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Originally Posted by MPortTiger6262

I had become half of a couple instead of my own person! Like a load of my shoulders! I got chills down my spine and realized what I had become! I sold myself out. I was sacrificing myself for her. I know relationships take sacrifice, but no one...NO ONE should get down on their hands and knees and beg (I'm guilty of it).

Anyway, ironically my ex called me minutes after my revelation. I told her everything. About how I was depressed but I am liberated now. I told her I got over her in the instant I read these posts! This all happened about 2 hours ago. I swear to you do you know how fast the balance of power shifted in our relationship??? She JUST texted me..."I think I am sad without you" and when I talked to her on teh phone I could here her voice crack, fighting back tears. She has been cold and heartless to me for the last two months. This is the first sign of her wanting me in two months. I'm gunna play it by ear and play hard to get.

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Wow, this is encouraging! I admit, I am in a phase where I hope my ex girlfriend decides to come back, but honestly, I do not know that I could take her back. I am angry and hurt by her. We were in a relationship for 8 years and she has been pulling away for some time. We have been in no contact for 8 weeks as of today. I think me wanting her to come back is just me wanting to regain the power in a situation where I feel powerless. I want to be redeemed for the rejection that I have received from her. Does that make sense?

No contact is hard indeed. I can only wonder if she is even missing me. Like the original poster for this thread, I wonder if it means anything at she has left very important stuff of hers at my place. Why initiate no contact and not take care of this up front? She did finally contact me (text message - too chicken to call me) about two weeks ago about the stuff wanting to pick it up around dinner time on Easter Sunday!? With a day's notice! Of course, I said that would not be a good time and tried to arrange a different time. She has left it open ended as she is busy right now - talk about dragging this out! Is she messing with me or what?

GOD I HATE EVERYONE ELSE ON THIS FORUM

Sorry they told me the same thing when my girlfriend wanted a break

OK here's the deal yea give her space but be there for her but don't give yourself to her cause then she'll (not purposely) use you but make her want what you had together yea don't be moopy I was like that in the beginning of my break... not good... just show her that she made a mistake and my experience it worked out and if you really love her and if you can find that spot in the back of her mind that still loves that just has been a little "numb" make her remember it by being yourself and that person who she loved... remember the special things she liked and give it to her like example: my girlfriend loved to have coffee every morning and I used to bring it for her sometimes just to make her happy... when we were on our break I used bring coffee to class in the morning(we have it together) and maybe just look like its for me... she'd talk to me still just friendly and she might just stare at the coffee and id give it her and smile just let her know your still there and you love her and you have enough love for her, and forever

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Originally Posted by dreken105

GOD I HATE EVERYONE ELSE ON THIS FORUM

sorry they told me the same thing when my girlfriend wanted a break

ok heres the deal yea give her space but be there for her but dont give yourself to her cause then she'll (not purposely) use you but make her want wat you had together yea dont be moopy i was like that in the beginning of my break .... not good.... just show her that she made a mistake and my experience it worked out and if you really love her and if you can find that spot in the back of her mind that still loves that just has been alittle "numb" make her remember it by being yourself and taht person who she loved.... remember the special things she liked and give it to her like example: my girlfriend loved to have coffee every morning and i used to bring it for her sometimes just to make her happy..... when we were on our break i used bring coffee to class in the morning(we have it together) and maybe just look like its for me.... she'd talk to me still just friendly and she might just stare at the coffee and id give it her and smile just let her know your still there and you love her and you have enough love for her, and forever

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Speechless.

Hey MPort,

First off, I hope everything works with u. But yeah, if you check my latest post, my ex did come back after a month or so. I gave everything to this girl, I played hard to get, I showed her I was happy, and I showed her that I was OK. But after we got back together, I was just as unhappy as I was before. Nothing changed, she didn't change, the dynamic changed between us and it was extremely painful to watch the relationship fall again as you anticipate another heart-breaking third break up.

After two weeks of getting back together, we broke up. And for the first time in my life, I was OK with it. It didn't hurt, I wasn't depressed, and it actually felt good. I guess all I wanted was a second chance to get rid of the "what if's". I am completely done with her games, I'm over her for good, nothing changed, she's a different person now, and in all fairness, we both deserve better, and we both deserve to be happy.

