Ask Me Help Desk - My girlfriend of 5years is breaking up with me.

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Originally Posted by Justwantfair

Yes, you need to be cold for her and for yourself.

Handle it like you aren't concerned about her at all. Go get the camara, pass the camara on and leave. That's it.

Polite but busy and unavailable,

"Here's your camera, I gotta go!!" See Ya!! (hate ta be ya!!):eek:

OK so if I'm cold then won't she think that I am an a$$hole? And then say: "seeing what youre doing now, im glad were not together"

Now allsfair... I do have just a little hope for us still... wouldnt that fuXX it up for good?

Comments please

Is there a way that I could be cold as hell to her but also give her the feeling that I'm also a nice guy so that she is even more confused?

Comments please...

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Originally Posted by crazyoverher

is there a way that i could be cold as hell to her but also give her the feeling that im also a nice guy so that she is even more confused?

comments please....

My comment is this... get a life
That does not involve someone else to make you feel real.

Just give her stuff back, and be done with it, the rest is only a game you want to play to your advantage.

Hi crazyoverher, I think you are really crazy over her dude.

I know maybe you must be thinking that, she might be missing you or wanting to fix the relationship.

But whatever it is, even if it is the truth, right now you should have less contact with her.

So that, firstly, you can heal better. Secondly, IF she is really sincere about getting back , she will need to do more sincere work. But please don't think about this right now.

Anyway, just pass her the camera and say it with a smile, " there you go, anyway sorry, i really need to go, i got some important things to attend to. Take care! =) "

AND by the way, you are not an dude. If you are really an , you would have torn the ticket away in the first place. Haha , why bother to pass her the ticket... haha

Good luck

I mean you are not an @sshole...

Crazy you need to end this immature game that is going on... like Tal said, mail her stuff back, and like ArtLady said, GET A LIFE that doesn't revolve around trying to get someone to like you... if she doesn't like you, the fu** her! Seriously man, life is to freaking short to do this kind of stuff...

Thanks everyone for your helpful words!

Yes, today I see things diffrently. I hate feeling like I'm on a rollercoaster. My emotions go up and down... but your comments really help center me. I will do as you say.

Ill keep you posted!

Hey everyone...

I was in my car and I heard George Jones' "He stopped loving her today"... it got me to think...

Is it possible to end it with her and yet still love her?

How many of you out there understand that concept and do any of you feel that way?

Just curious...

I still love my ex... I think everyone still "loves" most of the gals they fell in love with. Love isn't always about holding on, sometimes it is about letting go, for sake of happiness, on both parties... I am not sure "falling out of love" ever really happens, you will always care for the person, just not as compassionately as you once did...

HEY MY FRIENDS...

Got a question for you all... I forgot to mention that I have her key to her apartment. Now, she hasn't yet asked me for it.

When I see her to get her camera out of hock... do you think shell ask for it back or should I give it back to her or... not say anything... if the key situation is not brought up, then id think that she is still unsure as to whether she wants me back or not...

What should I do? Advice please

Give her the key back... you have no business having it. Make your own closure and end the "what ifs" yourself... don't wait for her to do it. She may have fogotten you have it, or some other reason... just because she doesn't ask you for it back, doesn't mean she is still thinking about "taking" you back... that just creates more excuses for false hope.

Everybody... im very pi$$ed off this morning. Just thinking about how I have to see her because of the camera situation is upsetting. See the crap that I have done for her and she is treating me like this!!

I'm torn of seeing her again and just dropping off the ticket at her apt. if I could. Why should she get the pleasantry of seeing me if she doesn't know what she wants. You know?

Anyway, just disappointed in everything today. :( and yes, I'm keeping busy but it still weighs upon my mind.

Do you have a mutual friend? Someone who can be an exchange point for the camera?

What's wrong with sending the camera via UPS?

Hi... yes there is a mutual friend... it would take a lot of effort on my part to have him do it but I could.

Yeah... im sure the reason that she would leave is because she wants her freedom to get drunk with all her friends who "whore" around. >:

What a dissapointment in her. I give her my monogamous love and she doesn't know what to do! I'm sure I'm like everyone here when I say that she will regret it later on... but who knows... shell probably make excuses as to why it was best she's not with me.

