Ok those familiar with my story, thanks for coming back for yet another chapter. Yesterday at work I was helping one of my ex's old best friends(they stopped being friends over the guy) and I didn't know my ex was working the book keeping office yesterday. Well something was said between me n her old friend and we were laughing and when I stood up, there was my ex, around 20 paces back given me the "look" and she was standing outside of the book keepers office the whole time we were out there. Also for the past week, every time I walk by she is always looking at me. And then my cousin yesterday told me that she asks how I am doing and stuff. So I was tired of it, so when I went on my break after this happened, I walked by her and simply said "Hey Brianna" and there was like a 2 second pause and then a "heyyy" back... Saying hello didn't set me back any or anything. I went after my break to talk to Sam(her old bestfriend) she asked if I said anything to her and I said yea, I just said hi, why? And she said because my ex looked distant afterwards. Sam then talked to one of their mutual friends and when Brianna was asked about what that was(me saying hey) she rolled her eyes...

Any ideas? Ha ha

Stay out of office drama, especially with the ex involved. That would be my idea. Unless you like drama.

Tal, trust me, I HATE drama. I am definitely not going to go back down that road with texting her or anything like that. It's just weird, she has a boyfriend but always is staring at me. Don't worry, no relapses. I have come too far to go back to square one with being a love sick puppy dog begging for her.

Hey Rome! First of all it's good to hear from you again. I hope that aside from the ex-girlfriend problems that all is going well.

Okay, so here is the problem with your situation. As much as this sucks to hear you are simply trying too hard to read into what she is thinking. Your best option is to just forget about what is running through her head and continue on your own path. On top of that, as Tal said, stay out of the office drama.

Trust me, I do the same thing (trying to interpret the ex's actions) and more then anything it just makes things worse. If you look at my post "Seeing Ex at Party Soon!" you'll notice that I was trying to decipher how my ex acted. Problem is that no matter how hard we try to interpret things we simply will never know the persons true intentions so as a result there is no point in dwelling on the matter. Keep it simple and don't over complicated matters

Just stay on the path your on. I'm pretty sure that in due time you and your ex-girlfriend will start talking again and a few of your questions will be answered. But let it happen naturally.

Yea, besides her all is well lol... How about you?

Yea, I hear you confused... I'm not going to force anything. She has a boyfriend, and my parents told me he was really angry over the fact that my ex still talks to my parents so openly and was huffing and puffing when she was talking to them on Saturday. But like the bible says "what will be, will be" so time is the only thing that will take the fog away

Same lol. Aside from getting over the ex-girlfriend all is well.

With time things will get better. When things are rough I often remind myself how easy my life is. Instead of worrying over finding food to survive, I'm lucky enough to be worrying over a lost love. Although sometimes it feels I would prefer the former predicament, the truth is that I'm a lucky guy.

I don't read the bible much, but the quote you mentioned is spot on. Just let things flow naturally. Based on what you told us I feel that things between you and your ex-girlfriend are not over. I'm not suggesting you two will bet back together (although its always a possibility), but what I'm saying is that you haven't seen the end of this chapter and it will take a little longer before its complete.

Its funy you should say that about the chapter. My friend is always telling me that the book is far from over and there are more than a few people saying it's not over. Being her first and everything things got too heated and she thought things would be better else where. But this guy is far more jealous than I was, so I'm just going to keep doing what I'm doing. Gym, hanging out with friends and enjoying my quiet time(and watching my bank account grow)

And yea, things will definitely get better for us. Like my dad said "they have to get better, they can't get worse" ha ha...

Rome,

How is all this information privy to you?? You seem to know a lot about what she is doing and how she responds to actions and this and that. As great as you are doing you are still very capable of falling into the drama, once that happens its like quick sand. Treat work like work, if her friend asks you questions about her than don't respond. I do believe I read something of yours that said you spent your break outside reading a book (I think it was you?) I think her seeing that would be more powerful than anything else you could do around the office.

Seems like ex's only get riled when you are not trying to rile them:) Not that you are, I'm just saying.

Yea, people make it a habit of telling me stuff about her, I don't talk to anyone at work really. Just a few close friends that I trust. I have stopped a lot of the incoming information about her. And yea that was me with the book and IPOD lol. I just feel better doing that then sitting around talking to people who couldn't be trusted. You're right about not falling back into the drama that is the work place because everyone says I need to "save" her from this guy. But like I said, she's her own person with her own mind

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Romefalls19

Ok those familar with my story, thanks for coming back for yet another chapter. Yesterday at work I was helping one of my ex's old best friends(they stopped being friends over the guy) and I didn't know my ex was working the book keeping office yesterday. Well something was said between me n her old friend and we were laughing and when I stood up, there was my ex, around 20 paces back given me the "look" and she was standing outside of the book keepers office the whole time we were out there. Also for the past week, everytime I walk by she is always looking at me. And then my cousin yesterday told me that she asks how I am doing and stuff. So I was tired of it, so when I went on my break after this happened, I walked by her and simply said "Hey Brianna" and there was like a 2 second pause and then a "heyyy" back...Saying hello didn't set me back any or anything. I went after my break to talk to Sam(her old bestfriend) she asked if I said anything to her and I said yea, I just said hi, why? And she said because my ex looked distant afterwards. Sam then talked to one of their mutual friends and when Brianna was asked about what that was(me saying hey) she rolled her eyes...

