What are the religions ?
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What are the religions ?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ithappenstoall
My ex is Muslim... the girl I'm seeing now is a christian.. I am a christian
I got to new question... I'm shy.. my new g.f is shy..
And its really weird when we say goodbye...
Its like a normal handshake...
How can I change that... my g.f said it was weird.. like..
How can I change this..
For example.. change the handshake to a hug or a kiss
Not to be rude but I just read through most of your thread and I can see that this will not end too well. If you are choosing not to stay single then so it be but please keep this new girl in mind. I can see a rebound written all over this.
How do I know this, you ask yourself. Well if you look at my thread (almost 70 pages long) you can see that I screwed up big time and didn't listen to what these wonderful people had to tell me. Granted you were with her for only 4 months but it was enough time to have an impact on you.
I would recommend you take time to yourself and just work on being single. Take some time before you begin another relationship. Have fun, enjoy time with your friends, etc...
But maybe there is someone else on here with more credibility who can tell you similar things. Good luck!
Oh and to answer your question. Hugs!!
How do you change a handshake into a hug or a kiss.. Are you SERIOUS? You are reading way too far into these situations. You change it by changing it! Is there any other option? It DOES NOT take a scientific formula to date a girl.
I'm sorry, but either a.you're stressing out trying to put this girl into the typical "dating" stereotype and putting pressure on yourself to do things the "right way", or b. you're ignorant. I don't want to come across as mean, but it seems like you're a little stressed and pressured, or you just don't know how to be normal and natural around girls.
Also, again with the "making" how to "make her more comfortable" let he do it on her own terms. If you're being yourself, and you're being genuine, it's all you can do.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jaime90
I am myself... and I can take care of myself... but this is a bit different , she is very shy , when I tried to grab her hand she turned red.. its kind of cute but it always happens..
A little advice won't hurt... what I'm going to do is just take my time with her... if you got any other thing in mind let me know ;)
You got to make the move. Go for the hug and kiss at the same time. It's not hard. Wrap your arms around her. Hold her tight. Lay a nice long kiss right on those lips.
That's how you change it. The first kiss will always have a slight awkwardness to it, because you are not used to each other's style. But then there is the second one and the third, fourth, fifth, etc... Get the picture? Each one feels better than the last.
Threads merged
guess who's back and feels like dying... its me :D!
I got a new problem , please hear me out, my g.f is being very selfish and its killing me , I made like a list of the things she want me to do :\
1. she don't want me in f.b after midnight because girls flirt with me... ( I accepted )
2. no msn after midnight ( I accepted )
3. not talking to girls a lot on the phone or texting any girl except her ( I accepted )
the list goes on and on
and the last thing she wants is not having sexual stuff in our relationship :\
I can't accept this... I need these kind of things , she won't understand , she says its something extra in our relationship and that hugging and kissing is enough...
what about my needs?
I mean I can barely see her , she has no phone , her mom is a bit**, her mom won't let her get out of the house because she saw me with her daughter... she took her phone , and will let her use the PC for two hours every day , 2hours msn = 10 min on the phone...
she won't appreciate that I am still with her after all this fot like 8 months, when I see my g.f its about a 25min date , which is a walk in the park , literally.
she doesn't want to touch me or let me touch her and all these kind of things...
how can I convince her that I'm dying ?
I mean I want to please her, but what about me ? I need that thing , and I'm not willing to just accept it.
I need advice , I'm going to see her tomorrow at 4 which is in another 20 hour depending on my watch.
help me , anything would be appreciated
Hi there,
I'm not sure how old you are but you have to grow up! Firstly do you like being controlled? You are being suffocated but you are not dying!! If you are not happy with those terms come clean and set everything straight. It takes 2 to clap so to speak. Have you tried controlling her? See how she takes to that. Sometimes a person does not realize it until it happens to them (A wake up call) Anyway hope this helps - Panther Forest
How old are you?
