Ask Me Help Desk - She wants a break! Lost, confused, sad!

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

So be her friend. See where that takes you.

We ALL know what she wants from you.

Exactly that's why I don't want to play a game with her all I said was ill be her friend but I'm just not going to reply every time or maybe not at all

I mean if I see her in person ill say hi how are you doing but that's probably about it

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Originally Posted by JTS31708

i mean if i see her in person ill say hi how are you doing but thats probably about it

"probably"

Like I said before I'm over her she is the one who did all this and now she feels guilty and wants me back as a friend first that's what I'm thinking but if I do see her I will just simply have a short conversation with her and that's it I owe her nothing I'm not the one who did this.

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Originally Posted by JTS31708

like i said before im over her she is the one who did all this and now she feels guilty and wants me back as a friend first thats what im thinking but if i do see her i will just simply have a short convo with her and thats it i owe her nothing im not the one who did this.

So you will remain in contact with her.

Now she is IMing me on aim asking me how I'm doing and trying to keep a conversation going and I'm just keeping it short I said I would be her friend but in my head she did this to me so I shouldn't have to be there for her or owe her anything

Simple solution... block her on AIM! You are allowing this to happen!

The thing is I don't like to break my promises I told her I would be her friend but I'm not going to always contact her I shouldn't have to I'm over her she just is trying to make herself feel better by talking to me she doesn't know what she wants all she knows now is she wants to be friends

Who gives a flying fu** what she wants?? This isn't about her, it is about you. Wake up and smell the coffee. Is her friendship worth the confusing BS that it causes you? As long as you are friends with her you will find yourself on her question every SINGLE thing she does.

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

So you will remain in contact with her.

Wondergirl, I think you are being a little rough on the guy. It is easy for us to tell him what to do, or second guess him. We have no emotion invested in this thing. We have a very objective view, where his is clouded by his feelings. I agree with a lot of what you say, and I know you mean well. I just want to say to him that. "this too shall pass".

Give your heart the time to heal. Protect your heart and don't let her play games with it. She knows how you truly feel about her and she is being coy with all her texting etc. Almost like fishing for compliments. I am a girl, and I know how girls tend to operate. She was too immature to hang around when you couldn't entertain her to the extent she wanted to be entertained. She likes you enough that she wants you to remain in her little world. On HER terms. Now you have to figure how what YOUR terms will be. There is something better out there for you and I hope you free your heart up enough to recognize it. I wish you the best.:)

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Originally Posted by cozyk

Wondergirl, I think you are being a little rough on the guy.

It's called "playing devil's advocate."

She texts him. Repeatedly. As her "friend," he finally texts her back. She is at a restaurant and says, 'I miss u. Come eat with me." He feels obliged, so he does. By dessert, she's practically sitting in his lap and kissing his neck.

Now what will you tell him?

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

It's called "playing devil's advocate."

She texts him. Repeatedly. As her "friend," he finally texts her back. She is at a restaurant and says, 'I miss u. Come eat with me." He feels obliged, so he does. By dessert, she's practically sitting in his lap and kissing his neck.

Now what will you tell him?

I tell him what I told him in my post. She is being coy, missing his attention, and looking for affirmation. She wants this relationship to be on HER terms. As I said earlier, he needs to set HIS OWN terms, not hers, and not ours.

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Originally Posted by cozyk

I tell him what I told him in my post. She is being coy, missing his attention, and looking for confirmation. She wants this relationship to be on HER terms. As I said earlier, he needs to set HIS OWN terms, not hers, and not ours.

And in order to have time and space for him to be able to get a life, those terms need to be NC.

Update: I know most of you will think this was stupid and some people won't but here it goes... Yesterday my ex contacted me on aim and tried to have a conversation with me and I basically ignored her being short worded. She ended up asking me does it still hurt when I talk to you honestly? I told her soetimes yes. She came and kept saying sorry and was saying I didn't want to hurt you and I'm sorry I did. She then said most of the time I want to be with you/again! Other times I don't. I still love you! And miss you so much! And said I felt like if we would have kept going it would have been the same. All I did was say simply "things could have changed no one is perfect it takes 2 to work through a relationship but you didnt have the patience to do so, i told her im not waiting around for her and im living my life and i said you dont have to keep saying sorry it was the past you made your decision that you thought was best for you. She responded saying "I guess.. " and she said again times i want to be with you others i dont" I told her I'm not waiting around you made your decision that ended us and I stopped writing... I really am over her because its getting very annoying now when she is trying to talk to me after everything she has put me through and she keeps giving me mixed feeling to the point where I don't care anymore she can't make up her f... ing mind its just getting confusing. Am I wrong for any of this?

