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Just wondering and fearing. There is a possibility that my relationship may end soon here. This is going to (and pretty much already is by just the possibility of it) rip me to pieces. I am so scared of it and if it happens I don't know if I can even endure it. I am not going to give the reasons behind the possibility (as they were in all of the other posts) and the other is a little embarrassing. My question is this, how long is it going to take for me to heal? I love her more than life itself and honestly I feel like I will be nothing without her. I feel like I am standing on this edge looking over a cliff, every moment I lean just a little more forward. When I look down I can invision myself plunging to the ground and being crushed by it so much so that no one could put the pieces back together. There is a chance the wind will not blow me off the ledge but there is a chance it will. I am super scared of this. But if it does happen, how long will I suffer?

Sometimes we just have to walk away even though its heartbreaking.

If that's what you're planning on doing,you have to stay focused and should go no contact and stick to it.

There is great advice in the stickies and you have us, your cyber supportgroup.
We're not all in the same timezone so mostly somebody will be online to offer help and guidance.


As for your question,I can't tell you how long it will take.

We are all different and it just takes the time it takes.

Personally ,but that's me,it has taken me between two and six months.

Working actively on healing is a must,as,in my opinion,is no contact-a detox and eventually a fresh start and a new life.

amicon, you're right. I am not planning on walking away but if the worst happens I am going to. I can't stand the relationship to take another bad turn. This is just the last try you know, if what I am fear does happen, there is nothing left for me to do but leave. I hate it, but I also know that I have to do it if that were to happen.

I know it'll kill me but I just don't even know how to survive without her. I won't hold on to the relationship if it should happen. (ok I got to explane I guess.) She is thinking that she is going to lose her apartment and if she does she is going to move back to her home state, Florida. I just told her that I am not moving down there, even if she goes I can't bring myself to do that type of thing again. I told her that I am not willing to move from my home state again.

That maybe I would later in life but I couldn't even promise her that my mind will change at all. I told her that she has to think about the fact that I may never be willing to move there and that if that is something that is a deal breaker she has a choice to make. I am not being stubborn, I love her, but if we were to move there and she left me, I would have nothing, I would have no one and no where to go. I just can't take that risk.

She has yet to tell me what she thinks about all that, but the point is the same. There is a 50/50 chance that this might happen, and if it does, I know I won't last with a long distance relationship with her because at the moment we have been far too volitile. Add distance to that and its just not going to work. Besides I need touch, I need time. These are things that would always be lacking. And there is no way in heck I am marrying a person that doesn't even live in the same state as me.

Am I being too bullheaded about moving? She told me she would never ask me to leave my family again, though she would want me to come with her. I just can't leave this state, I love it so much and I have no clue whether I would even like Florida, let alone love it.

I guess that is where this thread was going to lead... I can see her point too though. Her kids dad is down there and the trips to meet half-way are super expensive not to mention a huge pain in the rear. Plus their dad would get to see them more and vise versa. And lastly all of her foster family lives there, and I know she would want to live there again. The reason she moved her in the first place was just a stupid one at that, but she wants to stay and stay with me too. But with no where to go, she doesn't have much of a choice. This is why it would have been better for me to have had my own place...

Guess we wrote our own death warrents for this relationship. This relationship has become for too much of a challenge to add distance to the mix. I love her but I can't be frustrated 24/7 and certainly not in an unfamiliar place at that.

God this just sucks so bad. I stop giving her cash and she can't foot the rent. Now she is going to have to leave state. I can't win.

My biggest worry though, is that I am going to die a long, painful, lonely death filled with years and years of pure misory...

You can not win because you keep defeating yourself.

It is all in your out look and your only out look depends on somebody that does not even care for you.

Stop paying the rent, it is up to her to start taking care of herself and you need to take care of yourself as well.

She needs to stop relying on your own paycheck, when she is quite capable of making her own money but does not want to because she thinks she will get less cash out of the government.

Your making your life miserable all on your own for excepting this behavior and staying in an arrangement relationship that is going no where.

STOP being so dependent on somebody else for your happiness. Maybe your just addicted to sadness, because that is all your focused on and that is all your going to get until you change your attitude.

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Originally Posted by Larken85

amicon, you're right. I am not planning on walking away but if the worst happens I am going to. . .

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What might that be? Cheating?

