Ok well she just texted me asking what the verdict was about tonight, and if I'd rather go out to eat tonight or tomorrow night, basically asking which one was better for me. Then she threw in there that her bad influence roommate was going out of town tomorrow instead of tonight. I'm not sure what that has to do with us going to get dinner, other than to say she doesn't really want to go and would rather go hang out with her roommate. I don't know what else that could mean other than that. I just sent a message back saying "Tonight is better for me, but if she and her roommate had plans to go for it." Then she sent one back saying "Well tom would be better because I'm working right now and if we wanted to hang out afterward by ourselves we could, but if you can't do it tom then tonight is fine. U tell me." I am sending one back that says "OK, I'll tell you. I'm sick of trying to take you out to dinner and having it get pushed back every night, so just F it. You wouldn't have even brought up your roommate if you didn't want to hang out with her anyways, so just forget about it." Good? Or no?

You're again allowing her to emotionally control her. When you show her that you're perturbed she is winning. What I would do is I would say, "Well it seems you're really busy and it's rather hard to do this so don't worry about it, no big deal". I guarantee you that would drive her bananas. If she does text you back and says that she wants to go out then tell her to set the time and the place and that you'll "consider" it. You got to get power over yourself back.

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Originally Posted by freakinconfused

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Let it be I was in a four year relation ship it started in 2000 and then my boyfriend told me he wanted a break in 2004, I was in my senior year my grandam had just passed away and my dad had just gotten a brain stroke. So we gave ourselves a two month break and in Sep 15, 2004 he called and said it was over he found someone else. I now what you feel I literally had a hearth ache. Until this day I'm not over him and I still cry for him but then I get angry because I allowed him to hurt me I should have just broken up with him when he decided it, I should have not waited. So just keep this in mind let her have time if she really loves you then everything will work out if not then get over her before you get obssed, like me and can't get over her. I still talk to his family but I can't forget him I still have all his letters, teddy bears and a ring he gave me. And when ever I meet someone new I compare them and if they are not better than him I won't bother. Save yourself.

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Originally Posted by lopezma

Let it be i was in a four year relation ship it started in 2000 and then my boyfriend told me he wanted a break in 2004, i was in my senior year my grandam had just passed away and my dad had just gotten a brain stroke. So we gave our selfs a two month break and in Sep 15, 2004 he called and said it was over he found someone else. I now what you feel i literally had a hearth ache. Until this day im not over him and i still cry for him but then i get angry because i allowed him to hurt me i should of just broken up with him when he decided it, i should have not waited. So just keep this in mind let her have time if she really loves you then everything will work out if not then get over her before you get obssed, like me and can't get over her. I still talk to his family but i can't forget him i still have all his letters, teddy bears and a ring he gave me. And when ever i meet someone new i compare them and if they are not better than him i wont bother. Save yourself.

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You should try and get rid of all that stuff you have of his. I don't think you've made a conscious "choice" to let go. That is why you are perpetually in pain IMO.

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Originally Posted by enigmagnetic

You're again allowing her to emotionally control you. When you show her that you're perturbed she is winning. What I would do is I would say, "Well it seems you're really busy and it's rather hard to do this so don't worry about it, no big deal". I guarantee you that would drive her bananas. If she does text you back and says that she wants to go out then tell her to set the time and the place and that you'll "consider" it. You gotta get power over yourself back.

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OK, it's done. I sent something back that basically is that message. Lets see what happens now

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Originally Posted by freakinconfused

OK, it's done. I sent something back that basically is that message. Lets see what happens now

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That's good, but ideally, my recommendation was that you stop contacting her altogether. You just have to become strong enough to avoid being controlled like this in the future. You also need some emotional disconnection to evaluate whether logically it even makes sense for you to be with her. Good luck.

You are an effin genious! She texted back like 30 seconds later like "No no! I'm not really busy I'm just saying IF tom was OK with you it might be better but I can do din tonight" Ok, so what should I say now? What if I say "why don't you go out with your roommate tonight, and then you can pick a time and place for us to eat, and I'll let you know if that's good for me." Good? Then after this, I can hopefully move on to NC, because she will likely just drop the whole dinner stuff altogether if I put it on her. But first I got to deal with this situation.

