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Originally Posted by Sammie66

My friend think her new boyfriend looks like "an ape". It's good to be childish sometimes.

I just miss her, but I know I can't see her. She'll realise her mistake one day. She'll be 86 and her bf (now husband) will die on her. I'll have the last laugh because I have long life in my family! My gran is 100+

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There, so I guess it's CASE CLOSED then. You will live a good life find someone better than she ever will be and she can stick with mr. ape man. Time to move on my good man!

I miss her so much. She's made a huge mistake. I wish my feelings would just go, but I guess they won't. I'll just have to deal with them.

I just wonder if I was the rebound for her previous boyfriend. As far as I know she had been single for a while, but the way we met - we were in a club and her cousin came over and told her to chat to her makes me think she was maybe still depressed about someone. Maybe she is one of these idiots that jump from one relationship to another without ever learning anything.

Two things are keeping me going

1) I know I always did the right thing and even though I've made mistakes, my heart has always been in the right place.
2) She is happy with her new relationship. It kills me that she's chosen to be with someone else, but if he makes her happier than me, then who am I to deny her happiness.

Nice guys finish last I guess.

Stop being a nice guy, and just be a good one. The best skill a guy can have is knowing when you can't win, and bow out gracefully.

She's just frustrated me so much. She never said a word when I did things to upset her. I even knew I had done wrong sometimes but I just wanted her to be angry or to say something to me. It was like having one of those Buckingham Palace guards as a girlfriend and whatever I did she didn't flinch at all until she just had enough and quit.

Arguments are healthy. It shows you care but anything I did to upset her must've just made her really sad and she bottled it up. She's an idiot because I know how much she loved me and I know how much I loved her - she just didn't give us a hope in hell of anything long term because she was too scared of upsetting me. She's far too insecure.

I just miss her so much and the time we had together was just the best thing ever to have happened to me. I know there will be others, but I've just never met anybody like her. Nobody has ever lived up to my "perfect woman" as much as her. Or the "old" her anyway.

I still feel down about it. I'm constantly trying to stay positive but she was everything to me and now I'm nothing to her.

She's just a spineless idiot and I deserve so much better. Could I take her back? Doubt it.

She just ruined something that was too good to be true. And now I realise it wasn't true.

You really making way too much of a 7 month try out.

You tried it, it didn't work out, so keep it moving!!

It's the kind of person I am. I commit myself to things too much and obsess. I truly loved her and the way it has ended has really affected me. I thought I was getting over her 2 weeks after it happened and was doing fine with NC. Then she sent that "I had a dream about you text" which just messed me up.

I'm nearly there though. Have had no urges to text or read her myspace etc. I still miss her though and hate feeling like we won't talk again. Maybe I'll bump into her in a year and my feelings will have gone.

I'm still gutted that it didn't work out. I still have no idea what happened. I truly thought she was my soulmate. I've never met anyone who I've felt such an instant bond with. Almost like we were separated at birth. I guess each relationship in the future will feel like that in some way though. Hopefully the next isn't too far away.

So something really annoyed (rather than upset) me tonight.

My ex was on a birthday night out - I knew because she invited my sis in law but she declined. I also knew she'd end up in the club I always go to because that was our regular hang out. I went to another club purely to avoid her but then thought " F it, we're bound to bump into each other sometime" so I went to this place with my mates.

So I see her group in fancy dress but not her. I see her boyfriend and HIS mates (not hers that I had met) and he spots me, but I ignore him and concentrate on my friends. As the night continues I keep one eye on the action...

Over the whole night, he is with his mates all the time and never goes near her (I know where she is because I see her sister). Now when I was with her I never left her side.

Things I got moaned at for were me not texting enough, or sending messages online enough. With him, it's funny that he doesn't text a lot etc.

So with me she was incredibly needy and I never showed her enough attention, but with him, she's happy to go along with him giving her little.

Any explanations because I'm at a loss. The only thing I can assume is that because she has moved in with him, she has gotten over her insecurities.

If this is true then it sucks because I almost asked her to move in before we split up.

She has moved on and you haven't, so she has more to distract her, and you haven't.

People interact differently with each other as you will find once you have let go and gotten prepared for whatever else life throws at you.

