Good luck and thank you for the update, freak
I think I have to do what you are doing too then. Thanks a lot
Lets get healed together haa
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Good luck and thank you for the update, freak
I think I have to do what you are doing too then. Thanks a lot
Lets get healed together haa
Why don't you post a queston telling about your relationship so you can have you own thread. Ths on is freakinconfusedQuote:
Originally Posted by jose85356
Here is his PostQuote:
Originally Posted by Homegirl 50
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/dating...ak-149349.html
You know it! Let the healing begin folks! Ha, she just texted me now as I was writing this! Screw that. Texts are worthless... not going to answer! Not even going to answer if she calls either. As a matter of fact, I was thinking about changing my number altogether... I'll sit on that idea for a bit and see what happens. Peace!Quote:
Originally Posted by LeafCan
That is what I was going to suggest. If she keeps calling you just change your number. Unless she is ready to be serious there is not need for her to keep calling you. She is the one who needed a break so she should leave you alone and enjoy her break. She will regret palying mind games with you. Its simple its either she wants to be with you or not. She just wants to keep you in limbo to have an emotional hold over you. Don't let that happen. You don't deserve that. You are a young guy there are plenty of beautiful women who are serious about finding a good guy and you will meet someone new who will treat you with respect. It sound like you are making a stand now. Good for you!Quote:
Originally Posted by freakinconfused
Right on! Thank you! Also, you are absolutely right. Last night when I was typing that message she texted me, saying some crap about some movie she was watching and then to say that she enjoyed dinner the other night. I didn't respond to that, and she sent the same message again like 20 minutes later, and I didn't respond to that. Then she called my phone at like 1:45AM when I was trying to sleep and left a voice mail saying that she just wanted to tell me goodnight and that she enjoyed dinner. Not going to respond to any of that because she's already told me in person she enjoyed dinner like 3 times, and I really don't need to hear it a bunch more times. I know she enjoyed dinner, so did I. We told each other that in person already. I just didn't enjoy the morning after. She's just trying to string me along again, even after I've asked her not to text or call unless she has decided that she messed up by dumping me. Hell, even then she should not be calling but coming to my apartment and explaining herself. Probably never going to happen I know, but that's really the only thing that would come out of her mouth that I think I would be willing to listen to anymore... Oh well!Quote:
Originally Posted by Soldout
Ok, well here's an interesting update. I'm sitting at work just now and I hear a voice that sounded like my ex's voice say "Is **** here?" The computer tech who sits in front of me was like "Uhh, yeah?" and looked all confused because he knows that I'm trying to move on and have NC with her, but he didn't want to lie. And lo and behold, my ex walks back to my repair bench.
I was kind of shocked, but I didn't act that way. I immediately put on a very flat, neutral, aloof demeanor when I saw her walking back. I asked her what she was doing here. Turns out she brought me some Airborne (effervescent vitamin tablets) because yesterday morning when we were getting ready for work (during the time when I found out she had "made out" with someone) I mentioned to her that I felt like I was getting sick again. But I'm no fool. Her bringing me medicine was just an excuse to come see me because I didn't answer any texts or calls yesterday. She's just trying to reel me back in.
We talked about random stuff for a minute, and she mentioned it seemed like a lot of techs were working (I'm a computer technician, if you haven't figured that out already). I told her tomorrow we will have even more because we hired a new guy - my replacement at this store because I'm transferring to a store closer to where I live. She then immediately asked when that was happening. I told her a week or two. She then started talking about how her roommate got a job and will be moving back home - which I thought was great, because her bad influence will be removed, but I'm not ignorant either - I know it still won't change our situation.
She then started talking about a job with a beer company that she might apply for. I told her that was great, I'm sure they would probably be able to find her a job in the big city she plans on moving to, but if not, I'm sure she could get one around here as a backup plan. She then said she had to run to work, but told me to answer my texts. I told her no, that texts are stupid. She said well then why didn't you answer your phone? I told her because she called at 1:45 in the morning, and because it ran out of battery. I then motioned to my phone, which was sitting behind me, plugged in and charging. She was like, "No it wasn't! I got you - it rang so that means it was on, otherwise it would have went straight to voice mail." I was like, well maybe I fell asleep and rolled over on it then and then it died later on - which I thought was hilarious because that is one of the excuses she used when she didn't answer her phone several nights ago. That night, several nights ago, she had called like 3 times and I finally answered and told her I would have to call her back in like 10 minutes because I was in the middle of something (playing Halo 3, ha!) She said OK, but then didn't answer when I called back, and then gave me the above excuse as a reason for not calling back. When I used the same excuse she was like "What, do you think I made that up or something?" I was like "No, of course not. I'm just teasing you." She finally had to go to work after that, but told me she would talk to me soon.
