Ask Me Help Desk - I am doing NC. What about her?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

I vote for Sue. Grab her before she gets away.

Even if I'm not ready? As ilovecali said... she's perfect on paper. But she's... not my ex. Every time she hugs me, it feels different... everytime we talk, I just think... she's not my ex...

Give yourself a month to recover from your ex. Then grab Sue.

That, I will do. Hopefully, sue'll be around. Holidays are no fun without the significant other... or family... or friends.

Family's gone out of town. Can't go with them due to work
Friends are all home with their families.
Ex-significant other's with the new guy

... just me, a digiorno, wings, and a movie. Happy holidays everyone

... THAT's martyrship! :D

Or just recover, and you'll be ready for many more Sues to come. Remember, Sue is trying to win you over. For a time, you're in power. I would bet, this is not Sue forever. She's trying hard right now. Remember, she's the one who wants you more. Just remember, you are in power, because you DON'T WANT HER! Learn from that lesson.

--Cali

Hey, I'm all alone on Christmas too. Happens to the best of us.

--Cali

I'm stuck with in-laws. Want to trade?

Oof. Whining:

Our school has a network in which all students communicate via web: mail, chat, message, etc.

So we can see who's on and who's not.

Best friend just told me, ISN'T IT WEIRD THAT YOUR EX AND THAT NEW GUY GET ONLINE AT THE SAME TIME EVERYDAY TOGETHER? THEY PLAN TO GET ONLINE TOGETHER...

... grrrrr

To add. BTW, DID YOUR EX TEXT YOU TO SAY MERRY CHRISTMAS? no. OH. WEIRD... SHE MASS-TEXTED EVERYONE ELSE...

... grrrrr

To add. I got my ex an early christmas gift. She got me jack. I financially lost this battle.

... grrrrr

Don't get me wrong. I don't want this woman back. She's got her own issues. Just grrr.

Good place to vent ain't it??

Quote:

Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny

oof, i'm gonna get murdered by the people here...

so...update on SUE.

i'm not sure if i've updated about SUE (new girl)...but we've been hanging out relatively. of course, i have my guard up...most of the time, not wanting to get attached to her. well, she knows my ENTIRE situation. she knows i'm not over my ex...she knows that i don't want to get involved in a relationship...i just simply wanted to just...hang out. go to the movie. go to dinner. things of that nature.

well, since a few days ago, she's been wanting to spend time...a lot. every day. she calls...twice a day. so i talked to her and said:

I would rather not get involved in anything yet. if i do, then you will be a rebound. i like you as a person...we get along great. i don't want you to be my rebound. so please, can we slow it down a bit. take it down a notch?

she understood. she was awesome...then she came over at 3am, wanting to sleep over. ::warning light::. nothing happened. we just talked all night, and cuddled.

in the morning, i woke up to the smell of blueberry muffins baking in the oven...the sound of my washing machine going off...and my dishwasher going off. (oh no). she's cleaning my apt.

what stinks is this: she can clean...like a maid. she can cook...like a grandmother. she does everything...right. on paper, she's perfect. damn. fast forward a day or two. last night, we went out for dinner as it was her birthday. i took her out to dinner, good food, good convo, etc. we end up back at my place. we watch a movie...but we both pass out in the middle of it. i wake up this morning to the smell of crepes. crepes!!! what is going on?!?

her toothbrush is at my sink. she has her facial cleanser here, etc. damn.

tonight, i told her that i might be going to a coffee shop, just to go read a book, etc.. she calls me and asks, WHERE ARE YOU? ...what? she's been waiting for me at the coffee shop. ...i replied by saying, I NEVER SAID THAT I'D BE THERE DEFINITELY...I SAID MAYBE...AND...I DIDNT INSINUATE FOR YOU TO BE THERE...YOU SIMPLY ASKED WHAT I WAS DOING TODAY SO I TOLD YOU. she says YEAH, I JUST WANTED TO SEE YOU...

...so we had a talk. again. about how i'm not ready for such a committed relationship...how i felt suffocated, how much i see her. granted, i told her that i enjoyed spending time with her, but right now, i gotta do my own thing.

...she got upset (rightfully so). but i had to do it. i couldnt be in this quasi-relationship...just couldnt. she said she'd leave me alone, and give me my space, and told me to call her when i'm ready to move on. told her that i'd see her in a few weeks.

...oof. ok. you guys can take your shots.

This might just be an opinion. But here it goes...

Sue knows EXACTLY what she's doing. You laid it out for her and told her you aren't ready for anything. Instead, it seems she isn't even listening since she wants to spend the night, then she cleans, and makes crêpes. IMO she's taking advantage of you in your vulnerable state. She's trying really hard to be perfect right now to win you over--anything to look better than the ex. But from my own experience anyway, almost any other person will look good after a break up, for the soul reason that there is no drama attached to them. So they look more appealing. I dunno, I would just kind of watch out for her.

On another point, do you want a chef and a maid, or a girlfriend? Cause I'm sure all that won't last forever once she finally has you. That kind of perfection can be exhausting to maintain.

Oh, I absolutely agree that she's trying to win me over...

Ironically, she says, I'M NOT TRYING TO WIN YOU OVER! I'M JUST TRYING TO MAKE YOUR LIFE EASIER!

... hahaha

Anyway, regardless of what she does, I know where I'm at and I know (I hope) what I'm doing. I told her to back off... and she didn't. So I changed the way I acted towards her (a bit cold I'm afraid) and she backed off. We still hang out (she'll come over and we'll watch a movie together... or go out to dinner), but she's lightened up a lot.