Sigh, well I feel the jedi mind tricks might work in your situation, but can you really be with this girl? I mean look how easy it is to manipulate her and how easy she has manipulated you. You guys are still young and you need space. Now take a deep breath and really think about whether you want to go down this road. How old are you two anyway?

You planned to take her out, do it and then have your talk with her.
Don't play one up games, it's childish. Take her out, have you talk and be done with it.

This is what it is;

Indifference is key. You wield it like a sword. You're shield is your logic. If you really want to this the right way you will just not give her any control. You show no emotional disturbance. You always are composed and you become aloof. She's playing little girl games. You have to realize this will probably not change for a while. If you drop your sword or shield she will gain control and your conundrum in all likely hood will resurface. Does this make sense? It's not a healthy situation. That's why most of us have told you to back off. Let's say you get back with her, then what? Do you think she will magically change to this loyal person who doesn't play games? It won't happen if you cave in. I agree with Homegirl 50, though. Undoubtedly it will drive you crazy if you don't find out for yourself. So if you must go out with her, text her back saying this essentially;

"Well I do have some plans tomorrow so it would be hard to do, so it would have to be tonight otherwise no go. Let me know when and where and we can make this happen."

Wait a while before you respond though. If you still have time, then wait until after she gets off work etc. You have to make HER sweat now, like she has been making you. You have to regain the control. Then like homegirl says when you go out, you have to be a MAN. You have to basically say listen this is what I want etc etc etc, then say if it doesn't float your boat then I'm sorry hun but I'm too much a good guy to sit around and play your little girl games. Basically stand up to her and be forward.

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Originally Posted by enigmagnetic

Sigh, well I feel the jedi mind tricks might work in your situation, but can you really be with this girl? I mean look how easy it is to manipulate her and how easy she has manipulated you. You guys are still young and you need space. Now take a deep breath and really think about whether you want to go down this road. How old are you two anyways?

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I'm 25 and she's 24.

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Originally Posted by enigmagnetic

You should try and get rid of all that stuff you have of his. I don't think you've made a conscious "choice" to let go. That is why you are perpetually in pain IMO.

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Believe me I have tried and it still hurts I have so many memories and I only wonder how can he forget me so easily.

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Originally Posted by lopezma

Beleive me i have tried and it still hurts i have so many memories and i only wonder how can he forget me so easily.

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You haven't really tried if you still have all his stuff. I mean really try, make a bonfire out of the stuff he gave you and then tell me you've tried. He forgot you because he made a conscious decision to move on. Something you haven't done. You have a choice, you can either prolong and create a continual pain or you can take the blunt of it and get over once and for all. I go for the second option considering it is the most healthy. You got to move on. "There is no try only do" I think Yoda said that. HAHA two Starwars references in one post, nice...

You know this girl better than we do. A lot of advice is given based on their experiences with their gf/bf.
I don't believe in second guessing a person and playing games. You are in pain and you want it to end. Be yourself, go out with the girl and then tell her how you feel, but also break up with her and go on with your life.
If you two are meant to be, it will happen.

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Originally Posted by enigmagnetic

You haven't really tried if you still have all his stuff. I mean really try, make a bonfire out of the stuff he gave you and then tell me you've tried. He forgot you because he made a conscious decision to move on. Something you haven't done. You have a choice, you can either prolong and create a continual pain or you can take the blunt of it and get over once and for all. I go for the second option considering it is the most healthy. You gotta move on. "There is no try only do" I think Yoda said that. HAHA two Starwars references in one post, nice...

