I recommend you print what your wrote here when you talk to the councelor. If you tighten up or forget to mention something show him or her what you are feeling when your somewhat calm.
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I recommend you print what your wrote here when you talk to the councelor. If you tighten up or forget to mention something show him or her what you are feeling when your somewhat calm.
You have some work ahead of you but I know you are heading in the right direction.Stay on course and thank-you for listening and keeping us posted.You are stronger than you give yourself credit for!Quote:
Anyway, just wanted you all to know I did take the step to call ADV. Thank you for the encouragement and pressure to do so. I don't think I would have done it, if not for all your comments I read on Saturday morning...
Don't you deserve better., and not have to worry about the next time he is chocking you, or shouting at you in front of your friends, and what about if you have kids, would you like your son growing up acting like his father? What kind of life is that?
Question: Why go to counselors if you are not going to take there advice.
I've always said that you can tell a person what you think but it is what this person does with the information you give to them.
My sister daughter is going through the same thing, I'm am praying that we don't get a call saying that she is in the hospital or worse dead. What would you tell your daughter if she were going through this, you would tell her to leave. Some times you have to love some one from a distant.
My grand mother use to tell me that you have to love yourself because if you don't love you, how in the hell are you going to Love some one else. Believe that you can do it on your own, you can't do any worse.
Listen to someone that went through this. When I left I slept on a floor for 8 months, but you know what it was the best sleep I ever had. It was the best thing I ever did. Now me and my daughter are doing fine.
You deserve better. I hope this helps. :o
It is good to hear that you is taking a step in the right direction. Keep us posted.
If he has done it ounce he may well do it again - some peoplejust need to be left alone and too sort out their own anger - I can be the same but would never hurt my gal-
There is a line that gets crossed -
Loves Animals, Thank God you called. I am so PROUD of you for calling. Call and check in with them every day, please, it WILL not be a burden for them, they will be glad you did, glad to know you are still alive. Get to that meeting. They will help you, support you, go to court with you, stand right there with you. You have a place to go to for a new start? 2500 miles AWAY from this man? GOOD FOR YOU, GO GO GO GO GO after court!! Tell the judge you have a place in mind, you are in fear for your life, that the DV people can know where you are and the judge can know but you do not want this man to know and that you want to LEAVE this place forEVER!! Oh please tell this to the DV people ahead of time that you have a safe haven with family!! They can help you!! Like I said before, EVERY mile I put between me and my abuser the load was just so much lighter... Freedom was so sweet!! Let the house go, let it all just go.. New starts can be oh so sweet!! Your life can be reconstructed, as long as you have a life to start with!!
Hello LovesAnimals! Glad to hear from you and very glad to see you made an appointment for the 14th. Please stick to it and go.
I thought maybe you'd want to return home to your family, but as long as you like where you are and are happy there, then you can make it work there without him.
It's good that you're feeling anger at the thought of 'leaving town because of him'. You're starting to see that he cannot and should not dictate what kind of life you're going to lead--only You can and should do that.
I hope you read this before your court date for your own charges, because PLEASE do not trust HIS attorney for advice for YOU. You can plead not guilty and see what happens. It's really not as big a deal as you think. You just tell the truth.
I don't understand your statement about not wanting to hurt HIS case. You mean the case where YOU are the victim? This is what you need to talk to the counselor about. You just tell the truth.
You're an emotional roller coaster and understandably so. The reality of the situation is sinking in now. I understand life seems like a blur. It will be all right. You need support, people to talk to you and listen and ease your fears. You will be fine. I know it's scary. I understand you still love him. The counselor can help you with this, too.
If you get to the point where you are away from him, which I am so hoping you do, then you gain some clarity and peace. You will know you did the right thing and life will be so much more... you'll get there.
Hi everyone... just checking in
My court date is supposed to be coming up but I'm still not on the calendar so I think it's a pretty safe bet it's going to get tossed out. I called the court and they said to just show up and the would stamp the ticket that I was there. One of two things will happen. 1)since they have up to a year to file they could set up a different court date and notify me via the mail or 2) they will just drop the whole case and not file... which I'm hoping for!
