming on website asking strangers advice,because of course they are not hurting, at least not enough to be desperately searching for answers like dumpees are.
Its true, in bad relationships we all have ignored warning signs whether the persons relationship material or not,I raise my hand in that one,but if someone dumps you or wants to take a 'break' like many posts out here.
It is because there is someone else that they are interested in,am I not right? So while they are off pursuing the new relationship,which is often the case because I talked to friends who have been through the same thing; They are not the ones who are really hurting and who are the ones left picking up the pieces. Its true they are way ahead of the healing process. Everyone may have their reasons for breaking up but often time,they are or were being insincere.
I know peoples mind change and they have the right to do that,but then funny thing is they,the dumpers will be the ones months or years from now crying that their new love dumped them. So personally before I decide to dump someone or play w.someone's heart,I do adhere What goes reaslly does comes around.

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Originally Posted by Chery

No pills, no stupid myspace, no crutches. Just like any other addiction - you have to stop looking for the easy fix - it's not going to happen.

Sorry, but you are doing this to yourself, no matter how many posts you write.
Talaniman is right, time and concentrating on what you should be doing to continue the healing process is your best bet. You need to make the choice of wanting continued pain, whining, and staying on the 'pity-pot', or moving on.

So, gather what is left of your self-respect and start mending yourself and look for your own 'bliss'. You'll be a lot happier once your main fix is self-respect and independence.

It's your move...

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_11_2.gif

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I do agree with most of what you said... but when I said "pill" I didn't mean it in a literal term. I'm not looking for a crutch or an easy fix, just some way to sort out these feelings. Also, writing has always helped me feel better. Writing in journals, poetry, short stories... the only difference now is that I'm writing online. So when you say "now matter how many posts you write". Well I don't really agree with that. To each is own though, and I do appreciate the advice.

Hey lilyloo
I am very sure Chery's response wasn't just meant for you. But its true,writing and reaching out does help. Even if its as many times that's what this place is here for. Sometimes people have no one and no where to turn to,and even if you receive a couple f good responses and advice,you're still going to have to deal with this loss and if it gets too much,come back and write some more. That's why I reach out to people and make good friends. Keep strong and remember,even if it hurts / no contact.and myspace,
Besides when you keep checking his status,he may be aware not sure how it works.

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Originally Posted by Lilyloo

I do agree with most of what you said...but when I said "pill" I didn't mean it in a literal term. I'm not looking for a crutch or an easy fix, just some way to sort out these feelings. Also, writing has always helped me feel better. Writing in journals, poetry, short stories...the only difference now is that I'm writing online. So when you say "now matter how many posts you write". Well I don't really agree with that. To each is own though, and I do appreciate the advice.

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I know that you did not mean pharmaceuticals dear. If you read the stickies mentioned in Talaniman's signature and noticed, we all go though this torture. But, if you prolong it and don't start on the healing process it will take longer for you to get over it and move on to a better attitude toward yourself.

Writing is a good thing to do, so share some of your poems or short stories.

It just bothers me that you still dwell on the breakup too much, that's all - and I wanted to urge you to think more of yourself and your future.

Sometimes some of us just need a second 'wake up call' to gather yourself and I just felt that I had to send you one.

What you do is your choice and we will be here to help and support you, even if it sound harsh some times.

So, please get back with us and write something uplifting - it will help.
http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_11_2.gif

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Originally Posted by vivia12

sorry to keep bothering you Dr. Ruth-less,i do like your name!
how did you resolve that you'll never hear from her,its hard for me to accept that even though its been that long,well.its not a year yet,but by then i'll shoot myself if i dont get pass this by now.
Also why would the ex apply NC when the were the ones who crapped on you so to speak.

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Well I can't say that I disagree with any of the above... as this is what I have come to realise too.
The choice lies within each of us! And most of the time NC is best!!

I do also understand that there is always that degree of hope that things will get better.
/you need to get past the hope and focus on what my be will be!

I did not put my life on hold while I was NC. I found things to keep busy... turns out falling off an off road bike is allot more painful than it looks!

The point is that after some time of NC she did contact me again, but like I said in my previous post, "dont expect things to be different to the first time round"

Two nights ago she broke it off with me for the umteenth time!! To be honest I'm tired of the emotional roller coaster... So to her I wish a better future than what I could give her, and to me the peace of mind knowing that I no longer have to be someone else to have a feeling of acceptance and being loved. I can be me again and it is truly liberating.

If he doesn't phone don't get your nickers in a twist or shoot yourself... there are plenty of opportunities to meet new people. But before you can do this you need to be yourself and confident in yourself...

Wow it feels like I have been blabbing on and on!

Hope you find yourself... it sounds as though you have a loving heart and you deserver some one who needs just that and is prepared to love you for the same reasons!

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Originally Posted by DR Ruth-less

well i can't say that i disagree with any of the above... as this is what i have come to realise too.
The choice lies within each of us! and most of the time NC is best!!!!!

I do also understand that there is always that degree of hope that things will get better.
/you need to get past the hope and focus on what my be will be!

i did not put my life on hold while i was NC. i found things to keep busy... turns out falling off an off road bike is allot more painful than it looks!

the point is that after some time of NC she did contact me again, but like i said in my previous post, "dont expect things to be different to the first time round"

Two nights ago she broke it off with me for the umteenth time!!!! To be honest I'm tired of the emotional roller coaster.... So to her i wish a better future than what i could give her, and to me the peace of mind knowing that i no longer have to be someone else to have a feeling of acceptance and being loved. I can be me again and it is truly liberating.

If he doesnt phone dont get your nickers in a twist or shoot yourself... there are plenty of opportunities to meet new people. but b4 you can do this you need to be yourself and confident in yourself...

wow it feels like i have been blabbing on and on!

Hope you find yourself... it sounds as though you have a loving heart and you deserver some one who needs just that and is prepared to love you for the same reasons!

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Lol, Knickers! I like that, should I say I smell the blood of an Englishman? Mostly the anglo say that.
No its okay blab on, I like to learn how people get through this,so keep posting your experience. Also hope lillyloo is strong and not break NC,its funny you do feel like after some times (shall I say almost 4months) they will forget about you,but then I should forget about him. Should is the operative word here.

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Originally Posted by vivia12

lol, Knickers! i like that, should i say i smell the blood of an Englishman? mostly the anglo say that.
no its okay blab on, i like to learn how people get through this,so keep posting your experience. Also hope lillyloo is strong and not break NC,its funny you do feel like after some times (shall i say almost 4months) they will forget about you,but then i should forget about him. Should is the operative word here.

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Acctualy Im from South Africa and I guess with the diversity of cultures in our country our dialect carries subtlties from many of countries.