I speak for myself, but when I'm the one to cut ties, it's a little easier on my ego and I can recover faster, but not much faster. The real benefit of being the dumper is that I'll have proof that I am strong enough to act when things go south; it's better for my ego in the long-run. I've found that my average time-line to heal is nine months no matter how long the relationship lasted. Obviously, I can't tell you yours, but it's the best answer I could give.

Anyway, with all this negative energy you have about the relationship, you can bet she feels the same way. Trying to save this one will be an uphill battle. The right thing to do would be to walk away like amicon said.

Just because the chapter in your life seems to be ending, doesn't mean another is not coming.

I don't see you as losing. Just making the necessary adjustments for yourself. Never be afraid to do that.

If there were a "matters-of-the-heart" doctor, that could write a prescription for your happiness, that doctor would probably let it work out that she leaves, and you go on to find love elsewhere.

I'm sorry, but this is not getting you anywhere fast.

Love should not be as hard as this.

As far as the "mourning" period, that varies from person to person. But I can tell you that life does go on.

Who knows what you will be doing one, three, five years down the road? You can be, and do whatever you wish to be, and do. If you want to be miserable, then that is a shame, and a terrible waste of time. But if you want to be happy, and stay happy, then go find it.

Not many people are so lucky to keep the first love in their lives. Yes, it does happen, but more times than not, we revisit love time and time again before we find the one we eventually marry.

My Daddy taught me a long time ago, "If it don't fit, don't force it."

Good luck to you.

Dude you are being way too dramatic.
I think this is the best thing for you, this is the answer to your dilemma and I think you know this.
This lady is going where it will be easy. You are showing some brawn and she knows her cash cow may be drying up. She is looking out for herself.
You will soon be free to heal and move on with your life and the longer she is gone the more you are going to realize how trapped you were.
I see good times and happiness for you

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Originally Posted by Larken85

God this just sucks so bad. I stop giving her cash and she can't foot the rent. now she is going to have to leave state. I can't win.

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So you can't afford to keep her and she's just going to scoot off , doesn't the relationship mean enough to her to get off her Butt and get a Job , certainly doesn't sound like it? Sorry for being cynical but I think this is her attempt to blackmail you into giving her money for the rent again , I could be wrong but don't fall for it.

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Originally Posted by Larken85

My biggest worry though, is that I am going to die a long, painful, lonely death filled with years and years of pure misory...

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You'll be fine , it'll hurt for a while but I honestly believe it's worth this hurt so you can get your life on track and then down the line you'll meet someone you can have a functional Relationship with.

And don't forget we'll all be here to help you through it Larken.

You have every right to fear moving into a different state with someone. If the relationship is shaking on rocks in the first place, things need to be fixed before a long-term commitment is going to be made.

Why is her only option to move back to Fl. Do you not matter? Why can't the two of you figure something out? If she loved you, she wouldn't dangle that in front of you as a threat. There are other apts in your area I'm sure... why does she need to move if she loses this one?

Everything just seems so wrong when you talk about this relationship. You love this girl. I can see it in how you write.. but she's also got you by the balls tight.

If you're paying her bills, how is she losing the apt? Did you not just recently decide not to pay her rent? Sorry, but you don't lose your home after one pmt not being made.

This relationship is way to confusing. She's trapping you. She's smothering you and now she's threatening you.

I think the ball should be in your court, not hers. Its her decision to move back home... but you should be a deciding factor in that, not an apt. How shallow is that?

Maybe she needs to leave. She needs to go latch onto someone else and let you be free. Stop suffocating yourself!

What she's saying is you can't afford me and if you want this relationship to work, you better have enough money to support me and my kids and I don't care how you do it.

You can keep giving her money but you know darn well that this relationship is not sustainable long term unless you won't the lottery or something.

I suggest next time taking thing slower and know what you get yourself into. If you listen to Jlo. True Love is not suppose to cost a thing.