I have kept my appointment with ADV and it's only a couple of days away. I almost cancelled but I didn't. I had a very very stressful weekend and start to my week. I'm so tired of being flaky for my second job but when I'm worn out and tired I can't make it in because my day job is the important one (although I do need both).
He is still staying with me for the time being but that could be changing really soon. He has a court date coming up and there he and his lawyer will really get a feel for what he's facing. Well, he's been talking about leaving because he can see what everything is doing to me and how I'm always down and irritated around him... He's been keeping me up off and on all night and even on nights where I have to work the next morning. He thinks people are following him and out to get him and recording what he says or video taping what he does... He's very parinoid right now and I understand his stress because he might be facing prison time but it's almost insane!
I really wish I'd never said anything to the sheriff or the dr or anything and just handled it on my own. Things probably wouldn't be as big a mess as they are right now... My treating him exactly how I feel and letting him know exactly how I feel seems to be penetrating and he's understanding I think. The only thing that bothers is that he's still down playing the physical asult and justifies it while saying my telling the dr is throwing him under the bus and we should have handled it ourselves. His head is all over the place because one mintue he gets it and apologizes and the next he's way out in left field telling me to grow up and deal with things...
Point is that things have turned a little worse at home but I am keeping my appointment on the 14th. And I wanted to share the good news (hopefully) about my court date ;)
Thanks again for your continued support. When I feel confused and weak... I read everything that's been written here...
I thought your update would be a little different.
I am a little confuse to the fact that you hope his case be thrown up. Why? He did what he did and he should do the time. Now he is going crazy sure because jail scares him.
I don't understand why your still living with him and who cares about him being stressed out. Your more important.
He is interferring with your sleep and job, I wouldn't allow this and don't know how you can put up with this.
It's not the doctor fault because he was looking out for you like you should be.
Through it all I think your looking out for him more than yourself and I wish you didn't. Care about you and not him. Worry about you and not him.
I really wish things was different for you and I really don't know what else to say.
How can I be so clear one mintue and so stupid the next? I re-read what I wrote and you are totally right Liz28! OMG... How can I possible think of him more than myself at this point? He's obviously not thinking of me... or else he wouldn't keep me up at night when he knows I need to work.
I have been told that I'm co-dependent but this is ridiculous! I need to figure it the F out and that's why I kept my ADV appointment. I'd also like to attend the group session because the last counselor said that would probably benefit me a lot. I'm also a little scared of his reactions to what I say and do and feel guilty because he's still helping around the house and doing things so...
So what though... Is it worth it?? Mind you I can be very difficult at times but I guess it should be a burning RED FLAG that he still says things like "I was trying to rattle your cage and get you to respond".
I know the lady at ADV will not give me the miracle cure for all this but hopefully point me in the right direction at least.
I guess I still feel guilty for him having to go through all this stuff in court when it could have been handled differently. Yes what he did was incrediably wrong but do I want to see him in prison? No... especially if he's losing his mind! I don't know what I wanted to come of all this? All I know is that I wasn't happy with my life and my marriage and how he treated me. I tried to express this and tell him and it would get better for a little bit and then back to the same old same old.
So one day I had decided enough was enough and asked him to leave and give me space. Instead of triggering real change he tried to control my behavior with fear and guilt and then abuse... which back fired on him. He once said he never thought I would tell the dr. or put him in that position. When I think about that, makes me think that's probably why he did it and thought he could get away with it...
I never wanted him to go to prison but just get better and make things work. Now my head is so messed up over all this and so many conflicting things going on. I know what's right but I hear that plus my heart, my gut, my doubts, and him and everything gets muddy. I keep thinking what if...
Your head would be much clearer if you wasn't living under the same roof as him. Your mind is going stay clouded as long as he is around. So move! Go to a DV shelter like you should've in the beginning.
He is making you feel guilty for actions like everyone stated from the beginning.
The only thing I can tell you is live for your own sanity and stop living on the what if... I hope he goes where he belongs which is jail. Now the doctor is getting the heat for what he did to you but again he was looking out for you.
