Id like to add that the last paragraph of the post, about the phone call, was simply so that I could see what people thought of it. It has nothing to do with me reaching out to be back together with her or any other bs ideas like that. I have no intentions of beginning contact with her again... more or less the main idea was to think through it, rather than let it eat me away from the inside out.

And if anyone is becoming frusterated with me, I apologize. I haven't noticed that "frusteration is becomming apparant" in peoples replies to me. If that is the case, just tell me to shut up and I will. Sorry if I'm abusing this forum.

Now on to the original reason that I came back here tonight:
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I wanted to let you all know that I'm starting to have moments during my days when I'm truly satisfied with where I'm going. I wouldn't be happy staying where I am, but the fact that I know I'm moving forward is great. Ive been a lot more outgoing to people, complete strangers, and its nice to get a good reaction back. I can see that this is going to be great. I guess I'm starting to understand when people say that someday ill thank my ex for doing this, as it makes me such a better person. The changes that I have wanted for so long are actually beginning to appear - and I can notice it :)

I've also had quite a few thoughts about just dating around, someday being in another relationship. Now I'm not seriously considering this for a while, but before know I always saw it as nearly impossible for me to find another person that I would enjoy being with. My shyness/lack of self esteem always got in the way, but now I'm starting to look forward to it, and not see it as such a challenge anymore...

I guess it's a big thank you to you guys that have helped through the whole ordeal :)

You should feel very proud of yourself Sypher for the positive progress you are making which I am sure will continue and yes, one day you will be thankful (in a way) that this happened because of your internal growth.

It is a blessing (albeit a strange one) in disguise.

Keep moving forward.

Actually, I think that your doing great and don't worry about frustrating us we all know how that goes, as breakups are very frustrating. Your not abusing this forum and feel free to ask any question, or express any feelings you desire. That's the whole point to this forum. And watch your wallet!

I also think your doing well Sypher and I can relate to your pain so very much. It hurts a lot and in fact reading some of your heart felt posts gets me a little upset at times. Brings back memories of the pain I went through. It sucks and it takes a long time to get over it. A real long time. I can assure you of that. Especially when you love someone as much as you obviously loved her.

But your doing very well.

I am a little disappointed that you called her though. Why why why?? You know it won't help you at all. Your putting yourself back!

Please stop it. At least give it a chance for a couple of months will you?

I don't think I will be able to talk to you anymore if you continue to talk to her!! ;)
It is just so clear to see that it just doesn't assist you moving on at all!

I, too, think you are doing great, however, I really wish you would not contact or respond to her for a few months as well. I think that we, as people sitting on the outside looking in, see that you really struggle when she contacts you, when you contact her, or when you think she might contact you. I think if you were able to do this that you would be twice as far ahead and suffering far less pain.

You really don't have to return her calls out of courtesy. You have expressed yourself to her and told her that it hurts you too much, yet she continues. THAT frustrates me! :) I think everyone here has tried and tried to get you to understand how much better you could be if there truly was no contact and how much we see it setting you back when you do have contact. It just draws out the entire process, and that's difficult for us to watch.

By the way, venting your anger here is okay, too. I wonder if you were really angry at the opinions of others or transferring your anger? We really are trying to help you through this, Sypher. I hear your frustrations, too. I feel your pain. I've been there... most of us have.

Glad to hear that you are starting to have periods of feeling satisfied where you are going, and especially pleased to hear that you are working on being more outgoing. That will take you a long way. It will definitely boost the self-esteem. It's all part of the recovery process, and, I think we all agree that you are a much different man now than you were when you first posted here. You are definitely going in the right direction, and soon you will be able to look back at all of this and see just how much progress you have made.

Keep on keeping on, Sypher. You'll be just fine after all is said and done.

Didi

Common Sypher! Get your in gear. You need some alone time. Give it a few months then see how things go with light contact then, if your that bothered that is. There is too much life to live, so live it, plenty of years left yet to meet again.

Guy thanks for the kind words...

This will be a short post, and I promise ill update again later. I have to start my new job in an hour :)

I think you guys are right. I did call her back, and it probably wasn't a good idea. Now nothing has hurt me at all really. I haven't had any real mental trouble with it, other that being nervous - but I suppose that is trouble enough. Though, id much rather have to deal with my own nervousness than to deal with an actual emotional event...

Hopefully my new job will take my mind off it, keep me busy and let me concentrate on other things. Ill let you all know how it goes later tonight :)

Thanks again

Quote:

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Originally Posted by sypher373

Hopefully my new job will take my mind off of it, keep me busy and let me concentrate on other things. Ill let you all know how it goes later tonight :)

Thanks again

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It sure will keep your mind off things.

