Well it is a rocky road and I know I can't just rid myself of thoughts about a girl that was my best friend, my world even for six years after just three months... it will take time but I know me thinking about it and hoping isn't going to make her come back si its time to stop doing it and start rebuilding. I am finding it hard because she seems to come and go out of my life.. if it happens again I'm going to aske her to cut me off and leave me be which I already have but didn't seem to work last time.

Im really serious with N/C now I realises its not about her but about me... its all about me and part of that is thinking where I went wrong in the relationship and when I am ready for a new one I'll be much the better for it.. I believe that now

BMI. How long did you guys date? And... what's she doing now? Has she tried contacting you ever since you went N/C after the whole 3 month thing?

I'm currently on week 4... 5? Don't really remember... hard to keep track huh? I originally thought week 5. but I just looked on the calendar and it's only been 3 full weeks. Weird...

Anyway, complete n/c. my ex hasn't tried to contact me except for one e-mail last week explaining why we broke up. She wanted more freedom to hang out with her friends... needed space... time... wanted to think... yadda... yadda.

Anyway, the first 2 weeks of NC was a joke. It was so easy. For some reason, this week's a little rough. Not to contact her, but I feel a bit anxious (school's restarting... so I'll probably run into her).

Yea, my friend challenged me for the whole myspace thing for my New Years Resolution and I can honestly say ignorance is bliss... My ex is a true sweetheart and has never had a boyfriend before me, so head games is not my biggest dilema if she does in fact decide to contact me. I have my good and bad days with the whole calling her and texting her. I mean some hope was given when her friend told me that, and then when my ex was driving past my house. I'm not all like "we're getting back together" hope, but I'm like OK, she obviously still thinks of me. Which is actually helping the whole N/C state I'm in because its hard to miss someone, but easier when you know they miss you too. It's a weird thing but it has helped me. Everyday is a struggle, and I do still hope she calls. But will in fact make it so I don't pick up the first time, and call her back later so I can think about what to say instead of acting on impulse and emotion. Us guys know... That only gets us in trouble

ISneeze funny, any details you share to shed on your relationship? I'm sorry if I'm prying into your guys relationship but hearing about how/why things happened in their relationship helps me along.. And the fact that people can actually do this NC thing is like wow.. Ok I can do this

This is the worst time for me the weekend, its when I feel at my lonliest for some reason... during the week I'm at work then I'm tired on the nights so I just laze around but at the weekend when I have more time I really feel it I mean I go out with friends and have a good time, but it might be the fact that's when we spent the majority of our quality time together. It may be the fact that I know she'll be out with her friends and may meet someone but I'm ignorant to the facts which helps me somewhat!

That's the biggest thing for me to shake the weekend blues but I'm trying... positive thinking and N/C!

I know how you feel, me and my ex would spend Friday and Saturday nights together.. I would cherish that time too. This will be the first weekend of NC.. Wish me luck with it... But I have my Garth Brooks song "More than a memory" on repeat and ready lol... I go out with friends just like you maggie, but then when I come home, the loniliness hits me, hard.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Romefalls19

ISneeze funny, any details you share to shed on your relationship? i'm sorry if I'm prying into your guys relationship but hearing about how/why things happened in their relationship helps me along..And the fact that people can actually do this NC thing is like wow..Ok I can do this

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If you want detailed info, check my post "i'm doing nc, what about her"

Cliffnotes version:

We dated for 3 years. I was her first everything. She wasn't my first anything, but nevertheless, I cared for her like she was. Everything was excellent. Better than good. It felt like it could have gone the distance... but then she had a busy semester, but we still tried to hang out a lot. Regardless, one week, she just seemed distant. So I asked her what was going on, and she said she needed space. She felt that my emotions were growing and hers was standing still.

3 days later, I see her hanging out with this one kid I was suspicious of pre-breakup (btw, I'm a relatively jealous guy... not crazy jealous, but if a guy hits on her, and she doesn't reject him but is "nice" to him, I'll get a little jealous and ask her what's going on). Anyway, a week later, I find out from her friends (my friends as well) that he's been spending the night, taking her out to eat, etc. nevertheless, I was a little angry.

