Got it ;).. Me first.

I'm in the same situation guys...

I broke up with my girlfriend to only want her back.
... by the next day...

We, or most of us are, or have been in the same boat.

That's why we are here. Broken hearted dumpees wondering how to deal with this tragedy & pain.

What's really important is to understand what's really important.

That includes ones that care, unconditionally. Not ones that exit for another, or bail for whatever reason.

What's difficult is to come to the realization that what we had is no longer, even though we are blinded by what may have been good in the past.

To have false hope to think that our exs feel the same as we do. Which, in all honesty is unjustified.

As Tal has mentioned. You shouldn't make someone a priority if they are not willing to do the same.

My breakup was devastating and very painful, but the lessons Ive learned not only about that, but to dig deep into who I am & the types of people that I wish to have in my life have really opened my eyes.

It takes time, work and patience.

Right now we may think that our ex is the end all, but that is the farthest thing from the truth.

We ALL get through this.

You've got to be strong and stick to NC. What's the point of contacting her? It will do you more harm than good. I believe you wouldn't want to end up like me where my ex shared all my private messages with her friends. Save your dignity and respect yourself. No one wants to play with the dog that just lays there moping. They like the cute active doggy that still thinks it is a puppy. Don't stop yourself from healing.

It's been almost 4 months! This is ridiculous and seriously, serrrrrrrrrrrriously starting to get to me. I think about her and I want to throw up. I was taking my diff eq. final this morning, and I don't know how but my mind wandered to her and I sat there thinking about her for about 10 minutes, staring at my exam. I seriously don't know what's wrong with me, as much pride as I had before, it seems like it's gone. I told myself , even while I was with the ex, if we'd broke up, I'd be okay with it because "i have to much pride to let a girl get me down"... definitely not, and if I did, it was misplaced pride. I'm starting to think I'm always going to be miserable. Ever since I met her in the 10th grade, this girl has been the center of my world, even for a year and a half before we started dating, I was crazy about her. I know I can't expect to be over her in 4 months, but I mean, I still feel the same same as I did the day after. Every good thing that happens is only a 3 hour temporary solution and then I'm back to where I was.

It takes time buddy to heal yourself. Are you actively healing though? Going out with friends, socializing, new activities, gym? I doubt it. The vacations are coming, you'll find time to relax and enjoy yourself. You need to set yourself a goal and change the perspective from her to you.

Sorry about that calc4 exam... but yea, I'm back were you are... FYI, I've already slipped up on two mid terms because my mind wouldn't stop wandering towards her.

I know everything is back and forth right now; hell, look at how far progressed I've been in my previous posts. I've managed to find that peace of mind every once in a while, but I sure as hell haven't figured out how to sustain it.

And if you think you're the only one, I swore the same thing to myself when we were together. I KNEW I wouldn't let the break up faze me, I'd get over it, move on, I'd adapt, I'd survive, I'd be fine before long... But "before long" has come and gone and right now, I'm barely making it.

Probably the weirdest thing that has ever happened to me happened last night. Scared the hell out of me; despite the anonymity of this forum, it's going to be hard to disclose what happened.

Basically, I woke up about an hour or so before my alarm went off (not abnormal). But I woke up ALREADY in tears, I could still remember my dream and it had NOTHING to do with ANYTHING, absolutely nothing to be upset about. So I had no idea why I was crying, but I COULDN'T STOP. Before long I was crying because I couldn't stop crying... I had to get a wash cloth to clean up my face about a half hour or so later when I had finally regained some control. I proceeded to go back to sleep fully intending to skip my early class and when I woke up, I was still deeply disturbed by the whole thing. It feels like God or the universe is trying to tell me something is wrong with someone in my life, and I'm worried that person is me.

I'm not going to act like I've never cried before, but never often; usually, if I'm ever brought to tears, I recover feeling better than ever... but not this time. I don't know what to do about it. I'm just going to try to process it best I can, and hope to goodness that when I fall asleep tonight I don't wake up soaked in tears.

All these things are so normal.

But one thing to keep in mind is that the damage is already done.

Everything after that is our own doing. Caused by our thoughts.

You have to do whatever it takes not to wallow & keep those negative thoughts at bay. Like paxe says, get out, keep busy, hang with friends. Keep your mind active on positive thoughts.

This is not the end of the world. You are not dying, although it may feel terrible. You are in complete control now.

Show yourself how strong you can be & how you don't NEED this person to be happy again.

Make some daily goals, then weekly ones, then...