You have to start getting over this and start to work on healing. It doesn't matter what her reason for the break up was or whether you understand or think that it is justified. The fact is it's over. Work on you, feeling better and healing, not self-pity, anger and denial. I know you are still in the first month. But you have to stop looking for answers and analyzing what you may never have any peace from.

Got to be honest dude... what she does with her life is NONE of your concern, not anymore. She is free to do whatever she wants to do... but, so are you! Be free, and that starts with doing your best to free yourself from worrying about her.

Hey kctiger... thats easier said than done if she hasn't yet officially Broken up with me... u know..

But I hear you. It sux big time... :( damn, why do relationships have to be so fu##ed up?

Is it me or just the woman I chose to be with... her?

Help me out guys... but we must have done something right to have been together this long...

You either give something your all, or give nothing at all... there is a price to pay with either choice when things fall apart

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Originally Posted by crazyoverher

hey kctiger...thats easier said than done if she hasnt yet officially Broken up with me...u know..?

You are concerned because she hasn't "officially" broken up with you yet?

Boy when you get back on your feet and stop this pity parady you have for yourself everyday you are going to be in for quite the treat just listening to the things you say.

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Originally Posted by crazyoverher

help me out guys...but we must have done something right to have been together this long...

Just because you are with someone for a long time doesn't make it a healthy blossoming relationship. It just means you were together. Fact is: NOW YOU ARE NOT TOGETHER... so the five years doesn't add up to anything other than five years gone.

Stop looking for the excuse to find a life with her. You have a life of your own, you don't need someone else in it to make it a great life. Partners don't make us who we are, they compliment the person that is already there.

She didn't make you a person, but you need to refind out what makes you a person now because it is not her.

These are some quotes I want for you to hang around your room for inspiration.

"Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's better to leave them broken than try to hurt myself putting it back together"

"Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional."

"I don't miss her. I miss who I thought she was."

Justwantfair...

I love your quotes! This one is my favorite: "I don't miss her. I miss who I thought she was."

... hey everybody... im on my way to give our mutual friend the pawn ticket! That way I don't have to see her on wed! Thanks for all your help and advice...

I bet shell be pi$t that she has to go over to our friends house instead of me making it easy for her!

Ill keep you posted!!

Aghhh...

Why do I have such false hope?

I gave the ticket to our mutual friend but didn't give the key back to her. I want HER to tell me... that way I have a clean conscious that it wasn't me who broke it off... that so messed up but I couldn't help myself... I just couldn't do it. Damn.

I'm moving into another apartment and I texted her about the ticket and all and she texts me back: "good luck with the move"... what the hell? She couldve just said thanks.

Help me not have this false hope people... I know I can go on with my life and be a better person once she is gone... but I can't free myself of her until SHE says goodbye. Then, I can be totally free.

Anyone know felt what I feel? Advice? Comments... thnx... ps... dont be too harsh!! ;)

::in my not harsh voice::

Actions speak louder than words and she has already said all the good-bye that you are probably going to get.

Justwantfair... its midnight and I can't sleep...

I just can't understand it as much as I try. Why would she not say goodbye? What's the big deal... just let me know... not in actions but in words. You know? She could even text me if she's that much of a coward.

I need the closure.

And another thing... how can someone stop "loving" just like that? I don't get it.

She has the support of her loser friends I'm sure who are influencing her and if she can't think for herself.. then I'm better off before we would have gotten married.. etc... that wouldve been even harder!

Anyway, as harsh as everyone here is on me... you guys are the only support I really have... my friends are "dogs" and they just tell me to go get laid and all will be fine.

So keep up the comments, I sure do need it now more than ever... :(

Everybody... we had PLANS on getting MARRIED in 1 1/2 years!!

And then this SH%t happens. Tell me that there are others out there that feel my pain, because I feel like the only one and like a fool. I just am trying not to be bitter and angry but its hard guys... this woman was everything that I wanted in a woman... pretty, cook, has a job, independent, professional, humor, fun to hang out with, great sex, and she made me feel like I was the ONLY man in the world.

You guys KNOW what I mean!!

And then... NADA. I truly am going crazy with this BS. Not to get too out of bounds but I say prayers at night asking god to just help her END it or not... but for something to happen and happen quickly.

Once it goes down... then watch out world. You know our mutual friend even tells her to "let me know" don't string him along... etc.

Like I said earlier posts... she is a borderline alkie and is bi polar. Maybe this is the problem... but damn, when she is normal... life is wonderful...

