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You do get carried away easily don't you.
I would strongly advise against dating a co worker. Now being friends is different, and that takes time. I think she wants romance and work to be separate any way, and if she does, she is very smart. The last thing you need are emotional complications, at work.
Take time to get to know her on a friends level before you do anything
Well she has went on a date with one coworker and that didn't work out, then another took her out to lunch and that didn't work out, then she dated a guy in which it didn't work out and they became friends... all guys from work...Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
And she is a bit scorned from a past relationship... so I seem to make her laugh and have a good time outside of work... so I wonder what way to pursue... since she doesn't mind the coworker thing...
Just take it slow and relaxed, see what happens.
The more you talk about it or analyze it, the more likely you will be to put too much pressure on her or be too nervous.
Just look out for signals that she wants to bring it to the next level, such as an opportunity to kiss.
Trust me, I used to do the same thing!
So she has gone on dates with a number of co-workers,and 'it didn't work out'?
And she is hurting from a previous relationship?
Red flagalert-then throw into the mix that you broke up with your ex about four months ago- I think this has the potential of a mess.
Call me a pessimist,but my advice would be to avoid this.
Amicon is right, you seem to be a long line of others that have tried pursuing her, and she evidently, has baggage from her past, as do you.
Talaniman Rule- Never ever mess with any one who has just dumped their partner
Talaniman Rules- Run, don't walk, away from any romance in the place that you are employed.
Talaniman Rule- Enjoy getting to know someone, and keep it real.
Talaniman Rule- Never get involved with someone who has just been dumped.
Talaniman Rule-Never follow your heart when it’s so broken, it makes the brain feel like mush
Talaniman Rule- never be in a hurry to give your heart to a stranger. Wait until they have proven they deserve it, and know what to do with it.
Talaniman Rule- Doesn't matter how intense the feelings, or how much fun you have, never give your heart to someone you don't know well, and thats only after the lust has worn off for you both.
Break the rules at your own peril.
I like how amicon seems to be my personal advisor in my threads, her break up was like 6 months ago and I've been over mine, she may be the one or maybe not... but I won't know until I hang out with her more... I just don't want to be in the friends zone.
Anyway I have been getting to know her and I mentioned her helping me learn how to become a better dancer... she said as long as there is a place cool and fun she would help me... so sounds like another plan of action to get a date...
Now I'm just pondering when the right time is... ive also noticed she has her moods... hmmm...
To be honest it sounds to me that your far more into her than what she is to you , I'd be looking to date girls outside of your work if I was you.
I stand by my previous advice.
As friend said-date girls you don't work with.
Man I know its taboo to not date at work... something about this girl... and as friend said... I think I am way into her more than she is into me... she seems guarded to not only me but even her closest friend at work...
And she seems to be guarded when they go out unless I'm around then she has a good time...
She sounds like she may have learnt from her previous experiences with dating co-workers and the pitfalls involved.
Clever girl ;)
Well I think you guys are on to something...
I have had an event come into my life with one of my friends' who are like brothers to me, where it's a life and death situation... so I thought she would be willing to listen...
So I hit her up and for some reason she doesn't respond and ask me what's going on... so later I chat again and she doesn't respond and I just say well I hope all is well with you and you don't seem happy ttyl...
Well she says how busy she is and I'm like OK get back to work... and she decides to go crazy on me and just blow up with sarcasm! I decide to just say 'stop, OK I get it... I learned my lesson' so she says a lot of stuff and I'm like 'well don't you have work to do?' she says 'yeah I'm doing the work now and trying to put a smile on your face'...
I then say OK... and let her know what's going on with my friend's mom... and she feels bad and kept trying to basically get me happy and felt bad and it was her way of saying sorry basically... I just said 'ok thanks' I was already annoyed and upset... and basically just said leave me alone nicely...
Then come to find out all of us friends are supposed to go salsa dancing on weds... im kind of wondering what will happen then...
Well you know what , in the very beginning of any Relationship guys and Gals are on their very best behaviour , just sayin' ;)
Seriously wouldn't it be so much easier to avoid all this drama and just look for someone else outside of work??
