Ask Me Help Desk - Need some advice

Im sorry guys, Im probably driving you all crazy with all this. I just don't get it. You know, to me, if something's wrong, you fix it. You make things work. I don't play games with people and I don't understand why someone else would. I believe that when you have children, both parents should be trying to make things work instead of all that. I've had a family before and I know what it takes.

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Originally Posted by Kitkat22

Good Tal, can't spread the reputation. But you are right.

So that's where Im weak?

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So just let it go right? Ignore it and let it go.

BINGO, see how simple that is. Keep doing it, and the ways of crazy females, won't even bother you, because you will know what to do.

And when you get one who is not crazy, oh, will you appreciate her!

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Originally Posted by talaniman

BINGO, see how simple that is. Keep doing it, and the ways of crazy females, won't even bother you, because you will know what to do.

And when you get one who is not crazy, oh, will you appreciate her!

I think Im starting to see it now. I guess my efforts just make things worse with her. And I shouldn't be worrying about defending myself with her when she blames me. The less I worry about it, the better it will be and she will eventually figure out that her controlling ways don't work on me anymore?

Don't be sorry.
We all can be weak. Its human to be at times.

Just don't go down a path that isn't right.

That will hurt 10 fold later.

DD

She knows she has you by the short and curlies , and she can do or say anything she wants and you'll still be there waiting in the wings and trying to make things right. I applaud your morals on families etc which is very noble , unfortunately she hasn't got the same morals.

You see that's the weakness , so you have to let her know you won't put up with her cr*p and still be there if it continues.

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Originally Posted by friend4u178

DD

She konws she has you by the short and curlies , and she can do or say anything she wants and you'll still be there waiting in the wings and trying to make things right. I applaud your morals on families etc which is very noble , unfortunately she hasn't got the same morals.

You see that's the weakness , so you have to let her know you won't put up with her cr*p and still be there if it continues.

I really think Im getting it. So the less I act like I care, the more she might actually try to treat me better if she really wants things to work?

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Originally Posted by darkdays

So now Im weak? Why is that? I guess I just don't get it.

You are weak because you let this woman make you miserable! When she says jump, you say how high! You depend on a text or a call or a little hope and a smile from her to make you happy. You depend on her to make you happy or miserable. She calls all the shots. She gives you a kind word and your on cloud nine and when she's ticked you hit bottom.

All the time that little child is caught right in the middle. I guarantee if you don't get your act together and start acting like a man and putting that child first, he will be in therapy by the time he is ten years old. God help these children who are born into a scewed up lifestyle like you and this " ex" have made for him.

I think I got it. I should just act like it doesn't bother me either way. If things are fine, then fine. And if not with her, then it's still fine.
Do you think I was acting like a woman normally would?

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Originally Posted by darkdays

I think I got it. I should just act like it doesn't bother me either way. If things are fine, then fine. And if not with her, then it's still fine.
Do you think I was acting like a woman normally would?

You aren't a woman are you?:confused:

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Originally Posted by Kitkat22

You aren't a woman are you?:confused:

Of course not, but do you think that's how I was dealing with all this?

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Originally Posted by darkdays

Of course not, but do you think that's how I was dealing with all this?

Women most of them, wouldn't put up with the she's treated you. Women would tell a man who treated them this way where to get off. There are some women who are doormats, but I haven't seen one of the woman on here who are longtime members tell you to be a carpet.

Women think with their brain and women and most good men would never treat their child or wife or girlfriend the way this woman is doing you. If a man ever tried that I'd take a broom to his head
The guys on this forum treat their children like a true father should. No you're not acting like a woman. Women are nurterers , your ex has nuteured you.

I had no idea you were a woman KitKat.
But anyway, I guess from your perspective, I should be more of a man about things. Getting bent out of shape from her just gives her more power or ego I guess. And just makes me the doormat. I guess it's mainly my fault. I just enabled it and made her this way by falling into it and letting her do it. Im always the one stepping on eggshells. I feel like such a wuss. But I hope you understand, I thought I was being what she wanted. I only took it all the time because I loved her and cared for her. I would have done anything for her, and I have. And all she did was take advantage.

