___________________________________________Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
Probably because she has lint in her pockets. And lint is really hard to form into cash... I've tried. And maybe love?
|
___________________________________________Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
Probably because she has lint in her pockets. And lint is really hard to form into cash... I've tried. And maybe love?
Did I say crazy feminist?? Your words not mine
You dare to call me immatuer? That makes me laugh on many lvls
You sad little girl
)))))God, the men are so bitter against women, I guess they should try to be gay)))))
Oh yes I bow to your wize wisdom and age.. ohh id neve black list someone for saying that noo sure great! view there girl yup wow.
And the talking about swimming and dying. Another JEWL in light that shines off your wisdom!
You say stuff like this Nadia and you get people on you. I do think we should stop talking to you because its not worth it
But anyway I have said what I wanted to.
And I'm not getting into a circular argument with you.
End.
Quote:
Originally Posted by nadia999
"I do agree with you on the fact that money is one of the reasons why marriages end in divorce but not all of them and certainly not because its soley based on a man being cheap"-bizygurl
nadia999, you really need to fully read or reread someone's post before you comment on it. I was NOT disagreeing with you that money being not a reason that marriages end in a divorce. Yes it may be the #1 reason or at the very least one of the very top reasons of divorce. Im not going to agree that It's the very top reason for it because I don't see any proof, nevertheless I did not disputed that it wasn't a great possibility. Where I did disagree with you was where you seem to put a general blame on men that it's their fault that there are financial issues in a marriage and therefore... they are the blame for it ending in a divorce. So before you start getting a little uppetty about what I said in the last post, take a look and then you will realize that the point on the "money problems being a top reason of divorce" that you were trying to make, I actually agreed with.
Admin... this mess needs to be closed. No point in it.
Women, we love you guys... however, we will always disagree with you guys on certain topics.
nadia999... I know what you're saying. If someone's hurting, then you should do something about it if you love them. HOWEVER, if they don't heed your advice, then you have to let that go. They need to be willing to help themselves. However, that has absolutely nothing to do with this topic... at all. He's not hurting her... and she's not hurting herself. You took something that's relatively innocuous and turned it into a dying issue... really, no relevance. Also, the gay comment... it's a bit inappropriate. You're putting a stereotype that gay guys always side with a woman's point of view. Not necessarily the case. Each individual has their own point of view. Just because we "seem" bitter to women doesn't mean we should be gay. How about the idea that "you seem bitter to men...maybe you should be a lesbian?" That's inappropriate.
Altenweg... yes. We'll always disagree on certain topics. Agree to disagree?
To everyone else... let's stop the bickering and just hold hands and kumbayah.
Thank you Alteweg for defending me.
I said before (Truefaith) I said the men are being callous on this specific topic. And you can say I am being crazy feminist on this specific topic, and you saying( YOU SAID IT) god, how childish to have a debate like that! Just when you are out of logic and points to prove what you're saying don't personal attack, it's neither cool nor smart.
I am not arguing for the sake of arguing, money issue is a big deal and by understanding not just taking sides and being fair I guess lots of relationships could have survived.
A lot of people are reading this post and the goal, I know this my goal which is to make people fair. I have seen lots of marriages failed because of this specific issue and usually the man is not considerate, I have being in it and almost any relationship I witnessed .
I love what Dr. Phil said to a man on his show, this man was working and the wife is a stay at home mom and he was buying himself whatever he pleases and she has nothing and doctor Phil told him "it is not your money, it is a partnership between you two, whatever you make is yours and hers, she working in and your working outside", may be is not quite close to OP, but the message is if you love a person you consider their feelings and if you don't it will just create silent resentment and eventually splitting and then you will say "she left me for another man".
Usually men make more than women, if a woman is making more she would be callous to leave him with almost nothing. I understand that men usually very mathematical and it is very hard to tell someone your in a relationship with you are just mathematical, they will accuse immediately of being a gold digger, it is very frustrating.