Any ideas? Ha ha

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You have too much time on your hands. Stop gossiping with your exes old friends. Get your own friends

First off Katrina, maybe you did not read the post properly, but the girl I was helping IS my friend. Actually one of my best friends, just because she USED to be friends with my ex does not classify her as strictly my exes old friend. She is the one person who has been there for me through all of this(outside of this site) So if you're not going to read the post properly, I urge you not to add your two cents into the mix. Thanks

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Romefalls19

Its funy you should say that about the chapter. My friend is always telling me that the book is far from over and there are more than a few people saying it's not over. Being her first and everything things got too heated and she thought things would be better else where. But this guy is far more jealous than I was, so I'm just going to keep doing what I'm doing.

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Just don't fall into the trap of false hope. The chapter may not be complete but it doesn't mean it will end with you two back together. Just take it one sentence at a time.

No way, lol.. False hope is not going to happen on my part. I'm going to continue doing what I'm doing. When I don't try for girls they seem to flock, so I'm just going to lay back and let it all work itself out.

OK, while this may not seem like a big deal, I feel the need to vent on here. So low down for people who aren't familiar with my situation. We broke up about 3 months ago over my jealousy(which since has been corrected through various steps), she got a new boyfriend about Feb. Have been doing NC since around January 16th, well I had a job offer in California(I live in Jersey) and I had until Friday to decide if I wanted to take the job. I kept it VERY low key telling only trusted people(or so I thought) so I get a text this morning saying "hey, just wanted to wish you the best of luck in Cali" We have not spoken about anything expect a simple "Thank you" when she helped my mom with a problem. So why did she feel the need to text me? I'm not going to try and read into this, it just caught me completely off guard. I waited a few hours to calm down, and respond to her and simply said "I had to decline the offer for personal reasons, but curious how did you find out?" and she said "Oo someone told me about it thats all....." and I didn't respond to that, as I'm trying to find a good response for it

Evidence of the grapevine at your job, is up and running well.

Hey Rome! It's good to hear from you. I just wish it was under happier circumstances :)

Well, the thing is that it is a very small world, especially if your both very well connected with mutual friends. As a result nothing stays secret for too long, especially something as big as what you were facing. It's really hard to say why she texted you, maybe she wanted to find out if you were really going to California without directly asking you or she may just want to re-open the lines of communication.

I'm actually unsure whether texting her back would be a good or bad thing. If I were you I would probably respond with a short, simple, and closed text like "Cool, well thanks for the good luck wish, later." This closes the conversation on your part and you're not thinking whether she will text you back. It's done and you continue on the path your on. On the other hand, if you just ignore the text you avoid the whole "What should I say?" dilemma.

Wait a little longer for some other responses. I'm sure the calvary will be here soon to offer some more advice.

Thanks Tal... Yea the grapevine is going well lol... Funny thing is, I haven't been at work the past 2 days so I don't know how it happened, I thought it would get out earlier or something

Confused.. Yea, we have to start meeting on happier terms ha ha. I might use your response because it's to the point, polite and also doesn't seem like I'm hanging onto the conversation longer than need be.

You don't need to know how she found out. Monitoring the grapevine is a complete waste of your time. And it's not even what's got you in a bug, is it? It's just the topic you're using to mull it over.

No, you're just bugged she broke the No Contact (NC). Worse, you responded. So, the cat's out of the bag. You can't unring this bell.

Now it's simple, reestablish your friendship with this girl and STOP READING into what she says as if she were your girl. Friends don't do that to each other. She says "hi", you say "hi"... not "Oh my god, what does she mean by that?"

It would be so much less stressful if you went back to NC. But if you can't, you darn well better put on your best "friend" behavior and stifle thoughts like you're having right now. Waste of time and do you no good.

I don't want to be friends with her, wouldn't ever work. I simply said exactly what Confused said. Civil, polite and ended the conversation. You're right, it does bug me she broke NC because it's been 2 months and then she gets wind I might be leaving and then texts me. I'm not going to be texting her all the time, not even at all. I simply responded being polite and then ended the conversation. If she says "hi" at work when we see each other, then I will respond with a hello as well. Those little conversations I can do, but there was no reason to text me

Personally I would advise against re-establishing a friendship right now. I'm pretty sure Rome hasn't completely healed from the break-up so being friends at the moment is a bad idea. However, he should be polite when contact does occur between him and his ex, which I think he is doing.

She prob in her own little way still holds something for you and cares for you. Thus the need to text you. Us girlies are like that, we sit by the phone waiting for you to ring or reply to a text. Then we weigh up the pros and cons of texting you. She is prob in a place where she feels she is strong enough to talk etc again, blokes normaly get there before us but in this case no. talk to her if you want and don't if you don't there is no one makingyou do what you don't want to. She prob doesn't have a specific reason for texting other than she thinks it was the right thing to do at the time, she prob v unawear of how you feel, either tell her or just leave it.