Leave, leave, leave, leave!
Hi Loves Animals, glad to hear from you and that you're all right.
You stated that he once said he never thought you would tell the doctor or put him in this position. Well... you never thought he'd try to kill you to the point you had to go to the doctor, right? HE put himself in the position he's in, not you. Don't let him make you think you are to blame for any of this. There is nothing under the sun that you could do that would justify being strangled almost to death!
I'm not surprised he's downplaying the abuse and wanted to "handle it yourselves". You can't and shouldn't handle this yourselves. That's crazy. How would you have handled it? You still can't physically separate from him. No. This is what needed to happen.
What he meant was just let him get away with it and keep your mouth shut. You are much smarter and stronger than that!!
Criminal charges needed filed against him because what he did is criminal. Choking someone to the point of almost killing them is criminal. To think he only did it to get a reaction... Come on! That's just sick. He is sick. Once in the system, he may get treatment for his mental problems. He is mental. No one in their right mind treats someone the way he treated and is still treating you.
Don't let him get to you. Is he behaving nicely now? That's because he's scared of jail. You mentioned he's doing things around the house. Well, you know, all husbands should do things around the house they live in! Don't give him credit where none is due!
Forget the what ifs... except for one: What if he kills you? He'll want to handle that himself too. What will he do if he takes it too far next time? Dump your body somewhere?
You mentioned his paranoia. Is he on any drugs? Just curious. My ex was on drugs and toward the end was behaving like you described.
You keep your appointment. Two more days. Go! I think talking with other women who have been in or are presently in a similar situation will do you a ton of good. You'll see. Just do it.
Would you PLEASE remember that someone who tries to kill you doesn't love you?
Who CARES if he goes to jail? He NEEDS to! He can get help there, and maybe it will finally penetrate into his brain that HIS actions put him there, not yours.
YOU need to understand that as well: THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT.
This is completely and totally, 100% HIS fault.
PLEASE stop living with him. Kick him out, go to a DV shelter, whatever---but stop letting him cloud your mind when you KNOW he is not good for you.
Have been thinking about you, please give us an update??
Hmm, I don't mean to be a , but clearly you are psychotic. Can your marriage survive domestic violence? Hmm, let me think. Well yeah sure, if you're into pain, humiliation and abuse. I was reading and there are 14 pages on this topic all with people trying to convince you to leave him and hmm, let me see. I guess you haven't. Why am I not surprised? Well no worries, hey, I think you should just stay with him, and maybe one day he'll choke you to death, then you won't have this dilemma anymore because you'll be DEAD. But hey, at least you'll be problem free. So literally, not I don't think your marriage can survive domestic violence, because a marriage consists of 2 people, and when you die, it'll just be one left so guess not huh?
Unless you've walked in her shoes, it's hard to understand why leaving isn't as easy as it sounds. She is not psychotic. He is.Quote:
Originally Posted by deeplydisturbed
We all have faith in her. You'd have to read the whole thread
I do agree with you. No marriage survives domestic violence.
Hey...
You know what... "deeplydisturbed" is right about me that I am psychotic to some degree. I have to be right? Honestly, I have all you caring people that have been in this or similar situations that are telling me what I need to do yet I continue to not listen. It makes me crazy not understanding why I am acting like I am.
I went to the ADV counselor last week and big big surprise... she told me exactly what everyone hear has been telling me. I know all this but I can't bring myself to end it all so I must be psychotic. I try and try to reason and talk with him but it doesn't work...
Please... something grant me the strength to survive this because I'm really starting to loose. I'm hear at work but can't concentrate. I so done with dealing with everything and his craziness but he won't leave or stop. I just moved so I can't aford to move again... but I was the stupid one that had him move with me because I felt guilty and thought maybe a new start... I have to be psychotic right??