Just my opinion :cool:
But the thing is that we aren't in a relationship... if she was on her best behavior, it left when she left out of town... she kind of came back different towards me it seems...Quote:
Originally Posted by friend4u178
Wow I might as well be in a relationship with all the semi drama that has happened... :rolleyes:
My point being that if she was after a Relationship with you she would be showing her best side , and if this is her best side , well...Quote:
Originally Posted by jaffeyjoeblaze
Coming from someone who just got out of a 3 year relationship that involved working with my ex every day... DON'T do it. It adds a whole new element and level of stress to the relationship
See I'm not looking for a relationship right now... I been taking it slow and have yet to ask her out on a date... I been trying to get to know her and for whatever reason she just changed on me... hmmmmm... I been playing the acquaintance card since I met her...
She's probably showing you her true colours.
When in doubt-walk,even from the trying to get to know position..
Shame that you make yourself miserable, by trying to have more from someone, who doesn't have it to give you.
She has her own issues it seems and maybe they are too much for you to handle. That's means back up and find another path to what you want, because its getting obvious, she ain't it.
UPdate... so Friday she seemed to open up... over chat messaging at work... made her laugh and basically compliment me by saying "you are so corney you make me feel like a kid again and you are makin this day go a lot better by keeping a smile on my face"
So she also started to open up by how she wasn't able to go home for Easter and wanted to easter egg hunt... so I offer her to go on a easter egg hunt and grab a drink after... she replies 'well my friends birthday is on easter and we are supposed to go on a hike so maybe I can take a raincheck for next weekend'
So I'm like we can always go some other time... and we continued to talk but it wasn't awkward nor did she act differently towards me... all in all it was good and nice to see her get back to her senses and actually put her guard down to let me get to know her some more and to get to know me a little more...
You sound like a Dog chasing it's tail , just because she willing to talk to you and willing to maybe spend a bit of time with you (not abnormal) doesn't mean she is open to anything else.
Don't get caught up in letting your emotions overtake reality , sure she may be open to being friends and that's great if that's all your after , but in my opinion that's all it is , and it seems your hoping there's more.
UPDATE:
So I've lowered my expectations... she has opened up more about some personal info about her family and we actually had lunch last week... it was a spur of the moment thing... she hit me up on chat at work saying she was hungry knowing that I was about to go on lunch, kind of throwing the hint out there... so I said lets go... and its funny because the night before she was bored and wondering what I was doing for the night but I was busy working...
We went and it went real well... had her laughing the whole time... got to know more about her and she found out more about me... even got the flirtful touches from her like the slap on the knee etc... sarcasm, etc...
The thing is that everybody saw us together at work when we came back at lunch... we didn't care and separated our ways for the day... of course she chatted with me later at work...
The good thing about this whole thing is that she got a chance to see how it was to hang out with me one on one... and she enjoys how funny I am and how entertaining I am... and she's quite funny herself... now Im not saying she is mine and I got a date but it was kind of a test or a preview of things for both of us if it went any further...
I don't know what your 'lowered expectations' are,but I stand by my opinion that a possible romantic involvement with someone you work with is a possible recipe for a disaster,should things go wrong.
Proceed with caution.
Like I've come to terms to her just being my friend... if that's the way its going to be then fine... I think she is the one who is changing to possibly liking me more as a friend... but I am being cautious with her...Quote:
Originally Posted by amicon
She sounds more bored than attracted, but who knows. Keep your wits, and stop assuming she is so into you.
That's a lousy assumption to make.
Thanks talaniman... I needed your response to kill my ego... im so glad you can read and verify her body language and responses just through my telling of a story...Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
Actually, I wasn't reading her, I was reading you. But your right about the ego comment.
I hope you don't think that every time a female is willing to spend time with you and have a laugh it may lead to something else , because honestly that's what your expectations sound like.
She was probably happy to spend time with you after you "backed Off"
I have lots of female friends and I'm sure lots of the other guys here have too , but there comfortable being with me because they know I'm nothing more than a friend and don't try to be.
