I am still enjoying the "Service Recall." :) I smile every time I think of it.
Not sure what you mean by your older brother being like your father. I can guess, but I might be way off...
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I am still enjoying the "Service Recall." :) I smile every time I think of it.
Not sure what you mean by your older brother being like your father. I can guess, but I might be way off...
You're doing great until know! It's really nice you're getting around. I do hope you're getting more sleep, food and especially drinks (not alcohol).
Please enjoy the service recall then :)Quote:
Originally Posted by asking
My older brother is only 1 year older than me, but always acts like he is much older than his age & has enough life experience just like my father has.
He would say "you are too young, and are not aware of this, but..." funny? He has been that way since we were very young...
Lol My older bro s like that but I tend to ignore him.. .
Ha! At what point is he going to realize how silly that sounds?Quote:
Originally Posted by confusedrebecca
Funny but annoying.
He probably started imitating your father and now he's so used to the role doesn't realize... Maybe you can gently talk to him about it (sometime when there's nothing at stake). Or maybe tease him about how "old" he is.
Tuesday 8 AM
I came back to work early to catch up work after a week of unexpeted sick leave.
As I assumed, my work email and desk phone were filled with my ex's messages.
A flower arrangement was waiting for me at my desk, and his card says
"I hope you feel better. I am not doing well. Miss you...Can we talk? Love,"
How did he know I was sick? Was it wild guess?
If he called your work, they probably told him you were out sick. He, of course, took advantage of the situation to 'look' caring.Quote:
Originally Posted by confusedrebecca
You need to let your work know that he is no longer part of your life.
Good luck catching up. :)
Hi Rebecca,
I doubt it was a guess. He got someone to tell him...
Do you have an attorney who could give him a call and make your message more clear?
If you don't have an attorney, find one today. I think an attorney should tell him very clearly to stop harassing you and stop stalking you. If that doesn't work, it's time for a restraining order.
Continue to be careful, especially leaving and entering your office and home, places where he could wait for you and try to create some drama. Those are places he knows you'll show up eventually. Make sure friends and family know what is happening and keep your cell phone charged and with you.
Do no talk to him.
He is operating from pure selfishness. You are valuable and he wants you back. But he doesn't remotely deserve you.
I will keep it in my mind...Quote:
Originally Posted by asking
I agree. If he really cared about me, why did he hurt me with disrespect?Quote:
Originally Posted by Cat1864
He was acting... thanks again.
I really don't believe that any man should treat a woman like that. He sounds like an insensitive who is insecure.Its really sad and unfair that people are like this, but how can he possibly be faithful in the future if he isn't now. He will keep on doing this to you. Don't put yourself through this. He is a cheat!!
He has told you he has cheated!!
He told you that he won't be faithfull to you.
So as much as it may hurt, you should leave him with respect for yourself ;which you will loose, as I know from experience.
Don't cry over a guy who treats you like this.
He just wants the best of both worlds. This way, he can see if there is someone better than you out there and if not, you are his backup plan
In the meantime, you are sitting on the sidelines, getting played!
That's insane. I agree with everyone else on here. Be happy he is gone. You may have loved him, but he clearly does not love you enough to be with you. He just wants some fun, so be happy with what's happens. Don't cry for this boy anymore. He will realize his mistake one day, but by then, it would have been too late. Move on.
Good luck. You deserve better
Thank you backvy.Quote:
Originally Posted by BlackVY
You are right. It hurts so much, but I cannot be with him anymore.
If you noticed, he is keep promising he will not cheat again for any forms ever. He told me that he was embarrassed when he was caught, tried to cover up he was talking, and acted out as bold, he would keep talking & dating other girls, but he did not mean it. He said it was more stupid behavior than online chatting.
However, it is too late. The sweet & passionate love I had for him was totally shattered, and it cannot be repaired anymore. I loved him the most as a man in my life. I did not have any doubt we would happily marry, and have beautiful kids together, and getting old together. We both have loving family, our family loved us as a most blissful couple, and we were considered the hot couple among our friends. Now all is gone.
I am still crying every night, not for missing him anymore, but for the scary emptiness, which the amazing love was gone for nothing so rapidly...