Yesterday he slept all day... which was peaceful for me but then gets up and starts in how I'm a cold heartless because I don't back him. Says I'm a cop caller and on and on and on. I just lay there and don't say anything and then I snap... even though I know it's not in my best interest at all. He's saying he's going to end it all and kill himself and I tell him to get it over with sarcastically cause of course I don't mean it. Then I tell him that I want him to go and I want him to leave that night right now. I get up to use the bathroom and tell him... go... leave... now. He motions to throw the TV controller in my direction and I flinched. Then he lays down and says go call the cops on me... like you did before... and then the name calling starts again. While in the bathroom he ends up falling asleep and then I finally get some rest...
I see now the niceness is only there because he thinks he'll get in more trouble. My question is really a stupid question... "can my marriage survive domestic violence?". The answer is yes if the man realizes that he is doing that and seeks help on his own... but if not the answer is no...
I have so much on my plate right now I just try to take each day at a time... and that's what the ADV counselor said to do but first and for most be safe. I sit here at work with my office closed crying thinking what did I do to deserve this and what did he do to deserve this? If I'd only just talked to him and not shut him out "wanting my space" things wouldn't have escalated to this. He's lost him mind... being out of work, our marriage not good, not happy with his club... and I'm now losing mine.
Thanks for the support and also the slaps in the face. At least one thing worked in my favor. My ticket was dropped so one thing off my plate. One day at a time and one hour at a time if that's all I can handle.
I'm sorry I don't have better news for all of you because you've all been so supportive. I know you've frustrated but please don't hate me. Honestly I'm doing the best I can...
Hopefully when you feel that bottom touch you, you will finally want to get off this roller coaster and stand on some solid and stable ground. You won't care that you are standing empowered in your individuality, you will be relieved that you are no longer enduring that roller coaster even though on the roller coaster you had him in the seat next to you.
Sometimes it is hard to change, even when we know what is best for ourselves. We are scared of the uncertainty of doing something we haven't done in a long time but the fact is one you start taking the steps you will realize you had nothing to fear in being alone. That it is so much better to not walk on eggshells every second of everyday. The relief of being upset and being able to show it without wonder what pain you will endure for your expression of self.
You can relax with alone time that isn't burdened with where is he? What is he doing? What type of mood is he in today? Imagine the peace of going to work and not having all of this garbage weighing on your sholders.
You didn't do anything to deserve this because you don't deserve this. Your husband is a miserable person, probably the most miserable with himself. His solution is to make you feel like garbage/to treat you like garbage and in that way it makes him feel better about himself. That is a coward, not a man and you deserve better for yourself.
Step off your roller coaster, find your solid ground.
The best you can do is life is do the best you can and take it one step at a time.
I've made some bad and other questionable choices in MY lifetime and I always console myself by saying, "I did the best I could under the circumstances, at the time."
Nobody hates you or is disappointed - and it's easy for me to tell you how to act when I'm not in your situation. I hope I speak for everyone when I say we all want you to just be safe - and happy.
You don't need money to stay at a dmv shelter. I think a support group would do you a lot of justice.
Staying in the environment your in is enough to cause you to be depressed and stressed out.
He is trying and will continue to put the blame of you instead of looking in the mirror but it funny how he started winny once he knew he might do jail time because the guys in there would have a good old time with him.
Again for your own sanity leave and go to the shelter. Your be surprise with yourself and wouldn't have to worry about him. You need to leave for you because you come first.
Quote:
Originally Posted by LovesAnimals
You have the strength. You just need to recognize it.
Honey, you ARE strong enough to survive this.
We're all here, we're all holding your hands, and we all care for you. Can't you feel us praying for you? Can't you feel the hope that we have for you?
WE know you can do this! WE believe in you. Why in the world would we be mad or disappointed? Worried about you--of course we are that! But that doesn't mean we don't understand how hard this is, and how much it hurts.
I second the motion of you going to a domestic violence shelter. You NEED to be away from him!
Remember--we're here holding your hand and cheering for you and hoping for you---but YOU have to take the steps. We'll be by your side the whole way, but each step has to be your own.
Sending many caring thoughts and much love and hope your way. Keep your chin up.
