Happy Birthday Lovestoned! I didn't call my ex for her birthday and she won't be calling me either. Stick to NC.

I recently saw a few pics of her at her best friends birthday party and it gave me needles all over my body. Ugly feeling. I realize I have to stay away from all thoughts, including pictures.

Happy birthday once again and have a great week end LS!

Hi everyone,
It has been a year since I broke off from a long term relationship of 7 years. I still miss my ex. Sometimes I think its becasue I haven't been with anyone else after him. I'm focusing on my school work and all but at the same time I get sad thinking about if I will ever care for someone the way I cared for my ex. I think about calling him sometimes, but I don't. No contact has worked really well and eased away confusion. I think about the last times he tried contacting me again and that I didn't answer. I think to myself maybe I should have answered. I know I hurt him by ending things the way I did. But he also hurt me while we were together. And then to deal with him wanting me then not wanting me hurt even more after I was offering us another chance together.

I will admit this though... I'm still hurt but not as close as months ago when I couldn't even eat or cried myself to sleep every night.

Any suggestions? Should I call him back?

Please keep all questions regarding the same issue in the same thread so that we can follow your entire story.

If you call him back, you will reset all the progress you've made and go back to square one. If you want to drag out this healing process even longer then go ahead, we can't stop you.

But if you want to heal, you need to completely block him out of your life and pretend as if he doesn't exist. Otherwise, you can't move on with your life.

Hey guys... I feel horrible... I don't know what to do anymore. I was with my ex for 8 years. Broke it off. Then wanted to work things out with my ex but then he wasn't sure of what he wanted thereafter. So I wrote him a letter not to contact me anymore. He tried calling me severl times but I ignored them all. It was going strong with NC. Now Its been 1 year since we've spoken. I cry and hope to one day get back together. Do I feel like this because I haven't been with anyone else? Today I looked at his myspace and didn't see much change. This was the first time browsing his page in a year. Should I call to catch up? I'm really hurting over him and wonder if he feels the same. Plus I changed my number so if he did contact me, he wouldn't be able to.

I would only pursue if you feel you're really over him. It's been a year, and I think it could honestly help to gain some perspective and insight into the possibility of a future.

IF you can be calm about it and not become an emotional wreck during or after (no matter what may be said).

This thread should be merged with your previous one.

And the advice from me is the same,stay no contact,and work on healing completely from your breakup.

How can I merge it? Anyway, its 50/50. I feel like calling him but then its like I see it as a weakness by giving up to call. But than again how will I ever no if we had a chance after having a year to think things through.


And gnomes, that's what scares me. I'm not completely over him. And who knows where my emotions will take me. If I do call or contact him I wouldn't even no where to begin. Just hey how are you. Its been so long. And he'll probably sense a motive behind th call.

I'm nervous about someone breaking NC when they are feeling like crap.

Hell, I'm nervous about someone starting a new relationship when they feel like crap... but with ex's... things can escalate so fast...

The power of NC is it removes conflict from your already conflicted mindset.

I don't believe NC needs to be forever... in fact, I'm willing to admit to using all kinds of different kinds of limited contact... but its more work, more risk...

So... what was wrong before? Why is it better now? Why are you in such a bad place right now?. and define that without it being about him...

One of the moderators or experts will probably merge your threads;the thing is to not start a new thread about the same situation,but to add to your first thread when you want more advice.:-)

I think you need to stop living in the past and start looking to your future,whilst making sure you keep busy,living in the present.

Don't stay stuck overthinking the what ifs.

You are nervous and you are scared that he will sense weakness.

Fear that he might actually see you as you are right now... that just seems to beg for a pause before deciding to engage him at all...

Very true KP. I know I can't hold a friendship with him now. If I was to try, it would be for a different motive. I have tried to move on. I've been doing so many fun things in life and it all boils down to... y am I still unhappy. I'm doing things I've always wanted to do that when I wasn't with him I couldn't do. I'm focused in school, I travel a lot, hang out with friends. Hosted TV shows. I'm stuck.

You'll remain stuck as long as you allow yourself to.

Moving on is a conscious decision we make and then we set about working on it.

I think you need to let go of your dreams of reconciling with him.

If you look at your life realistically,you'll find that you are in a good place.