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Originally Posted by darkdays

I had no idea you were a woman KitKat.
But anyways, I guess from your perspective, I should be more of a man about things. Getting bent out of shape from her just gives her more power or ego I guess. And just makes me the doormat. I guess it's mainly my fault. I just enabled it and made her this way by falling into it and letting her do it. Im always the one stepping on eggshells. I feel like such a wuss. But I hope you understand, I thought I was being what she wanted. I only took it all the time because I loved her and cared for her. I would have done anything for her, and I have. And all she did was take advantage.

Good for you, you have seen the light! Now start getting you self respect back and leave her alone. Concentrate on the kids. It's her loss!

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Originally Posted by Kitkat22

Good for you, you have seen the light! Now start getting you self respect back and leave her alone. Concentrate on the kids. It's her loss!

You're right. I still wish it could work out with her though, you know.
Do you think it's too late after being her wuss boy for so long?

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Originally Posted by darkdays

You're right. I still wish it could work out with her though, you know.
Do you think it's too late after being her wuss boy for so long?

Yes I do! Sorry

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Originally Posted by Kitkat22

Yes I do! Sorry

That's OK, you don't have to be sorry. I appreciate your honesty.
I just don't understand if that's trye, then why was everything going so good last Saturday when we were together? She was really happy and she even said she wished it could have lasted longer, even said she loved me.

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I only took it all the time because I loved her and cared for her. I would have done anything for her, and I have. And all she did was take advantage.

Give your love to some one that gives it back, once they stop giving then you should also, if you continue giving it you will be the only one ending up being in so much pain. You can't make someone love you, or care for you. Don't hold on the words she said in the past, present, and future. They are only words. Feeling heart broken does not make a different if you are 10 or 100 years old, it will make you do the same idiotic things, beg, hoping for that false hope to come true. Hold on the good memories and dwell on them every moment you get a chance. Make excuses of why you can't move on,and she is the only reason of your happiness. You did your best to make her happy, it didn't work so now move on and do your best to make YOU happy and your children. Think logical not emotional. Instead of using the energy you have left of fighting for the perfect family, why don't you use it to find a perfect life for your kids in the future. Girls comes and go, but your kids will always love you. No matter if your poor, rich, happy or sad, they will always love you. So why don't you put all your love to all your 4 kids and stop loving the person that no longer deserve to feel love from you. God bless and hope your dark days will eventually turn into happy moments.

Hey everyone, I've got some good news and some weird news. First off, it's over between me and my ex-girlfriend. I did what I know I shouldn't have did, but I did it because I just thought I had to. For the past two days, I emailed her begging and pleading to give things another chance and that I would change and I was sorry about the email thing a few days ago. Well all she did was put me down, tell me it's over and she deserves better and blah, blah, blah. I even called her at the end of the day and boy did she let me have it. I mean she was mean as anything. I could just see the flip side again as I've seen before in her. Well, to say the least, it hit me we were once again for the thousandth time over and done with. And needless to say I was down in the dumps. So, that's done.
Now, not long after that call, I get a call from a job I applied to. They told me I could start next week. So, that's a good thing.
And then this evening, I stopped by the bank to give them my new address. When I went in, there was this woman dropping a bag full of change into the coin counter. She was very attractive. As I was sitting there waiting for the teller, I glanced at her slightly and she did also. Right after I walked out and got into my truck, she came out. So I figured what the heck. So before she got into her car, I rolled down my window and used an opening line, I know, but I had nothing else to think of at the time. I said, "excuse me, but don't I know you from somewhere?" She said maybe. So I asked her name and acted like it might sound familiar. As we were talking, I was trying to look at her hand to see if there was a ring, but it was so hard to because her pretty eyes were so dead set into mine and I didn't want to give it away as to what I was doing. But I did give it one quick glance, and her keys were blocking her finger. I think she saw me look, and then she grabs the keys with her right hand as almost to let me see her left. So after I noticed she was not wearing a ring, and at the end of the bogus conversation I started, I simply asked her if she was with anyone. She said "no, Im not with anyone". So I asked if I could give her my number and she accepted. She had one of the prettiest smiles I've ever seen, and from how she talked, I could almost get a feel that she is a good one. Before we parted ways, she said she will call me sometime.
The whole ride home coming down the highway, I couldn't help smiling, like I haven't smiled in so long. I kept thinking about her, and every song on the radio had me thinking about meeting her. It was almost, maybe even the same feeling I remember having when I met my ex.
So then, when I got home I called my ex. She didn't answer, so I left a message. I told her I apologize for bugging her the past two days, and I told her about meeting this new woman. I thanked her for breaking it off with me, because if she wouldn't have, I would have never approached this woman I met at the bank. I told her I feel happier now, and that there are no hard feelings and I hope we will be able to be friends because of having a child together, and that Im ready to start the new chapter in my life.