Is she religious? If she's religious, and not being sexual until marriage is what she believes, then there isn't going to be anything you can do that will change her mind.
As far as her mom and you.. That's going to be a battle that she is going to have to fight on her own. She's going to have to discover if she really wants to be with you 100% or if she's going to allow her mom to run her life. You sound young... these are normal battles. However, it seems like her mom is a bit extreme.. But like I said, it could be a religious thing.
If she has a tight leash on you, yet can't spend any time with you... quite honestly, I wouldn't stay with her. You obvious want more out of a relationship, and obviously she doesn't want to, or can't give you what you need.
You two need to talk, and talk soon about where this relationship is going. Because to me... It seems to be spinning in circles.
Her and her mother control this relationship, and instead of accepting their very strict terms, and it driving you crazy, you get another girl, who is more compatible.
That's what a normal healthy male would do rather than submit to terms that you are against.
This is not a relationship, it's a dictatorship, and there just ain't enough love in the world to make a guy submit himself to these conditions.
How old are you any way?? (16/17?)
I'm 18.5 and she is 17 , we used to have sexual interactions before and it stopped for no reason , she said its something that we both can live without ( I personally tried... and I can't live without it ) I explained that I will stay with her if we do this and that , and that I'm not an a**hole that will ditch her after doing sexual stuff... she still doesn't want to do it.
I love her too much I can't even let her go :( I need help
In about 12 hours I'm going to see her... I'll tell you about her behavior if it helps
Its not normal or healthy to be counting down the hours to see your girlfriend for 20 minutes.
You need to move on. This girl is no good for you and has you, literally, by the balls.
Its it cruel to dump a girl because her mom is a bit*** ? I mean its not her fault , there was a day she ran out of the house and stayed with me for almost 6 hours... she wants to be with me.. but her mom really sucks at parenting !
And its cruel to dangle a carrot in front of a guy who is suppose to be the love of her life.
She is dictating everything you do.. from the amount spent with you, to you being able talk to certain people.
That's not normal... She's being very mean towards you.. I hope you will see it before you become depressed and regret ever talking with her..
Stop being love sick and take a look at the big picture. And if you can't handle the information given here, then please stop whinning and deal with it however you feel you need to deal with it. There is nothing anyone can say on here that will change her mind or her moms mind.
Its all up to you buddy.
I'm already depressed , I don't care about talking to other girls.. I only care about this one girl , and I just want her to be happy, but apparently everything I do is never enough...
All we do is talk when I see her... I mean Jesus.. what about my needs , why can't she understand
Well, if you're going to base your relationship on whether you get laid... then you need to take a step back.
But.. If she's not giving you what you want, then you need to leave and stop torturing yourself. Maybe your absence will cause your girlfriend to stand up for your relationship as well.
Either do something.. Or be quiet. Your issues haven't changed in the least bit.
OK... I saw her and all... she was pretty normal.. she was OK and all... she explained to me why she did all this... because her sister saw the chat box on the p.c and my g.f doesn't want any one to know that we do these kind of things , in other words... her anger and the whole fight was staged :\
She was really like that before and she change like 3 months ago... I hope she'll stay like that :)...
Anyway problem solved a guess ? If anything wrong happened and I couldn't deal with it on my own I'll be more then happy to ask you for help :D thanks everyone
Threads merged
I girlfriend doesn't like being touched underneath her clothes.. and doesn't like the idea of being touched at all... and she doesn't want to touch me neither , there is a problem that she was forced to do a sexual act when she was young.. but never had sex...
I'm the only person who knows about it... might this be the problem ?
How can I make her more comfortable , our relationship is awesome , but we always fight about this subject...
I won't dump her because of this , but I really like all the intimate things we used to do...
How can I change her mind about these kind of things... please help!
