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I hate breaks :( but if you really think its worth it... and what you feel is important to you and her... then go for it man... I feel like I'm answering my own question... check my situation out really quick... id really appreciate some feedback...
Oh... send her an e mail and just talk about what happened... maybe ask her out for a cup of coffee. :)
Its hard to explain.Quote:
Originally Posted by PirandelloLuigi
Pay no mind to the crying. Don't let that confuse your thoughts on how she is feeling. My ex cried too and dedicated songs to me.:confused:
What's being worked on here.
1.)Did you guys discuss the problems in your relationship?
2) Did she agree to date to exclusively?
3) Be prepared if you guys get into a casual relationship, she has the freedom to see other people.
4) Is she in it to work things out with you as equally as you are?
She said casual as in we can kiss, make out and everything and yes just us, no seeing anybody else. Not casual friends. Basically starting slow, taking our time. We want to work things out. She said actions speak more than words. So I guess we going to see.Quote:
Originally Posted by LoveStoned
Casual relationship? I still don't know what that means. Is it the same as friends with benefits?Quote:
Originally Posted by PirandelloLuigi
Are you guys going to be officially together?
Dude what I would suggest is don't rush into it yet. If you do that than she WILL know that she can leave you again and you would take her back again. If you really want to keep her for good, you need to let her know that you are going to consider this not jump into it when she brings it up. That way she won't take you for granted anymore because she ll know she ll lose you for good this time if she leaves again you won't take her back anymore.
That's what you need to get across her mind and you ll keep her for good.
No I told her to take some more time to get her feelings together, because she has mixed emotions. I won't rush into anything. Going to take my time. I think it's normal. After 7 weeks apart, I did not expect anything more than this.Quote:
Originally Posted by none12345
I would back your idea of taking it slow, if you really mean it. I'm not a fan of defining it as casual, yet you guys are kissing, and everything else. I won't speak for you or anyone else, but I would not be able to keep it casual if I'm kissing and doing everything else with a girl. Call it old fashion or whatever you want. I would not be able to separate these "casual" feelings stirred up by these activities with real emotions.Quote:
Originally Posted by PirandelloLuigi
I agree with another poster, who said not to let her take charge because if you do, she knows she will have you in her hands and can do this to you again.
Best of luck to you and think it through. Try to picture yourself months down the line and how do you really think it will turn out? Would you wish you had taken it slower?
Aw, she is letting you play kissy face again. DON'T!!
Until you resolve the problem, no matter how slow you go, it's a waste of time.
"Doing the same thing over and over, and EXPECTING different results" is the definition of insanity.
You really need to adjust your thinking, before you fall in too deep (again ) to help yourself.
Personally, she is trying to re-enforce her power over you, and is training you for what she wants.
I agree with Tal. Sorry tal got to spread the rep first. But yah you can't just let her walk back like nothing's happened. You got to let her know you might not take her back anymore for all that she has done to you. She's just going to leave you again knowing that you will take her back again if you take her back so fast right now.Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
I just got back from the clinic, the dentist gave me the stuff I need to continue without going at the office every two weeks, so I am good for 6 months at least.
It went well, I talked with my ex and it was a normal conversation, I paid the bill and then put my jacket and she said ''I'll call you later'' and I said OK don't be shy to call. And I left.
She said she had a hard time sleeping last night and so did I. I think she needs more time and space, whenever she is ready to try again, ill try one more time with her and see if we can make it work. I Know it won't be easy, it's going to take effort from both and patience.
Well she won't be seeing me anymore where she works, so she will have to contact me if she wants to see me. And if we do see each other I am going to make it clear that it's not to be friends with benefits. It's all or nothing, I told her this yesterday, I don't do things halfway. I understand she wants to go slowly after what just happened, that is normal. We didn't see or talk to each other for 7 weeks. We can't just start from where we left off like nothing happened. But like I said to her yesterday, if she doesn't feel anymore feelings I suggested we just end it, but she said she still feels something, it's the arguments she is afraid of, she is scared we going to argue again and end up splitting up again.Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
So today the song that definitely goes with my situation is:
George Harrison - I Got My Mind Set On You
I got my mind set on you
But its going to take money
A whole lotta spending money
Its gonne take plenty of money
To do it right child
Its going to take time
A whole lot of precious time
Its going to take patience and time, ummm
To do it, to do it, to do it, to do it, to do it,
To do it right child
Have one question for you Piran. Are you waiting on her next call?