I have a better chance of single-handedly bringing peace to the middle east than making this relationship work. Fool me once, shame on her, fool me twice, shame on me. Trying to make it work a third time is just stupidity.

Life's good, and it's actually better without her. And my new girlfriend is helping a lot.. LOL. Anyway peace out guys. Good luck with everything.

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Originally Posted by imissher

Hey MPort,

First off, i hope everything works with u. But yeah, if you check my latest post, my ex did come back after a month or so. I gave everything to this girl, i played hard to get, i showed her i was happy, and i showed her that i was ok. But after we got back together, i was just as unhappy as i was before. Nothing changed, she didnt change, the dynamic changed between us and it was extremely painful to watch the relationship fall again as you anticipate another heart-breaking third break up.

After two weeks of getting back together, we broke up. And for the first time in my life, i was ok with it. It didnt hurt, i wasn't depressed, and it actually felt good. I guess all i wanted was a second chance to get rid of the "what if's". I am completely done with her games, im over her for good, nothing changed, shes a different person know, and in all fairness, we both deserve better, and we both deserve to be happy.

I have a better chance of single-handedly bringing peace to the middle east than making this relationship work. Fool me once, shame on her, fool me twice, shame on me. Trying to make it work a third time is just stupidity.

Life's good, and it's actually better without her. And my new girlfriend is helping a lot.. LOL. Anyways peace out guys. good luck with everything.

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You don't write and you never call. Check in and chat sometime dude, you got to keep me posted on these things.

I find it amazing. I have been reading a lot of posts on here. The people who leave the ex alone and give them the space seem to have a lot of luck getting back with their ex. Anyone else notice this pattern.

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Originally Posted by tiredandlonely

I find it amazing. I have been reading a lot of posts on here. The people who leave the ex alone and give them the space seem to have a lot of luck getting back with their ex. Anyone else notice this pattern.

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It's a game dude, it's different for everybody. For example, I happen to have first hand knowledge that he nagged the hell out of her, and it brought her back. I left mine alone, then checked in at about the 2 month mark and she was eating out of my hand. It's different for everyone, ultimately you have to have faith in your knowledge of your partner.

I agree with that. I have made contact several times with my ex. She actually called me once, then we text messaged each other and talked. She won't talk on the phone about much, I think she is hesitant. I don't want to push it with that. I leave her alone, I haven't had contact with her in over a week other than sending her a few email jokes. She is planning on coming to get her stuff, so I will talk to her then I guess. I have been tweaking this game as well. Everything does work different for everyone.

I can tell that she misses me, it is just to get her to talk about it. Any recommendations about that, other than no contact. I think she needs something to get her to talk. The no contact can only do so much.

I think she came back, because of pity. No one deserves crumbs from anybody.

And LOL, my bad zero... didn't reply or post it here cause I'm too busy with this new girl :).

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Originally Posted by dreken105

ok heres the deal yea give her space but be there for her but dont give yourself to her cause then she'll (not purposely) use you but make her want wat you had together

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Have you ever stopped and thought about how impossibly hard it is to 'be there for her but not give yourself to her'. When you are totally in love with someone who sees you as a friend, its damn near impossible to NOT step over that line. I know from experience.

The other comment I have is in referense to MPort. I kind of curious as to how his post might have sounded if he had not heard from his ex right after reading the posts. The advice is good, I'm just skeptical because I know how that glint of false hope can put you at such an emotional high.

Whatever happens, good luck mport

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Originally Posted by imissher

I think she came back, because of pity. No one deserves crumbs from anybody.

and LOL, my bad zero... didn't reply or post it here cause im too busy with this new girl :).

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Aim me biznatch

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Originally Posted by tiredandlonely

I find it amazing. I have been reading a lot of posts on here. The people who leave the ex alone and give them the space seem to have a lot of luck getting back with their ex. Anyone else notice this pattern.

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I also notice that after getting them back, they break up again.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

I also notice that after getting them back, they break up again.

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Let's not be overtly cynical, there is a certain satisfaction derived from knowing things couldn't have worked out and things can't have happened any other way. It's the single biggest factor in the healing process.

It all depends on how dedicated people are about getting back together. Where were all the issues, and how you want to deal with them. If someone breaks it off, it isn't necessarily the end. It could be to give the other person a wake up call, a reality check. Most of the times it isn't the case, but one can never tell.