Most relationships have fights over Sex or Money. I really hope the sex is worth all this drama! You will soon realize it is not.
As a woman who has always paid her own way. I want to say there is a communication problem between you two. If you feel this man is worth all that go to a money management class. There is a fantastic one for singles and couples by Dave Ramsey.
I agree with several posts here. But it all comes down to you Communicate if you can't in person write it out. Men do show their commitement with the parting of the denero.
I think you shpould read the book ""He is just not that into you"
Good Luck
Quote:
Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny
I agree with that. We are all beating this to death a bit.. and really all its doing is causing more bickering... time to "kumbayah".. as ISNEEZEFUNNY, greatly put it. Ill make the friendship bracelets.:)
I would have rated your answer, ISNEEZEFUNNY, but I had to spread some rep around first. ;0)
Its the weekend people, she will be back on Monday!! LOL Were so sick.... I need to unsubscribe, but I can't bring myself to push the button.
Start passin' 'em out
Someone's cryin', Lord, kumbaya;
Someone's cryin', Lord, kumbaya;
Someone's cryin', Lord, kumbaya;
Oh, Lord, kumbaya.
HAHAHA... now we really need to stop this thread, we've already started singing! Now you really can tell were all a little burnt out by this. :)
Quote:
Originally Posted by nadia999
Not to beat a dead horse, but here is a little advice to help you seem sophisticated and smart when you are in a discussion; "If the discussion board is in English...LEARN HOW TO SPEAK IT BEFORE YOU GO SPOUTING OFF." I am pretty sure what everyone is getting at with their comments towards you is that they can't make heads or tails of the gibberish word vomit you are putting in your posts. Top to bottom, left to right, group words together as sentences. :-) Work on it and I am sure you will have better luck next time.
God, why are you so mad? I speak English fine first, and second, do you know what www means? It world wide web s, it is not only for English spoken people and am sure you understand my points but you chose to be like Truefaith go on to attack personally, be sensible. We were talking about an issue and because I am disagreeing with you, you say that? God, how childish and poor way to respond, you can say whatever you want about me, you are just proving how childish you are.
Quote:
Originally Posted by nadia999
Nadia... I was trying to help you out by explaining why everyone had a tough time with your responses and you are in the RED right now. If you TYPE English so well, then maybe you should proof read? Most of your posts on this topic have NOT ONE complete sentence or thought. I am not ATTACKING you I was trying to help you understand SO YOU DIDN'T HAVE A REPEAT OF THIS ON ANOTHER POST! I am not angry at all, if you read my posts almost everyone is light hearted. I can comprehend that this is the WORLD WIDE WEB. I wasn't arguing that point. I don't go onto Spanish wedsites though and try to convery my thoughts on serious matters just because I can speak the language. You just need to roll your words and thoughts into complete thoughts that don't make you look like a mindless ninny. When you don't type complete thoughts it is very tough to decipher your "tone" in the post and often times leads to misunderstandings.
Sorry for trying to help you. Bitter, bitter, bitter, person!
Don't be so defensive!
Bitter about what? If you did n't understand what I said you wouldn't have responded at all, a lot of people on the post understood what I said.
I don't have to use big words to talk about topics, and don't try to change your tone, first was attack (beating a dead horse, mindless ninny) you're funny, and now sarcastic.
Well, you can be sarcastic all you want, I don't care it just shows the level of your mentality and how very simpleton you are, when someone disagree with you, you attack personally, and I won't even dignify to respond to your following attack or sarcasm.
Have a nice weekend
I'm on the other end of the same situation. I think contribution to dates, bills, etc. should come from both ends of the relationship.
Sorry Wewed for my spelling mistake, you know what I meant, right? Which I am sure you did, I meant "won't".
