Well like expected I feel like s**t. I knew this would happen if I got this close to her. Nobody needs to tell what I need to do know because I know very well. Start NC all over again and move on with my life. It will take me a very long time to accept the fact that we might never date each other.

Maybe after all I did win the bet. I did stupid stuff during my break up, it's only human nature. One of the best way to go with NC is that if you stick to it, the pain you're feeling now will go away and you won't suffer anymore. There is that website: www.helium.com/items/1252890-why-breaking-up-can-be-the-best-thing-for-you you can check it out. It explains how a break up could be the best thing in your life.

My break up brought me so much afterward I'm so happy right now, it's incredible. In a couple of month you will probably think like that.

I sure hope so. Like I said before it would have been easier if we were not happy in our relationship or if we got tired of each other. Everything was perfect before we broke up. We didn't fight, we loved each other, we communicated well, etc...

This is one hard lesson to learn.

We were supposed to get married and was happy in the relationship, then she broke it off by cheating on me. It's life and we learn from it. You will probably find out that it's a good thing for both of you, you don't seem having any trouble finding a girl.

Yeah, I do not have trouble finding a girl but it is harder to find the right girl.

I heard a great analogy today. She asked me to imagine two river banks and in between the banks was sharp glass instead of water. She told me how in order to get over a relationship you have to slowly travel through the sharp glass in order to get to the otherside of the bank were you will heal. One will have to experience pain in order to feel better.


I guess Im on my way through the glass at this point and the other side is still far away.

Actually, you feel better day by day by applying NC. The analogy is quite wrong, because it tells you that the healing process is actually pain itself when it can be something liberating.

Well I think you and I are a bit different in the sense that your ex cheated on you and my ex did not do anything wrong. I understand her feelings. I know why she is doing it. I am not saying what Im going through is/was worse then what you went through but Im just trying to say that is different.

Well I didn't know until 2 month later, and I've done quite some mistakes during that time like hoping for her to come back. But when I started NC 1 week after the break up for 3 week, I felt everyday was getting better, inch by inch, so it was kind of liberating.

Yep. The real trick of it is to not secretly wish for her to come back... when you can get over that, you'll be ready. It seems like you've got a good head on your shoulders. Focus on other things for awhile. A new girl will come around eventually. It just happens.

All right, lets sum up this day.

The good: I got three more girl's numbers and I am going out dancing this Thursday. On Saturday Im making apple pie with this grad student I met and on Sunday Im going out to dinner with some girls I met today.

The bad: Someone made me realize something I did wrong in the relationship I had with my ex. So I decided to call and apologize to her. I did call to get her back but just to let her know. Why? I have no freaking idea. But basically talking to her I learned that she has already moved on from me and that she is not "in love" with me anymore. Why the hell was it so easy for her to move on? Why is it so damn hard for me to move on? (wait don't answer that) I can't I just follow the damn rules of No Contact and heal. Why is it that I have to make all these stupid mistakes. I got really mad at myself for doing this. Why is it that I keep hurting myself in this way? I am a rational person. I know what I need to do. But yet, here I am making every textbook mistake.


I tell myself everyday. There is no hope. I should not think of us getting back together. I need to be OK with being single. Im in college and have the same opportunities as her. I have great qualities that many girls would enjoy. Its not the end of the world and many people have gone through this. I tell myself this and more. I am getting numbers left and right. I am making new friends on a daily basis. I can plan out any night of the week with something. I am social outgoing and handsome. I have no trouble find others. But yet here I am a dumb mess. I should just become like the rest of the "bro's" here. Not care about anything else but get laid. I am so mad at myself.

But nothing happens of it. I share my emotions on here. I have a great support system. I talk to others who give me advice. I even went to a counselor. But still!! My dumbass won't listen. I have never behaved this way. I have always solved my problems rationally. Never have I been this stirred up and dishonest with myself.

Can this get any worse.

Yep,
First of all who are you trying to prove with those girl's number? Why are you so stressed out about meeting new girls and not passing time with your old friends? Next thing you know you'll be dating one of them that is a "superb" girl in order to get over your ex and ending hurting her. I've been on month 4 being single, and I'm planning to stay like that for a long time to come.