I just don't understand what all these girls are thinking :P
THey are making the situation complicated.
If they love their boyfriend, just get back together. Why do they need a break/space to think?
You can love a person and not want to be with them, ergo the struggle. And sometimes a person needs a break to re evaluate things. There is obviuosly something going on with her. Maybe she is having doubts. But this is what being young is about. Discovering who you are and who you want to be with.
My girlfriend of 4 years is facing a lot of problem at school. All the sudden she told me she is confused and needs a break. Yes, she is young, 22 and I am just 26 last week.
However, we are still seeing each other, phoning each other. I tried to stay NC but she keeps calling then I started call her back again. Every time I asked her about our relationship, she said she is really busy at school and doesn't have time to think carefully about our relationship. I was like... But I am sure she is telling me the truth because she is like studying at home all the time and doesn't really go out. She told me she is totally stressed... and cried every time I talked about our relationship and her school work...
I am FreakingConfused too :(
Sorry for posting my little story here...
Honestly, what I should have done is exactly what I'm doing now (not talking to her anymore) only I should have started doing this the second she said she wanted a break. She probably would have come back to me right away then. But for some reason I couldn't open my eyes then and see that's what I needed to do, even though everyone on here told me to do so. That's what's funny about this thing - you've got like 50 people on this site telling you to go to no contact immediately, but that's exactly what you end up NOT doing because you think this will make the situation worse.
But that's wrong. What makes the situation worse is giving her the security of a fall back plan - me being there and talking to her, etc. only made it easier for her to go out and make out, or have sex, or whatever with someone else. She knew that if that didn't work out, she could just turn around and come back to me. If I had not been there, it would have been more difficult for her to make that kind of decision, and she may have not made it in the first place. Live and learn I guess - the next relationship I'm in, if I feel any of this coming on I'll either be the one to break it off, or if not and she is the one to break it off, then I will go full NC immediately because I've lived through what happens when you don't. Yeah, my ex may be having doubts now two months in (well, still not even technically two months in, tomorrow is the official 2 month date) and she will probably have even more when her roommate moves out, but what good does it do now? Unless she comes to me and admits to making mistakes and is truly sorry, there really is just no reason to continue on anymore - and it doesn't look like she's going to do that. So, she is basically a waste of my time at this point. I'd rather spend my efforts looking for a new girl.
Ok so yeah, it's taken me until almost the two month mark to finally do this, and all I have left to get from her place is two things that I can get when she's not there. Starting when I found out she "made out" with someone, I have gone NC. But what do I do if she is the one interrupting her thought process? She is the one who is initiating contact as of late, and even showed up at my job yesterday! I can't disappear of she keeps searching me out. I want her to reflect on our relationship together, and she will probably start doing this soon when her roommate moves out (unless whoever the hell it is she "made out" with fills in that gap) but I don't get how she is supposed to miss me at all when she won't leave it alone. Ahh who knows. She will probably stop texting and calling me here soon when I haven't responded to any of hers for a while.Quote:
Originally Posted by clarityseeker
Here are the basics I see.
1. she made out with someone else. So she is out and looking and sizing up all her options.
2. Every time you pull away she comes around. This is because she wants to make you her "guaranteed" fall back option.
I think you realize these two basic points. I'm merely highlighting as deal breakers. She is trying to be your kryptonite. The minute she kissed someone else she lost the privilege of having you around when she wants. That's the way you need to see it. The only alternative left is to face the facts. She is a young girl who doesn't know what she wants. She is using you because she is afraid of the unknown and you are familiarity. It's a hard thing to realize. When I was first single, I wanted to bad to go back with my ex because I did not want to face the cold unknown alone. It's gravity. If Newton could have described he would have. You gravitate towards the closest mass (or densest which means deepest in this case) around you. Now she is allowing foreign bodies to orbit her because she wants to "see" what all the fuss about. Let her go for a while. Focus on getting strong enough where you begin to "logically" analyze your situation without a little voice making you feel guilty that you are criticizing her. Good luck.
The whole thing is no matter how long the two of you were together, if she/he decides they are no longer sure about the relationship and wants a break, you just do it, at least they are not cheating.
You spend so much time worrying about "what does he/she really mean" they mean what they said. "I need a break." It may not be about you, but about them. But don't get mad at the person because they needed a break and you can't handle it. Let them figure things out and in the meantime, go on with your life. If you can't, that's really your problem, not theirs.
The years of 20-25+ should be spent learning and figuring yourself out, not being attached to someone anyway..