I know I'll have to spread it so I won't even try to give a greenie but this short statement really says it all!Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
Well, before we spout too much sarcasm, let me put it this way ; her $50 leftover at the end of the month is more than what I have left over for myself at the end of the month. And I make almost as much as the boyfriend who is the subject of the original post. Of course, I'm supporting a wife and children. If I was single and making what I'm making I'd be living high off the hog too! As it is, I'm content if I have enough gas in my car to get me to and from work for the week and a few beers in the refrigerator. That's about all I can realistically hope for after the bills are paid. I'm sorry, but I don't have a whole lot of sympathy for the original poster. As has been suggested in other posts, I think she's young and naïve and is just now learning about life in the real world and doesn't seem to like it too much. Again, that's just my take on it. I also reiterate the point that she doesn't have to be in this position if she doesn't want to. With an income of $30,000 (which is more than I ever made when I was single), she could live with her parents, pay them $200/month room and board and have plenty of money left over to do whatever she wants with it. If she doesn't want to live at home she could rent a one-bedroom efficiency for around $600/month and still have a lot more than $50/month to spend however she pleases. And she wouldn't even have to answer to anyone as to how she spends her money.Quote:
Originally Posted by Greg Quinn
nadia999, I know this has nothing to do with the topic at hand. But you are also guilty of "personal attacks." Or at least "a" personal attack. Its easy to do when you disagree with someone and feel strongly on a matter. So Im not faulting you for that.Quote:
Originally Posted by nadia999
BUT to say the men on this thread ,that happen not to agree with you, "they should try to be gay" and to call them "cheap" is a personal attack. Is it your opinion, absolutely! And again I'm not saying you can't say or feel how you want to.
We are all guilty of slinging stones at each other, but Don't sling stones and then act hurt or surpized when someone slings them back. Again, just my feeling on it and only my opinion.
I agree with Biz Totally
I can't stop reading this. Its so much fun
Nadia your amazing you call people dumb gay and moronic. Then we say you know that's not cool
Then you say we all small minded and cheap
As I said to you in the pm I haven't laughed so much in a long time thank you :D
I guess your respons is going to be how lame I am or silly or gay.
Something smart no doubt
Ohh there's another personal attack run for the hills!
You seem to forget what you write. Then you go Ohh how can you say this to me. I'm so nice and good. When it was YOU who started all this
Lots of people on this board have gotten into fights with other people. I have with a lot ;) but even I know when to stop talking and give it a rest
You seem to go on and on and on.
I must admit I'm not letting this go so easy
Please reply more I really love reading what you have to say :D
But OK. This is my last post on this topic. I swear! :)
Let he who lives in a glass house cast the first stone :-)
Personally, I love getting attacked and called to question... when they are legit gripes. It is called constructive criticism. THere are a lot of people who can't take it though (Nadia).
The truth of the matter is that the original poster's question doesn't even matter in the grand scheme of things. Her attitude is obvious in the fact that the only QUESTION she asks is where to place the blame. If she cared about the relationship as much as her standard of life she would've asked us how to help. Maybe ask how to bring up the topic to him, or how to figure out a way to better make ends meet. All these little narative tendencies are where I based my comments and "hypotheticals" off. Everyone has told me that we need to take these questions at face value.
I say no. If you have a depressed person saying they are worthless and their life isn't worth living are we suppose to just assume they are telling the truth and not take into account the fact they are depressed and not thinking straight?
Personally on most of these questions I believe it is more about what isn't said and how things are said more so than the actual words used.
She needs to step back and get her life in order with the circumstances she has created. No one should have to be able to "AFFORD A RELATIONSHIP", however if the pressures of that relationship and the way of life it entails is making you live beyond your means you need to take that into account and ask yourself if it is really what you think it is... the relationship that is.
I was in a relationship for a long time that made me try to keep up to a standard and way of life that I could not afford. I kidded myself and told myself that I was happy and that things would all come full circle in the end. I ended up crazy in debt and ridiculously trapped and unhappy. It has to come from within. Kate you need to ask yourself if a happy person would be searching for blame in this thing.
Love You!