Can I ever fall in love again and love the one just like I did for him? I just hope I can do it again for the good person at this time.
Someone on this board has user name ash. Did she go though this emptiness?
mcnillis,Quote:
Originally Posted by mcnillis
You are right. No man should women like this. I did not deserve this. I gave him honor, love and caring, and he returned it with decption, lie and disrespect.
I already feel I move on a lot, see the distance between him and me. I am miles away from him now. I am still crying because I am so sorry what happened...
I don't know if it helps, but I think it is human to go through that emptiness at some point in time. I've been there and that emptiness is painful in ways that a physical injury can never be. It does lessen as you heal and add new feelings and memories. The important part is that you choose positive thoughts and happy memories. Filling the void with anger and hurt just keeps it aching and damaging to your own heart and mind.Quote:
Originally Posted by confusedrebecca
Remember that this is still new. Remember that you just now started getting your life back on track by returning to work. As we will keep saying, give yourself time. How much time depends on the individual.
Let yourself heal and you will someday find a new love. It won't be the same. No two relationships are ever the same. However, it has a good chance of being better, stronger and even more fulfilling.
On another note, did you tell the people at work that you are no longer accepting calls, etc. from Mr. Ex?
Yesterday
Many co workers stopped by my office to say hello since they heard I was sick.
I look pale, lost 6LB, and it was just appropriate for the sick leave.
It is nice I have demanding job & nice people around at work.
My ex called a couple of times yesterday at my desk, I did not recognized the number on the caller id, accidentally answered and said hello, but just hung up after I found out it was him. He left voicemails and said he like to 'formally apologize' what he has done to me, and promised he would make it up for life time. I have no idea what he meant by "formal apology". My ex sent a flower arrangement & sandwiches by delivery man just before noon. I gave the sandwich to an intern in my office, who is college kid and always have huge appetite. He is wating his money for nothing.
Today
I came in office at 8 am. I removed the photo frame of me and my ex from my desk. It was heart wrenching to watch the smiling couple in the picture, which I can not associate myself anymore with. It was good time, and I had no doubt we would have happy marriage together. How insane...
I stopped wearing my ring since the breakup. My finger looks pale & lonely... Someday, 'a decent man who deserves me enough' will give me his pure heart & a pretty ring to me in future. Until then, I am moving forward step by step. Sigh...
One step at a time. :)
Make sure that the people at work know he is history. If there is a receptionist, make sure he/she knows not to put Mr. Ex through. You might even want him/her to redistribute the 'offerings' or, like with the sandwiches, do it yourself. Did it help you feel good to give the sandwiches to the college kid?
I agree that almost everyone experiences that emptiness at some point. The first love is special in many ways, but you can definitely fall in love again! The point is to love the right person, someone who will treat you with honor and respect and also cherish you and the relationship. Your ex sounds immature and it's not clear if he will ever grow up.
(I am hoping you taught him a lesson at least, but I don't know if the lesson he learns will be to be a more loyal mate or to be more secretive.)
Being hounded with gifts is bittersweet, since you do not want them and they are a constant reminder of him. But there will come a time when they stop and you may feel a renewed grief.
When a relationship ends, we may or may not miss the person, but we often experience a sense of failure. Plus we have so habits, like talking every day or similar. Bottom line, it is normal to feel awful. :( But be patient with yourself and try to do things that cheer you up and stick close to people who care about you. Life is sweet and you'll rediscover that soon.
Take care.
asking,
Everything you said is right. You said exactly what I feel now... I will stick with your word, "Life is sweet and you'll rediscover that soon." thanks,
-rebecca from grief -
You will be OK rebecca... and there is a better guy out there who deserves the love you have to give, someone who is faithful and who wants to be with you only. Its just a matter of time..
Quote:
Originally Posted by BlackVY
Thank you for your kind assurance. I hope so.
Rebecca, take time for yourself. It's time to be selfish and dress the way you want to dress, eat what you want to eat, watch the movies that you want to watch, etc. and not worry about He (any "he") wouldn't like it or would prefer something different.
Someday, when you are ready, you will meet someone who treasures you for who and what you are-the whole you, not just this bit and that bit. It will take some time and patience, but you will find love again.