Love Don't Cost A Thing Lyrics


Think you got to keep me iced
You don't
Think Im going to spend your cash
I won't
Even if you were broke
My love don't cost a thing
Think I want to drive your benz
I don't
Think I want to floss I got my own
Even if you were broke
My love don't cost a thing

When you rolled up in the escalade
Saw that truck you gave to the valet
Knew that it was game when you looked at me
Pulling up your sleeve so I could see the rolley bling
Saw you later in the corner booth
Raising up a toast so I would notice you
But your hearts a mess
Think you out of know
Doesn't matter if you're balling out of control

2 - all that matters is
That you treat me right
Give me all the things I need
That money can't buy yeah

Repeat 1

When I took a chance
Thought you'd understand
Baby credit cards aren't romance
So you're tryna buy what's already yours
What I need from is not available in stores
Seen a side of you that I really feel
Doing way too much, never keep it real
If it doesn't change, got to hit the road
Now Im leaving, wheres my keys?
Ive got to go

I have to say I really hate Jlow, sorry lol. Reason we're losing the apartment is because I used all of my money on me and she used all of her money to transsport her kids to see their dad over spring break. It means that we are one full month late on the rent and we are waiting for my money and her money to come back in. We have figured out that we can make it, even though we are going to be strapped for cash for the next two months... I know I know...

You keep blaming yourself for this... Yep your to blame because you are the one that continues to be suckered.

You mean after all that gloom and doom talk, and everyone actually being happy for you, you still are waiting to get some money to help her out? Unbelievable! This will happen again dude, for sure. She will keep you broke.

So when did you actually stop helping her out financially?

After everything is said and done, whether you both get the pmt in on time or not... She is still threatening to leave you completely by moving back to FL if she loses the apt.

In other words, she's not going to try and make it work if everything falls apart.

Why do you want to be with someone like that?

Seriously, you deserve the pain if you're going to be this blind!

Wow hold on, she isn't threatening to leave me completely, she won't have much of a choice. Of course I would get another place and then she'd just move in before I'd let her just go back to FL. She doesn't want to go back to FL and she needs my help to stay. She doesn't make enough money to do it on her own and I am willing to provide her with what she needs. I stopped giving her money a few weeks ago, but now am regretting it because it was a very bad time to do so. So I am going to help her keep her place for the next two months and then it is up to her. Two months out of my life isn't that much to help someone I love even if she is the main cause of stress in my life.

She isn't just saying it to get money out of me either, she honestly needs the help here and I am going to help her as I feel a slightly to blame for her current position. She is going to pay me back when she can get ahold of her dad and tap into her annuity. (her foster dad that is in really bad shape with cancer). Another reason that going back to Florida isn't the worst thing in the world to her.

And she wants to try and work it out if she does move down and I don't right away, she wants to try the long distance relationship if we have nothing else we can do (of course I wouldn't be sending her a dime on a normal basis.) But that's where I draw the line, if she moves down there its over because I do not want a long distance relationship. And I am not willing to move down to FL at this junction in my life. That's all there is to it and she is going to be crap out of luck if she does move down there because I will leave her and I told her that clear as day.

She is trying her off to figure out a way to pay all the bills and rent and I am helping but there is only so much I can do for her. She is demanding that I do not pay my mother rent though and that is ticking me off as my mother already wants me out and I'm sure I shouldn't push her buttons. She suggested that I stay with a friend of mine but I said why not let me move in?

Gave me the same old Jack story and all that. I donno if I can say let me move in or get no more of my money and that includes rent this month. I know I should say that and if I were a real man I would, but christ its so hard to put her in that position for me. I just hate making her make chioices she isn't ready to make... So frustrating. But I did have to defend her a bit, she isn't as heartless as I have made her seem to be. She is greedy and spoiled rotten, but she is not an evil using sadistic person. She just needs to grow up a bit.

She didn't like when I told her she needed to grow up but I'm hoping she took it to heart. Anyway, that's what it is and I'm not arguing with anyone, I just wanted to make sure that every knows she isn't just doing this for her own sick pleasure. She honestly feels like everything that has happened has had to happen. Though I disagree with her on that, I have to be willing to accept her for who she is if this is ever to work.

One excuse after another. It will never be a good time to grow some balls.

SHE NEEDS TO HELP HERSELF.

She will never help herself and no she is not trying. Lots of changes then from a couple of days.

Sorry but whatever it is as others have said is toxic and your blind and you can not see that your enabling and prolonging everything.

Your choice, good luck.

I thought she didn't have a job?

I thought you couldn't afford her life style?

I thought she was still connected with her ex due to a dog?

I thought you were going to cut her off from your money?

Seems like she got everything she wanted. You broke. She threatened to you with leaving to FL and look, your peeling off the benjamins claiming that you want to help her.