Its strange because I do go out, and I do have fun with my friends, nobody else in my life knows this is bugging me anymore except me, and it does help, but then it goes away. It's like I'm on a hill and I'll get to a certain place, then fall back down, and I have to work so hard to get back to that place, but never past it. This past weekend, I went out and I was completely over it. But then it wears off, and it when it does I fall HARD. That's the most frustrating part, thinking you're getting better, and then realizing it was only short term, I guess the same as a rebound, which is why that option is definitely out of the window now.

This sounds kind of sad, but given all of the things I've got going for me right now, I've got good grades, I've got a co-op set up for next semester, I'm surrounded by beautiful women here on this campus, whenever I think about my bright future, I feel better, but then the thought comes up if I'd trade it all to get her back, and to be honest with you, sometimes the answer is yes. I know I need to get out of that mind set. The one thing that I am very happy about is that I have become a lot more humble. Like I said before, I had everything that I wanted, included an amazing girlfriend, I started to feel myself a little too much, which is why I think this has happened, but I honestly don't think God would put me through this much pain if it weren't for a reason

Dude, that is how it goes. An emotional rollercoaster.

I became so frustrated with myself because I would have setbacks & I just wanted it to end.

Like you said, think about that bright future.

That amazing girlfriend was in the past.

What I really believe is that with great suffering, come great awareness.

Use this time to better yourself.

I feel for you, as I know how rough it can be. At one time I was in your shoes, but after getting over that hump, again, and again, not only did I know what needed to be done, but things got a lot better faster.

That's the way gaining life experience works, you learn what to do, and you just do it, and overcome. It may suck every time, but you do KNOW, you'll be okay, and so will your world.

You just have to go through it a few times, that's all.

It's pretty normal to feel this way. Heck 6 month later I still have some down time, but they do wither away pretty fast. It's all about perspective and looking toward the future. You need to make your life exciting so that you won't have to look back. You have to look at this as if the future holds so much more potential, because you've worked so hard on being a better person (right?).

You say you go out with friends and all? Well concentrate on how amazing and fun the night was, and think of future amazing nights. Then think make a plan for the future of a place you would like to go and you never went before.

It's steps like these that will make you feel better.

That's a really great point.

To recognize those good feelings while they are happening & creating more of them.

Saying "Gee, that felt great, gimme some more."

Yes, breaking routine is very important too. Doing things differently, meeting new people.

So, I'm back to torturing myself. Hating myself for letting her break NC.. I don't want to be in this funk anymore... I'm so sick of the ups and downs... I don't understand how I let her get to me..

Last week she was warm and inviting, I let her come over and talk.. let some things go. She told me it was so great to see me (yada yada yada) asked me if I would hang out with her over the weekend, and I was still myself, I was still strong, so I said sure, why not... the days go by and the weekend approaches, and I strangely find myself looking forward to seeing her... the weekend comes and long story short, she blows me off... I know that it shouldn't have bothered me, but I let it eat at me until I had nothing left.

Now I'm sitting here feeling like absolute garbage and I want her to need me like she did before. I'm almost certain that between the night she came over and the weekend she found someone else.. maybe someone she'd already been talking to, maybe somebody she met randomly, maybe the guy she first rebounded with when we broke up(at some point over NC I got word that it didn't end up working out between them), I guess it doesn't matter who or why or when.

So.. in my weakness, I called her today. She tells me that she's not actually dating anyone, but I SWEAR she is. I mean, I know her, I know she's lying to me about this. (Plus I know from a decent source that she is in some way involved with another guy now) But I can't figure out why she would go through the trouble of lying about it when she's obviously SO over me and can't possibly give a crap about me.

Why am I doing this to myself? I feel so pathetic, I should be over all this.

First off, read the stickies about breaking NC. Secondly, tell her you don't want to see her or to hear from her, ever again! Seriously, you won't move on if you torture yourself like that, she is using you and it is blatantly obvious. Use your rational thoughts and apply what you know is best for you.

Apply NC and stick to it, next time she calls, don't answer and next time you want to hear something from her, hit your head on the wall (metaphorically).

"Those who will not reason, are bigots, those who cannot, are fools, and those who dare not, are slaves." - Byron

I guess I was making myself a slave. I really like the "hit your head on the wall" part; actually I love it. I get it man, thanks so much for reminding me.

You know, there should really be a twelve step program for getting over break ups... I mean it's clear that I've been addicted to her; every low that I've had could be described as something like a withdrawal symptom. NC is great, but it's like telling an alcoholic to remove all the booze from his from his home when the booze can just, literally, come knocking on his door the next day.

But yea, I guess it's back to the fundamentals. NC will have to do for now.

The4peuticH3at,

Instead of hijacking the thread of others, why not start your own.

Hijacking huh... My bad, I just figured any advice that was good for me would be good for sadnlost. I mean, I thought we were in a similar place with all this. I've gained a lot from what you guys have said to him. I figured it might work both ways.