Good luck with it.

I am sure many people will be here for you if you need to talk...

I am proud of you for standing up for yourself. This is exactly what this forum is for. To get out your feelings and put things into perspective. All of life is about taking a step forward and then two steps back. I don't think you are wrong or unable to take advice. You do take it, absorb it and try to learn from it. I too would be very offended if people said that to me. All you have to do is look at my posts to know I am going through many of the same feelings you are, just different circumstances. We may choose who we are with but we don't choose to have the feelings we have for people, they just are. Being in touch with them and being honest enough to write them down, is the wise and insightful thing to do. Not everyone is so in touch with their emotions, or they mask them behind medications or other ways of avoidance. (nothing against medication for depression and stuf) JUst using that as an example. Please continue on with your soul searching and the discovery of who you are. That is what makes you unique and beautiful. People are seeing that in you more as you slowly put your guard down and let people in. I appreciate all of your feelings and it makes me feel more normal in having mine. So don't worry, I am on your side and I know this process is therapy for you. YOu are getting better. Some days will really suck and some will be better. Let me know what you think of my posts if you are interested in seeing someone go through some messed up stuff!! Peace out!

Good luck with the new job! Hope it goes well for you.

Didi

Hey guys,

I know I said I would update yesterday but I wasn't able too. This job has me pretty busy.

Its great, I love it so far, and I assume it will be enjoyable all summer long. It keeps me busy too, and its nice not to dread going to work in the morning :)

I had a rough start to my week... I lost my stupid wallet. Drivers license, social security, credti cards, bank cards, everything. Wow is that a pain in the butt. Oh well, working on getting all new stuff so I can be organized again.

Other than that, I've been great. Ill probably be updating a little elss frequently now as I'm usually pretty exhausted when I get out of work, but I will still be sure to come on every few days and post something/read a few threads.

Thanks again for all the help :) Its been so nice to know I've got people behind me.

:) :) :)

Glad to hear things are good. And yes, there are people here behind you, for the good and the bad!

I am happy that your job is as good as you thought it was going to be, sypher! It's good that it will keep you busy (for now) - just what the doctor ordered! :D

Arrrrrgggghhhhh! Lost your wallet! Oh, no! What a pain. For future reference, I always keep a photocopy of all of the contents of my wallet (front and back). Then if I lose my wallet I don't have to worry that I've forgotten something, I have all the card #'s at hand, and the phone numbers to report them missing.

We are here if you need to vent. Don't forget to have fun, too! :)

Hugs, Didi

Well,

I bought a new wallet, got my new license today, and one of my cards back. The credit card is coming in next week. I've calmed down about that, still a bummer though.

The job is still going good, and I think your right Didi, keep busy is a great thing.

Here's something I had been thinking of for the last few days, and I'm looking for some input on it.

Throughout my relationship, there were many times when I wanted to go out with my friends, and she didn't want me to. I know its because we spent too much time together and I let her get too attached and gave her too much in the beginning... but that's not the point. My question is this:

I always felt so bad disappointing her, she would tell me that she was sad/disappointed/angry that I was out with them, and not with her, and it would make me so worried about what would happen to us. Ultimately, it lead to me hardly seeing my friends/leaving when I was with them early, and they (rightfully) got a little annoyed with it.

What I'm saying is, does this happen to everyone? Is there always a pull between the friends and the girlfriend? I know it shouldn't have bothered me so much when she said these things, and I should have just let it go... but I felt bad. Am I just too nice of a guy?

By giving in, was I enabling her to do it in the future? Maybe all I needed to do was standup to her, and not let her tell me I'm wrong?

I want to make sure I don't make the same mistake again... the stress of that situation was enough to drive me insane.

Now that's a very good question, How to balance time with your g/f and time with your life?? BIG RED FLAG, making her your life, instead of a part of it. When you lose yourself, any female will get bored or disenchanted with who you have become. You just weren't the guy she fell for anymore. The rest is what you already know first hand.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by sypher373

Heres something I had been thinking of for the last few days, and im looking for some input on it.

Throughout my relationship, there were many times when I wanted to go out with my friends, and she didnt want me to. I know its becuase we spent too much time together and I let her get too attached and gave her too much in the beginning....but thats not the point. My question is this:

I always felt so bad disappointing her, she would tell me that she was sad/disappointed/angry that I was out with them, and not with her, and it would make me so worried about what would happen to us. Ultimately, it lead to me hardly seeing my friends/leaving when I was with them early, and they (rightfully) got a little annoyed with it.

