I would always be sick to my stomach every day if I talked to my ex casually. It just wouldn't be right.

Too much pain and heartache to deal with. If you keep in touch with a long term relationship spouse, you negate the use of NC, therefore healing.

My first love/lover and I are still friends. It took a long time to get there but he's one of the best friends I have.

We had the chemistry, the passion, but, had we stayed together, one of us would have killed the other by now, unless we stayed in the bedroom, then we'd be fine. ;)

Your ex owes you nothing so therefore he or she doesn't have to talk to you if they don't want to.

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Originally Posted by Altenweg

unless we stayed in the bedroom, then we'd be fine. ;)

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Tell us what you mean by that. Don't be afraid to be specific.

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Originally Posted by chuff

Tell us what you mean by that. Don't be afraid to be specific.

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Wrong thread! I can't hijack another, I'll be spanked! Wait, is that bad?

Don't tempt me, I do that all on my own! ;)

I agree that often it's too difficult for many people to remain friends after a breakup because one or both feels hurt or betrayed.

I personally am not friends with any of my exes. When it was over it was over. Time to move on.

Tried it once with someone that was really special to me. It became difficult to understand that we weren't "together" anymore. So I had to remove myself from the situation.

For many people, trying to be friends makes it very difficult to separate the two types of feelings. Was easier for me to get over the hurt by moving forward.

Chuff, I answered you question in the addiction thread. :)

I still talk to my ex (we were together 13 years). He is still one of my closest friends and in some respects we get on better now than when we were in a relationship.

We were in contact frequently when we first separated (which was amicable), and the contact did not hinder the healing process. In fact, I believe it facilitated it because we both knew with absolute certainty that the relationship was over, but were able to talk about it.

I got married about 4 years after we separated, and he came to the wedding. My husband gets on well with and respects him - they play music together - and we often go to music venues together.

I felt hurt, and pain and loss after our separation, but I was determined not to lose the love and friendship that we had forged over the 13 year relationship.

That determination, on both our parts, has paid off and I am now blessed with a wonderful friend!

Wow, I don't think I would do that or even ready to make friends with my ex. Odd how that worked out for you but good thing it did. Good for you.

For what ever reason you broke up, one of you may not be ready for friendship, because of all the emotions involved. There may not be the same attachments as with one night stands, so its easier to be friends. Sometimes when people move on they don't look back.

I can't be friends with my ex's. I hope their happy but I just can't do it. Sure JR high girlfriends sure. But sexual ones no. I think it just hinders my next relationship and causes problems. When I do get over them that's it no looking back. They usually hurt me and I won't let them do it to me again.

My ex wanted to be friends when she broke up with me, I told her I don't want to be friends. Now 2 years later I still will never be friends with her for using, lying and cheating on me.

My first girlfriend, from high school, it took me 4 years to finally become friends with her and now we are good friends. It took me that long to forgive her for what she had done to me, now my recent ex, we are civil but I don't consider it a friendship and I don't see myself ever being friends with her. 2 years and she breaks up with me over a text after telling my cousin she was going to do it

I think it really boils down to how everything ended and the people involved. If things ended amicably than friendship in the future could be a possibility. However if it ended badly, I don't think friendship is possible. Everyone handles things differently.

I'm still wondering if I could ever be friends with my ex. Right now, the pain is still to fresh to do anything. I'm thinking it will takes years for me to get to that point, if we don't completely lose contact by then.

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Originally Posted by Romefalls19

My first girlfriend, from high school, it took me 4 years to finally become friends with her and now we are good friends. It took me that long to forgive her for what she had done to me, now my recent ex, we are civil but I don't consider it a friendship and I don't see myself ever being friends with her. 2 years and she breaks up with me over a text after telling my cousin she was going to do it

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I hear you the way they go out effects how I feel about them. I've been dumped on the phone by email. And recently by IM. I don't know but it just doesn't set well with me. I suppose it shows how immature they are. I guess if you go out like a B**ch I eventually always think of you that way.

I wonder is sometimes you move on from somebody but then regret leaving the person behind.

Is the grass always greener.

Anyone ever found this and tried to go back ?

Sure, people do that all the time, its part of life and, like many other decisions that people make, when we move on to what was supposed to be "greener grass" we sometimes find a swamp.

I was in the Air Force in North Dakota and fell in love with a girl from a smalll town. When my enlistment was up, I had to decide whether to stay with her (which she wanted) or leave that place, which is quite desolate and artic in the winter, and return to suburbia. My home was in a college town in Maryland. Her father had a big farm machine business (harveting crops for farmers that didn't want to spend the money on the big machines) and I suppose I could have had a decent life had I stayed there.