It's kind of funny you said that though. I actually tried to make my own thread last night after it felt like I had hit a new low and after I clicked "Post" or w/e, the site went down. Of course, all the text input from the form was lost. That kind of turned me off to the whole thing, but yea, if it's a problem I won't post my baggage on this thread anymore.

You can write your post in Microsoft Word, and then copy and paste it so at least when the site has glitches, you don't lose what you have written.

I think I figured out why this happens to me... whenever I have a period of high confidence, about school, or especially other girls, I don't care about my ex, sometimes I even get angry at myself for letting it get me so down.
But whenever I have a period of low confidence, that's when I start to miss her. Does this make any sense?

That's why its so important to have a backup plan to counteract the lows-get busy,physically active,phone a friend-do whatever it takes to change your mindset and get back to a happier you.

Yea it does make sense. I was obsessed a couple of month after my break up of getting "attention" from girl (girls looking at me, flirting... ). It would boost me up for the day but then if I didn't have this "high" I would just go to a low. Give it time, you will stabilize and everything will be right.

If you blocked your ex on fb, and you get curious about what he or she is doing. DO NOT CHECK! DO NOT CHECK! I just set myself back probably 2 months by being curious and looking at my ex's Facebook. I hate myself sooooooooooo much right now I want to die. She's in love. Already, I fell see worthless if she can replace me in freaking a month! I hate this, this sucks so bad. Do not do that to yourself. Whatever wondering I had is gone and it is 10 times worse than I thought.This isn't a rebound. It's the real deal and I can't believe she could replace me so quickly, I want to throw up.

Good lesson learned, right?

Don't check up or have any contact with someone that replaces you.

She's not doing the same is she? Wondering & pining for you?
Why should you? False hopes? Curiosity?

Stop worrying about what she's up to. The less you know, the better.
What do you want to know more about you she's with & investigate.
That just sick & twisted.

That only causes more pain.

Yeah, believe me. That feeling of rejection was one of the hardest things that I had to let go. But, wake up. Don't waste your energy on feeling crappy about her. It sucks, Yes. But she's gone now. Get it?

But realize that this person is your EX, ie: no longer in your life.

Start being concerned about getting back on track.

Its all about YOU & what your next move is to get over this bs.

Yeah, but this is probably the worst I've ever been, I'm not going to be recover for a long time, and I have a whole month at home, away from school, I don't know what I'm going to do.

Use this time to regroup, have fun with people that care & not wallow.

You don't need her to make you happy. Remember this.

Actually getting away from this will do you some good, if you let it & don't spend your time dwelling.

Your better off being at home right now, away from things as vanheart said. This way it won't hurt your school performance, and you'll be a bit more distanced from the whole thing. Try to do stuff to get your mind off things, get out with friends, play video games, whatever.

For studying during a break up, I suggest a very intensive training session in the morning so that you get endorphines for the rest of the day and you'll be much more efficient later on.

The hardest part is not thinking about it. By doing things, when I start enjoying myself, I think "hey I'm actually having fun" and as soon as I think that, I realize that I'm not thinking about "her" which actually makes me think of "her." First love blues :-//// I know I'm still young but after that first one I feel like I'll never find someone I care about as much as I did her.

The thing is you will. In a while you'll be able to look back on this as a bad patch but a learning experience.

Man, I went out last night, had an AMAZING time. If I could bottle this feeling up, I'd never have anything to complain about. So, from here, I can tell you that I know you know this feeling, and I know you'll be here right where I am (or close) in due time, but it's wholly up to you. You know the deal, if you want to be happy, you have to let her go, PERIOD. You don't need her, you don't need to know what she's up to, you don't need to know if she still thinks about you, it doesn't matter. She's behind you, stop looking back or you'll miss out on what in front of you. Life is perspective, find a better one.

If it helps, whatever she has with this new dude will never be what she had with you. Every relationship is unique; SHE CAN NEVER REPLACE YOU. Don't forget that, don't be surprised if she tries to come back to you somewhere down the line.

Been sick, I haven't been able to eat or sleep. :-/ I watched the UFC fight with me friends from HS last night which didn't really help, the whole time I was thinking about her. This whole time that we've been broken up, I've never hurt this bad so I'm not sure how long its going to take for me to recover, if at all. I can't even picture it, not being able to care. I wish I could talk to her to know what I did wrong, one so I could know,and two so I would know what to not do if I ever have another relationship. I feel a little awkward about the whole situation because she seems so happy, which should be what I want, but selfishly I want to be the one to make her happy.

As normal as these thoughts are, give it time and heal actively. There is no fast remedy against break up depending on how active you are to healing and if you apply NC or not.