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Okay maybe your right but I'm afraid after I do that I will regret doing that. See after we broke up six months later he contacted me and we made a mutual agreement to be just friend maybe he felt bad for what happen to me. So we went to the movies and I still remember the movie we saw it was "Coach Carter" and neither one of us made a move but I wanted to but I hold back well we still talked for about a month later then we stopped talking and in the "break" we had the only thing I would dream about is him knocking on my door saying I love you lets get back (he was my neighbor). I finally decided to move I could not go to any restaruant or even the beach with out remembering him, (I used to live across the street from the beach) so I moved up to sacramento. Its been 3 years and I'm still in love. Or I don't know if I am cause sometimes I hate him for doing that to me, after all he swore in each letter he loved me.

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Originally Posted by lopezma

Okay maybe your right but im afraid after i do that i will regret doing that. See after we broke up six months later he contacted me and we made a mutual agreement to be just friend maybe he felt bad for what happen to me. So we went to the movies and i still remember the movie we saw it was "Coach Carter" and neither one of us made a move but i wanted to but i hold back well we still talked for about a month later then we stopped talking and in the "break" we had the only thing i would dream about is him knocking on my door saying i love you lets get back (he was my neighbor). I finally decided to move i could not go to any restaruant or even the beach with out remembering him, (i used to live across the street from the beach) so i moved up to sacramento. Its been 3 years and im still in love. or i dont know if i am cause sometimes i hate him for doing that to me, after all he swore in each letter he loved me.

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And you won't regret spending years alone and realizing much later that he isn't coming back? You're obsessed and more than likely just in love with an idea of him. The real him left you long ago. The real him barely talks to you. The real him never attempts to make you feel better. The real him has let you suffer for three years. You don't see that what you see is cuddly little teddy bears he gave you. Make a conscious decision to change and move on and it will happen. Like the sun rising.

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Originally Posted by enigmagnetic

And you won't regret spending years alone and realizing much later that he isn't coming back? You're obsessed and more than likely just in love with an idea of him. The real him left you long ago. The real him barely talks to you. The real him never attempts to make you feel better. The real him has let you suffer for three years. You don't see that what you see is cuddly little teddy bears he gave you. Make a conscious decision to change and move on and it will happen. Like the sun rising.

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Well you know I will do that I have swore over and over again that I will get over him and won't cry anymore. Im only 20 I'm going to be 21 in July I need to get over him. Well I know this is out of the blue but you seem to have knowledge and I need a question answered pronto. Can you look under pets then under dog so you can see my question what do you think about that.

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Originally Posted by lopezma

Well you know i will do that i have swore over and over again that i will get over him and wont cry anymore. Im only 20 im going to be 21 in july i need to get over him. Well i know this is out of the blue but you seem to have knowledge and i need a question answered pronto. can you look under pets then under dog so you can see my question what do you think about that.

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Yeah go to school and get further and improve in life and it will work out. Honey I know nothing of animals :( I haven't had a pet in 6 years. I'm sorry. Google it. LOL, I will tell you what I'm flattered you think I have knowledge. I just am speaking from my experiences. It's trial and error at this point haha.

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Originally Posted by enigmagnetic

Yeah go to school and get further and improve in life and it will work out. Honey I know nothing of animals :( I haven't had a pet in 6 years. I'm sorry. Google it.

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I am I have such a busy schedlue so I don't even know how I had time to sit and express my feeling. Well thank you for the advice and wish you luck. See you

Sorry about your problem. Sounds like you're really hurting. My feeling on this is that your girlfriend doesn't know what she wants. Seems like things were OK until you moved in; maybe she's not really ready to move to a "big city" and live together. Honestly, it sounds like she wants the relationship to end, but is afraid to let go; hence the calling you all the tme. I think you should sit down, and talk to her face to face. Ask her what it is she wants from the relationship, if indeed she does want a relationship. If she wants a "break", tell her it should be a break - no calling every day. Tell her she needs to make a decision. Five weeks is a long time to be left hanging. I don't think it's fair to you, for her to call you every day, but then push you away when it's convenient for her. It' hurts, and will keep on hurting. Don't answer the phone EVERY time she calls, like you're just waiting sitting around waiting for her to call. Hope things turn out okay. I am a firm believer that things happen for a reason - it may not be clear right now, but later it will.