Wow. I remember all the people who knew I was being abused. I remember the people who loved me that were so frustrated with me, but I don't ever remember being lashed out at that harshly, even though some probably really wanted to!! And probably did behind closed doors! I just remember that I left him 9 times, then the 10th time stuck. It takes support, support, support. If it weren't for the support from the Domestic Violence counselors, going to court with me when I was afraid to go by myself, being right there for me when I needed someone every time, having a shelter when I needed to run to another state, I may have gone back a 10th, 11th, 15th time. Just a question of which one of those times they would have been coming to get my body, instead of me leaving.Quote:
Originally Posted by deeplydisturbed
The mental control an abuser has over a victim starts very slowly. They manipulate, isolate, and use many tactics. A victim (not only women, even men), end up so isolated, even from family (or at least they are convinced they are over a matter of time), and their abuser has a lot of control over them. They may not even physically abuse them at first, but the abusers behavior scares them in so many ways. Then the physical abuse sets in, after the mental and emotional abuse has been firmly established. At least, that's the way it was for me. Every case is different in its own way.
I guess what I am trying to say is: A victim of domestic violence is not pshycotic. They are not into pain, humiliation, or abuse. They are not even weak. I had in my own head the idea of a "battered woman", and that picture was not me, a person successful in my career, intelligent, with a lot of friends, and respect from my co-workers and the company I worked for. My picture of a battered woman was quite different. Until I moved into a shelter that had even corporate exec. Wives there. People from all walks of life.
This lady is not a hopeless case. No victim is. No one should be written off. She deserves all the support she came here to get. I, for one, and many others will not give up on her. If you come here for support, DeeplyDisturbed, you will get the same support she has been given, I am sure. I do hope you come to have a more open mind while you are here, learning from others life's journeys.
GET OUT OF THERE. Seriously, this is not a healthy place to be and even if he says he sees the error of his ways he obviously doesn't. Love doesn't hurt.
Love is always patient and kind. It is never jealous. Love is never boastful or conceited. It is never rude or selfish. It does not take offense and is not resentful. If he loves you he would never hurt you. Not even is he was mad. He sounds like he is very controlling and hurtful. I have been in an abusive relationship and trust me, you have to get out.
You can never really erase the hurt. It is always going to be there. You just have to learn to block it out. But you will never forget. It is unfortunate this has befallen you but keep strong.
I am so sorry you had to go through that. Get away, fast as you can, just say you are going shopping or something, then get to a friend or family. File a police report, get your things. I would also personally get a restraining order.
You are going to get hurt badly. This may sound negative, and it may even be true, or maybe it has already happened, but he may go as far as to rape you, which is NOT something you want to go through. I know this from a very good friend of mine, please, just get away from him.
I went through and read all of your recent posts, instead of just the first one. Get out now. You WILL die there. I am sorry, but if you cannot see him for the sorry excuse of life that he is, then you yourself have problems. If he loved you, he wouldn't hurt you. I am just going to be honest with you. In my opinion, he does not deserve life(if what you say is true). Do all that you can to get away. Your mom is very right; you need to help yourself. You have two jobs you say? Find a way back to your family, and get new jobs. He is doing nothing but ruining your life.
I can see where deeplydisturbed is coming from... sometimes it does take a "kick in the pants" to get someone to take action and move forward.
Individuals will have different responses to what they are told. How often are the parents on this site, who have kids not pulling their weight, told to take a tough love approach and put them out if they don't behave how they should? That certainly isn't an easy thing for most parents to do. Most continue to hope things will change, their pleas for change will somehow suddenly become effective, that somehow... after years of this behavior things will end.
Some people will respond better to loving support, compassion, encouragement, "you can really do this, we are behind you", while for others it will take a tough love approach... "stop the nonsense, it can't be done half-way, you know what needs to be done, bite the bullet and do it" before they make a change.
Different approaches hoping for the same outcome.
Loveanimals,
You have to RUN hard right now. You are confused and afraid to leave him since he is threatening you and playing a game with you. He will destroy you very badly, and there is NO CURE for this relationship.