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Originally Posted by darkdays

Hey everyone, I've got some good news and some weird news. First off, it's over between me and my ex-girlfriend. I did what I know I shouldn't have did, but I did it because I just thought I had to. For the past two days, I emailed her begging and pleading to give things another chance and that I would change and I was sorry about the email thing a few days ago. Well all she did was put me down, tell me it's over and she deserves better and blah, blah, blah. I even called her at the end of the day and boy did she let me have it. I mean she was mean as anything. I could just see the flip side again as I've seen before in her. Well, to say the least, it hit me we were once again for the thousandth time over and done with. And needless to say I was down in the dumps. So, that's done.
Now, not long after that call, I get a call from a job I applied to. They told me I could start next week. So, that's a good thing.
And then this evening, I stopped by the bank to give them my new address. When I went in, there was this woman dropping a bag full of change into the coin counter. She was very attractive. As I was sitting there waiting for the teller, I glanced at her slightly and she did also. Right after I walked out and got into my truck, she came out. So I figured what the heck. So before she got into her car, I rolled down my window and used an opening line, I know, but I had nothing else to think of at the time. I said, "excuse me, but don't I know you from somewhere?" She said maybe. So I asked her name and acted like it might sound familiar. As we were talking, I was trying to look at her hand to see if there was a ring, but it was so hard to because her pretty eyes were so dead set into mine and I didn't want to give it away as to what I was doing. But I did give it one quick glance, and her keys were blocking her finger. I think she saw me look, and then she grabs the keys with her right hand as almost to let me see her left. So after I noticed she was not wearing a ring, and at the end of the bogus conversation I started, I simply asked her if she was with anyone. She said "no, Im not with anyone". So I asked if I could give her my number and she accepted. She had one of the prettiest smiles I've ever seen, and from how she talked, I could almost get a feel that she is a good one. Before we parted ways, she said she will call me sometime.
The whole ride home coming down the highway, I couldn't help smiling, like I haven't smiled in so long. I kept thinking about her, and every song on the radio had me thinking about meeting her. It was almost, maybe even the same feeling I remember having when I met my ex.
So then, when I got home I called my ex. She didn't answer, so I left a message. I told her I apologize for bugging her the past two days, and I told her about meeting this new woman. I thanked her for breaking it off with me, because if she wouldn't have, I would have never approached this woman I met at the bank. I told her I feel happier now, and that there are no hard feelings and I hope we will be able to be friends because of having a child together, and that Im ready to start the new chapter in my life.

Go slow.. rebound relationships can leave you in worse shape. Be cautious! It's okay to date but don't go into it with unrealistic expectations. Take it slow.:)

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Originally Posted by Kitkat22

Go slow..rebound relationships can leave you in worse shape. Be cautious! It's okay to date but don't go into it with unrealistic expectations. Take it slow.:)

How could it leave me in worse shape? Just meeting her has already made me happier than I've been in so long.