Be honest to yourself. This is what usually happens when the door is not yet shut. And keep in mind that when your waiting on her next move... it makes it harder for you to go about your daily life without thinking about her. It sounds like she doesn't want to fully commit, yet have you too. See wants to see you every now and then "casusally". Your giving her options that she may or maynot turn down... Just be cautious. This sounds very familiar to me though... I don't know:confused:
I know what you mean, like she has the upper hand now and see me when she wants. I am in a tough situation I agree, I do not know what is going to happen. Right now I just want to concentrate on myself and keep getting better, I got out of the depression I was in and I feel liberated that I do not need to go to that place for a while now. She knows where I stand and she understands how I feel because we told each other everything yesterday. She said she was expecting me to go back to her and try to get her back yet she was the one who ended the relationship. Said I am not romantic since I did not even try to talk to her during the time I decided to go NC with her.Quote:
Originally Posted by LoveStoned
I am going to back off a bit and let things simmer, I suggested we see each other once a week for now and see where things go. I want to say to her: serious committed or nothing, but since the break up is still fresh I can't pressure her like this. It's just going to push her away. I believe if we going to be serious it has to come from her heart. Because she knows I still want that. What do you think?
And why the hell couldn't she make the move? Come on man, what does that tell you? She expects you to play the role of a dog and run after her. She's trying to make you a safety net, something to catch her when her other relationships and flings fail.Quote:
Originally Posted by PirandelloLuigi
Are you sure you really want to be with someone who thinks your that naïve? Seeing her less isn't going to make a difference. Nothing will change until you've written her off for a long time.
Well she is in for a surprise cause I don't chase. I was able to do 7 weeks without a single phone call or e-mail. I can keep nc if I want to. I am just going to make it clear that I don't want to play mind games with her, and if she is not into committing anymore, I will just have to go back to NC for good. I don't want to be stuck in 2nd gear. The other possibility is she wants to see how long we can get along without arguing before we get back to serious. She really is afraid we will argue again and told me this many times.Quote:
Originally Posted by slapshot_oi
LOL...HAHAHAHA :DQuote:
Originally Posted by slapshot_oi
That just made me die laughing for some reason.:D But its true! He made it clear to her how he feels towards her. Unless their was violence or any other intoleratable behavior(don't know if I spelled it right)... I don't see why such a big hesitation in deciding love for one another.
What did you guys argue about?
We argued about money a lot. She wanted me to spoil her, and 2 months ago I lost my job and ended up on unemployment insurance.
I did my best to pay the bill at restaurants or other outings. But there came a point where I needed her to help me pay sometimes and she did not like that at all. We argued for other stuff too, but in the end I did not feel like arguing anymore, got fed up. I mean I have a lot of stuff to pay too, I have monthly bills like everyone else. Car payments, etc...
It's tough, I feel like I have very little options.
There was never any violence between us. For behavior, I must admit I was a bit down after I lost my job, I was'nt as enthousiastic as I was, less outgoing, this probably did not help the situation either.
So you think she has changed? Or will change to get you back?? You think your in charge now? I don't think so.
You don't have love between you, you have a war of the wills. Your both trying to change each other.
Well she has to learn to be understanding about things. When someone loses their job their finances are cut short... COMMON SENSE. This is not something you should work on. Its something for her to understand. Sounds like she's being materialistic about love.Quote:
Originally Posted by PirandelloLuigi
What's money got to do with feelings... C'mon. Can't huggs and a kiss on the cheek be enough. You spended on her but when it came time for her spending on you she wasn't there. Imagine yourself in a real tragic life event where you had to depend on her. Do you picture her being there for you 100% with or without money? Think my friend... Think
People don't change and its not healthy to make someone in a relationship change to make things work out. What if the change doesn't define them or make them happy? I think instead of trying to change, a relationship should settle their differences and work together for a solution and not try to change the other. You can't expect someone to change and if you can't work pass the differences maybe their not the right person to be with. That's what I've learnedQuote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
Sure money provides a comfortable life and easy life but I believe money doesn't not necessarily mean happiness. Wouldn't you rather have happiness than money? I know I would.Quote:
Originally Posted by PirandelloLuigi
Your absolutely right LoveStoned, She is not understanding and she thinks I did on purpose to start arguments. Once again this demonstrates she is not flexible. She said that we both have hard heads and that's the main problem.Quote:
Originally Posted by LoveStoned
I think it's still possible to save things, but the chances we repeat the same arguments are big. We got to deal with our differences and accept them or else we will just run around in a circle and not get anywhere.
So what should I do? Refuse casual and give her an ultimatum, serious committed relationship or nothing?Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
Choose for yourself, or nothing, and leave her alone, that simple.Quote:
So what should I do? Refuse casual and give her an ultimatum, serious committed relationship or nothing?
If you have to go through all those changes to be with someone, I would question your own judgment.
Heal, and chose a real person, who actually wants to be with you!!