I went NC that week. I haven't heard from her since. I have no idea what she's doing... at all. Knowing her for 3 years, my logic tells me THERE'S NO WAY THERE'S A NEW GUY... mainly because she's not the type to find another guy. She really isn't. I was her first everything. But the signs are all there. Her friends don't know what's going on... my friends don't know what's going on... really, no one knows what's going on.

So far, I've been going to the gym, running regularly, reading a book, focusing at work, and just chugging along. We'll see what happens when school starts next week.

Yea lately I have seen my ex becoming friends with this guy. I'm not threatened by him at all, and her friend told me they are just friends. But dude is a little shady. Lately I have been working out harder than I ever have and writing new songs and playing them with the help of my friend and they aren't the nicest songs in the world but it's how heartache feels. I'm supposed to sing in my friends band this upcoming weekend with a few of my songs being used and I think my ex got wind of this

It seems tome you guys are all at the same point in the N/C. What is interesting to me is that most of you still have all nice things to say about the girls, and a lot of wondering what they are doing is going around here to.

I can see it because I just went through it, I'm not 100% cured of this but like I mentioned before, I'm about 50 steps ahead of where I was all because I used N/C. OUT OF SIGH OUT OF MIND!! I can't stress that enough.

Its normal to put them on a pedestal and blame the break-up on what you did. I think a lot of people point out what they did wrong in the relationship to convince themselves that this is why she is not coming back just yet. You have to see the girl in reality, your head is not grounded just yet and so they seem so great. After awhile you start seeing them in their true form, a girl like most others, not some saviour sent down from on high. ONCE you reach that stage, allthe effort of not calling and messaging will be well worth it.

You'll be all right Romefalls... if you get lonely come on here and spill your guts that's what I do! Look I won't lie to you your in for a tough and confusing time but stick at it.

As for me I'm trying not to think about her too much I just want to enjoy my weekend with my friends its tough and I know at some point I will get caught out by it but it doesn't rule me anymore!

BMI I think your right, we all think its our fault... now I think she's just taken me for granted and thinks she'll get the same consideration elsewhere that's how I feel now and that us splitting up is nothing to do with me personally or about me as a boyfriend

Quote:

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Originally Posted by BMI

Its normal to put them on a pedestal and blame the break-up on what you did.

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It's weird because I'm not doing that at all. I think I did a pretty good job, actually. In fact, I know many of her friends that are always yelling at their own boyfriends to be more like me. I don't blame myself for what happened. Could I have done some things differently? Of course. Everyone can. Did I make a HUGE mistake? No, not that I can think of.

For me, it's more like... I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT HAPPENED. I guess she just needed more freedom. I can deal with that. It sucks, but I can deal with it. I'm just angry about the new kid. That's all. It's OK boys and girls.

I'm similar to that... my ex's friends all have boyfriends that cheat on them or treat them bad... on of her friends boyfriend was texting another of her friends asking for sex and she still forgave him! Me I did nothing of the sort, but you see that gets taken for granted after a while and they get restless because we don't have edge and were not bad to them!

F@ck it, it's their loss

Some of her friends are on my side saying that oh if he changes and makes all the attempts to fix his jealousy you should at least hear him out and all this stuff. But the fact remains, at the end of the day, I'll be the one standing tall without jealousy and a great girl on my arm.. If it's her so be it, if not then someone else will come along. Will she always have a place in my heart? Of course, but I can't wait forever for her. My heart isn't a revolving door and I'm on my own now. I'm going to do what I need to do to better MYSELF... I know this break up was my fault, I can't deny that. Having her text me almost every hour, getting mad if she went out with certain friends. No guys could request or add on myspace.. Trust me I was pretty bad. But I'm getting past a lot of my problems with the help I need and support of friends so I will beat this.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Romefalls19

Some of her friends are on my side saying that oh if he changes and makes all the attempts to fix his jealousy you should at least hear him out and all this stuff. But the fact remains, at the end of the day, I'll be the one standing tall without jealousy and a great girl on my arm.. If it's her so be it, if not then someone else will come along. Will she always have a place in my heart? Of course, but I can't wait forever for her. My heart isn't a revolving door and I'm on my own now. I'm going to do what I need to do to better MYSELF...I know this break up was my fault, I can't deny that. Having her text me almost every hour, getting mad if she went out with certain friends. No guys could request or add on myspace..Trust me I was pretty bad. But I'm getting past a lot of my problems with the help I need and support of friends so I will beat this.