The problem is we are assuming the situations from latte sucker to gold digger so the whole thing is pointless until she comes back and explains what percentage he has his hand out for above what the agreement was.
You are right No one should have to be able to "AFFORD A RELATIONSHIP" that right there should tell her there is no give in the relationship on his part.
Quote:
Originally Posted by N0help4u
See now! We aren't assuming... we are deducing. We are making logical assumptions from past experiences, and drawing inferences from past dialogue.
No one is giving up on this "he has his hand out for money" thing. If you read the post it really says nothing about him having his hand out for any MORE than they had originally agreed upon. It just says he always has his hand out for money, which anyone who has shared living quarters and split bills can very much relate to. All the bills and the mortgage don't come on the same day of the month. I am sure it just feels to her like there is ALWAYS SOMEONE asking for her money, be it him,her credit card bills, her car loan company, etc. Such is life and being in debt. I think he is more or less being mae the patsy in her whole situation. I think she just is hating that she has to work so hard and then at the end she doesn't have much monetary compensation left to do the things she wants. WHO DOES?
I can understand everyone having their opinion on this tpic and many others on these boards. My itch is that everyone is so quick to jump to the extreme of, jerk, con artist, cheap, leave him, he has done this before, etc.
Really, the girl came here for some comforting about her situation and a little advice and 50% of the replies have told her to ditch the guy? THAT IS WHY OUR DIVORCE RATE IS SO HIGH! NO MATTER HOW SMALL THE PROBLEM IT IS USED AS AN EXCUSE AND REASON TO BE HAPPIER SOMEWHERE ELSE. GRASS IS ALWAYS GREENER. HOW WOULD YOU LIKE YOUR HUSBAND OR WIFE TO COME ON HERE AND ASK ABOUT WHY YOU SQUEEZE THE TOOTHPASTE FROM THE MIDDLE AND END UP GETTING A BUNCH OF PEOPLE TELLING THEM YOUR MARRIAGE IS DOOMED BECAUSE YOU ARE SO INCONSIDERATE.
It comes down to being a positive influence. I am pretty sure a lot of people on here if not all are carrying some emotional baggage and damage from something in their pasts, but don't ruin other lives because you are so quick to judge because of your experience. You are giving conditioned responses instead of well thought out advice.
Small problems are easy to work out if there is a little support for the relationship. It is when there is no support system that the little problems turn to big and turn to good relationships ending prematurely.
THis post wasn't saying anything really about the relationship in the OP, just tryig to make my pint of people spouting off.
Then what do these mean??Quote:
Originally Posted by Kate51283
By the time I am done paying bills for the month and buying some groceries --she didn't say buying groceries was in the original agreement already that is taking from HER money.
he always has his hand out for money
She also implies that when they go anywhere she is the one that has to pay for everything
And if he does he holds it over her.
And you figure she does say he leaves her with only $50.00
So how do you figure he isn't taking more than the agreed amount.
Her money is tight, so she is mad he would be spending on himself, rather than help her more. She only pays a third as it is.Quote:
Also, for Christmas he will only spend as much on me as what I can afford to buy for him. He claims he never has any money but whenever he wants something he buys it and is currently looking at buy a $55,000 car while I am struggling to get by. Am I greedy or is he really just cheap?
We are all guilty on here, myself included for either something negative about her or negative about him. Its either 'how dare he let her live this way"...or "she's a gold digger" and shes got to live with it. By the way the OP puts it she defenitly paints her man in a bad light, Is she telling the truth? probably. I think why so many people are flabbergasted as to why some on here are looking at it from the man's point of view is that these guys may have been in this situation or knew someone it happend to. For all we know this guy could have had a fair money agreement with her in the past and she spent more money on stuff that she "didn't' need then spent on things she needed to pay for like bills and such. I could understand him being like "forget that" were splitting it in half. HE also may have reservations on the relationship, we are forgetting.. they have only been dating for 7months, which by today's standards isn't that long, he may not want to feel obligated to help her so early in a relationship. Or maybe he's just a rotten jerk.
