Ask Me Help Desk - Am I insane?

She sounds confused as to what she wants. Sounds like she made the cake and wants to have it all for herself.

I agree with Tal. ^^

She is not friends with any of her other ex's... why is she trying to keep me so close? It must be because she thinks there is a future with us. Right?

I know she is a very controlling person and all, but she is what I want in the end I feel.

After they way she treated you recently, you must realise that will not change, and the sweet loving female you knew and loved is gone. You are chasing a ghost, you can't catch.

I don't think the right girl for you will leave you wondering. Her contacting you creates a problem for you. Is there mutuality in the relationship? Is she as worried about how you are feeling, as you are concerned about her?

Yes, you are indeed insane. But I'm glad you are acknowledging the fact that you are mad.
U should not have broke NC. That's the end of peace and beginning of trouble.

She is playing games with your little vulnerable heart. And what's worse? You are inviting it! (perhaps you are even enjoying the game yourself)
Please just spare yourself of guessing what she meant by doing this and that. She can fool you on and on unless you actively choose to withdraw from this immature game.

So 3 days of no contact, two of the days were without her contacting me, but today she IM'd me and I signed off, then she texted and called.

I feel like a .

Lavenderly, I see now that I actually have enjoyed the game because it makes me feel like I am still getting attention from her, even though it is not the full attention I'd like it is still more attention than a normal friend would get. I need to cut this false hope out.

I find that I am now in the same position I was with my first major ex-gf, and the only thing that solved that problem at the time was no contact for a few months (at the time I didn't even know what no contact was, I just had gotten so mad I cut the ties). A year later she came crying back but I found someone new. I think that is what I need to do now.

Ever wonder if you have met the best person in your life and you are going to have to take a step down or settle for the next person? That is how I feel right now and I think that is why it is so hard. I guess maybe I have to start to look at the negative issues with the past relationship instead of just remembering the good.

Thanks!

Having been there a few times, I can tell you it gets better. That's because you get better.One day you'll look back, and be glad it worked they way it did, and you'll appreciate what you have. Not today though, mourn and move on.

"Ever wonder if you have met the best person in your life and you are going to have to take a step down or settle for the next person? That is how I feel right now and I think that is why it is so hard." This is symptomatic of heartbreak; it is a mind trick where you are thinking it is better to be where you are (the known), rather than going forward (into the unknown). Let's not be fooled, either you or me; I've thought the same thing.

So is it normal that they call back more than ever... like with a vengeance. I feel like no contact is making me have false hope that she still wants me. It is strange, I am an athlete and the feeling I am having from this is that I am winning. What is going on? Why is she calling so much. Three times today and it is only 1 pm and she is at work.

I wrote this earlier about No Contact: " You need to look out for yourself, see the issues, and make the adjustments. btw, are you a sports fan? You know what happens when your team fails to recognize what the opponent is doing and fails to adjust? What happens during every half-time of every football game? Between innings of every baseball game? You think they are talking about girls or the stockmarket?"

No Contact is for you, first-of-all, to help with issues relating to breaking up and heartache. From what I've read here, sometimes the breaker/dumper will begin to second guess and may start reconnecting.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...sh-114179.html

So I came across this. This says that during no contact if they contact you, to allow it, because it is them circling back. Only as long as it is on your terms.

What do you think?

If she is dating other guys, then that is what the terms of her relationship are going to be going forward. You want her exclusively? And she wants an 'open' relationship? There is a lack of 'mutuality', right? Isn't that the source of your difficulty?

Mutuality is not a word, thus I do not know what you mean by it. Please explain. But yes, we seem to not want the same things. The problem I think is that she is 22 and I am 25. When I was 22 I was the same way.

Oh, one other thing: When we originally broke up she said she was so attracted to me and all this jazz and how she could see us getting back together. Then in one argument she ended up saying how she doesn't find me attractive anymore and she can't see herself with me. Is that just hurtful words said in the heat of the battle or serious words? I know I said some hurtful things that were not true too. Even when we were dating she talked about how scared she was because she thought I was the one, but she thought she would have to date others to see if I was. She is very afraid of commitment. So that conversation plus some other things leave me to believe she will be back...

But I don't think I can wait, nor want to. In fact I think I want to move on and if our paths cross again, so be it, but I want to get to the point where I don't care if they do.