Don't worry, you will move past this eventually. My first major break up was as traumatic to me as yours is, but once you find out you have the capacity as a human to cope with your own feelings, you will be much better at putting things in a healthy perspective and actually thrive on it.

That's just life. It is what it is.

I guess I just made her feel insecure.

I'm sad it has to come to us not being able to talk. I'll text her happy birthday. That might show no hard feelings.

He maybe was a rebound at the start but I probably helped push them together because I was texting her so much.

Our relationship died the minute she took that bar job. It wasn't going anywhere because we didn't get any quality time together.

Why is it that the nice guys get sh*t on. I loved her so much and this guy just doesn't have half of whar I have.

I think we had entered the stage where the honeymoon period had ended and rather than work through the issues, she decided she wanted the thrill of a new relationship.

I was realistic and although it wasn't as exciting, I knew I wanted to stay with this girl forever. She's obviously not ready to commit to working through a relationship.

She'll probably end up making the same mistakes in this one, or get stuck in something she doesn't want because she's jumped in too quick.

I thought I was the emotionally immature one in the relationship

Time will tell, but try and move on . That is what I am trying to do and it is hard but it has to be done. I sometimes start thinking about it and stat asking myself why, how can she do this, what does she see in him, does she stll think of me, doesn't she remember what I did, what we had, etc... But the more I did that the more I saw that I couldn't answer any of this and it would be taking me a step back instead of forward. You need to be strong at that point and try and tell yourself to block it. I have come to see that there is the rational side of you and the emotional side. The way your acting is the emotional side coming out because you are hurt. YOu need to try and bring out the rational side which will calm you , what I mean is that you need to see what you really saw in her. Idont know if I am clear but for example the rational would be is she compatbile with me, is she smart, socialize with all my close friends, makes the effort, is she selfish , controlling. I'm sure at times she would get on your nerves and you need to try and pictures those moments and see frm there.
Trust me when I say this I am more or less going through the same but need to be strong. The hell with them, YOU ARE BETTER THAN HER.

To be honest, I think the job changed her. Not that I am a snob or anything, but it is a very unclassy place, i.e. a rough bar where you see stupid young girls all tarted up and stupid guys who think with their *****.

If she wants to be hanging around with those types of people then so be it. I saw a photo of her birthday fancy dress, and the costume she was wearing was very tacky and not like her at all. I just wonder where the nice classy intelligent girl I knew went to.

She's welcome to her new boyfriend. She can have a life where she struggles to get through the week if she wants. At least I know I'll never struggle for money.

It's like when you see a marriage fail and the husband suddenly has a motorbike and a dumb blonde on his arm. Our relationship has failed and now she has her rough biker boyfriend. I guess it's because you want to get as far away from what you had and get some excitement to take your mind off things. Who knows whether it lasts. It probably will.

It's just stupid because I could see it coming when she took the job. She does ridiculous hours at that place. It's basically taken over her life. You hear about bar staff having romances all the time. It's mad. I'm just annoyed to have fallen for someone who has turned into a stereotype.

Hey man I know what you mean, my ex has completely changed. From the girl who use to like coming home and chilling she became this party animal who has to go out drink. Also the kind of music she started listening to was the kind of music I always liked but she would always judge me for it. Now guess what she listen to that stuff. People change, not if it a tempory phse you will not know, again time will tell. Do your thing in the mean time, that s what I am trying to do

It just makes me think that she was never her true self with me and everything was a lie. I fell in love with someone who wasn't real and was just acting how she thought I wanted her to.

If she does that she's only lying to herself.

I'm annoyed that she never told me off when I made mistakes. How was I supposed to know I had upset her. If it was that important to her she should have said.