Secondly, if you can't keep from contacting her, that shows her you are weak and she probably likes that. You're rational, it's over, don't talk to her. If you love her give her the space she needs and that's the end of it.
It's kind of easy not to contact her, delete her phone, delete everything from her, Facebook, msn etc... pictures, erase her and next time you want to call... take a deep breath, call someone else or just do push ups.

I mean come on, take care of yourself and go enjoy time with friends.

I am trying to meet new people since my old friends are heavily connected with my ex. Every time I say to myself it can't get any worse it does. I just felt like when someone close to me told me that I drove my girlfriend away and that she did the same to me.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by A4Effort

Alright, lets sum up this day.

The good: I got three more girl's numbers and I am going out dancing this Thursday. On Saturday Im making apple pie with this grad student I met and on Sunday Im going out to dinner with some girls I met today.

The bad: Someone made me realize something I did wrong in the realtionship I had with my ex. So I decided to call and apologize to her. I did call to get her back but just to let her know. Why? I have no freaking idea. But basically talking to her I learned that she has already moved on from me and that she is not "in love" with me anymore. Why the hell was it so easy for her to move on? Why is it so damn hard for me to move on? (wait don't answer that) I can't I just follow the damn rules of No Contact and heal. Why is it that I have to make all these stupid mistakes. I got really mad at myself for doing this. Why is it that I keep hurting myself in this way? I am a rational person. I know what I need to do. But yet, here I am making every textbook mistake.


I tell myself everyday. There is no hope. I should not think of us getting back together. I need to be ok with being single. Im in college and have the same opportunities as her. I have great qualities that many girls would enjoy. Its not the end of the world and many people have gone through this. I tell myself this and more. I am getting numbers left and right. I am making new friends on a daily basis. I can plan out any night of the week with something. I am social outgoing and handsome. I have no trouble find others. But yet here I am a dumb mess. I should just become like the rest of the "bro's" here. Not care about anything else but get laid. I am so mad at myself.

But nothing happens of it. I share my emotions on here. I have a great support system. I talk to others who give me advice. I even went to a counselor. But still!!!!!!! My dumbass won't listen. I have never behaved this way. I have always solved my problems rationally. Never have I been this stirred up and dishonest with myself.

Can this get any worse.

---

Talk about having a weak moment. I need to move on. Why is is so hard for me?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by A4Effort

Talk about having a weak moment. I need to move on. Why is is so hard for me?

---

I think you have this idea of yourself as a person who shouldn't be having this much difficulty dealing with this. This is hard to get through, I don't care how strong you think you are. You need to be more patient with yourself. This is going to take time, and probably a lot of it.

I just don't understand why its not getting through my thick head. I keep getting hurt but I still continue doing things that hurt me.

I really don't feel well today because of what happened yesterday.

Be patient, it is something that takes time, everyday you have to take care of yourself. But with time and with proper NC, the pain will go away. If you take the cause of the pain away (your ex), then you won't suffer as much.

Well, here I was minding my own business. I was in class with my ex. I have not been sitting with her since we broke up and today a guy there started flirting with her. He talked to her throughout the class and made her laugh. She giggled and talked back. I knew what he was after and here I was 4 feet away unable to do anything. I lost all concentration. I tried to hard to focus on the class but all I could think about is how I would want to smash his head into concrete. I started writing down my feelings onto paper. At the end of the class he went to ask her out but I intervened by talking to my ex about an exam we took a few days ago. I wanted to go up to him after class and tell him to stay away from her. But I couldn't. I couldn't do anything. I was there just to watch. The rest of the day spiraled out of control to me. I became instantly depressed.

I don't know what is happening to me. I am spiraling out of control. I can't control my feelings anymore and I am going into depression. I am a walking zombie filled with unhappy thoughts. There is nothing I can do. She is gone and soon she will find a new man. Here I am observing all this. I don't know what to do with myself. Someone please tell it will get better because right now I have no hope.

Dude, do what I did with my ex. Sit in the front row, and pay attention. You cannot let this affect your school life... at all. If so, you will self-destruct in this downward spiral, and you will hate your life.

Let the other guys get at her. It's going to happen. And you are going to get attention from other girls. Make a conscious effort to stay out of her business.

OK, so in class, sit in the front row so you don't have to look at her, and just pay attention to whatever the profs are doing. Make new friends in the class and talk to them if you get bored. But you cannot let this affect your school life.