You wrote: "Mutuality is not a word, thus I do not know what you mean by it. Please explain." I found this: "Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1)
Mu·tu·al·i·ty /ˌmyutʃuˈælɪti/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[myoo-choo-al-i-tee] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation
–noun condition or quality of being mutual; reciprocity; mutual dependence.

I think sometimes couples get into the heat of argument and say things intended to be hurtful. No one knows if or when she will be back.

Girl!

Timeline of a LD relationship:
July 2006- Start dating amazing beautiful girl
December 2006- She says I love you first
February 2007- She falls deeper in love, as do I.
March- 2007- She is confused personally and wants to end it (open relationship begins)
March 2007- After a week I end it completely
April 2007- After a month she comes to visit and spends 5 days with me (we get back together
July 2007- She moves to the city (even further away, we become open again)
July 2007- I visit for her birthday, and things end
July 2007- She starts dating another guy, I go no contact
September 2007- I end no contact when drunk, she invites me for visit, I stay in bed and we cuddle
We talked for months, she would call me twice a day sometimes, and I play the game valiantly.
Decemember 2007- she starts to date "the guy" seriously as in, they are in a relationship. And I am fine with it.
January 2007- I catch her in a lie that when we first broke up she hooked up with her ex that I always jealous of when he visited, despite telling me they never touched.
January 2007- I go contact
I go on the job to the city she moved to 2 weeks later, she calls non stop wanting to get together, her boyfriend is out of town, but I found out her ex from before me was in town. I said F it.
Now two weeks later, no contact still in tact, she is calling again and texting "let's meet up" "wanna get together" for when I come back to the city for a meeting.

GIRL? What is her deal? I am almost laughing because this is so messed up! What does she want with me? Can't I be happy and without her in my life? I almost want to meet up with her just to act like I don't care about her! Yet, I do. Help, I'm confused.

Johnny.

Stop the contact, and you will be confused no longer, refuse to accept contact from her, until she leaves you alone. How's that for simple?

I just don't understand how someone can be so messed up. She know's how upset I am with her lies and B.S. why does she have to keep contacting me. Can't I just tell her to F off?

Quote:

Originally Posted by JohnnyP409

I just don't understand how someone can be so messed up. She know's how upset I am with her lies and B.S., why does she have to keep contacting me. Can't I just tell her to F off?

You sure can.

What would get to her more? Telling her to F off or ignoring her all together?

I want her to feel like dung.

You aren't actually confused at all. You appear to be calling it exactly right.

For some reason you ARE attempting to give her credit she doesn't deserve. Don't YOU deserve sanity in your life?

If not, heck, call her / text her / cuddle with / whatever... enjoy the looniness.

If you do, then stop second-guessing and cleanly walk away. She needs your permission to get back in every time she wants, and you seem to think it's OK to let her back near. You don't REALLY think that's good for you, do you?

Stop being so nice, firmly tell her go be someone else's nightmare, you've woken up for good. Then stop answering her in any way.

Oh, and quit fretting about her, you will never understand her. That's actually good. It means you're allergic to crazy.

Quote:

Originally Posted by JohnnyP409

What would get to her more? Telling her to F off or ignoring her all together?

NO CONTACT whatsoever, is the way to go.

So, I have not responded to her text or calls. Still no contact. I sign onto aim and she is online so I sign off before she can IM me. I go into gmail to read my email. I don't notice that she signed on. She messages me "Let me know if you're interested in meeting up this weekend." I hit the X and did not respond... I mean COME ON! Why is she doing this. I feel like she's purposely trying to annoy me. Like she almost knows what she is doing to me right now.

THIS CANNOT BE NORMAL BEHAVIOR! Is it? She broke up with me, and is dating someone else.

Whatever her motives, don't worry about it. After a few times and you don't react, she will get the message, and may be a little peeved to boot. Not your problem.

Quote:

Originally Posted by JohnnyP409

THIS CANNOT BE NORMAL BEHAVIOR! Is it? She broke up with me, and is dating someone else.

You're wrong, in the land of crazy and self-absorbed, she's perfectly normal. You don't actually feel any need to study this planet up close, do you?

I thought not. You can block IM users, too, you know that.

Electronic attempts to contact can be ignored. Physical attempts to contact, let her see you ROLL YOUR EYES and walk the other way.