That is true, so you can use that as exerienced gained from this. In your next relatioshipyou will not do the same mistakes. A friend of mine told me something wise about my relationship the other day. She told that you know that you are better than this, you know her faults and they would bother you , you know the negatives. But knowing is nothing if you don't believe. You have believe you are better because it is true. I really fell hard for this girl and to have her end things like that 3 years after I can say hurt me... real bad. I did what you did and sometimes I almost enter this phase again but I pull out. (Like I told you I am in my 2nd month and it is better but when I tell you not to think about it trust me, because it only hurts more. For me working overseas right now When I come back I still have all her stuff at my place so that is going to be interesting haha) Why? Because it will bring you misery and no one else. Look at her she is off doing her thing while we are talking about this. Doesn't that annoy you. Granted it shows that you were sincere about her and that is a great quality, but at the same time need to tell yourself it is over and move on. (always remmber NC, again I didn't do that and I asked a friend about her a week ago and that put me back a couple weeks,so do NOT do it, stick to NC)

I'm honestly doing better and I don't really want to hear about what she is up to. Knowing that my sister in law is seeing her really does hurt though. I'm jealous and curious and hurt that my sister in law sees no wrongdoing on her part.

Anyway, it's her birthday tomorrow. Who wants to bet that she's engaged by the end of the week? Anyone? At this rate she'll be married in a registry office next month, then pregnant by the end of the year.

I'm going to text her happy birthday just to show I'm not petty. If I get any kind of response though, I'll just ignore it or reply in a way to end the "conversation" without giving away too much of my feelings. I don't want any more arguments and angry texts.

e.g. How are you?

Just planning my holiday. Cheers.

I just wish I could get this feeling of waiting for her to come back out of my system. I know it's not going to happen but I just have this constant lump in my throat as though one day suddenly everything will change. It's a nightmare. The rest of this year is just a write-off for me truly being happy as far as I'm concerned.

Although I won't text her. It's pointless.

I've never met anyone so similar to me. Maybe it's just what you do when you fall in love, but I see her as the female version of me. I even notice that the way we act/communicate/speak is similar.

I guess maybe we were too similar in that we were both scared to let each other know exactly how we felt. Seems like a stupid reason to break up.

I've given up on her ever talking to me again.

Try and go back to yesterdays attitude you were doing better, be strong Sammie. It gets better

Do I text her happy birthday? I don't want to appear spiteful but I don't want to hurt myself.

I'll decide later today.

I honestly feel it is not the best thing to do, because you clearly not over her, and might be looking at a way to reconnect, therefore I would have to say no. And you don't have to spiteful, hell I am not even sure why you would that you are being. Remember you did nothing wrong, she is the one that left.

How is it hurting you to ignore her birthday? How is that spiteful? Be honest, could you still be in shock, over this break up?

The truth is my friend, your still hoping to catch her attention, one more time.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by talaniman

How is it hurting you to ignore her birthday? How is that spiteful?? Be honest, could you still be in shock, over this break up??

The truth is my friend, your still hoping to catch her attention, one more time.

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Absolutely, you don't have to do anything. She doesn't deserve any attention

I know I'm not over it yet but I know I'm slowly getting there. What happened was a huge shock to the system. HUGE. I thought after years of being single and never finding anybody that interested me enough I had found "the one". And I got sucked in big time.

She seemed so smitten by me that I got carried away. I thought I had done it. I probably took my foot off the gas and before I knew it, she was gone.

I texted her "Happy Birthday". No reply. I really could do with a hug. At least I did the right thing.

Our whole relationship was spent being scared to take what we wanted. She was paranoid that I didn't love her and I was scared to just let go and commit. The second I did she was off with another guy.

I think this might take a long time to get over. I need to get out and meet new girls as quickly as possible or I might waste my time pining over her. I joined a dating site to see what there was. One girl sounded my type. I might pay the subscription and email her.

I don't think you did the right thing. She ended this relationship, you're still grasping at straws. Now you are back at square one of NC. What's done is done, back to the NC drawing board... Let's get serious this time!

It's OK. Her not replying kind of gives me the sign I need.

I did the right thing by rising above it and being nice.

Maybe he was a rebound at the start, but he isn't now. I have no reason to contact her now anyway. Maybe Xmas she'll text me.

I just hope my feelings go soon. I'm the first one to admit that this has gone on too long. I'm obsessive and I can't help it. It's who I am. I had a similar situation with my high school crush. I was obsessed with her, then I began to dislike her and after university when our lives eventually crossed again, although I still had a tiny place for her in my heart, she didn't really do anything for me. I guess because we'd both changed and grown to be different people.

My only hope is to become a different person and grow out of loving her. Hopefully next time I meet her I'll realise that she's a different person - one that wouldn't satisfy me. Love is a horrible horrible thing when it goes wrong.