I am taking my own advice and I recently broke up with my boyfriend. He's been unhappy with my long working hours and has been making me feel inadequate. I don't need him.
Cat1864,Quote:
Originally Posted by Cat1864
I appreciate your suggestion, and yes, I am going to the direction.
I did not deserve endless pain. I will enjoy my life again. I am treasuring myself as much I deserved. My girl friend anxiously made a lot of plans for me, we will spend time together to have fun as we did before happy girls. We shopped yesterday, bought a bunch of pretty outfits and makeup. We will go to hair salon to get a new hair done. We are taking a yoga class once a week, already got an invitation for the top notch Irish Halloween party, we ordered the Sexy Genie custom for Halloween party last night. We will dress up, and will have fun at the party. We are talking about taking vacation to Aruba for Christmas. She appointed herself as my guidance & body guard, and I am giving her A+++ grade.
According to her, multiple guys already asked her to let them know if I am ready for date. She told me I have multiple secretive admirers in my company alone already. I never thought I would consider dating someone else before...
What a dramatic change again... Sigh
makapuu,Quote:
Originally Posted by makapuu
I can imagine your sorrow... I feel for you. I think we deserver better person to be happy. Let them go if there are not with us 100%.
Best regards,
Rebecca
The Weakest & Begging Cheater?
My ex showed up at my work Friday around 6 pm.
I just took off form my office, walked to the parking lot with my wonderful girl friend. Unexpectedly, I found he was standing next to my car. I knew it was coming, but my heart was racing with anger again without control.
I refused to look at him. My girl friend stood just next to me firmly to protect me.
“Can we please talk?”
He was talking with sorrow. He was begging. He glanced my finger, found out the promise ring was gone, and he seemed shocked. I heard he was crying. I glanced him too, and found out he looked so awful. He did not shave, mal dressed, obviously lost weight, and had dark circles around his eyes… The confident & playful man, who made me the most miserable girl 2 week ago was completely gone, and there was a weak man stood there to beg me. It seemed so unrealistic. Is it really happening??
“I am not doing well…
I know I did wrong, very wrong.
I know I hurt you, did not respect you, lied to you, and put you down. I do not know why I did it, but I just fooled around. When you found it out, I should accept my wrong doing and apologize, but in stead I tried to be defensive. I do not have any intention to see any other girls. I did not sleep with any of them. I know I did very wrong, but I met 3 different girls only once each. You have all the right to be angry. Punish me. I will take it. But please forgive me. I do not want us break up. Please… I want to be with you for the rest of my life…”
He cried and cried in front of me and my girl friend.
I did not know what to do, and speechless. It was not what I expected. I stood there with blank mind, and looked at him with no idea what to say. Finally, my girl friend stepped between us, and told him
“we would think about it and let youknow. Bye now.”
My girl friend & I got in my car, I started it, and we left the parking lot. He stood there and watched us to leave. I had my suit case in my car, and planned to go back to my apartment, but I was so overwhelmed. She took me to her place again.
“He does look so awful. Something is wrong with him...” My girl friend is keep mumbling. Now, I am in her place with aching heart with different reasons.
I do not know what to do. I am very interrupted & shaken hard…
If he was really weak man, why even he tried to cheat on me? My mind is blank...
He has always been an insecure, womanizing, controlling child.
I am not really surprised that he looks bad and isn't taking care of himself. His world crumbled when you stood up to him. Someday, he will start to pull himself back together. Maybe he will even have improved himself. That is for someone else to find out, because I doubt the 'new' him would survive long before the 'old' came back out to play.
IF you had forgiven him and bought all the manure he was selling, then he would still be playing dating games and hiding it from you. Possibly even telling himself that since you 'forgave' him, he had every right to play around after all you let him.
BUT YOU DIDN'T. You stood up like a strong independent woman who can dress herself without help from a controlling little boy and said "Goodbye." Every time that you think about allowing him to get anywhere near you, remember that he had it all planned out to play as much as he wanted to until the wedding, EVEN AFTER, you found out about the dating sites, etc. His type doesn't change for the woman he has. They feel no need to because the woman takes them back no matter what they do.
Don't let yourself be pulled into a cycle of: caught, apologize and promise, try not to get, caught...
