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That's what I don't understand, I can't count the times my feelig changed towards her or the "the spark is gone" or the times I just wanted to end it or the times another girl came into the picture or back. Each time my thing was to work through everything, nothing in life is that hard that you should throw up your hands and give up.Quote:
Originally Posted by Homegirl 50
Is she a weaker person than me because of that?
No she isn't weaker, she just doesn't see things as you do. Accept her feelings are different, and let go.
No she is not a weaker person, she is different. When someone does not feel the same as you, it does not mean they are weak or less committed. She does not have to love you just because you love her. She does not have to hang on to something she may not be feeling just because you are, you don't have to either. Walking away from something is not always a sign of weakness.
You chose to stay and work things out for you, did you choose to work things out because for you it was easier? Does that make you weak?
No! You are a person who does not give up. That is a good thing, but it can also be a bad thing because you may not see that it is foolish to try to hang on to something that is not good or someone who does not feel as you do. It's like not having sense enough to come out of the rain because you refuse to give up.
It can also be bad because you can be in the frame of mind that you are always right and there is something wrong with everyone else.
Day 11,
I keep flipping back and forth from love hate feelings about what has happened. Been staying busy, which has helped a lot. Anyway, I have gathered all the stuff the she has left and her mail, and plan on sending it out this afternoon.
"Dear _______
I have boxed up the last of your things, and the mail that has come up until now. please don't forget change your address, i have enclosed a change of address packet from the post office. please close the account as soon as possible, if you are unable to do that, I will take care of it on july 6th. hope all is well, take care.
signature
My name"
Any suggestion on what should be added or changed?
Dear ___,
Here is your sh**.
Later!
Your Name
The flipping back and forth is normal. You will get through this. Stay strong!Quote:
Originally Posted by AKeagle
The letter is fine. No need to say or do anything else
Think there is a difference if I hand write it or print it? Probably wouldn't really matter.
As for the flipping back and forth it only happens when I'm by myself and not doing something constructive. When I'm at work is the best time, but I don't want to turn into someone who only works, and never lives.
Whether your print it or write it does not matter.
It is easier when you work because your mind is occupied. It will get easier when you're not working. It takes time.
You're going to be all right.
Is it wrong to be cocky in the thought that she'll end up coming back. I feel very confident about myself. I doubt she will, and even if she did, I don't know how I would handle it. Or if she tries to contact me in another wayQuote:
Originally Posted by Homegirl 50
I need to stop going through the WHAT IF's
Yes you do, and you will go back and forth with that and that's OK. It's normal.
Stay away from her, don't talk to her, it will be easier for you. This is all about you now, do what is easier for you.
I have been staying away from her, though it is kind of hard, cause we had a lot of the same friends, I have cut contact to them for the time being, but when I going back home, I'm close to where her family is, which has been the only place she I going. And if I ever to visit my friends, I'm really close, and fear that she might find me, but I refuse to break contact or not see my friends, which I have been around for 8 or so years, they have always been there for me. I just don't want to bump into her on accident, I want her to come to me.Quote:
Originally Posted by Homegirl 50
What should I do if she tries to contact me? I don't really want to go through the how have you been conversation
You avoid the phone call! I told you the same thing a few pages back. She knows where you live, therefore anything she really HAS to say, she can walk her arse over to your place and say it face to face like a mature adult
You tell her you cannot talk to her right now and to respect that and leave you alone.
In fact you can put that in your note.
Please do not contact me.
Wouldn't that just push her away completely?Quote:
Originally Posted by Homegirl 50
No, it will let her know you don't want her to contact you right now.
You are still under the assumption that she will come back and you don't want to push her away. Leave that assumption alone and just deal with YOU in the now.
You tell her you are retuning her things and asking that she not contact you right now. She will know what you are saying.
She might take it as never contact me, which even if she did want to come back she wouldn't cause of what I said
She is not stupid!
You tell her don't contact me right now because you can't deal with it. She will know what you mean.
You're not telling her to not ever contact you. You are just saying NOW.
Like I said she will know what you mean. She does not appear to be stupid and you are not telling her this in anger. Which is why I told you to not be rude.
No she isn't stupid, but wow is she stubborn about stuff. Its whatever though, I really only want to talk to her if she is ready to come back and work at stuff, which is mostly not going to happen, unless she has no where else to go
I know that is how you feel but you don't want her calling you just because she has no where else to go either.