RUN! Be safe! Find a woman shelter if you need help. There are so many hotlines to help women in violence. File a police report ASAP. Please start a new Life!
Quote:
Originally Posted by DoulaLC
But my concern is that some people are unable to write without text speak, which makes me wonder about the age and experience of the person responding. Good advice or bad advice this is an 18 year old with a 38 year old boyfriend. Read some of the other posts - enlightening. Lots of ranting and raving, not much sound advice.
Of course, only my opinion - carry on.
I have been reading your posts and I just wanted to tell you my story. I was in an abusive relationship myself.
My daughter's father was really abusive to me. He convinced me to pick up and move to California from Texas (thousands of miles away from ANYONE that I knew). When I turned 18 I got pregnant. My daughter's father was extremely abusive to me. He would smother me (by holding his hand over my mouth and nose) and throw me around while I was pregnant and kick me in my stomach. One day I left him and got on a plane and flew to AL where my family was. I stayed there for three days. My ex was begging me back and swearing to me that he would change and go to counseling and blah blah blah. So, I went back. Only to get beat up and chocked the rest of my pregnancy. When my daughter was born I knew that I had to leave him, but I didn't want to. I wanted to make it work and believed all of his lies to change. He would always suck me back in by making it seem like it was my fault that he beat me up. He would say, "Well, if you wouldn't have argued with me then it wouldn't have esclated." What kind of remark is that? The neighbor's would always call the cops on us when we were fighting. Every time they came I was too scared to say anything to them but they knew what was going on. My daughter's father told me that he would kill me if I told them anything and that if I had gotten him put in jail that he would get out eventually and he would come after me. So, I was too scared to make a police report or put him in jail. One day we had gotten into a huge fight when my daughter was two months old and he busted my mouth open, he threw me into the wall and started smothering me. Then our daughter started crying and then he stopped. So I went to go get my daughter and as soon as I got her he came up behind me and put a knife up to my throat. He didn't do anything and after he calmed down he started crying to me telling me that he was so sorry and that he didn't know what the hell he was thinking. Right then and there I knew that I had to leave. I had no choice.
My next mission was to figure out what I was going to do and where I was going to go. So, I called my mom. She told me that she had already bought me plane tickets to leave him and I went back to him three days later. She told me to figure it out on my own. So, here I was 19 years old with a two month old child in California, far away from anyone that I knew. I had no money because my daughter's father didn't want me to work because he thought that I would sleep with someone at work. How ridiculous is that? So, no money, no friends or family, nothing ecxept for a child that depended solely on me. I went to a church and they got me into a domestic violence shelter. I took as much of my daughter's things as I could and I loaded my car up, I left everything else. (my leather couches, bed, kitchen stuff, my clothes, my purse, everything) When I went to the shelter, they helped me get a restraining order and custody, they also helped me get on my feet and get some of my belongings back (my purse and some of my clothes). I went back to school and got my diploma and I got a job. Then they helped me get into an apartment. They helped me get away from him, they helped me get counseling. They helped me out so much. That was the best thing that I could have ever done. They helped me make a better future for me and my daughter.
My advice to you is to leave him. I know that it is going to be really hard. But, one day you may not have that chance to be able to leave him because he will have killed you. This is not something that you should be taking lightly. This is extremely serious. Many women go back to their abusers multiple times, I know that I did. But, at some point you need to leave for good and never look back. That is what I did. It hurt like hell, espically since he was the father of my child and I wanted to try to make things work for our family. I just couldn't listen to the lies anymore of how he swore that he would change. I couldn't have my child grow up thinking that it was okay for a man to hit a woman. I couldn't keep my daughter in danger. I did it more for my daughter than myself, but I am so happy that I did it. There are many other fish out in the sea, espically ones that don't abuse you and break you down to make you feel worthless. Life is to short to live it unhappy. You need to be happy and you never will until you remove your toxic husband out of your life. You don't want to stick around and wait for him to kill you, because then it will be too late. Good luck and if you need any advice or ideas to get out, just let me know and I will try to help you. I hope that you leave! You will be in my prayers.
