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Originally Posted by wewed100606

My point is NUETRAL advice like that above about sitting down and budgeting is GOOD advice given without all the facts. Bad advice is that given saying he is cheap, ditch him, he is a con man, etc. That is BAD ADVICE given without all the information. The accuteness of the advice should directly coorelate tothe accuteness of the information. GRAY AREA QUESTION = GRAY AREA ANSWER otherwise you all are setting yourselves up to ruin lives based on less than all the facts.

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She could be a fat liar for all I know, but I don't. He could be a great guy and she could be a stingy little gold digger,who knows. Better yet, he could be worse then she is letting on... I don't know!

My posts clearly present a neutral position that is centered around a fair compromise, I have only suggested that if there is an unwillingness on his behalf to work with her, then he may not be in it for the right reasons... That's a maybe and it certainly is reciprocal.

I agree her input through out this discussion on her behalf would have been beneficial, but it didn't happen.

The point is you have passed judgment yourself without knowing all the facts and are criticizing the other members for their effort and opinions:

"People need to not respond on emotion and outword appearances. If these questions were so outwordly simple these people would not be on here asking them. We are no smarter than they are. All you women should be ashamed for making this out to be some battle of the sexes. And for the lady who TALKED TO MANY MATURE MEN and SAY THIS IS A CON and RUNS RAMPID WHERE YOUR FRIEND IS FROM (not this country)...get a clue...that is why in your friends country they still ride mules to the maket and use outhouses and oil lanterns. GROW UP!

Sure some guy on here had some fun, but no less than the woman. Get off your high horse."

"CLASSIC FEMALE MENTALITY IN A RELATIONSHIP:

"What's mine is mine and what's yours is ours"

End of Story"

I merely have suggested that courtesy and benefit of doubt be granted to any member as opposed to calling out as a liar. If you feel the story is too one sided to gauge an accurate or true response, then I suggest you say nothing.

Bizygurl... thank you! You hit the nail there. JUDGMENTS made based on one side are a recipe for disaster. PERFECTLY SAID. THere are far to many people on here JUDGING instead of giving sound advice like yourself. I don't think a lot of these people can diffrentiate between the two :-) I know I couldn't have picked up the word JUDGMENT without your help and it is exactly what I was searching for. Your and Fr_Ch advice of the budget and sitting down together is still the best and really possibly the only "ADVICE" given on this post. Thanks!

Sorry Sand Daddy, can't give you anymore props. Your point is well taken. I did pass judgement, more or less to prove a point, but I did none the less. It is my downfall I often times find myself respoding more to the conversation than the original post. We all have faults. Thank you for the intelligent conversation though. I will do my best to heed my own advice.

Like I tell my daughter: "Do as I say, not as I do"

The divorce rate is high because the majority of men in the west are cheap as I can tell in the post. And what you mean she might be a gold digger? A gold digger wants to take a man's money and run, but she loves him and want to give him her life, how is that gold digging?

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Originally Posted by wewed100606

Sorry Sand Daddy, can't give you anymore props. Your point is well taken. I did pass judgement, more or less to prove a point, but I did none the less. It is my downfall I often times find myself respoding more to the conversation than the original post. We all have faults. Thank you for the intelligent conversation though. I will do my best to heed my own advice.

Like I tell my daughter: "Do as I say, not as I do"

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No worries, I love a good conversation! I only aim to inform, inspire grow and learn.

Just remember, the advice in these forums is solicited. I do agree that caution should be taken before shelling out any advice especially with sensitive issues. You have great points so don't sell yourself too short, I look forward to future discussions.

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Originally Posted by wewed100606

Bizygurl...thank you! You hit the nail there. JUDGMENTS made based on one side are a recipe for disaster. PERFECTLY SAID. THere are far to many people on here JUDGING instead of giving sound advice like yourself. I don't think alot of these people can diffrentiate between the two :-) I know I couldn't have picked up the word JUDGMENT without your help and it is exactly what I was searching for. Your and Fr_Ch advice of the budget and sitting down together is still the best and really possibly the only "ADVICE" given on this post. Thanks!