If she is stubborn enough to contact you after you have asked her not to, that is not a good sign on her point.
Stick with the no contact, especially while your feelings are waffling back and forth.
You tell her ou can't deal with contact right now and ask her to respect that. If she is a decent person, she will.
And when you are feeling more sure of yourself, you can send her a How are you? Card.
That will open the door again, if you still want it open. You may find you don't.
Why is it not a good sign on her point?Quote:
Originally Posted by Homegirl 50
Because she is not showing concern or respect for your feelings. She left you, so she should respect what you ask of her.
All I have been is walked over in that case. When she left, she took everything I gave her, and everything she gave me. I'm shocked I still have anything in my room. At her rate I was expecting ants and rug to keep me company for awhile.
Honestly who takes gifts back like chains, movies, bar stuff, and keeps every present I gave her?
Then stop worrying about whether she would want to contact you.
Tell her not to contact you in the note you write and move on. I don't think she will though any way
Believe me, you will be much better off having done so.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Justwantfair
I think I'm in love.
What? I don't get itQuote:
Originally Posted by Imabadman
I don't think his ears are deaf. He is hurting, that is understandable. He's just just working through it. Give him a break!
Don't worry about it. You are going to be OK.Quote:
Originally Posted by AKeagle
Just hang in there
You may still be in shock, but that's no excuse for holding on to the false hope she will change her mind, I mean geez guy, you just said that she dumped you, and took EVERYTHING when she left.
Talaniman Rule- When you get dumped, have the dignity and self respect to revoke all of their relationship privileges. That means NO CONTACT.
You can't be that in love that you will give up your own dignity, and self respect, by leaving the door open for her, can you?
Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
Talanman, my thoughts exactly.
Listen OP, I know you're hurting. There's dozen of posts here telling you the same message. Yet you keep asking the same questions again and again because you don't like answer and/or it doesn't agree with the desperation behavior you're projecting. Acting out of desperation is NOT attractive. You will push her further away.
Right now you need to let go her. Move on with your life. There is no "What if's..." with this girl, only "What was...".
Hang in there buddy. Stay strong.
I have been staying away from contact with her, the last piece of correspondence will be mailed out today. How am I leaving the door open for her? I got out all the time, and if I'm not doing that I'm sleeping or working, yeah I think about the situation at hand, its really hard to not, right after everything, but I make no actions on anything.Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
I haven't made any actions towards her, she doesn't contact me, I don't contact her. How else could I be pushing her further away?Quote:
Originally Posted by Imabadman
Well it has been sent, but of course I forgot the change of address package. It should be received in 3 days
Time will only tell.
Just don't expect anything in return. In fact you will be better off if you don't hear from her.
Today is a new day. Start over from this second on.
I wish you well.
Thank you for the help and advice. I will post updates if anything changesQuote:
Originally Posted by Homegirl 50
I'll be here any time you need an ear.
DAY 13
Bad news
Last night I went to visit my grandparents after work, and my cousin was there. Come to find out that his weeding has been called off, because they are going through hard times. He has been with this girl for two and a half years, proposed at 1 year. They both live together at her mothers house (even after the break up), I talked to him about what had happened and suggested that he stays away from her as much as possible, NC. To let her work stuff out. I offered him a place to stay just so he could get up and leave to truly have NC. Its wrong to say, but it is nice to have someone close to me going through a similar situation. I think his is fixable.
As for my situation, there really isn't any update, I don't think mine is fixable anymore, she received the package I sent her yesterday.
Well maybe this will help having some one around for a while, but you are going to be fine without her. Give yourself some time.
Hang in there young man
Yeah I know I'll be fine in the long term. It feels like she isn't even with this guy cause she wants to be, she just wants to rub it in. maybe I could be wrong. Even with all this, I keep laughing at the situation, as if I'm not even in it.
How does someone trust someone again, after thing? How are you to know that this person is the one, after the last person you felt was the one, pulled something like this?
Girl really do like the new relationship feeling, getting hugs and kisses all the time, and nice texts or VM.
You can't be serious. You think she is with this guy to rub it in? That is crazy thinking. If she is with him, she is with him because she wants to be.
We don't like the "new relationship" feeling anymore than guys do. When something new and fresh comes along, guys often hop right on it.
But you should not stop doing those thing you did to get her, don't take her for granted and say "well I have her so I can stop holding her hands and doing nice things"
You're having a bad day, you're talking crazy.
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