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You're right, there are still some feelings there. I've mostly moved on and of the mindset that it's good that it's done. But there is a feeling of... actually I don't know. But honestly I don't think too much of her anymore. Does that count as completely over her?Quote:
Originally Posted by Romefalls19
Do it only if you know it won't make things worse, maybe even say in it I know we are doing NC but I just had to say happy birthday I don't want to make you mad I just believe no matter what sitution I still would like to wish you a good birthday.. something like that. But only you are able to judge if it's a good time to do it
No, don't say ANYTHING. What's the point? You two aren't in each others lives anymore. I don't wish my ex from 15 years ago happy birthday.
I guess 'cause when we broke up we both said we want to still be on friendly terms. And later on we talked about "leaving the door open" for each other maybe down the road though my gut feeling is that we will remain separate.
Something you should make your reality ASAP, you are no longer are together, and there is a 97% chance it will stay that way FOREVER.
You both left your doors open for different reasons. You left it open to give yourself false hope that someday, just maybe, she will come back to you. That is the same reason you want to wish her Happy Birthday. You want her to know you still care, and that the door is still open.
She left it open as an out. If/when she finds someone else, and it doesn't work out, or she is lonely some night, she knows your door is open and she can just walk right on in.
You guys broke up for a reason. You need to accept that it's over and move on. Does that mean you have to be aholes to each other? No. If you see her, say a friendly "Hi" with a smile and keep walking.
You can't spend the next month or two or six, leaving your door open, email her bday/how are you notes, hoping she will come back. Life is going to pass you by, and possibly "the one" will walk right in and out of your life at the same time. Accept that it's over forever, and move on. You'll regret every single day you spent not moving on. Trust me, I did it.
There is ZERO reason for you to send her a Birthday note. It's a feeble attempt to try to get her to notice you and try to get her back, whether you want to admit it to yourself or not.
This is a hard pill of reality to swallow, I know. But, the sooner you accept the reality, the sooner your heart can heal.
Hello all! It's been awhile since I've visited the site... this is actually good news for me because this indicated that I've mostly moved on with my ex. I think about her occasionally but it hardly brings out the emotions that it used to. As far as I'm concerned, I've moved on. I've started dating again so I feel pretty good overall.
So I was cleaning up my Facebook account the other day and because my ex had long ago posted some stuff on my page, I saw her name and noticed that her last name changed (for the non-facebook users, the name is dynamic... it will update to the current name even if the post itself is old). Anyway in short I see that the last name she uses in Facebook has changed. So I'm wondering if she got married. I'm curious and I feel like sending her a quick e-mail to confirm and if it is true to congratulate her. I suppose this is a bad idea. I don't know if my curiosity means I have some feelings for her that I shouldn't? I think it is just genuine curiosity but I haven't had any contact at all with her in over 9 months.
Bad idea to contact her?
It highly depends on your remaining feelings for her. If you're completely over her, then I don't see anything wrong. It's just like catching up with an old friend.
We can only hope that your feelings for her won't resurface and all your progress would go down the drain. That's the concern.
Hello all,
It's been over a year since I got dumped by my ex-gf. I wanted to give an update on the forum that helped me get through those difficult first months. First off I'd like to say Thank You! All the responses really helped.
Second, I wanted to share the biggest thing that helped me move on. And it is no secret... one of the most commonly given advice here. But I think it is important to reiterate it because looking at some posts today I still see the same questions over and over about it. Basically the biggest thing was NC. After the breakup, I still had some intermittent contact with my ex. For a variety of reasons. Some legit, some just to "hang on". Finally I listened to all the advice and stuck with NC. It was only then that I finally began to move on. I can't express strongly how important NC was. I beat myself for 3 months by breaking NC and finally once I stuck with it, the healing began. I can honestly say that I've moved on. I have no hope or desire to get back together. Other than a little curiosity on what she's up to, she's basically out of my thoughts and even when she pops back in there, I smile more at the memories than get all emotional. I've pretty much closed that book and put it on the shelf with the others.
Really folks.. NC is it. If you are serious, got stick to NC.
Thanks
Bd
Oh boy, am I trying harder then ever.
Heal me!
BTW: Congrats, I hope to achieve what you have one day.
I love it when things work out. Best to you, and your future.
Good post Bigdee.
If you are unsure about it, back away my friend.
Anytime you're unsure, never do it man.
Yeah I doubt I'll follow up. It was just a little weird to see that change in her name.
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...fe-364028.html
Curious or not, you've come to far to go back now.
support for nc!!! Wooooo!!!
Bad idea to contact her?. Umm, YEP!
Straight to the point, that's me. ;)
What's a NC?
Got it... thanks..Quote:
Originally Posted by Tabraiz
Ain't that the best?Quote:
Originally Posted by bigdee
Just check her profile?
Delete her posts and defriend her... an ex is not a friend, in my book. She has brought up emotions in you just from pure speculation. That kind of BS is never worth it. Keep moving forward.
Agreed with all. Curiosity indicates that some feelings are still there. You will be more upset than you think when you find out she fell in love with someone else and got married.
Curiosity killed the cat
Happy Friday
Best news today so far
Maybe we should start a "success story" sticky with people and what they found most useful with the advice they're given here ;) :D
Don't let your curiosity get the best of you. Time to move on to bigger and better things. No more living in the past or getting updates about your ex.Quote:
Originally Posted by bigdee
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...-304709-5.html
Speaking of a good ending. Or at least a step in the right direction.
Awesome stuff.
Hopefully, after seeing her (if I do) I can do the whole NC.
Everyone, thanks for all the kind words!
NC is something that we all learn the minute we join the board but it is so incredibly hard to follow despite all the advice.. I hope my story helps people stick to NC when they feel themselves slipping...
Yup. Even if I think I'm done with it, who knows what curiosity will stir up?Quote:
Originally Posted by Romefalls19
Again thanks to all.
Wow! Interesting to see all my threads merged into one... 15 pages! :-P
I married her and she won't shut up, God I'd do anything to get out of this. Just kidding, but the point is it doesn't really matter if she got married or not, a ring does not equal happiness, and your happiness is all that matters.
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