I went through the same way, but it was opposite. What ever you do, don't call consisting, don't try to talk to her. But just leave her alone. Because if you keep calling her and trying to talk to her, she 'll get frustrated because your not giving her space and she will just turn you down If she comes back, than that's your decision, but if not, than maybe its meant to be. Just hang in there! ;)
Page 1 of 3. Seriously. It's ridicules how long it is.
Seriously, you are not getting it. She’s in complete control. She knows she’s in completer control. Your job if your going to take her out to dinner (and why you are is beyond me) is to act calm, cool, and careless. I said careless, why would you start bring up feelings and where you stand. She told you where you stand. She’s shown by her actions where you stand. And you reward her with a meal!Quote:
Originally Posted by freakinconfused
No. No. No. This is backwards. She’s the one that’s emotional because she’s the woman. She wants to FEEL something, and what she feels is apathy and annoyance. If you want to create feelings with in her then acting like an obsessive, pathetic, and can do nothing without her love, isn’t going to cut it.
Okay I take back everything I just said. Actually I don’t because you still need to hear it. But this was long overdue.Quote:
Originally Posted by freakinconfused
Do you see what happened? I mean do you stop and really see what took place? I’m not going to brag…………actually I am going to brag. I told you in my last post that she has had her way with you so long that she would not expect you to stand up for yourself. And….. while she didn’t. She caved……immediately. I’m going to repeat this again as it is an ongoing theme. HER GAME SUCKS. You totally owned her at her own game with ONE conversation, where you CALMLY stood up for yourself. God, you did everything perfectly.Quote:
Originally Posted by freakinconfused
Oh this is tremendous. Her game is crumbling. Hopefully, you told her to come talk to you because you were in complete control.Quote:
Originally Posted by freakinconfused
You would come over?Quote:
Originally Posted by freakinconfused
What happened? You had the advantage, you had her back tracking. HER GAME IS AUTROCIOUS! Please wake up to that. You had her and you started talking about your feelings and how you need her. All that backing up and she gained everything back.Quote:
Originally Posted by freakinconfused
How was this going to work?Quote:
Originally Posted by freakinconfused
Dude, brother….I’m a guy and I believe that I am fair but I also back the guy in many break up situations because we do not have it easy in break ups, but come on here….. she was dead on. I mean seriously, I can’t disagree with her at all. I can’t even fault her for using confusing language. What did you think this was? Quite honestly you have no excuses because not only did she tell you, but so did everybody else who posted here.Quote:
Originally Posted by freakinconfused
What makes this whole thing worse you brought this one. I told you this was a game. You didn’t believe me. I told you this was an easy game to beat. You didn’t want to believe me. I told you that if you started throwing things back at her she would either shut up or get mad. You did take my advice and she apparently both shut up and got upset. She then canceled her plans, made time for you and you gave her everything right back and started talking about your feelings and then she told you the truth which you should have already known.
Why?Quote:
Originally Posted by freakinconfused
She dangled that in your face because she was afraid to face the unknown. It’s a very common trait that women in different countries and cultures share.Quote:
Originally Posted by freakinconfused
It is bull and it also didn’t answer the question at all.Quote:
Originally Posted by freakinconfused
But that is what she wants. I covered that in my original post I believe. You are a back up plan for when this lifestyle either doesn’t work out or she get owned in her stupid games with somebody that will eat her alive.Quote:
Originally Posted by freakinconfused
So in one statement she admits that she will be a slut and she isn’t capable of being loyal to her future husband. Quite the catch.Quote:
Originally Posted by freakinconfused
Do you not get this yet? You are a back up plan.Quote:
Originally Posted by freakinconfused
What the F? You would have moved out, talk less and let her screw around, cheat on you, take her out, talk about your feelings and act like a complete wuss as long as you were together? Is it any wonder why she beats you with her pathetic game?Quote:
Originally Posted by freakinconfused
Part 2 of 2
Even when you told her that you didn't want to hear from her you told her you would still be available.Quote:
Originally Posted by freakinconfused
Did you laugh as much as I did? That's all she has done is string you along.Quote:
Originally Posted by freakinconfused
You don't see this at all do you? You give her the boot, and she tells you she loves you. It's a game to her. This is all a big game.Quote:
Originally Posted by freakinconfused
Why?Quote:
Originally Posted by freakinconfused
I'm at a complete loss.Quote:
Originally Posted by freakinconfused
ARE YOU F-ING KIDDING ME? WHY WAS SHE NOT PAYING FOR THIS MEAL??Quote:
Originally Posted by freakinconfused
ON TOP OF THAT YOU GAVE HER A GIFT AND CARD??