But it's been 4 months, I've tried everything. Met other girls, worked out, focused on school, went out, started reading more. I mean everything is just short term, as soon as I stop doing something I still miss her. I'm seriously starting to think there's something wrong with me, all I have are regrets about how I acted, its weird because when we first broke up, all I could think about was how happy we were together, now all I think about is all the times I let her down. It breaks my heart thinking of how much easier J could have made her happier but I was too stubborn and too proud.

Time to stop blaming yourself,we all make mistakes and your overthinking the past isn't helping you move forward.
Every time you start feeling low get busy and actively do something to change your thoughts.

You have been here long enough to know the routine, and wallowing over split milk is not one of the ways we tell you to do for yourself. That's a quitters lament.

This maybe the hardest thing you have ever done, so don't make it harder by beating yourself up for past failures.

I expect more from you than just crying about your past shortcomings, and expect a lot more effort, than saying nothing has worked for you so far.

Try harder, work harder, and overcome those negative feelings, as they will surely hold you back.

It takes time dude, so make the most of it by focusing on what you can do for yourself.

No more of the negative, geez, you should have been cheering with your mates and not worrying about what she did, or is doing. How useless is that??

Sorry to be harsh, but your drowning in your own shat here, and that is unacceptable.

Maybe you should volunteer, and do someone who needs help some good, so you can understand how lucky you are to have friends, and things to look forward too.

Try not to get hung up on the shoulda-coulda's. I think every man that's ever lived would do just about anything for a rewind button. All you can do is reflect a bit and take everything into consideration when you're putting your best foot forward. We've all made mistakes. No one is perfect; there will always be moments that we'll wish we could have back. Try not to become so fixated on it; otherwise, this'll just be another moment you'll find yourself regretting.

Hey - read my original posts about me dealing with my ex - at exactly 4 months of being broken up he started dating someone else (whom he had met while we were dating) - I went through the same feelings.

BUT, I decided to take the high road and say, "OK, he is over me no matter how much I wish he wasn't - he is - and I need to be over him - I don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me"

You don't want this to hurt you even more than it already does - I know it sucks but just stay busy - go out with friends and above all - never check up on her again on Facebook - maybe in 3 years or something once you have been with someone else, but not anytime soon.

Rarely is your first love the only one for you - and just think if you felt that good being with her, the person who is really right for you will make you feel even better, so don't miss out on that better person! Good luck hun!

So we both were dumped at the same time. I am doing a lot better after 3 months... We are getting there. You have to hang in there. For whatever reasons, they don't want us. We both feel like we did everything for them and made them happy so many times so why do they want to stay away from us? I was so hurt and still am. I can't believe we are still broken up and I can't believe after having her, how was I able to ruin everything. Then I think about how good I really was to her in general and how she took advantage of me in a way and then I realise I did my part. She just wanted out. She probably just kept collecting all the little flaws of mine and since she didn't feel the way I did, she didn't let them go. Instead, she held on until she found it in herself to let go of me. We both can ask question forever and wonder why did they leave? Was is because of one thing we did wrong? No, it is because they just felt like giving up. It's a collection of things and they felt like giving up. Its pathetic, I know. I still have so many memories... dont you? I try everyday to move on but then I think that the future doesn't include her and how can days be so happy without her in it? That's the happiness I know. How can that be replaced? This is very hard! I'm trying to figure everything out just like you. Feel free to ask me anything. I stay going to the gym and I stay busy. It's just hard to imagine I can be happy without her and trying to figure out how.

For the past couple of days I've been doing a lot better. I think of them together and it bothers me still, but I don't let it really effect me. However today is the ex's birthday, I've felt like complete crap all day. I don't know why. I wish that I could skip today, I knew that I was going to be in a bad mood even a few days ago. I struggled so long with whether to send her a happy birthday text. I don't know why I let this get me down so much, one of those, I can't eat type of days. I texted her "happy birthday ******, I hope you have a good break." Just to be a nice guy, and before I sent it I was praying that she wouldn't text me back. She did it said "thanks! you too." For the love of God that was probably the worst text she could have sent me, I haven't cried over her since... maybe late August, and now I'm on the verge of tears as I'm typing this.

When I realize that I have to move on and let go, I feel okay, there are other girls. But right now it seems like I wasted so much time while I was with her. Like it meant nothing to her and the world to me. I don't want to feel like a stepping stone to something better :-/

I guess I'm a glutton for punishment cause I knew that it would hurt me, but I wanted to let her know that I still cared. The way she responded, I feel like she has 0 feelings for me now, which should make me want to move on, but instead makes me feel even worse about the situation. Just a little venting...