Sorry for it being so long

No your not wrong, as often we do not express ourselves well, or do what's the right thing to do. Its obvious she still feels things, but not enough to change her mind.

What she must realize, and so do you, is the contact is only prolonging the pain of the break up for you both, and sorry to say you must ignore her calls for your own sake, as well as hers.

Yes it is confusing. My ex contacted me about 3 weeks ago and then again a week later. We had a nice conversation, but it should not have happened. I should have ignored her attempts at contact, because now 2-3 weeks later, I'm still thinking about it.

All the conversations do is fill you with false hope of some sort of reconciliation with them. I'm finding that the feelings settle back down WAY faster than the false hope. I'm still battling that after breaking up months ago! I was doing really well with NC, until I picked up the phone last month. Since then, I've been thinking about her all the time.

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What she must realize, and so do you, is the contact is only prolonging the pain of the break up for you both, and sorry to say you must ignore her calls for your own sake, as well as hers.

Tal is absolutely correct. What it all comes down to is strength. The strength to disappear and walk away from someone you cared so much about and would have done anything for. I want to find that strength and become a stronger person... so far it has eluded me.:(

Remember, we all make mistakes and learn from them. Some of us make the same mistakes over and over again, until the pain is too much that the solution finally sinks in. I'm guilty of that. In the end we learn and become better people from that.

It looks like you are moving toward that solution. Good Luck!

After that day I stopped contacting her. By the way thanks for all the advice! But this morning I wake up to a text saying I really want to see you.. I think what she is doing now is she see's what she gave up on and took me for granted. Like I said before if I contact her or she does to me it doesn't reset the healing process for me because I'm over her. Don't get me wrong I would take her back but not right away I would make sure its what we both want especially her. But she just doesn't know what she wants and I think its coming to the point where she just might come back to me but I don't know what to do at that point

Another thing to add is that she texted me saying I want to see you.. I haven't responded back because I don't know what to say to that. Like I said I'm over her because I got myself back on track and know I can live without her I just don't know what to say or respond to that because I don't feel like ignoring her and I want to respond back just don't know what to say or do

Red Flag!

If you were over her, you would worry about what to do or say, but just listen.

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Don't get me wrong i would take her back but not right away I would make sure its what we both want especially her.

Sorry guy, I know you can't see it, but this is fear, and false hope at work.

She is wanting you because she can't have you. If she got you, you would be right back where you started from. Plus, she is a drama mama and likes it when things are more challengeing. Don't get caught up in her drama again.

Yea that's true I see what you all are saying. Well she wants to meet up because she is crazy about seeing me again and wants to talk and see me since its been almost 2 months since we have seen each other either tomorrow or Thursday she wants to meet up the only thing is I don't know how to go about it I agreed to seeing her I just don't know what to say because for me there is nothing to say I don't know it just feels awkward in a way.. I want her to make up her mind so I can get this over with its either we get back and try it again and work together or I will just tell her look I think its best if we don't talk I'm sorry but it just can't work

Its just all confusing how she can't make up her mind she let me go because she wanted to have fun "more fun" by hanging out with her friends and not have a boyfriend but out of nowhere when I tell her look I need time by myself she gives me a week and starts getting sad because she wants to see me and talk to me so bad she said she can't stand it anymore. I don't get it I thought that's what she wanted she wanted to make herself a lot more happy and now she is seeing it as o maybe I made a mistake and took him for granted either way I just want this to be over with either we get back or we don't see each other anymore.

Thank you all for listening

She wants to meet up today at her job she wants to see me bad. I don't know what to say though when I go in I guess ill keep the conversation short but I don't know what's going to happen any advice what I should do?

Thanks

Quote:

Originally Posted by JTS31708

She wants to meet up today at her job she wants to see me bad. I dont know what to say though when i go in i guess ill keep the convo short but i dont know whats going to happen any advice what i should do?

Thanks

Why don't you just say, why did you want to see me? When she answers, go from there.

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Originally Posted by cozyk

Why don't you just say, why did you want to see me? When she answers, go from there.