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Your so welcome,wewed100606! (wow that's a lenghtly display name to type) hehehe):) Thank you for such a warm response to the agreement I left you. Its very easy to judge, its human nature to do so even when you really aren't meaning to. I think everyone on this post had well meaning advice, what I'm surprised that, this thread is so long and I believe that we have not ounce heard from the individual that started this thread, odd. Im so glad I was able to give you the word you were looking for, my pleasure;)

Its sad to see people like WeWed100606 and Truefaith tossing out reds like confetti, the fact is our position is to read what the person who creates the thread says, and take it for the truth until inconsistencies may arise and then you may assume there is another side to a story. She may have a huge spending problem we do not know about, but you can not assume anything, you would have to ask questions. If a person comes on here and asks a question about weight loss, and you want to answer their question, you must believe the facts they are giving you are correct because if they were lying, how would it help them? And I must say, think real hard before you give someone a red. It can be a real insult to receive one if it is not deserved, often I respond below the persons post (answer) and see if it can be discussed further with out insult.

I'm OK with nadia999's comments... but they have no basis. She simply says that the divorce rates in the U.S. are high because men are cheap. That has nothing to do with this thread. It's just a cheap shot... for no reason. What if I said something along the lines of... Canada sucks because the women there are ugly?

1. That has no basis whatsoever.

2. I'm not making any points whatsoever.

3. It makes me sound like a bumbling idiot.

Keep personal insults/comments to yourself. If you want to help the OP, then help the OP.

By the way, nadia999... I'm simply curious. How old are you?

Just shut down the post so everyone can quit the belly aching! The original poster hasn't had input since the onset and it is just turning into a platform for people to further their cause. I think you will find Greg, no offense, but I handed out just as much GREEN CONFETTI and received just as much RED CONFETTI as I dished out. It was a heated issue and topic. If you would be so kind as to let me know which one of my RED CONFETTI's were unjustified I would gladly discuss them.

Everyone has had their shot at the OP and well everyone in opposition, lets not get carried away guys! No one wants a CONFETTI WAR! LOL

Everyone just needs to respect the fact that there are differences in perspective.
To each their own!

Well, my opinion based on the men responses on the web site. Most of the men if not all on this post a lone to me are cheap, and it is my opinion, don't get offended, I'm entitled to have an opinion, right? Money is # one reason for divorce, and here in this post is why.
Someone said he might be trying to teach her how to budget, god, he is a very bad teacher, this not the way to teach an adult.
What other side of the story could it be to indicate that he is not at fault or cheap.

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I moved in with my boyfriend about 7 months ago.

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Irrelevant, 7 months 7 years. It really doesn't amount to a hill a beans.

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He owns the house we live in and I agreed to help out with the bills when I moved in.
He originally wanted me to pay for half of every bill but I just cannot afford this. I make 30,000 a year and he makes 95,000! I am currently paying over 1/3 of what the bills are but I also have students loans/car payment/insurance/credit cards etc. By the time I am done paying bills for the month and buying some groceries I have about $50 left to my name. I tell him I just cannot afford to keep paying him this much and he always has his hand out for money.

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This is the only significant portion of the post! This is the real issue people! I can argue both sides here, but its pointless to point out what came first, chicken or the egg. The best answers given are the answers that provide solutions, not slander.

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He also hates going out because he does not want to pay for anything but when he does pay for something for me, he likes to constantly remind me that he paid for that time we went out.

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This is her perspective and requires more info to comment on! Without any further details (the guys) we can cheap shot them both back to the stone age without making a single post of any benefit.

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Also, for Christmas he will only spend as much on me as what I can afford to buy for him. He claims he never has any money but whenever he wants something he buys it and is currently looking at buy a $55,000 car while I am struggling to get by. Am I greedy or is he really just cheap?

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There is not enough information from the OP not to mention the other side of the story! To make any comments or references to this portion of the OP is premature and possible, inappropriate. Again, without any further details (the guys) we can cheap shot them both back to the stone age without making a single post of any benefit.