A person who holds you back to fulfill his own pleasures is a man not worth of waiting for. A girl like yourself who has class deserves a whole lot more. Enjoy this moment of freedom from that waste and live it up love.
Keep that head up =]
He took your loyalty for granted. Now he doesn't. If you went back, he'd be confirmed in his feeling that he has a right to do anything he wants and you'll put up with it, PLUS, he'll feel like you put him through hell and "owe" him something. Don't even think of going back. Listen to cat and bobby.
Be strong!
Rebecca,Quote:
Originally Posted by confusedrebecca
I'm right there with you. It's been about a week for me, and although not as dramatic, I did get a phone call. So what do you do with a man that has realized he did wrong? I'm very confused.
I still love him. I don't love him less because he flirts, I'm just mad at him for doing it. He doesn't flirt because he doesn't love me, he flirts because he a typical man. He said he didn't know it hurt me so much because in the past, I handled it OK.
I'm so confused. I know what you're going through. Love will guide us.
To all of you "confused" about your partners, let me tell you my story, it may help you all.
When my ex broke up with me, for 2 month she said she was confused and most probably wanted to go back with me. By that time, I didn't know she had cheated. Once I called it quit and when I was flirting with someone else, only then she wanted to go back with me. She played with me after that and she said she was going to wait for me when I left for 1 month for vacation. She was with someone else when I came back.
Our exes are desperate because they want what they can't have. They can't have you, so they feel despair. When they have you, they won't feel lonely and they will go back doing what they were doing.
Sigh...Quote:
Originally Posted by paxe
I got your point. So, long in short, I have no chpoice, but have to leave him completely forever whatever he does...
How sad is this...
It seems h's childish online fling destroyed both of us permanently... I can see he was totally wrecked badly...
Rebecca-whatever he is feeling now is his own fault.
He broke your trust and he is not the man you thought he was.
Remember he hurt YOU not the other way around.
Yes, I think he was always insecure. I knew he was completely depend on me after the initial chasing game in our relaitonhsip. He chased very had to get me. When I gave him "boy friend" title, he was overwhelmed, and thrilled. He took all the reastaurants he ever known, he took me all the good places he ever went to, and showed me off. I never doubt he could do such a thing behind of my back. I was his trophy.Quote:
Originally Posted by Cat1864
His childish online fling & 3 dates with random girls destroyed our future, and himself.
How stupid he was!!
Are you sure his "old hilself" will come out soon no matter what happened?
Yes, when he admitted his oline fling, I did not even said a word. I ran into bathroom, washed my lips & hands with soap. I had to because it seemed so disgusting. He saw I was doing it with shock. After came out of the bathroom, I only said a word. "LEAVE".Quote:
Originally Posted by Cat1864
No further disucssion or No chit chat what so ever since then.
I have not talked to him a word or looked at him since.
Even though I was so deeply wounded and hurt...
Here is where I am struggling with. I taught him a hard lesson. So, another woman will take the benefit from it when she enters in his life. Right? How can I justify that?? Please help. Am I said to give him a lesson? That's it??Quote:
Originally Posted by Cat1864
Amicon,Quote:
Originally Posted by amicon
All you said is right. He degraded me, disgraced me, and disrespected me, while I gave him honor and love. He hurt not only me but himself too... How stupid & shallow he was!!
He did that to you-and he ll probably do the same to whomever he s with.
Its actually good if you ll excuse my using the word good that he showed his true colours now and not another couple of years down the line when you could have been married with children.
He s the big time loser here-not you.
If I do not marry him, how will I know he will be faithful or not? Can you give me more strong evidence he will do it again even in marriage? Thank you for your all advice! It really helps & guide me.Quote:
Originally Posted by amicon
He went behind your back with these girls he went on dates with and I'm guite sure he would have continued his little explorations had you not found him out.
He did this because he thought he could get away with it.
On the occasion when you confronted him he got angry and left.
He also said he didn't want a promiscuous girl-whilst thinking his behaviour was completely fine!
That to me is a dead give away.
You deserve so much better than this.
Amicon,
I must spread Reputation around.
It is excellent insight, and you are giving me the light during confusing & drastric time!
You are saving my life indeed!
Thank you Im glad you feel comforted by our posts.keep posting whenever you feel the need.
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