TAL... THE MAVERICKS LOST LOL... I duno I just had to say that because it was in you're tag. MAVS SUCKKKKKKKKKKKKK. GO RAPTORS.

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Originally Posted by imissher

TAL... THE MAVERICKS LOST LOL.... i duno i just had to say that because it was in you're tag. MAVS SUCKKKKKKKKKKKKK. GO RAPTORS.

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Tal, first the Bears now the Mav's. I hope your not putting money on these games.

If you don't want her to know you need her, she's the wrong girl for you...

Post is over a year old :(

I wish they would update us on how things are going hehe

Regards

Must be going good, since he no longer needs our help

At the time this was posted, it's only been THREE days. Stop panicking, chill out.

You can't expect her to miss you after 3 days (honestly).

I would say make your short term NC goal 2 weeks, Medium goal 1 - 2 months and then long term as an indefinite period.

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Originally Posted by ForeverZero

Here's the deal. Women don't want candies and flowers and gifts. Women want appreciation and respect, both for her, and for yourself. When you beg and plead and buy her all sorts of crap it's completely meaningless. The fact that you've kept her this long is a reflection on how sorry she feels for leaving you. Women don't really admit this often, but what they really want is a challenge. They don't want somebody that's gonna do whatever they say whenever, they want a bad boy. That doesn't mean bad character, that means that they want a guy that's gonna piss them off occasionally. When you present yourself as submissive, you're going to get walked over. Women don't want men they can walk on.

For the time being, you two are done, and you need to let her go. The more you call and beg and plead, the more you prove to her how right she was about you. It's time for you to head off into the world by yourself, and enjoy it. Women don't respond to weakness, they respond to strength, show yours and let her go.

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I fully agree with these posts. At 19 you maybe rushing the obligations of adulthood such as children, house, etc. on her in order to hold her.

That may be too much for her at this age and she may want to see if someone else might be more interesting and (as said) a challenge for her.

They are right also in saying that women don't respect a man that needs them too much - they do respect and want a man that occasionally makes them wonder how secure they are with him.

You're rushing the heavy responsibilities of adulthood - that would scare off a lot of women.
Most want a house and babies but sometime in the future - if they get forced into too soon it will be a drag on them. You can't keep someone you love by saddling them with a lot of obligations.

Life as an adult can be rough regardless of who you are with, and you need to enjoy your younger years without thinking about all those responsibilities and she does too.

If you become truly independent of her and don't bring the subject of house, family up again - she might see you as a fun person - what most women of that age want to do.

MajorHar Page Title

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Originally Posted by LBP

The time for you and her is over. If you want to really drive her away for good, keep doing what you're doing. If you want to salvage some sort of friendship in the future, it's time to remember that the time for YOU has reared its head. Lash some reins on that thing and get ready to work on yourself - it's gonna suck and at times it's going to feel like you've been going through the same old stupid garbage FOREVER, but trust me, things will pass.

Remember your hobbies. Do you have a talent, like skateboarding, drawing or writing? Time to indulge in these things. Go to the gym and hit that weight set, if that's what you need to do. Run, get in shape, play basketball (what a great game that is!). Get a little of that testosterone out of your system with some healthy competition. If you don't have a job, get one and fast!

At the end of the period of your coping, however long it may be, you're going to look back and realize two things. First, that it didn't last nearly as long as you thought it would. Second, that her dumping you may have been one of the best things to ever happen to you.

Let her go, man. Get rid of her cell number, delete her email address and AIM contacts, do whatever you need to do. NO TALKING TO HER! If she cares about you, sometime down the line you can still be friends - there's a lot of years yet to plow, my friend! She has to live for herself, right now, and so do you. Here's the hard truth - when she took you back, after the begging, it was only because she felt pity for you. There was very little affection at work there! In fact, she very likely felt put upon for being the anchor to your emotions. YOu've done some damage that only time and self-improvement will repair.

Get to it. I know you can do this. I know you'll come out of it a happier, stronger and generally improved human being. Good luck and enjoy your journey!

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I fully agree. MajorHart

I remember this like it was 2 years ago... and the Mav and Bears were losers. Some things never change.