Okay everyone... here is an update on things. So I unexpectedly came across speaking with my ex online. I made it really brief, But I wanted to say so much more. How you been stuff like that... His birthday is coming and I was wondering if I should open conversation.

Absolutely NOT! I don't know how you can unexpectedly run across someone online, I am not that savvy. What I do know is people and you my dear are struggling to adjust to life without him, and really do need to not have any contact with him, until you are a lot stronger than you are now. Whatever your doing online, stay away from it until you can deal with it better, even if it means skipping his birthday.

LS, I know how hard this is, but you really have to help yourself, and stick with strict NC!

Well it was really unintentionally... Someone hacked into my email account and sent everyone in my contacts an email.. So he replied to it thinking it came from me and so I explained what had happened and told him not to open it. That was it. But I guess I will skip his birthday... But my goodness... its been 2 years since we broke up and I'm just now starting to look at others with somewhat of an interest for them. It is so hard getting over someone you really cared for.

Yes it is. Doesn't take much to get old feelings stirred up. Heck between classmates.com, and high school reunion notices, I go through this all the time, thinking of the good old days of youth and romance and no worries >sigh<.

The sting of a break up fades in time and you can enjoy the memories and smile. Keep NC and you will.

I still think of my ex too sometimes and it's been almost 2 years since break up. But I met someone on April fool day. It will be 4 months on August 1st that we are together. She is amazing, we have a lot of chemistry and she is so much more affectionate and caring than my ex was. But I don't like to compare, all I can say is once you meet someone, the sting of the breakup fades away faster. But make sure you are over your ex.

Cheers!:D

Hey everyone. I have been in no contact with my ex for 2 years and out of no where he decides to email me with some news. And so I replied. He replies weeks later. What can be his intention by doing this? I'm not sure whether to do nc again or keep repling back... It was extremely hard for me to get over him.. Any suggestions :)

Stick with NC.

Guess you didn't learn anything after 2 years of NC.

What were you doing in the meantime?

Guess you got to start over.

No... I mean I've made great progress compared how I used to feel. Maybe because I haven't dated anyone since him that is why I'm finding it hard to just brush him off and forget about him...

He was fishing, he through out the line and hooked you. How did you feel waiting for those couple of weeks for his reply! He made sure he had control right away.
Do you really want to be his ego boost? Go back to "NO Contact".
Don't let him have any control in your life. Its always easy to remember to good times, but for some reason unknown to me, we always make good excuses to ourselves to cover up the bad ones!!

Yeah.. I guess your right... He initially contacted me for a really important reason yet I didn't have to know about it in a way but I was to nice of a person to just not comment on it.. Oh well back to NC here I go again... Thankx for your input :)

I was wondering the same thing after my ex contacted me and I found out the hard way. We started to talk again and trust me, it only gets worse (at least my ex was responding right away to my answers at the beginning) old feelings resurface and you let him fool you for a bit until you feel worse than after the breakup... then you start over.

I'm on my 2nd month of NC now and speaking to him again was the worst mistake I made after the breakup. Don't do the same. I agree with answerme_tender, he's checking if he has any control over you and it ends the same way most of the time : a one night stand at the "best" and you going back to 2 years ago. It's like you didn't make any progress if you let him get to you.

Protect yourself. Stick with NC. Good luck!

Listen lovestoned, I'm all for "no contact" too, and if he was really interested in seeing you again, there wouldn't be weeks between emails, and he wouldn't keep you guessing about what his intentions were. Biut you say you haven't dated in 2 years? Some guys might think you never got over them. Maybe that's what he thinks. But it doesn't matter, what does matter is that you should get back into the social scene. I'm sure you go out with your friends sometimes, just work on getting some dates. Then when an old flame contacts you out of the blue, you won't be in such a vulnerable position. But get out there and have some fun. You should be over this guy after 2 years, but no contact, as great as it is, is not enough.

Who knows what his intentions are for emailing you. So instead of disecting what he could possibily thinking, the question is, what are your intentions for responding? As long as you're ready to face the possible consequences of your own actions, regardless of his actions.

He doesn't have a clue that I still miss him. But I here you with the in between week emails... After an long term relationship I thought giving myself time to get over him was good.

I know what you mean about still missing your ex. But don't give in. Your doing the right thing about giving yourself time, but its been two years. It might be time to go out and start dating. Dating doesn't mean you have to get into any serious relationship, its just getting you back out there. Good luck