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Originally Posted by nadia999

Well, my opinion based on the men responses on the web site. Most of the men if not all on this post a lone to me are cheap, and it is my opinion, don't get offended, I'm entitled to have an opinion, right? Money is # one reason for divorce, and here in this post is why.
Someone said he might be trying to teach her how to budget, god, he is a very bad teacher, this not the way to teach an adult.
What other side of the story could it be to indicate that he is not at fault or cheap.

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I think you may have misunderstood what was said, no one said that he was "trying to teach her to budget". But that they should come together and discuss how they could budget and see if they could make it more fair for them both.

I do agree with you on the fact that money is one of the reasons marriages end in divorce but not all of them and certainly not because its solely based on a man being cheap. There are woman who make plenty more than there husbands and this same scenario is probably being played out in those relationships. What Im getting at is that it isn't fair to base a failed marriage on the man. There could be many other sides to why a marriage failed.

No one here I feel is offended by your statement and you are completely entitled to your opinion.

Gosh, the man is inconsiderate

OK, I can't believe none of you men think that this guy should cut her some slack. Again; he is her boyfriend; not her landlord. How he feels about her should have something to do with it. He should not want to see her constantly broke & struggling AND not even want to take her out to do nice things, not to mention constantly bringing up prices for dinners and stuff! Geez! Its not like she's mooching off him & doesn't have a job!
Also, It's not like he wasn't paying the mortgage just fine before she moved in & he's making plenty of money. He's being selfish! And it's not like she's asking him to shower her with constant gifts or take her shopping. She just is asking for some slack in the rent and some nice outings without complaints.You shouldn't treat the one you love and live with like some type of stranger off the street!

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Originally Posted by nadia999

Well, my opinion based on the men responses on the web site. Most of the men if not all on this post a lone to me are cheap, and it is my opinion, don't get offended, I'm entitled to have an opinion, right? Money is # one reason for divorce, and here in this post is why.
Someone said he might be trying to teach her how to budget, god, he is a very bad teacher, this not the way to teach an adult.
What other side of the story could it be to indicate that he is not at fault or cheap.

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Most definitely NOT all men who have posted on this thread are cheap.

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Originally Posted by Kia

ok, I can't believe none of you men think that this guy should cut her some slack. Again; he is her boyfriend; not her landlord. How he feels about her should have something to do with it. He should not want to see her constantly broke & struggling AND not even want to take her out to do nice things, not to mention constantly bringing up prices for dinners and stuff! Geez! Its not like she's mooching off of him & doesn't have a job!
Also, It's not like he wasn't paying the mortgage just fine before she moved in & he's making plenty of money. He's being selfish! And it's not like she's asking him to shower her with constant gifts or take her shopping. She just is asking for some slack in the rent and some nice outings without complaints.You shouldn't treat the one you love and live with like some type of stranger off the street!

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Again.

So guys answer me: if you had an agreement with a girlfriend you are in love with, you love coming home to her everyday,she makes you happy, etc. She moves in and you are watching her struggling trying to pay her half while she is a working woman and is paying off her student loans, and you know you could help her out a little bit; at least for a little while until she gets more on an even foot; you wouldn't treat her to some nice outings, then kick her out & tell her to go struggle somewhere else?

That's cold hearted...

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Originally Posted by Greg Quinn

Again.

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OK, not you-)

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Originally Posted by Kia

so guys answer me: if you had an agreement with a girlfriend you are in love with, you love coming home to her everyday,she makes you happy, etc. She moves in and you are watching her struggling trying to pay her half while she is a working woman and is paying off her student loans, and you know you could help her out a little bit; at least for a little while until she gets more on an even foot; you wouldn't treat her to some nice outings, then kick her out & tell her to go struggle somewhere else?

Thats cold hearted...

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No, but that's my point. I would GLADLY help her out. HOWEVER... it becomes a separate issue when she starts 1) asking me to help her and 2) complaining that I don't help her.

It's like how you ladies want to make your man happy... so you do something nice. However, when he starts EXPECTING it, you just don't feel like doing it anymore. I would gladly help my girl out if she was in trouble... but if she starts expecting it... or saying how I SHOULD do it, then no. that's bunk. (new word... I'm going to try and use it)