You're either with her or your not. You're either her sugar daddy, or your not. Stop shifting from one side to the other. Its confusing.

She said she was going to move back to FL if she lost the apt. That doesn't sound to me like she is wanting to work things out with you, or find an apt within her budget.

Stop making excuses for the both of you.

You're right lucky. I should just shut up and deal with this the best way I know how. Going back and forth like this is just abusing this advice forum. I will figure it out and deal with it the best way I know how. Thanks for all of your advice everyone.

I don't mean to sound rude or be disrespectful in any way, but if your as confusing with her like you are on here, then you're definitely sending a lot of mixed signals.

You pulled back all your money from her, she can't financially support herself, she says she's going to move back to fl, now you're going to help her out?? Who just won that battle? Her!

Its not a case of making it work on your own, you need to be in a relationship where she respects you just as much as you respect her. Its unbalanced right now. You can't let her go, so you gave in and are giving out your money again. Why not look for a new apt that she can afford. If she needs help every once in awhile, that's fine. Just don't pay her bills month after month. She may not be abusing you on purpose, but she is definitely taking great advantage of your hospitality and trust.

Maybe you need to go back and read all your posts. Not the comments people left with their opinion or advise, but what you wrote. Maybe read it a couple times. Maybe you'll realize that she's not the best match for you. Maybe you'll realize you need to approach things differently. Maybe you won't realize anything.

Life is nothing but hard knocks, but only if you let it. You can save just about any relationship... it all comes down to tactic, and if the other person is willing. If she wants to leave you to move to fl once the apt is gone, then I truly am sorry. She didn't deserve you in the first place. It just doesn't sound like she wants to make this work. The lease drops and she's gone? Aren't you a bit concerned that she's even thinking like that?? I know I would be devistated knowing the only thing keeping someone I love and care for deeply around is an apt lease.

And once again, sorry if I come off as being a jerk.

I know you are right in what you say. But because I don't want to lose her no matter if its hurting me or not (because I am a glutton for punishment) I am not leaving her. And If I do not want to hear the break up with her advice I really shouldn't ask for it you know. And honestly lets face it, I'll keep posting back and forth like this until you all hate me and I like you guys so I would rather that not happen.

I can figure things out on my own, this site has really be a crutch for me though and every time I get mad I jump strait on. Its childish really. I have wasted all of your times and I am just going to stop complianing so much.

You know the saying, quit complaining if you don't want help. Or something like that. It works the same either way. So yeah, I am just wasting time with this stuff now and I am sorry for that. I hope you guys and girl can forgive me for being so fickle.

Look,I think you have kept posting because you need help,which is very much OK.

What we give you is our opinions,based on what you post.

I do believe that you know your relationship isn't healthy.

What you do or don't do about it is your choice.

I know but I just feel bad because I feel like I have been wasting time here. Time that you could be giving too much more dire cases with people that are actually ready to change which I clearly am not. Honestly I am not mad or insulted in any way shape or form. I know this relationship is toxic and I know it is going to end badly. But I for some reason can't bring myself to get rid of her.

Maybe some day all this love I have in my heart can be given to someone who deserves and respects it but at the moment I am choosing to give it to her. Don't ask me why, I don't know why, but that's what I am doing and I don't want to stop. I know the relationship is hurtting me too, but I have no desire to let her go unless I feel that there is no way to continue to make things better. And things have gotten a little better over time so in my heart it will eventually work out, it doesn't matter what my mind says, its not the most powerful thing controlling me.

I usually think I am a very logical person but honestly thinking abuot all this there is no logic in what I am doing. But for some reason I just can't listen to my own logic. The red flags I and everyone else see don't matter to me because she makes perfectly reasonable excuses. She is either the worlds best lier or she is telling the truth about things. I have never really known her to lie to me so I don't know how she lies. Hate to say it but this entire relationship could be a lie and I wouldn't know because I don't know when or if she is lying. It'd be kind of nice if she would lie to me so I could catch her in that lie and then from that opint forward I would know her lying tendencies.

But until that day happens I have to choose to give her the benefit of the doubt because when she say it it makes perfect sense. God I'm an idiot.

But this is why I want to quit wasting your time, I will go back and forth like this until the end so this post would get to be the longest one in history and you all would be like this guy is hopeless. And its true, I am hopeless, I know I am, but I don't want to fix it. She can make me so happy at times that I just forget about every single thing she has ever done to make me doubt her.