If she was forced to do a sexual act when she was young, she needs to see a therapist to work through the damage that caused.
stop trying to force or convince her to do anything. She obviously has some deep emotional scars. You need to be understanding and supportive of that. Let her initiate all physical contact for now. Encourage her to find a good therapist to talk to. If she asks you to go with her, do so.
for now, you need to back off on the physical side of your relationship. She'll let you know when she's ready. Until then, enjoy the other aspects of the relationship. She'll value you all the more for letting her have the time she needs to get through this.
you should also know, that she could 'relapse' at any time. There could be a smell or a sight that triggers a painful memory, and she'll withdraw again. When that happens, just talk to her. If she'll let you, hold her close. It's a long, hard road getting over any kind of abuse, especially sexual, and the road isn't always straight.
Stop trying to convince her to do what you want, and you won't have to fight about it. She says she doesn't like it and that should be enough.
If its not, leave her alone, because you sure aren't helping anything fighting about it, for whatever reason she feels that way. Doesn't matter.
Guys who don't understand NO, make lousy partners.
A word to the wise, starting new threads, and leaving important details out to get different answers, never works here.
Ladies and gentlemen...
Me and my g.f have been dating for a year and a half now... and me and her talked about all the sexual stuff... she said she wants me to wait... I've been waiting for 8 months...
Now I think she's not ready yet
She told me she really wants to have sex and stuff but she's afraid... I asked her why is she afraid and if there something I can do to help... she said she will never be ready if she's afraid...
Any ideas ?
How old are the two of you?
Im almost 19 and she's 18Quote:
Originally Posted by J_9
Ideas? Yeah, just wait until she is ready. Pregnancy is always a possibility and she may not be ready to be a mother yet.
If you love her you will be patient until she is ready.
I waited a lot , and I don't think I would get heart pregnant...Quote:
Originally Posted by J_9
How do you know you wouldn't get her pregnant? Sex = pregnancy. No form of birth control is 100% effective.Quote:
Originally Posted by brokenheartls
Could she be restraining from sex for religious reasons?
I just want the answer to my questionQuote:
Originally Posted by J_9
I gave you an answer to your question.Quote:
Originally Posted by brokenheartls
Your girlfriend may be afraid of pregnancy or she may not want to have sex before marriage for religious reasons.
Only your girlfriend knows the real reason she is "afraid" of having sex.
You got the answer to your question. Wait until she is ready or figures out what is causing her to be afraid. And if you feel you've waited long enough and cannot wait anymore then leave her so she can find someone who is willing to love her and wait for her.Quote:
Originally Posted by brokenheartls
Pushing her into something she is not ready for is going to lead to more problems and shows you have little to no care for her. She needs to come to terms with what is going on, on her own terms.
Either wait it out, or let her go.
I noticed that the word "LOVE" is not even mentioned in your posts. It all about "help ME get laid". Maybe she's afraid that you're not the one that she wants to give this special "gift" to. Maybe she's not ready to take chances with someone who doesn't understand that you don't pressure women to have sex with you. If indeed you are in fact 19, then you should be willing to do what it takes to make her feel comfortable in the relationship first, and understand that sex is not a destination, or accomplishment.
Behave and wait.
You stated in a previous thread that when she was younger something happened to her. And like someone at that time also said that maybe something happened to trigger those memories or emotions and now it's adding to her fear.
If that is the case then you are not being of your girlfriend by fighting with her and pushing her to have sex when she is scared an uncomfortable with it.
Yes, you have needs but what about her needs as well? Sometimes in a relationship with someone you truly care about we need to put our needs below theirs. This is one of those times.
If what happened to her has anything to do with why she is now afraid to have sex then pushing her into it or making her feel bad for it is only going to further make this a problem for her and further break her.
If you truly care about her, she needs you right now to be supportive, understanding, and selfless. But if you feel you cannot do that and wait anymore for her to be okay with sex in any manner then I stand by my previous advice and say let her go. So that she can work through these problems without someone adding more on to it. And then you can go on and fulfill your needs in any way you so desire.
Your posts were merged again, and they will be deleted if you continue to start new posts about the same thing "How to get my girlfriend to have sex with me" .