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Sounds like you are a little insecure but what I found is I also can be insecure and lack confidence but if they are doing things that make u unconfortable beyond that it just feeds the flames. It is her loss though in the long run since you are working on correcting the issue though it could wear on the other person to a point that they let go.

I wasn't nearly as bad. She went out but I did ask for her to call me when she got back... however, I did get mad when she went out with certain people (2 guys, really).

My ex's friends are all confused as to what's going on. 3 of her friends found the new guy thing REALLY weird so they stopped talking to her. Her other friends still call me to hang out with me because she's always with the new guy and his friends.

Nah, it wasn't her that made me insecure and lack the confidence, it was my ex before my last relationship. I was cheated on pretty badly and kept going back until it finally kicked in. So I figured if I had any hope of this one not cheating(which she never would have and deep down I knew she wouldnt) I needed to make a bunch of rules of no talking to guys. It was stupid but I can't change the past and can only better myself in the long run. This site has been the biggest help of not contacting her

Yeah, her best friend still wants to talk to be and was really hurt when I deleted her from my myspace account so we talked last night and she says she still wants to be friends with both of us but won't give any information about what each other are doing.. Even though she said "You never know" when I said I'm giving up, there isn't really a shot... Which kind of caught me off guard.. But one day at a time

I must admit that I have found today a real struggle! Mondays are the worst... I think it may be because the weekend has been and that's when I'm most interested about what she may be doing. Ive been checking my phone every half an hour in hope.. nothing and I know that's what I'm most likely to get but I just can't stop wondering about her today!

I know how you feel maggie... Everyday is going to be a struggle, but keep your head up and thinking "This is going to help me in the long run" Whether it creates an opportunity of a reconilation or you moving on and becoming a better person. It will all pan out and work for both of us better than ever. And as far as checking your phone, that's fine, just don't pick it up and make that call

nah I don't think I will, I keep thinking about the threads I've read about n/c saying like ''every time you break n/c it lowers you in value'' stuff like that is stopping me from doing anything right now.

I very much doubt a reconciliation will happen, its been three months and that's a long time to be split.. I thought after a few weeks maybe a month yeah but it seems unlikely now. I just wished I could let my feelings go but right now I cant!

Your feelings will eventually subside and the pain will go away as will the urge to think about her. I'm still fresh out of the break up(dec.18) and NC for only a week but each day is a struggle but I know that all these bad days will eventually end... Keep your head up

I thought the pain would have subsided by now... it hasn't, I'm still as hurt as I was a few weeks after the split! Just going to try and get my head down for a while, get on with finding a better job and moving out their my aims for this year!

Sometimes it hurts, badly, yes; but it subsides. You will see.

I hope so George, I can't go on living my life like this I'm in complete disarray! My work is suffering, I don't go out very often at all, I can't exercise because I have a bad hip... my parents don't have any advice for me.

Do you listen to music? Do you download and make your own CD's? Go through the voluminous titles different people have provided on the "Relationship", "Songs we listen to...", have you been there? Listen to these songs and share some that you like. Perhaps you need to work on your daily structure, hour by hour if necessary. Do some things that require some mental effort, such as Hoyle games, solitaire, and crossword puzzles. Have some time for interaction each day. Re-focus on your hobbies and spend some time there. I found that menial tasks, such as chopping and stacking wood are no help. But I enjoy reading and it takes my mind away from me and my issues. If you have access to a pool, you may find swimming to be enjoyable.

Good ideas George... I have found reading to be a good outlet, as well as music. I also have turned all my anger over this into motivation for better results at the gym. It really helps to keep me focused and while I am getting in much better shape now, I use the motivation of her seeing me all nice and in shape and big to keep me going when I don't want to do that last set.

My ex has just added me on Facebook, despite me deleting her a couple of weeks after we split up and her even admitting herself I can't be friends it's a bit of a dilemma

Mmm ignore.

I haven't hit that part yet. I never deleted my ex's myspace... seeing as I RARELY get on it and I don't really feel to tempted to go look at hers either... so I think I'm doing fine.