What im saying is, does this happen to everyone? Is there always a pull between the friends and the girlfriend?

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See, this happened to me, when my ex did not have friends or at least, they did not bother with her, when I wanted to see my friends, she would get upset and yet I would invite her along and she would always make an arse of herself by embarrassing me by creating an argument with them so as for me to lose my friends. This really p**sed me off and on reflection now, it is one of those things that I hated about her. She was soooooo selfish... I actually lost a few friends because of her childish ways.. Double standards though with her in that she would blame ME for her losing her friends when I had nothing to do with that, she was just blaming me for her inability to keep in contact with them. She was quite young though so, I would always give her leeway for that.

That is one mistake I would not make again... letting the ex control me in such a way that she has me to herself then has too much, gets bored, dumps me and then goes wild..

So much emotionally smarter after this one and you will be too Sypher..

I am so annoyed with all this relationship marlaky. All the work I've put in as come crashing down due to my stupiding, believing that she wanted to make another go of things. Simply not true. Never EVER make anyone your life.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Jiser

I am so annoyed with all this relationship marlaky. All the work ive put in as come crashing down due to my stupiding, believing that she wanted to make another go of things. Simply not true. Never EVER make anyone your life.

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That's the way it is Jiser 99% of the time.. You do all the work on yourself for you and YOU alone, not with any false hope of the ex coming back because it rarely happens.

Most people who try to work on themselves with false hope of the ex coming back because of this are fooling themselves and defeating the object of doing it in the first place. In the beginning though, this mistake is a common one (in my opinion) and a quick reality check follows.

Then the real healing begins.

Thanks guys,

I do think that it was the biggest mistake I made. Its hard to not fall so hard for someone but to give them everything, but I also must blame this being my first love for part of it. I guess it's the fact of me being naïve because I had never been in love. I wanted to give her everything I had, because I thought that's what she wanted. I suppose it was... for a while.

Either way, its never going to happen again. AT this point, after my relationship, I've gotten to the point where I am more impotrant than any woman in my life. Not my friends, but me. So that means, If I want a night or a weekend with my friends, she will have to accept that. If it comes down to trying to manipulate me via guilt... she can take a hike.

It's a hard lesson to learn, though I suppose the harder it is to learn, the better lesson it is.

Geoff - I am stronger, I can tell. Not anything in particular... but situations I haven't been in for a few months (due to school), I notice that I am not the same person. Mentally, I would say that I have changed more in the last few months than I have in the preceding few years. Its good... just a steep price to pay.

Got that right sypher! Steep price to pay.

It will never be the same for you both, have some patience, and quit caring so much, why should you? Go with the flow

Hi guys,

Its been almost a week now, and I apologize for the long delay.

Its been a busy week. In case your wondering, I love the new job :) I get to go on business lunches, everything... its pretty fun. Not looking forward to school, but that's a few months off still :)

As far as everything else goes... Im doing pretty well. I guess its best I don't start thinking/talking about it because it will start to drive me nuts. It's a little hard when all my friends are busy with their girlfriends, but Im hoping soon we get out days to just hang out with the guys... thats what I'm looking forward too.

I hope everyone's doing well, and happy memorial day :)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by sypher373

I guess its best I dont start thinking/talking about it becuase it will start to drive me nuts. Its a little hard when all my friends are busy with their girlfriends

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Its always hard at first after a breakup to feel down for a while when you see other couples together. It brings back memories and stirs up emotions. That's completely normal Sypher and will happen for a while.

Glad you are doing good and feeling more positive.

I came into this thread a little late, but I'm going through something very similar right now. This will be my second big break up with a partner. The first time I tortured myself exactly like you sypher373, and I know the reason you ask the whole "NC" thing is. And it's not purely because "youll be shutting off any chance that could of been with her" if you look at yourself deep enough, its about that suspicion you've always had of never being good enough. Why not you? Why aren't you good enough? What didn't I do right? Problem is, its not always about what you didn't do for her, what you didn't give her.. It's more about perhaps this time it was the wrong person. I myself believe in love, true love, and fairy tales and have always hoped my recent ex partner would fix herself up, and see that I was the one for her. But the truth is this isn't real life, and it rarely happens. Rebuild mate, and from what I can see it's been 3 years, it's a shame to be in the same negative depressing spiral I was in, but I feel many a young person has or is going through this.

If you read this, you are good enough, you just need to find someone that appreciates you, and all you can be.