*****Harsh stuff deleted********
I already have someone who wants to be with me. I just want to know if she is willing to come back how we were, if she doesn't I am ready to move with the new girl I met.Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
The problem is I don't want to regret my decision. That's why I want to know if she is willing to make efforts for us to get back or if she just wants to keep me as a 2nd option. So by giving her an ultimatum 2 weeks from now, I will know if she wants me back or not. Until then I will stick to NC until she calls me back.
Heal from your 1st girl before involving someone else , you'll just be using her as a Rebound and that's selfish and not fair on her.Quote:
Originally Posted by PirandelloLuigi
Yes , I won't do the rebound thing. I'm taking my time.Quote:
Originally Posted by friend4u178
Are you going back to square one again?
You said you have another girl that's interested. You are taking her as a rebound without even realizing it. She's your back up plan if your ex does not come through. She's your way of trying to move on without experiencing loss to the fullest. I have guys who approach me and ask me to go out... but the truth is I rather become friends more than anything. I need to really get to know myself without my ex in my life. What are my true strengths and weaknesses? What things do I enjoy doing? Take time to really HEAL!! You're in a vulnerable state. You think you're over her but your not. You think you're strong but you're still very weak.:oQuote:
Originally Posted by PirandelloLuigi
She obiviously thinks she was right in many of your arguments which lead her to break things off. We all see things for what it truly is because we don't have the ATTACHED FEELINGS AND EMOTIONS AS YOU DO.
Ok here is an update. She called me tonight and we talked, she says she still needs time and has mixed emotions. I told her I won't do the casual thing with her or friendship. I told her I won't wait for her anymore and I'm deleting her and blocking her from msn. I told her why don't we just end it for good and stop the hurt. She said she doesn't want to hurt her own feelings and mine by making a final decision. Says she still has feelings. So I told her I won't be contacting her anymore. Going back to NC.
I have no choice, she just won't accept my offer of getting back together slowly. She is not ready or she never will be.
So I'm thinking of moving on, because ill be just waiting and wiaitng for nothing. For the girl I'm going to date, ill make sure it's not a rebound. I can wait another month before dating her. I will take my time. I really like her and we have long conversations.
Don't think of moving on buddy, DO IT!! Ill be doing the same with you. Screw our ex man. Its time we stop playing their shyt and stop wasting our time. She had her chance, take good care of the next girl that comes into your life.Quote:
Originally Posted by PirandelloLuigi
Yeah, she just doesn't have the motivation or enough feelings to want to get back. I believe she did not miss me enough. I broke NC and that did not help. So it's going to take more time, so what am I going to do keep waiting for her? And waste my life waiting? No. I have no choice to move on. She even said I should date other women and not wait for her. So I have my answer.
That is right, Luigi,
As much as it hurts, you must move on for yourself. You deserve to be happy, correct?
Yes very correct!Quote:
Originally Posted by starlite1
I cannot wait and wait, life will go by and I will miss out. I cannot do this to myself.
I have wasted 2 months already. Enough is enough. For all of you out there that are in the same situation as me. It's OK to have hope that they will come back, but you must block emotions and use your logic. Would they pause their life and wait for us? I do not think so.
Why keep hanging on a thin rope, and torturing our mind and hoping we get that phone call or text message saying ''i miss you, I want you back'' As tempting as it might seem, the chances of this happening are very slim.
Better forgetting the past and moving forward and use the law of attraction. Attract everything positive to you by using an optimistic mindset. Create opportunities for yourself, whether it is career, love, financial. Put yourself in the right mood and go for it, cause if there is something I learn in life, if you don't create opportunities for yourself, they won't come to you.
Congratulations!! You have ended this 3 months earlier than I did. It takes permanent absence for one to realize what they have lost. Live your life and make every second count!! :D
Thank you lovestoned. As much as I would have loved to reconcilliate, I accept the way things are and will be happy anyway and work on myself to be a better man for the next woman I meet. I want to be happy with her and give the best of myself so she can give me the best of herself too and we will share great moments. The past is gone, the present is now and it is building tomorrow. That's all that counts.Quote:
Originally Posted by LoveStoned
Here is an update of my situation. I took more steps to forget my ex. I deleted her pics on my cell and text messages. I am talking to other girls and there,s a possibility I will be dating a new girl in the coming days. It's crazy but we have so many things in comon.
I think the breakup happened for a reason, I am seeing the light now, it happened so I can meet this special girl I been talking to.
So yeah guys, see your breakup as the spark that will start a new and better relationship with a more compatible person.
Hard to believe? Believe it. No matter how much you would love to go back to that person that dumped you. Why do you want to torture yourself? You think you will never find better? WRONG.
Yourself esteem is hurt and you think she was the best you can find. Like I said earlier, be positive, attract everything that is best for you, do not settle for less than you deserve. Be confident and strong.
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