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Originally Posted by darkdays

How could it leave me in worse shape? Just meeting her has already made me happier than I've been in so long.

Good luck, but take it slowly... :)

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Originally Posted by Kitkat22

Good luck, but take it slowly....:)

Ok, thanks

I'm glad things are going well for you darkdays, be patient and keep your head up. Don't rush into this lady you just spoke to and take things slow and really get to know each other. Happy for you man!

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Originally Posted by Showme_urmove

i'm glad things are going well for you darkdays, be patient and keep your head up. dont rush into this lady you just spoke to and take things slow and really get to know eachother. Happy for you man!

Thank you.

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Originally Posted by darkdays

Thank you.

Be sweet.. Good to hear your smiling again! Goodnight!;);)

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Originally Posted by Kitkat22

Be sweet..Good to hear your smiling again! Goodnight!;);)

Thank you, goodnight.

Begging & pleading.

Then a phone number, not too long after. Nice vote of confidence, but.

Decide what exactly it is you want.

You were boo-hooing about family and what not. Your son and rekindling things with your other kids, etc...

Don't make another mistake.

Another woman isn't the answer right now.

But date away.

Just make sure your priorities are in place. So they know why.

Be strong! Look up! Thank God he gave you the things you have. Pray.

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Originally Posted by vanheart

Begging & pleading.

Then a phone number, not too long after. Nice vote of confidence, but.

Decide what exactly it is you want.

You were boo-hooing about family and what not. Your son and rekindling things with your other kids, etc...

Dont make another mistake.

Another woman isnt the answer right now.

But date away.

Just make sure your priorities are in place. So they know why.

I did decide exactly what I want. I tried the whole bit with my ex by trying to get her back by apologizing and telling her I will change and how beautiful of a family we could have together and all that. Like I said, it got me absolutely nowhere, and dealing with this in and out thing for three years, I give up. I just decided to let it go at that, and that is one of the reasons I called and left a message to tell her I moved on in hopes that she won't even try to come back in time this time. I've had enough.
Then, when I saw this other woman, I just decided to go for it. What the hell would I need time for? Im not the one that doesn't know how to have a serious committed relationship, it's my ex that can't do that. And why give time to get over it? It's done! That's it, and she even made that clear, so any feelings that were all part of that relationship are now invalid and useless to hold onto if the relationship is dead. So, no time to move on like the present.
When my ex-wife used to leave and come back multiple times during our marriage. After the final time of that back in 2006, I met my ex-girlfriend 2 weeks after and never looked back.
These type of women that you give your all to over and over and sacrifice your own pride, heart and soul, that just keep putting you through it are not worth the time of day. There comes a point when you realize that, just like I did yesterday, I had enough.
Yeah, you can say that I boo-hooed. I tried to save a family. And I went to all extents to do so, so don't act like I need to be careful or that I need to get my priorities straight. And I tried not only for myself, but my child as well. She was impossible, so now she can be responsible for that for now on, and I wash my hands of it.

Glad you came to that realization.

Hey don't get your feathers ruffled. Just trying to help.

Like you said, you met your ex 2 weeks after your ex-wife.

And yes, I do think its about priorities. And learning from both successes & mistakes. To not repeat them.

That's all.

Here's some quotes from your OP:

"Everything in my life is so messed up"

"Nothing ever seems to go right"

"I just don't understand why everything is such a mess"

"Everything gets worse and worse and Im always depressed"

Our lives are our own. No one else's. Its all about the decisions we make. All based on learning from the past.

To make ourselves better.

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Originally Posted by vanheart

Glad you came to that realization.

Hey dont get your feathers ruffled. Just trying to help.

Like you said, you met your ex 2 weeks after your ex-wife.

And yes, I do think its about priorities. And learning from both successes & mistakes. To not repeat them.

Thats all.