If you do, you will regret it 5 years from now. Will you be missing your ex 5 years from now? I think not. Keep things in perspective and keep moving forward with your life. There's a quote I really like.

"If you're going through hell, keep going".

And if you necessarily must, drop the class. But you cannot let this affect your life anymore. You're in survival mode, and you got to recover and get power over your life back. Use it to springboard to success. Enjoy new friends and new experiences, and try not to wallow or sulk.

Your girl has moved on. The less amount of contact you have with her, the better. This is about you now. You have to do it on your own, but of course, we are all here to help.

Wishing to see you succeed,
Yoso.

I need to pull myself up from this mess that I am in otherwise it will only get worse. I do not want to go down a bad path.

You will buddy. The only problem is that you still see and talk to your ex. For the next 30 days, you have to disappear from her life. No contact at all.

If you think about it, every time you see her or contact her, you get confused and hurt. It happens to all of us. If you stick to no contact, you'll be all right. Do it to keep your stability and sanity and life. Right now, you aren't acting reasonably, but you will soon be on the right track.

It is a hard process, but it does work. My ex and I have been on-off for 3 years... until I initiated the final no contact. I knew I was over her when I refused to get back together with her, and could ignore all of her phone calls and texts. I no longer care what she does anymore. I think she has hooked up with some of my friends to make me jealous, but all she did was make herself look kind of slutty. Today, I think that I am fortunate that she broke up with me, as she is acting like an immature child, and I no longer have to deal with it.

You just have to get to the point where you say to yourself, gosh darnit, I deserve to be happy. And this girl is not making you happy. So cut her out of your life, completely.

You obviously have tons of potential on the girl market, as you are picking up numbers and going on dates. However, I would suggest you take a break from all of that, because I think you are doing that to spite your ex girlfriend. You even admitted that you aren't ready for any of that.

To make your sense of self-worth and self-esteem higher, I suggest you complete all your classwork, spend time with friends, and maybe get involved in other activities/volunteering. I picked up a sport that I had left off when I came to college, and it has helped a lot. Not only is it a good physical outlet, but I've made great friends in the process.

Yes, dating is fun. However, don't start something if you're not ready. Just cherish your friends and work on you... which includes getting your classwork done. That should be your top priority right now. Stay focused and stay strong.

You said you don't want to go down the bad path. Stick to your word. Cut all ties and contact with the ex, and just start living your own life, how you want to live it.

Thank you for that advice. I really needed it. I do need to be happy. I do deserve someone better.

Yes you do, look I could probably relate to your situation in some sense and it really really sucked in the beginning. You have to tell yourself that you are actually a great person and you deserve the best. You deserve a bright future with a great women and you will never settle for less.

Why do you need her to make you happy? You need to find your own happiness alone. I hanged out with friends, started doing sport and went on a trip and I got myself much much better. Join a group, you said you survived a genocide (most probably in eastern europe) then you could try and help some groups so that it never happens again. It could give you some great sense of pride helping other people.

That's the thing. I work three jobs, work at a psychology lab, take pictures for the university news paper, etc... I average 12 hour days/7days a week with all those activities and my three jobs.

I train at my martial arts school, I hang out with friends constantly, but I am still spiraling down. I doubt I will sleep tonight. I just hit a low that I never have experienced before.

Well,
Like Yosomoton213 said, drop the course or go to the front of the class without looking back. It is going to hurt, but with time you will feel better. The thing is that you have to see her the least amount of time. Go to class and leave asap after, don't go and talk to her and if you do see her give her a quick "hi".

You are spiraling down because you are in shock. It's all science really. You were with someone for a long time and now you're not, you feel lonely, you desperately want her back for all the wrong reasons. Your dopamine levels in your brain is much lower now. This is why there is so many rebound, especially from girls, since there is a lack of dopamine.

It's basically like a drug, you crave it. Though like any drugs, the only real way to get over it, is to be patient and taking care of your body. There is no magic solution. There is ups and down when you apply NC, but in the future there will be more ups than down.

I tried to rationalize as much as possible, it makes it easier to see things (I'm engineer I rationalize everything). You just have to understand WHY your body and brain is reacting the way it is. I hope this gave you a new way to see things.

Thank you paxe.