Most people think that one wrong trumps all good but in her case it is totally opposite. One good trumps all wrong. Not that she does a lot of things wrong, its more that she doesn't give more of herself than anything else. She always keeps me some distance away and it gets to me. Then again some people are like that too. Given her past she certainly has every right. But I don't forgive her for that. If it is something like that then she needs to be working on it and work on being about to fully embrace the relationship.

See that, I just went back and forth in a single post. So yeah, I am just going to sort it all out on my own and chances are I am going to find a way to get over all of this lol. Like I said, hopeless. At least I can see it though right.

And the biggest problem is that I need to want to change and I just don't want to change at all. I need to want to leave and I need to want to get over her but I don't WANT any of that. I want it to work and thus my entire being is trying to make it work. No matter if it can or not I am cumpulsed to do this. I can't stop myself actually.

This reminds of a friend of mine who told me when he has very little, while potty training, he woke up a had to "go". He walked into the bathroom and lifted the seat like his daddy taught him. Now he's a short guy, so he laid his "little buddy" up on the ring of the potty. And while he was going , he closed his eyes, tilted his head back, and then right in the middle, the seat came swinging down... WHACK!!

He said that he wouldn't EVER let that happen again. And I believe him, who would?

He claims it stunted it's growth, and it stopped growing right then and there. But he said that even to this day, he can't close his eyes while going.

Well, this relationship reminds me of him.

You just keep closing your eyes, putting your little "ding-ding" up on that cold, hard, porcelain rim to get "crimped" again.

Pretty soon, It'll cause long term damage.

Real friend, real story.

I've known it for over 40 years. It has helped me out of a lot of jams.

Maybe you're just not through yet.

Jm, that was a funny story. And it could possibly relate directly to me. I do not rule out that possibility. Of course I believe most anything is possible. And although I don't want my wiener whacked (that sounds horrible actually) I do know I'm like the second muskito to the bug zapper. I know it just killed my friend but its just too dang beautiful to stay away from.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!! !!!!:eek:

You are afraid, that's your problem. You would rather be with someone who you know is not good for you than not have her, to not have anybody.
This woman is too old and wise, she got her hooks in you good. Got you blaming yourself for her losing her apartment that you don't even live in. You say she took you back after you cheated, well yeah she would, she didn't care, you are her crutch.

You are enabling her and she is using you, and your messed up relationship is teaching her children a sad lesson on life relationships and responsibility.
But until you are ready to grow up and walk away on your own, ( like you know you need to do) there is nothing anyone here can tell you.

I respectfully unsubscribe from this thread. Larken, it seems as though you are just trying to get attention.

We have tried to help you, but you always have the same excuses.

When you are ready for a change, come back. But until then, it's my opinion that any advice we give you will go in one ear and out the other.

Good luck to you in your toxic relationship.

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she is trying her off to figure out a way to pay all the bills and rent and I am helping but there is only so much I can do for her.

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That's the point, without you, always helping, then she can't afford it. She only moved in the first place, if I remember right from her exes place because you were going to be sugar daddy, and live with her. That's how we got to this mess, SHE changed her mind because of her kids. All of a sudden she is concerned over the kids? No way. She already had the plan set for you to pay rent and not live with her.
CONCLUSION- She used you for getting out of the exes house, who all of a sudden was moving to Florida. One could further speculate, she has been cooking this soup for a while now.

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She is demanding that I do not pay my mother rent though

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More money for her.

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and that is ticking me off as my mother already wants me out

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So even though you have been paying rent at TWO places, you are not welcome at either? I think your mom is giving you some tough love buddy, and wants you to fall on your face, and be homeless and broke, so you will see for yourself what you are ALLOWING to be done to you.

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and I'm sure I shouldn't push her buttons.

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She suggested that I stay with a friend of mine but I said why not let me move in?

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She doesn't want you living with her. Just paying the rent so she can shop, and take vacations and such.

You could avoid a lot of misery and pain by standing up for yourself, but NOOOOOOO! you choose the easy way out. You give in with ALL YOUR HEART! That's not love. A man sometimes have to make some hard decisions, and do some things he doesn't like to do for his love and family, but you have neither concern. This is not love, nor is it your family, but you are being fed false hope that it could be. That's not love, nor is it healthy.