She said she wants to see me because it drives her crazy that we haven't spoke or seen each other for a month and a half. Every time she would text or call I would either ignore it or reply with a response of one to two words. That's the whole reason she wants to see me and its all because she doesn't know what she wants again. So I don't know what to really say when I go in there. =[ This is going to be awkward! Lol

Quote:

Originally Posted by JTS31708

She said she wants to see me because it drives her crazy that we havent spoke or seen eachother for a month and a half. Everytime she would text or call i would either ignore it or reply back with a response of one to two words. Thats the whole reason she wants to see me and its all because she doesnt know what she wants again. So i dont know what to really say when i go in there. =[ This is going to be awkward! lol

Take a microphone and earpiece to said meeting, hook it up so I can hear, and I will direct your conversation for you. Less stress for you and a guaranteed good outcome for you. Or, entertaining at the least.

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Originally Posted by kctiger

Take a microphone and earpiece to said meeting, hook it up so I can hear, and I will direct your conversation for you. Less stress for you and a gauranteed good outcome for you. Or, entertaining at the least.

Lmaoo hahaha I would if I could I really just want to hear what she has to say. Im meeting her at her job in about an hour or so. Its either we work things out, or it will be a sad day when I tell her look its not going to work out us being friends maybe one day in the future we can.

But other then that it just feels awkward and not sure what to say I hope she doesn't expect me to talk first lol

The first conversation is always awkward, it's filled with weird silences and out of place laughs

Quote:

Originally Posted by Romefalls19

The first conversation is always awkward, it's filled with weird silences and out of place laughs

That is very true but to me I feel like there is nothing I should have to say at all I'm not the one who did all of this to make us end up like this. I just want to hear what she has to say and go from there.

Im new to this thread, I would love to know the outcome. You have come a long way in the past 2 months!

Ill let you all know what happens when I get back I'm leaving in about 30 min! This is going to be one hell of a day lol

Any last advice?? =]

Don't make any big decisions today!! That's my last advice! Just listen, take it in... no decisions.

Update: Just got back from talking with her. Just like I thought it would be awkward she would ask normal things that she knew the answer to already just to keep a conversation going. It had a lot of quiet moments in it because I wanted to see what she had to say. Rome you were right about the strange laughter that would occur lol. To me though it didn't benefit me in any way. Im already over her I just want her to make up her mind already, either we work it out together and try again or we don't talk at all. Thanks everyone for their advice this deffiantely isn't over yet.

She texted me about 20 min later saying "It was lovely seeing you!" I didn't respond back because I don't know what I should say to it. I can't say I felt the same knowing she is the one who gave up on our relationship.

What should I respond to that or should I just leave it alone?

Leave it alone. Why wait on her to make up her mind? You make up YOUR mind. If you are already over her why care about if she wants to work it out or not?

That's true I just want to know what she wants to do so I can get this over with. Either work it out and get back or stop talking with each other for good

Tonight she texted me saying "It was lovely seeing you!" I didn't respond because I can't say I felt the same waay I was there to hear what she had to say. So then she texted back saying it again I finally responded simply "good seeing you to" she wrote back like 5 min later saying "Mhmm i bet.."
So after that I left it alone because I wasn't getting into any arguments or nothing like that. Then she texted me to tell me goodnight and once again I did not respond. Im going NC again until she makes up her mind what she wants.

Thanks again for everyone's advice

Sounds to me like you are putting your life on hold, while waiting for her to make up her mind. If you do this, she will know you will always be there and therefore take you feelings for granted.

Let me tell you one thing... women are always confused about something. Have you ever asked a woman "What do you want to do tonight?"? What is the typical response??

"I don't know. What do you want to do?"

See a lot of women, especially young ones never know what they want and are so indecisive they just go along with whatever.

If you are waiting for this girl to make up her mind, you will be waiting for a LONG TIME.

Another example, when women get ready to go out, they like to get all dressed up. So they will pick out an outfit, try it on and then find something wrong with it and try on something else. Then usually they find something else wrong with that one and either try on something else, or GO BACK to what they tried on before and settle for that. How long does that process take? Forever, because they can't make up their mind. (3 hours at least and that's just deciding what to wear!)

Are you going to be the outfit that she goes back to and settles for? Are you going to wait while she tries other outfits (ie: other guys) on before she makes up her mind and settles on something?? Are you going to wait around for her to make up her mind?

I hope you learn to answer "No" to all of these, because I think your leaning toward "yes".

Good luck with waiting.

Ah! I hate asking my fiancé what she wants to do tonight, she always pulls that response!

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Originally Posted by Romefalls19

Ah! I hate asking my fiance what she wants to do tonight, she always pulls that response!

And then, when you do come up with an idea, they respond with, "No, I don't want to do that." Then what in the fu** do you want to do??