All that is going through my head is that I will never find anyone like her again. I have met so many girls throughout my time here in America (9years) and she was the only one that stood out to me. I am very social and meet new people everyday. None of them come close to her and this is me speaking rationally. I have not met one girl who had all the qualities that I look for in a woman besides her. Having lost the person who I thought was perfect match for me hurts me more than anything. I could list all the things about her that made me love her so much but I think I already have done it a few times already. I was very fortunate to have met her and I appreciate all the moments we shared. She was like a drug and now that she is gone I feel like I am withdrawing. Without this drug I am sick.

With all due respect A4, you aren't speaking rationally. You can't because you are still so caught up on her emotionally. No woman will compare to her right now because of your connection you have with her. This is why we must give ourselves time to heal, so we can think rationally and clearly.

This is America, and trust me, they come in all manners of form (women), there is more than one out there who will catch your eye. You are limited to a college atmosphere. Just take time to heal and worry about the women stuff later.

Everything makes sense. But I don't know how I will get out of the state I am in currently. No contact hasn't been working because even when I try not to see her, I see her. But I guess if it has worked for so many it should work for me.

It almost seems as if you are expecting this to go away within a few days, and that isn't the case. It is going to take time, there aren't any magic pills to get over this. You just have to get through it, no short cuts are there.

I didn't know I would see her being asked out/flirted to so soon after our breakup. I knew she would have said yes to the guy if I didn't intervene. I am was not ready nor am I now to see that happen in front of my face. Maybe after a few more months but so soon. It magnifies the pain I have a million when I see some other guy flirting with her and her being into it.

I know that kind of thing sucks, big time, believe me. Been there done that. The good news is that you have most likely hit rock bottom, so you have nowhere to go but up.

I sure hope I hit rock bottom because I cannot image being in a worse state that I am in now.

It was the hardest thing I have ever had to stomach, watch the love of my life embrace a man the way she used to embrace me. This happened on my birthday last year. It killed me.

At the same time it was a major ego check to me. The world doesn't revolve around me and I don't believe I am any type of Prince Charming, so I had to realize that this is life and there are other guys out there that could make her happy. I know I'm not the best thing out there, I know that she deserves to be happy and I know that maybe I just wasn't the one. That is fine, I can accept that now... I can live with that. The experience itself has changed my life and my attitude dramatically.

I totally agree with you. There will always be another person who will be able to make her happy. It hurts a tremendous amount now but I do want her to be happy. I will eventually heal and find someone else who will make me happy.

This is a great challenge for me. I don't know if I can swallow this. I am afraid that I will not succeed. I am saying to myself that I should be thankful for having experienced such strong love. It is too soon for me to see her with other men. Hearing about it is one thing but actually seeing it crushes any confidence that I ever had. It makes me so hopeless about moving on and finding someone new.

You need to accept the fact that these feelings are normal and to be honest they aren't going anywhere for awhile. I have said that time and again... you are going to feel like death for some time, there is just no way around it. Be thankful you are actually still alive and have much to live for. As for the feelings, you vent and continue doing what you're doing and they will take care of themselves.

I sure hope so because I really do feel like death. When I get such strong emotions when I see her, I try to write all my feelings at the time down. Not only is that a good outlet but also it helps me distract me from her. I just wish I could tell her to be more mindful when I'm in class. The less I know the better it is for me. But the more I see the more I hit that rock bottom. I am mindful around her and make sure not to do anything along those lines. I hope I don't flip out one day when I see her with another man. I have great self control but I I saw her kiss another man I think I would just want to unleash my pain onto the world.

Your inner strength and your integrity will protect you whatever situation arises. Its still one day at the time for you and you re doing well.

Thank you for the kind words. I don't see myself doing to well at all since I feel horrible. I am dreading tomorrow because I know I will see her. I know that guy will ask her out on a date. I will do my best to ignore but I know I will feel horrible no matter what I do. Having to see this occur twice a week is not good for my healing. But I can't drop out of the class. I need to continue with my education. I don't know where I will end up if I continue seeing this. I will go insane.

Well go in front of your class and don't look at her, leave asap. You can't control who and when she dates as it is over between you two. She is taking her own decisions and so should you.

It's going to happen one way or another the best thing to do is to accept it and try to overcome the pain. You're a better person than that.