I guess I just put her in the bucket of girls I've ever had feelings for but don't see anymore. I really thought she was going to be the one I married.

I've also decided that she dumped me because of something I did to her which upset her a lot and she forced herself to move on. It seems to make more sense that way. That's why it was out of the blue and why she couldn't hide her feelings when she saw me after. That's why she clearly wasn't over me at the time.

She said she hated the way I treated her and I think it all comes down to this one thing. In saying that, she was still ready to jump into another relationship for the right or wrong reasons.

I think she decided she couldn't turn back even when I told her I loved her.

He was a rebound - hence the extremely fast relationship. Now, I think she is over me and moved on. I guess if she really loved me then things would have worked out.

Life goes on...

Back to analysing again. Great.

These excuses she gave are probably ways to make herself feel better, at your misery. Do not look it what she said and how she had said. She broke it off she messed up, she has to be the one feeling the guilt (if she did care) but doesn't and you are still analying everything she is saying because you think this is somehow maybe your fault, it isn't. Do not fall for that. ONCE MORE she BROKE it off. My ex told me she still misses hang in out with me but didn't really do much about it. So the hell with that.

You're right.

"I'm leaving something s**t for something good" is what she told me after we broke up. Something/someone, it's the same thing.

Back in the angry phase.

I'm beginning to hate her.

I just don't like my sister in law being her friend. Someone who I love and never want to fall out with is happy to be friends with someone who was HORRIBLE to me.

Recently two of our good friends fell out and my sister in law took sides then, but why doesn't she take my side now. I'm family. This whole thing is just killing me. My sister in law is happy for my ex's new relationship. They've been chatting on myspace. I can't avoid it - I'm only looking at my sister in laws and only because she sent me a message.

I'm so paranoid my sister in law is going to be best friends with her. I mean, that's what I wanted then, but now it's just torture. She only met her through me and she's now getting closer than when we were together.

I don't know who to turn to now. If my own family aren't on my side anymore then who is?

Any ideas? This is a girl who dumped me and told me that I was basically the scum of the earth and it's like everyone is on her side.

Am I being unreasonable?

No, it only seems like everyone is on her side. You'll see things clearly as you heal, and the emotions aren't so fresh, and intense.

Had another bad time today.

Up and down, up and down.

I guess. I fell out with my sister in law because she seemed so happy for my ex in her new relationship.

I just make everyone unhappy.

Especially yourself. And that's completely your choice.

Go work out.

When you curl those dumbbells, think of the angry things..

I do that :O

I can't wait for my holiday. I should've taken a longer trip.

I'm annoyed at myself more than anybody.

Obviously not enough to change and adjust.

Ho hum. She's the one missing out. I just got back from a good weekend away with friends.

I'm just pretending she doesn't exist anymore. She threw away a relationship with someone who loved her more than anything and someone who has so much in common with her it is scary.

And she's jumped into this relationship far too quickly whether it works out or not. I don't care anymore. I've taken the advice - I'm just thinking about me now. I've been on a dating website and I've had a few emails already. I'm going to enjoy myself trying to find someone else rather than worry about her. Maybe the next relationship will be too soon for me, but I'm not going to be as stupid as to commit myself too early. Anything I do will be done slowly and honestly.

I realise that I blew it and she's better off without me. Onward to the next girl I guess.

I miss her so much.

You think her rebound/really fast relationship will last? I think it probably will.

I think I feel about my sister in law the same as my ex felt about me. I know she doesn't mean to hurt me but she has, and I just don't feel the same about her anymore - loss of trust. But it's different because I know I'll make up with my sister in law eventually. My ex just jumped for the next guy to show an interest.

I need to make up with my sister in law, but I really don't feel like it just now.

You are putting yourself down and making it worse, do not do it. You say earlier I will pretend she does not exist anymore, why pretend, take her out of your life for good, THAT IS IT. You move on to say that you realise you blew it, why would you think that. She is the one that ended things not you, therefore she blew it. You had something with her and she took it away, her fault. Stop putting yourself down because it will only affect one person... you. I went through this and at one point you realize the hell with this and her, I am better than this and yes you are better. So what if you have to wait a while to find another girl, there is no shame in that.