Remember this is clearly just speculation. But I'm just trying to paint a view of why he may have it the way it is. Some of us are quick to judge her but we are also quick to judge him when we don't know what his side of it is.
As I said about oh, don't know 5 times on here already.. (going for 6) the answer is to sit down and talk, if he's not willing to give, she's still unhappy.. then she needs to leave simple as that.
Quote:
and you figure she does say he leaves her with only $50.00
So how do you figure he isn't taking more than the agreed amount.
She can't keep the original agreement, and cutting it to a third, still is not making her happy.Should she be staying for free? She is in way over her head.Quote:
By the time I am done paying bills for the month and buying some groceries I have about $50 left to my name.
She is in over her head but
Even with her only paying 1/3 of the bills
I still get the feeling from what she has said that the groceries which weren't in the original agreement make up the difference from 1/3 to 1/2 and that is probably why she only wants to pay 1/3 now. As well as him having 'his hand out for more' as I have stated in my other replies for us to make any conclusions she needs to answer how much she is handing him when he has his hand out.
You figure she must make $2,100. A month and after what she puts into the house and her student loan/car payments/insurance/credit cards. She could be saying she is giving him a hundred or two over her agreement so it is pointless to try and figure out until she breaks it down.
Just me, but playing house after 7 months is not all that wise to begin with, and leads me to believe she was moving to fast from the get go.
Quote:
Originally Posted by N0help4u
NO WHERE DOES IT SAY "HIS GROCERIES"! Quit assuming everything she buys is for both of them. You know that's not the way people work.
As long as we are in the mood to speculate. How about we speculte on who pays for the lawnmower gas, who pays for the plumber to fix the pipes, who paid for all the furnishings in the house, who pays for homeowners insurance, who pays for property taxes, who paid for the dishes she eats off, who pays for the frunace filters, who pay to get the sprinkler system blown out, who pays for landcaping, and on and on and on... I BET IT ISN'T HER! THe man picks up more incidientals than you can shake a stick at and ANY HOMEOWNER KNOWS THAT!
As for the Christmas thing... do you know why people set $$ amounts for secret santa and gift exchanges? TO avoid making anyone feel bad! My wife and I always spend the same amount on each other. THe holidays are about giving and feeling good about it. No working to by your man a $20 DVD and then feeling bad and unfi because he bought you a $600 Coach Bag.
There is nothing wrong with spending the same amoutn on the holidays... it just goes to show she wants to be spoiled... and what girl doesn't, but it isn't a write of passage.
Once again sorry for the missing letters... my laptop keyboard has an issue or three.
Like I said she has to come back to clarify because either way is assumption
Besides if she has to buy HER groceries and not his then to me that still shows that he is
Being petty with money and still a business relationship than a relationship which is my main point.
And how is she going to grocery shop and split the his and her grocery thing?
Wow, could we get more off topic, and I thought I was the bad one:p . I started the new post so that we could feel free to discuss this topic without basing it on this OP, I think the other post is going very well, no name calling no back stabbing (so far;) )
I'm like the rest of you, I promised myself I wouldn't post anything further here but I can't help myself. Come on everyone, lets try to be nice to each other, I know that we sometimes say things before thinking it through, I know I have, but let's let by-gones be by-gones and realize that we aren't going to agree on this because of our past experiences. We aren't therapists, we cannot answer these questions without emotion, really, let it go, the OP doesn't even care what we have to say. I wish all of you the best. Wear your friendship bracelets and start singing.:)
Wow! I think this topic has been beat to death! If I were this chick, after reading these threads, I would probably never post here again! Lol
Got to go down in some books
Her first post and over 150 replys
I bet she thinks we really helpful :D
Damn it I posted again!
LoL
As this thread has degenerated and unacceptable, vengeful repping is occurring it is now CLOSED.
If you have a problem with this PM me.
| All times are GMT -7. The time now is 09:29 AM. |