As long as he denies his abuse for what it was it is still in him to do it again.
I would be very cautious of staying with him.
You should not have to fear being yourself when it conflicts with his way. He is a control freak and abusive. You are an enabler because he gets his way.
Hi... I haven't posted in a while because I had a very bad week and was actually embarrassed at my behavior and how I'm handling everything...
I couldn't keep it together last week just crying uncontrolably at work, at home... just didn't matter. I called in sick to work. I had no drive at all. I called my Dr. for more Xanx because I was running low. I was so upset when I called (crying) that they prescribed Wellbutrin. I've only been taking it for a little less than a week but I hope it helps... something has to!
After this long weekend I'm in denial, denial, denial... but that touching story of exerience ANB428 and all your posts brought me back towards a reality state! I'm seeing the ADV counselor again tomorrow so maybe she can help me straighten my head out more... My husband and I had an okay weekend but really that's not good enough. From your posts it's help remind me that what he did wasn't okay and I should not be okay with going on with life as is... I'm really realized with my breakdown last week I'm not strong enough right now emotionally.. I'm so mad at myself! I'm hoping the anti depresents help... and the counselor and all you caring people...
I'm safe... and still plugging away at getting things straightened out. You haven't given up hope on me so I'm not giving up hope in myself either... ;) Thank you ;)
Nobody is giving up on you because everyone wants the best for you and overall wants you to be safe.
I'm not giving up on you either. Your state of being would greatly improve when you're away from him, though. You may not think that... I didn't when it was me, but I'll tell you I had never been happier the months after I left him. I couldn't believe how much better I felt, looked and acted. It was an amazing transformation.
Be safe.
See you shouldn't have to go through all the crying and depression and hurts to have a relationship. Can you really call that love when you feel buried under emotions that overwhelm YOU?Quote:
Originally Posted by LovesAnimals
You shouldn't have to be taking anti depressants, you shouldn't have to be running to counselors. You should be out being you and enjoying life and love AND being loved BACK.
There are no quitters here. If you stop and think about yourself and all you've gone through you might start seeing the woman who hasn't quit either. There is strength there. There is strength surrounding you. All you have to do is accept it.Quote:
Originally Posted by LovesAnimals
I remember the first time I took an antidepressant. Very soon afterwards was the first time I had actually slept well in years! In a few weeks, I threw my hands up in the air, and gave it all over to God, and told Him wherever He gave me the direction to go, I would go... and He gave me a plan, He gave me some courage, strength, and I swear he gave me a pair of testicles too!! (I carry them around in my purse to loan to people that need them, lol... sending them to LovesAnimals).. So, maybe that Wellbutrin may be her first step towards freedom, as it was mine!!
He everyone...
I'm leaving work here in the next 15 minutes to go to my second job and I went back to reread some of the things I've written and some of the things you have written.
With the new meds I'm a little more even kilter so I'm not a bumbling idiot all the time but I'm still not okay. He still asks me "what wrong" like he doesn't already know. I tell him I'm not okay and he just responds that he's not okay either. Then it's a tit for tat argument from him. I'm just stressed and worn out.
I'm in my early 30's but I feel like I've already lived a lifetime of experiences. Not only do I work two jobs I have to keep it a secret so it's like living two different lives... it's very draining.
I keep feeling like I'm failing him if I don't do right by him. Reading everything I've written and you've written I know deep down that I'm not. He failed himself! But I need to get over that guilt and feeling and once I do then I will begin to heal and so will he. Until then I'm going to be stuck in this limbo just existing. This is what most of you have been telling me in a round about way and straight out!! It finally sunk in today now the big decision of to wait things out for the court stuff of deal with it now...
Anyway, just wanted to let you know I am safe still but my situation has not changed. Sorry to disappoint... but thank you for the continued support. You really don't know how much it really does mean to me. Sounds silly that perfect strangers could have such an affect on me but you really do...
How you feel about doing right for yourself?Quote:
Originally Posted by LovesAnimals
Your destiny is not tied to another person, it's belongs to you.
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