Its almost like I want to be with her because I could turn her around... I could get her to stop drinking so much and to go to the doctor for her meds... and then if she did that... she would be the girl I knew 5 years ago when we first met...

Another thing...

Ranting now... but for us, our relationship was either GREAT or FUXX up! There were no in betweens.

I've been in other realtionships before and all of those things were steady... we got angry and then got over it. Not much drama unless it really warranted it. But this woman... seems as if she's not happy unless there is drama in her life , u know?

But when there is no drama... man it is like we are on the mooon... never felt like that with any other woman in my life... thats why I guess that I tolerated the messed up part for so long... the high was so great!

I don't know guys... as you can see by my posts I'm going through a huge crisis that I've never had before. I'm not going to do anything stupid but its just makes me want to think that I should just be like my friends and just get laid... and rack up the notches in my belt to avoid what I am going thourh ever again... >:

I think right now you should try to get yourself sleeping. And you seriously need to stop thinking about her. I don't care how hard you think it is and how impossible it will seem to you. But you are a tough guy and you'll handle this.

The first thing is to calm down. Get out of the computer. Turn off the TV, or turn it to a boring channel (like CNN or weather) or put some soothing music on. Get a glass of water or a cup of milk or ice-cream or chocolate or some other quick comfort snack. If you have some book around, it's the perfect moment to start reading it.

If that doesn't work, than lie in bed and think about your life. But only about things that do not include her. You might think there aren't that many, but you're in for a surprise. Think about your family. Your childhood. Your career. Your job. For me childhood is the best thing, because it reminds me of how simple life really is. As adults we make it much more complex than what it needs to be.

If you know how to meditate, or if you are religious and know some prayers, they also tend to be helpful because they make you focus on something else.

And, for your own sake, stop trying to understand why. It's just pointless and will just make the whole process take much longer.

All right... im going to bed.

Thanks

Also, about the "get laid and you'll be over it", that is sort of true. I know it's not the consensus here in the board, mostly because it potentially can put you in a deeper mess, but on the other hand, it's the quick and dirty way of remembering that your ex is not the last cookie in the jar.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ImTotallyLost

Also, about the "get laid and you'll be over it", that is sort of true. I know it's not the consensus here in the board, mostly because it potentially can put you in a deeper mess, but on the other hand, it's the quick and dirty way of remembering that your ex is not the last cookie in the jar.

You don't have to get "laid" to realize this... personally I found that just going out and talking to other girls, and having them show an interest in me did as much good as getting "laid" did... at this point I don't feel Crazy is in the emotional state to go out and get laid and the reap the benefits of that. Attention from girls is sometimes all it takes to realize you still have it.

As for Crazy, I know how you feel. You aren't the only one who felt like the world was coming to an end. You are over glorifying every aspect of your ex (yes, your EX!! ), and the parts that you aren't glorifying you are professing the ability to change. You aren't a miracle worker, and unfortunately her problems are HER problems, not yours. If you are determined to wait on her to give you closure (because you obviously cannot accept her actions as such), you could be waiting for eternity. I am sure that you are way too good to be "waiting" on some girl to let you know how she feels about you. That is just not fair.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ImTotallyLost

Also, about the "get laid and you'll be over it", that is sort of true. I know it's not the consensus here in the board, mostly because it potentially can put you in a deeper mess, but on the other hand, it's the quick and dirty way of remembering that your ex is not the last cookie in the jar.

His emotional state is NOWHERE near a "get laid and get over it" mindset. This is horrible advice given the situation. You even note yourself that it can put him in a bigger mess, well I know it would and why would he need a bigger mess right now?

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Crazyoverher;1595081, justwantfair... its midnight and I can't sleep...

Review your day and make some changes, so you will be ready to sleep at night and be on a regular cycle. Honestly what did you do today?

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i just can't understand it as much as i try. why would she not say goodbye? what's the big deal... just let me know... not in actions but in words. u know? she could even text me if she's that much of a coward.

Her actions are her words and she is speaking LOUD and CLEAR! The problem is YOU HAVEN'T ACCEPTED HER ACTIONS TOWARD YOU!!!

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I need the closure.

You want closure, you don't need it. Its highly unlikely she will give you what you want, so deal with what you have. That's all the closure she will give you.