Music... yes. Reading... absolutely. Although, I don't recommend reading the first week or two... I tried. I sat at a coffee shop "reading" when one of my friends came up and said, "YOU'RE NOT READING..."

She was right. I was thinking. So yeah.

Currently, working out. Reading a book. "cleaning" my room... it's a work in progress.

School starts this week. I see the ex for the first time since the break up. Wish me luck

Craziness eh guys.

All this stuff right after a break up seems to be the norm in these threads, that should tell us that we are all going through the same thing and knowing that helps a lot. It's important to know that EVERYONE goes through these feelings, nobody is exempt from heartache. We are down at this point but we were up when we met these girls in the first place, so it goes round I think.

As for Facebook, just ignore the friend request. Facebook and Myspace (at least to me) are the absolute worst thing to have an ex girlfriend on, you check them and they check you and you get caught up in trying to represent that you could care less about them and they respond in kind. DON'T add her.

As for going to school Sneeze, that's a big one. TRY not to show your emotions and just focus on what you need to do, NC. Its tough to do and easy to say but it sounds like you know what is best for you and so you will see the logic behind NC if you stick to your guns.

Ahhhhh ex-girls, can't we all just get along.

The Facebook thing is sorted, saw the ex on the train and chatted, got to work and there was a text ''nice to see you today, sorry things didn't work out between us I hope we can eventually be friends''

I replied Sorry but no, that's not going to happen, please don't contact me again unless you change your mind about us, I hope you understand

One request ignored!

Wow... will be interesting to see how she reacts to that!

She won't react, at least not today... she'll probably wait another three weeks and ask to be my friend again lol!

She knows now its all or nothing between us now, if she don't want it its her loss

Im hurt but I'm no where near as hurt as I thought I would be!

I wonder what she thinks then... because in her mind, she's thinking WELL... WE CHATTED. THEN HE SAID NO TO FRIENDS... NO CONTACT.. . WHAT'S GOING ON?

She'll be thinking what a w@nker at the moment, she'll be huffed because I said no to being put to one side for whenever she likes... I know what she's like she'll expect me to contact her soon... maybe the weekend saying I'm sorry I said no to being friends and id like to be, sorry not happening

Just feel like I've wasted too much time and energy on her, its time to snap out of it and try to move on asap!

UPDATE

Well I hadn't heard anything from my ex then on Friday night she texys me out of the blue about something random, I didn't reply so she text again... I then replied and she spent the whole night texting me, next morning wakes up to another text, so I left it a few hours and text her back. In the evening she text me again and then later said things aren't the same without me... same thing yesterday until last night I deceide not to text back and I've heard nothing since.

A text even said I know you said not to contact you but blah blah blah

Is she just trying to confuse me again or what?

Go back to NC because that way there is no confusion.

So a week and a half after texting me all weekend and I stopped texting her because I didn't want to get too friendly with her... she had added me on Facebook again! 3 weeks after I rejected her last request, this isn't even funny anymore!

You wrote your original question on Dec 3rd. IT'S BEEN JUST OVER 2 MONTHS!

You need to figure out what the hell you want and act on it. It sounded like in the beginning that she wanted to get back together with you. If you said no, then it's a no, and you need to move on. If you said yes and it turned sour, then it's over.

Then again, judging by where you are now, you obviously aren't back together. So it's not looking good. 2 months of this? You are wasting your time.

Well I didn't expect to be over it in two months we were together 7 years!

At first I asked her back and she said no, so I went n/c then she broke it and asked to be friends and I said no because it would be too hard... back to n/c then she broke it agaion and asked to be friends so I asked her not to contact me uless she changed her mind about us so I went n/c and she text me a week a go all weekend, it got too friendly so I went n/c now this!

I know what I want, that's her back but I'm not going to jump in and say it unless I make a fool of myself! I used n/c not as a gimmic to get her back but to heal... its not me getting in touch

Well, the truth is quite familiar to the old proverb "if you love something, let it go - if it was meant to be it will come back to you". No contact is more about you than anything else. If the other person comes around, then so be it... If not, deal with it in the meantime. The other person needs to feel your abscense and want it back. There's no garuntee's here. I would live under the assumption that she's not coming back, and let time do it's magic. One way or another you're going to feel better by not contacting her.