Let me put this to bed for you quite simply, you have failed to make love to her mind, and that's where sexual attraction starts.
You are also so single minded of your own wants, you don't take care of her needs, as a matter of fact, you ignore them completely because of what you want.
Until you change, there will be no sex, simply because there is no love, or caring on your part, NONE! Want proof? If you loved her you would put her need, before your want! That you have NOT done at all.
That's funny how you know about the other thread and come here saying I don't love her... I bet you didn't read anything over there... that's all I was doing sense I started dating my g.f only taking care of her needs , having to wait for hours so I could talk to her for minuites and waiting for days to see her for 20 min , don't talk to me about her needs if you didn't or forgot about the other threadQuote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
First, no more chat speak. It is against site rules: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/faq.ph...#faq_faq_rules.Quote:
Originally Posted by brokenheartls
Second, what details are you changing or leaving out?
Gleaned from reading your posts about this woman: When did she turn 18? When all this began with her, she was 17. At one point, you had 'sexual interactions' that stopped for 'no reason'. She had something happen in her past. Her mother doesn't like you. (I would guess for getting her daughter into 'sexual interactions'). She doesn't trust you (you say that part was recanted.) She has told you at different points that she doesn't want sex. You are still trying to get sex. You don't mention any feelings other than frustration. Have I missed anything?
When do expect her to have sex with you? Where do you expect her to have sex with you? Do you expect her to take care of your needs even though she has supposedly been quite clear that she doesn't want sex or sexual contact? Has there been a pregnancy scare in the past? Is she afraid of pregnancy? Is she still living under her mother's roof? Would she have to lie to her mother about what she was doing if you did have sex?
Have you talked with her about your concerns? Has she told you why she doesn't want to fool around? Have you listened when she did?
I think you need to let her go if your 'needs' are different than hers are. Trying to get her to do something she isn't comfortable with is not good for either of you or the relationship.
You don't. But its amazing the lengths you go to get her body, instead of being real, and making love to the mind, and let the body follow, when she is ready. That would be love my friend.Quote:
Originally Posted by brokenheartls
That's funny how you know about the other thread and come here saying I don't love her...
It's a big red flag when your way is causing problems, but you are not willing to make adjusts to the facts you have.
Consider that bet lost.Quote:
Originally Posted by brokenheartls
... I bet you didn't read anything over there...
What needs have you taken care of? Then tell me why she is afraid of having sex with you? If you can, but I doubt it as what's painfully obvious is you have ignored her needs, and the importance of them, for your own.Quote:
Originally Posted by brokenheartls
That's all I was doing since I started dating my g.f only taking care of her needs , having to wait for hours so I could talk to her for minuites and waiting for days to see her for 20 min , don't talk to me about her needs if you didn't or forgot about the other thread
So tell us about her needs you have met.
Her mom hates me because I'm a christian and she thinks I'm not good enough...Quote:
Originally Posted by Cat1864
My g.f is a virgin so there isn't a scare of pregnancy... She said she wants to do all those sexuall stuf , but ita because she was sexyally abused... ( not raped) and every time we do something it trigers that memory and she hugs me and tells me that she loves me and I comfort her...
Her mom doesn't know , no one knows except me... And she doesn't want to tell anyone, so I don't know how to get rid of this phobia if you will... and please don't tell me I don't love her because no one knows how strong our relationship is
This isn't something you can help her with. You can give her support while she gets the help she needs and works through the hurt, pain, and trauma. She needs to talk to a professional who is trained to handle the emotional storms that blow-up when someone is working through sexual abuse. Someone who is not emotionally involved. Someone who is used to having all of the anger and pain directed at him/her when it can't be directed at the abuser.Quote:
Originally Posted by brokenheartls
Depending on how much hurt and anger at the past is still inside her, it could months or years before she is ready for a healthy sex life. Are you ready to face that future? That is what we mean by taking care of her needs. She may not be able to emotionally or physically handle yours for quite awhile.
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