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And another thing... how can someone stop "loving" just like that? I don't get it.

She has been thinking of letting you go a long time, so when she finally made that decision, it came as a shock to you. Happens to us all when we get dumped.

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she has the support of her loser friends I'm sure who are influencing her and if she can't think for herself.. then im better off before we would have gotten married..etc...that wouldve been even harder!

Your right she has loser friends to support her through this, but all you have is us. The question is, why you have no friends to support you? Hmmmm! That will have to change, and shows us all how wrapped up in her your life was, so of course you lost a lot of yourself, as well as her. There is a lesson to learn here, so don't miss the point!!

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Anyway, as harsh as everyone here is on me... you guys are the only support I really have... my friends are "dogs" and they just tell me to go get laid and all will be fine.

The problem with that is you will feel good for a minute, but are only replacing one problem for another, like a junkie who starts drinking to get off drugs. Listen to us, and you will get further on with your healing, much faster.

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So keep up the comments, I sure do need it now more than ever... :(

Keep coming! We keep talking!

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Everybody... we had PLANS on getting MARRIED in 1 1/2 years!! and then this SH%t happens.
Stuff happens in life! Deal with it!!-T
Tell me that there are others out there that feel my pain, because I feel like the only one and like a fool. I just am trying not to be bitter and angry but its hard guys... this woman was everything that I wanted in a woman... pretty, cook, has a job, independent, professional, humor, fun to hang out with, great sex, and she made me feel like I was the ONLY man in the world.

You guys KNOW what I mean!!

I have had many exes who have had that effect, so yeah, I feel Ya! I have to laugh, because I felt the same as you do now!! The bad news(?) it will happen again.

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And then... NADA. I truly am going crazy with this BS. Not to get too out of bounds but I say prayers at night asking god to just help her END it or not... but for something to happen and happen quickly.

Be careful what you ask for. Pray for strength and clarity of thought, and for her future happiness.

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then watch out world. You know our mutual friend even tells her to "let me know" don't string him along... etc.

Your stringing yourself along just to be honest, her actions are clear to everyone who reads this thread, THAT YOU WROTE.

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Like I said earlier posts... she is a borderline alkie and is bi polar. Maybe this is the problem... but damn, when she is normal... life is wonderful...

The lesson here is don't invest so much of yourself into a person with destructive issues, as your learning. All dope fiends and alcoholics have their good side.

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its almost like i want to be with her because i could turn her around....i could get her to stop drinking so much and to go to the doctor for her meds...and then if she did that... she would be the girl i knew 5 years ago when we first met......

More life lessons to learn, YOU CAN'T CONTROL, CHANGE, OR FIX ANYONE, just yourself, do so now!

Everyone changes, and grows, even you, as your painfully finding out. Make the right adjustments, based on fact, and not just feelings.

Nice rant by the way,. I mean vent!! :eek:

Thank you everyone for helping and commenting!!

YOU GUYS ARE GREAT!

Today I feel much better and althoug I can't understand her reasons, I'm taking your advice and letting that part go.

But I do have one question:

I told her that I would give her time to think and decide what she wanted to do. This was 2 weeks ago.

Is this long enough then? I'm not trying necessarily to hold out on her, I'm just wondering if she wanted me, then if she would have already made that choice. I know if the shoe was on the other foot and she gave me a choice then, 2 weeks would have been sufficient time for me.

Comments please. Thanks a bunch everyone!! :)

There are only two things in life I wait for:

1. Beer (If I am at a bar being served, otherwise I handle this myself)
2. My beloved Chiefs winning a Super Bowl

The rest, I go handle myself. She hasn't come to you, so she has made her choice, and if she hasn't still made a choice, it is time you make it for her. GAME OVER!!

I am going back to my the original quote...

"Pain is inevitable. Suffering is OPTIONAL."

Stop CHOOSING to suffer through this. You need a new focus.

Books
Movie
TV
Gym
Darts
ANYTHING.

You must plan on living forever Kc, Chiefs will never win a Superbowl

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Originally Posted by Romefalls19

You must plan on living forever Kc, Chiefs will never win a Superbowl

I can't lose faith, but believe me, I am getting very impatient. At least Pioli will make things interesting (Sorry to the OP for going off topic here)

I'm an Eagles fan, enough said

Maybe he will jump into this conversation and start to forget about his ex