Maybe she just had a fond memory of you and wanted to wish you good luck... nothing more.

How she found out is irrelevant as you aren't going anyway.

You were moving far away,she wasn't going to see you anymore,not even by accident,so yeah... it makes sense to me.you aren't strangers,you shared something so naturally she would be melancholic if you moved across the country,exiting her life for good.
But it doesn't mean anything.don't get confused
She just wanted to end it in a polite,friendly way,wishing you luck with your new life

My whole problem was, there has been 2 months of no meaningful conversation AT ALL between the two of us, then all of sudden she gets wind I am leaving and she texts me. Bogus stuff as there was no need to text me about it. Especially considering things she has been saying trying to make it seem like I want her back and text her all the time. And to IN A STATE, we truly are strangers as she has done a complete 180 from when we were together to the point I don't even know who the girl is, no do I care too.

Just be polite and keep everyone out of your business. Especially her.

Yea, thought I could trust a few people at that job, but obviously thought wrong. I sure how she didn't take me replying politely as an invitation to try and be friends lol.. it's just not in the cards ha ha...

It's funny you say that Tal, because while I try to not find out anything about her, she tries to find anything about me. Who I'm talking to, if I'm dating, who I date... etc.

Sorry Rome but I think she is being polite and deserves a little credit. I think you are still angry over how things played out, which is fine so longas that anger does not cloud your judgement.

From what I see she thought you may be moving and wanted to say something about it, some ex's would not even bother, would that make you feel better? I think if she said nothing you may wonder whether she even cared at all, this way at least you know she does. She was polite and so will you when you respond.

I did respond in a polite manner, my whole thing was me and her have not spoken in 2 months. And went to great lengths for her not to find out about me leaving and after talking to people and finding out who told her. She was even told that it's best not to speak to him about it because he didn't want you to know. So then she texted me anyway. And I thought about her being polite, but she is not polite anymore, she has become a two faced girl who has hidden agendas behind everything. It's amazing how much someone can change to someone you don't even know anymore.

Personal anecdote...

I got a message on my myspace page two days ago from the ex that caused me to take out a restraining order, change my cell number and provider, and also necessitated MANY sleepless nights accusing me "What, you don't even want to be friends??" (haven't spoken to him since November)

Umm... No the whole "restraining order, if you contact me again I will contact your superior officer" thing kind of dictates the whole "terms of my relationship" with you, don't you think??

Anyway... the reason why I shared this is because he went on to tell me all about his house, his life, his dog, his fiance' with her three kids, and everything. Personally, I believe he did it simply to let me know that he's doing fine without me. Great! Bully for him.

I ignored it. I deleted it as soon as it came and ignored it. He knows exactly what buttons to push because we were in love for so long. But you know what? It's OK! I ignored him and his attempt to make me feel cruddy and useless. I'm the bigger person here.

Maybe she was being polite. Maybe she was letting you know that she still has an "in" into your life. Maybe she just wanted to remind you that she's still out there. I don't know. All I know is in my situation, he can do what he wants, he can try and control my responses, he can attempt to dictate the way I feel on any given day, but bottom line, he is no longer controlling my emotional state. He no longer has influence. Because I took back my control.

Does that sound all "women's lib"? Hopefully not. Hopefully, you'll understand what it means to take back control of your life because you've done that. You've survived and are now standing. Don't let this circumstance make you go backwards... don't let it control you.

Chin up, RomeFalls... you can do this, too. Just like you have in the past. :)

Thanks Historian, I completely agree with the whole post. Only she knows what she texted me for, and I'm not prepared to go into hiding to try and figure out what she meant. It bothered me for awhile, I'm not going to lie, but then I simply let it go. I'm not going to be texting her or even trying to talk to her. If she feels the need to say hello, I shall respond accordingly. Just as ISneeze, I feel as though she was cheating on me with this other guy as things happened extremely quick. But that is neither here nor there, she violated my personal space by texting me, thus forcing me to reclaim that space ha ha

Awesome... I'm glad you're OK. These exes know what hurts, what makes us wonder, what shakes us up, and what makes us question the very foundation of our own newfound independence... and yes, it does throw us for a loop for a minute... but just a minute. Yes they can still confuse and hurt us, but by golly, we're stronger than that! :) (I'm hearing Kevin McAllister, you? ;) )

You da bomb, babe! :)

HA HA Home Alone... Clutch lol... Yea, they do know how to press our buttons, but the funny thing is, we also forget that we know what can press their buttons. Everyone wants to be needed, as as we come to terms with moving on, sometimes the ex decides to try and shove a wedge between our happiness and ourselves. Even if only for a moment they feel happier knowing we have stumbled. But remember, we have fallen as far as possible when they left us, so an occasional stumble isn't so bad

We seem to question everything when we get the least amount of contact. It brings up old feelings, and worries, we thought were buried, and dead. We seem to lose that control, we worked so hard to get. Back to the path.

Yup exactly Tal, no worries, I have come WAY to far to even begin to go down that hurtful path again