Heres some quotes from your OP:

"Everything in my life is so messed up"

"Nothing ever seems to go right"

"I just don't understand why everything is such a mess"

"Everything gets worse and worse and Im always depressed"

Our lives are our own. No one else's. Its all about the decisions we make. All based on learning from the past.

To make ourselves better.

We're all trying to help dark days and we spend time here trying to pull people through bad times. Van's only trying to help and so am I!:)

Right Vanheart, it is all about learning and making better decisions. It's not that I made bad ones before, you can't always tell what a person is going to do in time to come or what unexpected events may happen either. But whether in my marriage, or with my ex-girlfriend, my heart was in it for the duration, and I believe in working out problems and committing myself to that one person for the duration. When I say forever, it's forever. It's not a word I take lightly. But, when the other decides it's done for them, there is only so much you can do. Now, I think I deserve huge credit for not only looking out for my children to maintain a family life for them, but also taking on any and all blame and losing a lot to maintain the relationship. Now, maybe I shouldn't have given in as much as I did, that could have been a mistake. It seems it only enabled them for them to take advantage, but, my heart was in the right place, while theirs were not.
So after giving it my all to the fullest extent down to the last wire, and it still didn't work out, it was just time to say goodbye to the old and move on immediately.
Luckily, and not to be arrogant, I still have the charm, looks, and confidence to find someone new. And hopefully, that person will be worthy of what I have to offer.

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Originally Posted by Kitkat22

We're all trying to help dark days and we spend time here trying to pull people through bad times. Van's only trying to help and so am I!:)

I know that, and you all have helped tremendously. Don't take what I said to offence. I was simply explaining myself.
I enjoy my experience on here.

Im sure you do.
And your intentions are yours. But not everyone is meant to be together.
Want what you want or you.

Its more about being aware for the next time.

While you are using your charm, use your gut.

And yes, there's lots of amazing people out there. Just make sure.

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When my ex-wife used to leave and come back multiple times during our marriage. After the final time of that back in 2006, I met my ex-girlfriend 2 weeks after and never looked back.

Seems your repeating that pattern again. Will you be getting her pregnant too?

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Originally Posted by vanheart

Im sure you do.
And your intentions are yours. But not everyone is meant to be together.
Want what you want or you.

Its more about being aware for the next time.

While you are using your charm, use your gut.

And yes, theres lots of amazing people out there. Just make sure.

Of course. When I met my ex-girlfriend, I noticed she didn't have any of the flaws of my ex-wife, so at the time I thought she would be a good choice. Then after three months together, she got pregnant with our son. It wasn't until then that I saw some of the deeper dark things about her. She knew she had me hooked because of being pregnant with my child. And I put up with a lot.
So anyway, of course I have learned from that experience. First thing, Im definitely not going to get someone else pregnant, no matter if they want to have my child or not. I think four is enough, and Im already disappointed that none of them have their own family anymore. And of course any signs that show me anything weird about them.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Seems your repeating that pattern again. Will you be getting her pregnant too?

Of course not.

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Originally Posted by darkdays

Of course. When I met my ex-girlfriend, I noticed she didn't have any of the flaws of my ex-wife, so at the time I thought she would be a good choice. Then after three months together, she got pregnant with our son. It wasn't until then that I saw some of the deeper dark things about her. She knew she had me hooked because of being pregnant with my child. And I put up with alot.
So anyway, of course I have learned from that experience. First thing, Im definitely not going to get someone else pregnant, no matter if they want to have my child or not. I think four is enough, and Im already disappointed that none of them have their own family anymore. And of course any signs that show me anything weird about them.

I think one was enough. Get your head together. Those four kids need stability in their lives. Use a condom.:(

Its about you. First.

Dig into that. Before your next move.

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Originally Posted by Kitkat22

I think one was enough. Get your head together. Those four kids need stability in their lives. Use a condom.:(

Don't worry, I definitely will. I've lost my trust in women to be stable enough to have a family with.