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You just met her the other night. You say she wasn't too keen on the text messages, so maybe she was drunk that night? I wouldn't be looking for a relationship at this point, you hardly know her, and asking her out so soon may be a little awkward. I suggest inviting her to a group hangout, just to learn more about her.
At least now you have a better idea of what she's thinking. It doesn't seem like she's interested, so you can start moving on.
It's better than sitting around wondering what's on her mind.
Hi oodude,
Why not just keep it casual for the time being, after all you don't really know whether or not she is seeing someone or perhaps she may just have broken up with a partner.
Try just inviting her out casually, say to watch a film, or invite her for a coffee, a bit of window shopping, just for a walk around the park... get the idea, no pressure on either of you.
Go for it, if you can't talk because of work, just text and ask her if you can phone her when you finish your shift.
Goodluck
I have not been with my new girlfriend very long, we got on well together and enjoy each others company but the other night have we had all been out drinking and I don't know how it came about but I told her that I find it hard to trust people because of what has happened to me in the past, I don't know why I said it because its got nothing to do with her and doesn't change how I am with her but I don't know if what I said is going to spoil things now we spoke last night and I told her it was to do with myself confidence but I don't know if she thinks its summat else, is this possible to fix or do I have to accept that I've messed things up before its really started over summat stupid
Have you asked her how it made her feel?
Talk to her again and explain why you said what you said.
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ve-437873.html
Are you sure you're over your last relationship?
Sounds like you're on a rebound. If you haven't recovered yet, why jump into a new relationship? How is that fair to your new girlfriend?
I don't know I thought I was but I can't stay stuck in the past forever I like my time I spend with my new girlfriend, I can't stay single forever
Wait and see if what you said has any effect, or if she trips on it. Till then I see nothing to fix.
Do you think this is more fallout from your ex? I do, and maybe your healing is not as complete as it needs to be.
Don't make this bigger than what it is, and watch the drinking.
If I understand it right you simply stated that you have trouble trusting people... you didn't make it personal and say that you don't trust her.
Stop worrying about it - since it wasn't personal, she probably didn't think anything about it and isn't worried about it at all.
No one is saying that you have to stay single forever.Quote:
Originally Posted by 00dude
What's wrong with going on dates and meeting new people. Why do you have to tie yourself down with one person so quickly? This is what we call a rebound. You've been used to having a significant other in your life and now you're looking to fill that void.
Try this approach: Focus on making yourself a better person, get to know more people, find happiness from within yourself and focus on healing from the break up.
Once you feel more confident and secure about yourself, you would be in a better position to pursue a romantic relationship without dragging your past demons around, which is unfair to the other person.
The title of this thread made me think of the "Girlfriend program"
humour5
Enjoy the humor presented. That's all.
That's exactly how I feel sometimes.Quote:
Murphy's Law #5:
An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less until he/she knows absolutely everything about nothing.
Wait and see, you could be worrying over nothing. You already said it, you were honest in what you said, there is nothing you can do about the outcome now.
Tallisman, romefalls your both right I do worry over nothing sometimes nothing seems to have come from it. Also it maybe was summat from my ex but that was a long time ago a new relationship is a new start I think and should just go with the flow
I've been with my new girlfriend about 2 months now and everything is going great, better than I could have imagined and feel lucky to have met someone so nice but every so often I will have a dream about my ex or see a picture of her on facebook(not by looking just through friends pages) and I get a sinking feeling in my stomach, its been 7 months since we broke up and I never really got any answers or a decent explanation and haven't spoke to her for a long time, I just don't understand why these little things make me feel funny when a lot of things in my life are going good at the moment and a lot better than they were when I was in my previous relationship, I feel a bit silly for asking on here just confused any help is appricaited
Seeing as you had such a hard break up, I am not surprised that there are still some left over feelings lingering around.
In a way its normal, but I think you may have moved to fast into another relationship before you were ready.
Don't dwell on old feelings, and memories, just enjoy making new ones.
Every now and then I still think about a former relationship from years ago. It's not a pain like right after the break up, but like anything, memories do pop up. This may sound strange, but I would thank those memories by doing something like this, "Thank you for reminding me of the pain that person caused so I can appreciate how much better my life is now. While I didn't get the answers from her, she gave me the greatest gift, which was a break from her that lead to a new place that is much better." This way you don't ignore the memories, but you also "replace" them or acknowledge that the pain led to something better for you.
Maybe you should stop looking at Facebook for now. Sound like you're not totally over her yet. It can be a distraction and may affect the new relationship if you dwell on the past. I hope the new one doesn't turn out to be a rebound.Quote:
Originally Posted by 00dude
It is normal to have these feelings. The thing is deep down inside you probably think they are going too good. Maybe you feel guilty about it going to well too. Wishing it went well previously but did not. There will always be that little sinking feeling. Just need to focus on the positive and focus on your future happiness with your new girlfriend.Quote:
Originally Posted by 00dude
I would also like to point out that you will probably never have a proper explanation or decent answers as to what happened but honestly that does not really matter. Your in a better place now and you need to enjoy this time with your new girlfriend.
It just takes time but try not to focus on these things because it could and would eat away at you if you do. It is up to you to move past it and enjoy your happiness now.
Do not feel silly at all for asking. I would say you just have been hurt and it still effects you but over time it will get easier. Best wishes in your new relationship and good luck to you.
Joe
Thanks guys all your points make a lot of sense, I know I will never get the answers I was looking for and it did really hurt at the time, if it happens I'll just try focus more on what I've got compared to before because like you said there is only pain in the pst
I had a bad time after my ex broke up with me a while ago now, and I am with my new girlfriend which is going great and I wouldn't want anything else, but the other day my ex sent me a message out the blue asking how I am so I said I was OK and asked her how she is and she put GREAT :) and that was it, we haven't spoke since xmas but this bothered me for some reason I thought I didn't care anymore, I don't really understand it or why she messaged me just to put that?
Don't read too much into the message. It isn't uncommom for an ex to contact you just to see how you are doing. However, I think you should leave it like that and leave her in the past since this little contact with her have open upp a floodgate of feelings towards her.
Let it go and enjoy your current life and girlfriend. She just stirred up old feelings. Handle them and move on.
I know just feels like she is trying to prove a point or summat
Or fishing for info, curious, bored, or just plain crazy. Don't speculate, or assume, just keep doing your own thing.
As you see it doesn't take much contact by an ex to stir up old feelings, or send you to some really out there thinking.
But why bother if she is with someone else and don't care about me why contact me or say things like that? Should I just ignore it all
Quote:
Originally Posted by 00dude
It's normal and healthy to remember your ex, or wonder what they are doing. I check out my ex-boyfriends' Facebook pages every once in a while. Though I wouldn't go contact them to tell them I'm doing "GREAT :)" especially after a painful breakup... most people wouldn't.
Keep moving on with your life. You didn't get any real explanation about the breakup, you probably won't get any now. When it hurts, we tend to think it's that pain in our heart because we may have feelings still and it makes us confused - most of the time it's our hurt ego talking. I would just ignore it.
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