You cannot afford her life, and upkeep, and yours also,

Now YOU have no place to stay, (if you don't pay your mom, who wants you out, I suspect, because of her), and without you, neither will she. (great plan so far huh!)

She gives you a cock and bull promise of getting a job in Florida, to support you while you get a job, but won't work now to support herself. At best an empty promise that you BETTER not go for. Where will you stay during all of this? With her or a cardboard box? Why would you expect to stay with her in Florida, when you can't stay with her now?

She brings up this move only to make you think this is the only solution to her problem, but its only the easy way out for her. To be fair she is right, as she already told you her plan if you don't do things her way.

Instead of going along with her plan, stick to your guns with a better plan, CALL HER BLUFF. But as another poster has pointed out, you won't make changes until your sick and tired, of being sick and tired. That happens with junkies, they look for an easier softer way to handle their problems, until they see it never gets solved until they are so beat down, they are ready to listen.

One thing my 30 years of marriage has taught me very well, is you better stand for something, or you will fall for anything. So again, I tell you to stand up for yourself, just try, and see what happens. I think that you will be surprised at the results.

After all, you want a partner, not a mother, so get some dignity and self respect, man up for YOU, and straighten this mess you have allowed to happen. She may be older, but not smarter, and you may be young, but not dumb, and despite popular belief, the man in the relationship sets the pace, and direction, of any relationship. Sure she has to help, but not rule, or she can always go wherever the freak she wants.

Just me, if she were my female, she would have my breakfast before I went to work, and dinner when I got home, to our HOME, and I wouldn't give a rats patoot if she shopped till she drops, with her allowance. Trying to sustain yourself, and her is unsustainable, and you had to know that since you have to stay with MOMMY.

But you will get tired of this crap. I like you guy a lot, and you give others some very good advice, so start using your brain a bit more (a lot actually) instead of your heart, because your inability to stand, hurts all of you.

You have to take control, because she has proven she can't.

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Originally Posted by J_9

I respectfully unsubscribe from this thread. Larken, it seems as though you are just trying to get attention.

We have tried to help you, but you always have the same excuses.

When you are ready for a change, come back. But until then, it's my opinion that any advice we give you will go in one ear and out the other.

Good luck to you in your toxic relationship.

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I have been feeling the same way and thinking of unsubscribing myself. Maybe everybody in this thread should unsubscribe.

Wow... this chick really is controlling. I almost feel bad for you.

I don't understand why you continue to post. Each time the situation gets worse... never better.

What does this chick have to do to you before you decide enough is enough?

You kind of remind me of the dude in the very beginning of She's Out of my League... you're being her moodle. She could be dating some other guy in your very own house and you'd still forgive her... pathetic.

I think I'm done with this thread. Each post coming from you is getting more contridicting and stupid.

Good luck in life... hope the water doesn't get to hot... then again maybe it should. Maybe your brain will engage and you'll begin to think.

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Originally Posted by Lucky098

Wow... this chick really is controlling. I almost feel bad for you.

I don't understand why you continue to post. Each time the situation gets worse... never better.

What does this chick have to do to you before you decide enough is enough??

You kind of remind me of the dude in the very beginning of She's Out of my League... you're being her moodle. She could be dating some other guy in your very own house and you'd still forgive her.... pathetic.

I think I'm done with this thread. Each post coming from you is getting more contridicting and stupid.

Good luck in life... hope the water doesn't get to hot... then again maybe it should. Maybe your brain will engage and you'll begin to think.

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Have you read some of the other posts? I find the information to be remarkably conflicting and can't determine what the exact situation is - I'm not sure all of this isn't a lot of drama.

I hope I'm wrong.

I also question some of "OP's" advice to others -

(Didn't I just get through saying I'm out of here? Oh, well.)

It's easier to give advice than do it yourself lol. I am sure he know what he is getting into. It's just that he can't afford it that's all. He knows it's the price he got to pay for someone who's out of his league.

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Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

Have you read some of the other posts? I find the information to be remarkably conflicting and can't determine what the exact situation is - I'm not sure all of this isn't a lot of drama.

I hope I'm wrong.

I also question some of "OP's" advice to others -

(Didn't I just get through saying I'm out of here? Oh, well.)

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I think he bases his posts on how the relationship is for the day. It must be going OK right now. Shell do something mean again and hell be back crying.

So the dog lives in fl with the ex? I thought the ex came over whenever he pleases. I'm really confused.