I'm doing a lot better, cept I still wake up to check if my ex called... and check my email to see if she's written me anything, but I'm sure that'll go away in time. It's only been 2 weeks... and at least I don't check every 5 minutes now. Only 2 - 3 times a day.

Quote:

I'm doing a lot better, cept I still wake up to check if my ex called... and check my email to see if she's written me anything, but I'm sure that'll go away in time. It's only been 2 weeks... and at least I don't check every 5 minutes now. Only 2 - 3 times a day.

Baby steps are better than NO steps. LOL!!

You know... I'm having doubts now.

I just spoke to a friend of mine who knows my situation... says, IT'S NOT JUST THAT ONE GUY THAT'S BEEN SLEEPING OVER... THERE WERE OTHER PEOPLE THERE... KINDA LIKE A SLEEPOVER. AND THE REASON SHE'S NOT CALLING YOU IS BECAUSE SHE DOESN'T WANT YOU TO FEEL BAD ABOUT THE SITUATION... SHE'S GIVING YOU SPACE LIKE SHE SHOULD.

... so... apparently, to this friend, there is NO new guy... and the reason she's not calling is to help me get over her. Is that... weird?

Could this be a HUGE coincidence... that

1) my ex talks a LOT to this new guy...

2) he sleeps over (but apparently, there are other people there... )

3) she's actually thinking of how I feel..

... I mean, is that really a possibility.. am I just losing it? Did I jump to conclusions, thinking she's with a new guy? What if... it actually is a coincidence that she talks to the new guy a lot, and they're just friends that talk... and text and call each other... a lot? So much so that he sleeps over, she drives his car around, and is extremely sketchy about it?

... couldn't be... right? It seems... almost TOO coincidental... right?

Keep thinking you will find even more and exotic things to worry over. Every time someone says something you can trip on. Is this an idle mind at work?

Haha, it's not an idle mind at work. In fact, it's a mind @ 3am at work.

After re-thinking + sleeping on it... there's no way that it's just a big coinky dink. No way. Even if it is, the entire situation was handled so poorly that I just have a bad taste in my mouth about it.

Currently @ work. It's pouring here.

Update:

First of all, happy new year to everyone. I'm sure half of you have already broken your new year's resolution... but that's OK.

I've been doing pretty well... just doing the usual. Granted, I partied a "tad" bit more than I usually do the past week. I'm usually a homebody. I dislike clubbing, and I'll just go to a bar every now and then to catch up with an old friend. I prefer sitting at home and watching a movie or playing a board game. Sad. I know. But it's what I prefer. Anyway, just hanging around.

Last night, I got an e-mail from my ex. It was an explanation of what happened and why it happened the way that it did. This is the gist of it:

- she's so sorry that it happened in this manner
- she felt restricted by the relationship as she wanted more time to hang out with her friends (the problem lies in that... I dislike her friends. They're a bit immature... stuck in high school... they like to gossip and start drama when there really shouldn't be any... so for that reason, I just don't like talking to them)
- she felt that her infatuation with me was waning... granted, she still liked me very much, she just felt like she was slightly losing interest while I was gaining interest
- she felt that I didn't trust her anymore (granted, I was being a BIT suspicious... and my suspicions were confirmed when the guy I was suspicious became the new guy)
- she still cares about me, and always will

... all in all... all I read was, "things i keep telling myself to rationalize what i did"

She has yet to confirm or deny the new guy... and she doesn't have to.

She ended with... "i wish that one day we can be friends, and i will leave you alone until you're ready to talk to me. you can write back, but i understand if you don't."

So... not writing back. That's a given. I'm actually not going to do anything. I will sit here. I will continue doing whatever it was I was doing before this e-mail.

Not.a.setback.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny

update:

...all in all...all i read was, "things i keep telling myself to rationalize what i did"

she has yet to confirm or deny the new guy...and she doesn't have to.

she ended with..."i wish that one day we can be friends, and i will leave you alone until you're ready to talk to me. you can write back, but i understand if you don't."

so...not writing back. that's a given. i'm actually not going to do anything. i will sit here. i will continue doing whatever it was i was doing before this e-mail.

not.a.setback.

Ha, I hate it when they try to rationalize things AFTER the fact, when they are sitting from a totally different perspective. At any rate, I'm glad to see it's not a setback for you and that you're doing good. I was talking to my friend the other day, and my ex's name was mentioned, and I thought it was cool that I could actually say his name without tearing up. Ha. Amazing. Ahh progess. :)

Update:

It's been 4 weeks. Seems like yesterday.

Classes started this week. I found myself looking around every corner to see if she would be there. She wasn't. I didn't see her. Nor did I know what I would do if I saw her. Logically, it didn't make any sense.

Perhaps it's the cold weather... perhaps it's the snow.. but I feel like I'm back on the 2nd week of nc. This is bad.

Winter break was not too difficult. Kept myself busy with work and such things... now that I'm back at school, I find myself constantly running into her friends. Not sure what I'll say to her if I run into her either. I'll be polite and short. But nothing more.

Found out she's been going out a lot... getting sloshed. It's weird... as she doesn't drink, or used to not drink. It indeed, is a weird feeling.

ISneeze... I know how you feel... It's like what happened to the girl I fell in love with? I am fighting the urge to contact her, for some reason since I got off work I have wanted to call or text or something to talk to her.. It's so freakin hard and I don't know what I can possibly do to get over this

I don't feel the urge to call. I don't.

I'm wondering what she's doing. How she's doing. Why she's not calling me. If she even thinks of me. I wonder.

Granted. She's probably getting on with her life, as I should be. And I am. I just get distracted at times.