I broke her heart and decided to come home to Maryland. But you know, what comes around, goes around. I later married a girl that I met on the University of Maryland campus. Turned out she had problems with fits of rage (Man, did I wish I was back in North Dakota after a few episodes of that stuff!), and when I suggested to her father that she should seek counseling, he instead financed a divorce in which she alleged incompatibility.

I told her that hey, if that is what she really wanted, fine, but once she made the decision to divorce I would never take her back. About six months after the divorce, she attempted suicide.

Life is full of stuff like like and the older you get the more you see.

Personally I think even if the 'dumper' did regret what they did.Because they had enough pride to 'dump' even with resistance they are probably the narcisssistic type,which means they would never admit they were wrong,sure they might feel it,but admit it? not unless they know they won't have rejection on your part.Conflict scares the out of them,trust me.

Yeah this question really interests me... I see to think that if u truly love someone they will come back... I did but he no longer wanted me back. He did but couldn't trust me anymore. Now I ask myself if he will ever regret turning me down for another girl.

My ex tried to come back, but I had already walked into a new room in a new hallway. It had a better view and much better interior

My ex didn't try to come back, but she did tell me that she now regrets "how" she ended things, ie; for two months straight, she lied to me about the affair she was having, even though I knew something was going on, and begged her to tell me. She finally broke down one night and told me she was in love with a mutual friend.

Time went on, and I'm in a happy, ten year relationship. She's still with our friend, but they are financially unstable and make foolish financial decisions. I know she misses my cooking!

Really, it doesn't matter. What matters is that we all move on, hopefully to happier situations.

Rome,had to spread the rep,but you can really turn a sentence.. good stuff..

To the op.
Sometimes when I look back I realise 1 or 2 of the guys I was with,really were not as bad as I thought at the time,I was never bloody happy with them!with the distance of time I can see clearly where I was at fault.
But I don't regret the breakups..

What I perceive to be greener grass,might be someone else's burned out ground.

I guess we learn as we go on to look around at the pasture were in,maybe it just needs a cut.

I think it can happen sometimes. Certainly the grass isn't always greener, in fact, rarely ever is the grass greener elsewhere. I think it certainly gives the jilted party a sense of satisfaction if there's ever an indication that the other person has regrets.

Once you've regreted ending something with someone, I find that you can never go back! Or that there's no point because it could never, deep down, be the same ever again.

It's a 50/50 chance that the grass is going to be greener on the other side! ;)

I have to admit that it gives a certain pleasure to know my ex is suffering and I know it is wrong. Really wrong. She dumped me for a guy who is returning to France and wants a long term relationship. She is quite sad and emotional and me on the other hand I'm doing better. Life is ironic.

I don't really bother to think about it much and really don't care if she regrets it or not. She broke-up with me for someone else. If that's what she wanted, why should she regret anything. That how everyone should feel about getting dumped.

I don't have enough time or feel like spending the emotional energy contemplating the what ifs anymore. If she has regrets... that's her problem, not mine!

My ex left me for someone who she said was the complete opposite of me. Does she regret it at the moment? I very much doubt it! Will she doubt it in the future; who knows? You can never really tell what someone really likes, or is attracted to. Most of the time that person doesn't even know themselves!

I've broken up with people before. I've been thinking about it vaguely, recently, and even contacted a couple of them. I tried to quantify if I felt anything for them still, and if I did, would it be worth going back, if the opportunity ever arose. If the connection was never there, we broke up due to personality clashes that neither had changed (although that's hard to ascertain sometimes), or they had text terrorised/begged for days/threatened to kill themselves then I just couldn't see myself even giving them the time of day, as sad it is. They'd lost my respect, and the connection wasn't there. However, with one of them I would give that second chance. Purely because that spark was still there when we spoke, we'd both improved, and they hadn't created a lot of drama when we broke up.

In summary: it depends on a lot of factors on both sides.

There are always regrets in every relationship that has ended, but the point is to learn from these so you don't make the same mistake twice.

What a great question. I know my exes haunt me sometimes, and I would hope I haunt them too, but I'll never know.

I was with my ex GF for 5 years and then I broke up with her. Then I dated someone else for 3 years. To tell you the truth. I do regret dumping my 1st GF of 5 years. The grass is not greener on the other side. It's just different (and in my case, less green on the other side).

Would I go back to my old GF of 5 years? Who knows, but I rather let time pass or date other before I make that decision. However, my old GF of 5 years was the best I ever had and I doubt I will meet somebody like her again.