This relationship is no longer toxic... its deadly. The op is walking down a path of pure heartbreak. Its going to hurt worse when she gets tired of him and dumps him like a dirty diaper.

Dude what? She has children by a man in Florida. She has an ex in Michigan. Was that really hard to figure that one out? She lives here, in mi, in her own apartment. And it is good days and bad days. I am very emotionally geared, dramatically so. This is the reason for my last few posts.

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Originally Posted by Larken85

dude what? she has children by a man in florida. She has an ex in michigan. Was that really hard to figure that one out? she lives here, in mi, in her own apartment. And it is good days and bad days. I am very emotionally geared, dramaticly so. This is the reason for my last few posts.

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Actually it is. Your thoughts are so scattered it's damn near impossible to make sense of any of this.

Good luck.

I see the problems in the relationship - she doesn't need another child and you are immature. She doesn't feel like raising you so she's going to take advantage and move on.

So the guy that keeps the dog, and comes over whenever he wants to, is not even the children's father? And THAT arrangement is keeping you from living in the apartment that you are paying for? The dog sitter? I was thinking that maybe it was the children/father time that she was trying to keep "frequent". So if she did not have a dog, you would be living there, and the ex would be out of the picture?

Stand back from the outside of this arrangement for a moment if you will. Look at it from OUR perspective. Do you see how absolutely ridiculous this is sounding to us? Can you blame us for questioning the changes in the story?

You're paying the dog's rent, and the ex is his ride. Lucky dog. It's probably a Pomeranian. He's probably licking his butt on your pillow.

And, if YOUR situation was written in here, by someone else, how would YOU respond to it? (You'd say "get the he!! out while you can", too) I know that you are usually ready to give advice, on any subject, which is quite impressive considering your age and sexual experience (admittedly only two years, or less).

You are lost, selling compasses and maps.

Can you see what we see?

If you throw something like this thread out there, be ready to get feedback from all angles. And from how THIS is developing, it's from the direction of common sense, and sound reasoning. You just cannot see it like we do. No one is saying " stick in there guy, work some overtime, and keep her". No. Not here.

At this point, you are just throwing deck chairs off the Titanic.


All I hear is "WHACK,WHACK,WHACK", the sound of that toilet seat.

I feel for you. You are in love, or at least you think you are.

She is not the one that you are going to be happy with. That's obvious.

There will always be something. And with that in mind, you should be a little more "cool-heeled".

You are going to be here for a long, long, time. And quite often.

So chill "dude".

Jm, this same thing has been said to me several times now and I keep responding the same way. I know what this sounds like, I know how stupid it is too, And I know that if it were someone else I would tell them to ditch the ___. However being the one in the situation (not trusting my own judgement and the things that I precieve) I just don't know if I am ready to make that type of change yet.

I have also told you to stop worrying about this for the present time until I am ready to make the change because at the moment it really feels like I am wasting your time. I am trying to be nice here and let everyone off without having such a battle as we were a little while ago. Honestly the fighting with me is ridiculous and childish and it needs to stop. Like the disagreeing with me just to give me a negative status, not cool, expeically not when I agreed with the last poster and they did not get a red. Not to mention that the person I agreed with gave me a red.

And you cannot disagree with me on my own post, I mean come on. If you do not like what I have to say, then go away. That's all there is to it. I needed to rant and rave about the situation, its how I blow off steam. I am sorry if this thread has upset some people, and I am sorry if you feel I have wasted your time, but as I said, You don't need to waste your time any longer. Only people that want to stick around and listen to me should stay tuned to this.

I have to say thanks to the admin Ben and Tal for getting my thread reopened. And I also just want to add that I am again sorry for causeing anyone stress. I do not mean to do this but I do not appreciate being treated like I do not deserve to be here. Or being told that I am the last person that should be giving advice. WHile I can give it, I have a much harder time taking the advice given. But anyway, I hope everyone can relax a little and realize that at the moment I am only getting stuff off my chest. (which we all need to do at one point or another) Hearing what others would do in this situation is very helpful for me too. Helps me know where I stand and what is all right for me to do.

Personally,I'm glad your thread is back.

And ,again,personally,when I feel I've given advice but it's not going anywhere,I stay away from that thread.

To me,it's that simple.
That's what the unsubscribe option is about,in my opinion.