Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Mom of 2

I would be glad to go into the details of the denial phase, as well as details about the other phases, as this would be helpful to other individuals who are going through a death of a loved one or a breakup of a relationship.

---

Thank you! I really appreciate the time you took to write all that. It definitely helps. One more question with regards to the denial phase. If a person has accepted that the relationship is over, but strongly believes and/or feels that someday the couple will be reunited--maybe months or even years down the line--does that mean he or she is still in the denial phase? Or is it something else?

Again, I am not a professional therapist, but I have helped many friends in dealing with breakups, as well as going through this myself in my divorce and the death of my father when I was 11. So, I am going to offer my opinion, but don't take it as gospel, as it is just my opinion.

If someone THINKS that they have accepted the fact that the relationship is over but still strongly believes that they will get back together with this person, they really have not reached the acceptance phase. They may feel it, but you have not accepted this reality. I am not saying that I don't think that it is possible that even after acceptance that they will never get back together with the person that they broke up with. However, if you are still lost in the thoughts and wishes that you will someday get back together with your ex and your ex does not want to get back together, then you are STILL in denial and have not truly reached the acceptance phase. Every relationship situation is different and it is hard to say what phase someone is in unless you happen to know the person well (i.e. in a therapist/client situation or being a close friend) If I would hazard a guess, you never hit acceptance and you are still in denial. Don't be scared or feel the need to rush through these phases. Identify your feelings and try to understand why you are feeling this way. Finding a good therapist to discuss your relationship and why you may be feeling a certain way will definitely help you get through the breakup.

I hope I was able to answer your question.

Thank you. That's actually what I was thinking but I needed someone to confirm that. Again, I really appreciate your insight. It definitely helps :)

So its been quite awhile since I last made a post... if you don't know my story, here's a quick review.

Dated ex for 2 years,
She goes away to college,
We do the long distance thing,
Don't last 1 semester,
Breaks up with me and starts dating a new guy in the same hour/day/week,
I make attempts to get her back for 2 weeks... epic fail.
I realize I'm better off (with the help of the lovely people here at AMHD)
Then I start NC at the beginning of January.

Back in July, I sent her a drunken text saying that I miss her... she reply'd the next day and we text back and forth for a little bit, and since then there has been a text here and there, maybe once or twice a month. She initiates and I just respond out of kindness, it hasn't bothered me at all, so I think I'm fine.

Anyway, I'm moving into a new apartment soon, so I'm going through all my stuff and guess what I go through... the crap that reminds me of her, stuff she gave me, pictures... etc... and instead of just pushing it to the side and continuing along, I decided to go through it all... take in the memories... at first some of the stuff just made me smile, and eventually I found myself sobbing like a child...

I don't get it... I've been out with a few girls since but nothing serious, mostly because I don't want anything serious... at least not for a while. I know that I don't want her back... but its been a long time... why am I still upset about this? I mean, she was my first love so I guess it'll take awhile but I really thought I was done with all this emotional crap, how can she still be doing this to me after I've cut the cord, after I've hung out with other girls and had a great time... hell I've even recently went to london! (had a great time, btw)

Are these just emotions I've bottled up coming out? Should I be worried about this? Do I
Subconsciously still want her back?

You shouldn't have went through the box, that simple. Doesn't sound like you are completely over her yet

Nothing wrong with getting those feelings out, as long as you realize they change nothing.

They had to come out sometimes, so be glad it was under those circumstances, and not in public.

I think we all would have reacted the same, and it took a long time to not breakdown when I saw my high school prom picture recently, and that was... omigosh, a long, long time ago, in a far away galaxy!

Acknowledge those feelings, deal with them, and move beyond them, and don't let them confuse you, not even for a minute.

I have the same infamous box in the back of my closet and though I've kept NC for 5 months now I'm not sure I would look through it. I'm well beyond the point of wishing she would come back to me, or waiting to see if she is going to call me - but my heart still drops a little when I hear her name or see pictures of her...

What I'm trying to get at is give yourself a break, you weren't ready and you looked at the pictures, but there's nothing wrong with you. Pack it all back in the box and try again in another 6 months :p