Sure enjoy her company and IF something comes off it down the line so be it , but just don't forget the dangers of getting romantically involved with someone in the workplace.
That's a lousy assumption to make...Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
Understandable, but like I said with Lowered Expectations, I am willing to be her friend and I haven't been pushy on her at all... not like when I wrote the beginning of this thread... just like anybody on this forum I can take and not take any of the advice I read... its opinion and fact... depending how a reader wants to take it...Quote:
Originally Posted by friend4u178
But I enjoy everbody's responses... if I didn't I wouldn't have posted this in the first place... keep them coming positive or negative...
Do you have a lot of female friends? Do you have to lower expectations to be their friend? Do you check out their body language, and gestures for signs? Just curious.
Lets get to the point... im not trying to disrespect your expertise... you are the moderator...Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
But to answer your question, yes I do most of them are women I've dated in my past... I didn't 'lower' my expectations for them... lets change the phrase 'lowered my expectations' to 'i've come to terms with'... I check everybody's body language and gestures no matter the situation... friends, potential dates, enemies... etc.
Just trying to figure where your head was at, couldn't see your body language, and words on a page can be misleading.
I have a big thing against workplace relationships, and an even bigger thing about moving fast, and finding out your in deep do-do later. But having fun with friends is different, than having titles, and benefits, and privileges. That at least gives you time to know if someone is even worth putting time, and effort into.
Yeah lets...Quote:
Originally Posted by jaffeyjoeblaze
Bottom line is your doing exactly as you were at the beginning of this thread but just going about it in a different way in your head , I think all the advice you've already received still holds , but your just trying to justify what your doing and calling it something else , taking it slower , lower expectations etc.
Whatever... your choice , but don't say you weren't warned :cool:
I'm not a fan of workplace relationships. I see them crumble. I see them interfer with the job itself.. and coming from past personal experience, strange rumors spread like a wildfire.
You sound like a hot head that gets his way a lot. This girl is either into you or isn't. Maybe she wants to take things slow. Maybe she's just looking for someone to hang with.. Its really hard to tell from a simple post on the internet coming as 3rd party.
I think the best way of winning this girls heart without coming off as a frat boy jerkoff is to just be her friend. Go out with her, show her a good time. Don't expect anything.
And I'm sorry if that advise was already posted... didn't read to many posts after the second page
:confused:
So the one I left, had a new guy and we recently reconnected because her daughter had a surgery and I was just checking on the situation because mutual friends kept telling me... I had no intentions on being her friend or anything again...
To keep a long story short we kept talking on Facebook, then text, then phone... pretty much she still has love for me and I do for her also BUT she is confused and can't decided on me or him... this is the 3rd time this is happening and I am to the point where I don't care what decision she makes, I just don't want her wasting my time anymore... I am emotionless to anything she seems to say...
She says she needs me in her life and nobody can replace me even when she has tried and she tried to cut off ties with the other guy but he pulled the 'im falling in love with you and I'm attached to your kids' card even though there is assumption he is trying to see other women... lol
She said she wanted to see me and needed to but I am having second thoughts of even hanging out with her as friends... so chances are looking like she won't visit me since I live out of town... which is a blessing in disguise after I thought about it...
Anyway I just don't know how to get her to stop bothering me and just to move on in one direction or another... I really wish she would be single and leave both of us guys alone and figure out what she wants out of life... because she is wasting too much time and playing with emotions...
I wish I never would have contacted her... :mad:
And I'm not about to change my number again... :mad:
Seems to me you're moving on just fine as you don't even care anymore for anything she has to say. You're under no obligations to maintain any contact with her, and in reality you shouldn't. She is messed up one, but it's not you problem, so cut the ties and live happy. She wants to drag you back into old drama and tries to play two men... let her play all by herself by ignoring it.
Good points... man I just realized I'm so happy!Quote:
Originally Posted by Shadowburn
Get her to stop bothering you by telling her you don't want to talk to her anymore. Give her the reason you told us here. Then block her on Facebook.
Well she deleted me on blackberry messenger and is going to delete my number... I have a feeling this isn't the end but I am relieved...
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