Yeah because she's a woman of honesty and integrity who doesn't play games. What'd she do next, sleep with you to keep you in her game because you had been pulling away from her.Quote:
Originally Posted by freakinconfused
I SWEAR TO GOD I've never met this woman and yet I can predict her every move. SWEAR TO GOD.Quote:
Originally Posted by freakinconfused
Now that's funny. Do you seriously think she didn't open those legs?Quote:
Originally Posted by freakinconfused
You did. She's a woman, she reads emotions, accept it she knew and to be honest she was probably happy that it made you jealous because she was in complete control again.Quote:
Originally Posted by freakinconfused
You are going to tell me that you asked her who it was but then think you didn't show that you were upset?Quote:
Originally Posted by freakinconfused
Did she give you a popsicle for being a good boy?Quote:
Originally Posted by freakinconfused
Give me a break, she's been lying to you from the start. I mean this in the nicest way, but it's time for you to nut up and start acting like the man here and not like some kid she can manipulate with candy and face facts to who this woman is.
So by lying about what she was lying about she has told you the truth about the lie?Quote:
Originally Posted by freakinconfused
But she didn't believe you because she had just got free dinner, cards, gifts, sex, attention, and a guy that caves the moment he gets control.Quote:
Originally Posted by freakinconfused
While news update. No surprise it's the same as yesterday she lied. She tells you this BS because you believe anything she says. SWEAR TO GOD. So all she does is sprinkle the “I know you wouldn't put up with my games” line to you and you suddenly accept it as though you were the one in control.Quote:
Originally Posted by freakinconfused
Part 3 of 3
So you told her that you are waiting for her. You told her what she already wants, that you will wait and be the back up plan.Quote:
Originally Posted by freakinconfused
Quote:
Originally Posted by freakinconfused
FOR THE LOVE OF THE GOD SHE SWEARS TO.
I feel like I'm in a bad plot of a soap opera.Quote:
Originally Posted by freakinconfused
Sounds like a major hint.Quote:
Originally Posted by freakinconfused
Where exactly are you getting that from? You are not paying attention at all.Quote:
Originally Posted by freakinconfused
I mean this in the nicest way, but I could really punch you. NO….NO SHE IS NOT wanting to work this out. She told you to go nail….. I'm sorry, she only made out, another girl. It's over.Quote:
Originally Posted by freakinconfused
You had to know that, she dumped you.Quote:
Originally Posted by freakinconfused
But she thought about you the whole time.Quote:
Originally Posted by freakinconfused
After all that, she knew you'd pull away so she hits you with L word. Seriously, will you just admit to me this is a game? Just admit that.Quote:
Originally Posted by freakinconfused
She was about to cry. I think it was someone really cool that pointed out they can cry at will. Oh that was me. She controls you through her emotions. It's obvious. It's so obvious that it hurts to read all this because it's so transparent.Quote:
Originally Posted by freakinconfused
Yep, it sure is.Quote:
Originally Posted by freakinconfused
Well down in Florida when someone get's laid they are having sex. Does that mean something different where you live? Because she certainly had sex. Don't bull sh*t a bull sh*tter.Quote:
Originally Posted by freakinconfused
Everybody but you.Quote:
Originally Posted by freakinconfused
It's almost like she doesn't love you, but does play games with you.Quote:
Originally Posted by freakinconfused
Hmmm, it seems like somebody pointed that out already.
You got me. I hate her and I've never even met her.Quote:
Originally Posted by freakinconfused
Well, after reading that I feel like the biggest idiot in the entire world. But hey. Guess I had it coming, and I asked for it anyway. Just the kind of thing I need to hear to get my @$$ in shape. Live and learn. I definitely will admit she is playing games, and yeah I probably shouldn't have given her the card and gift card, or even bothered to pay for dinner or anything. And I see where I had control for a minute and lost it all over again. I just don't seem to be able to catch it in the moment, but I guess that takes practice. You are either a natural at games, or you got to learn to play them, and clearly I need to brush up on my game. What's done is done though. Not really much left to do now but forget about her and move on, even though she still continues to call and text me about every day. I just need to change my number.
Girls are girls man... they just want to have fun especially at 23. Why would you want to tie yourself down to that one girl because she is the only girl in your life. Of course there is always two sides to the story. Did you leave the toilet seat up? Did you do your and hers laundry on a regular basis? Did you cook? Did you play video games? I can give you countless testimony on girls breaking up with guys after a wedding. Not uncommon. In fact I would say I've heard more break ups after a wedding than any other time. Weddings are like going to a meat market. You should have went when she invited you. She met an older guy and she is with both of you. That sweet loving beautiful creature would never hurt you. Welcome to life pal. Find you another girl my god! That's pitiful 24 five weeks you still have 80 yrs to go.
Look bro you have no right no say so no last words. No one gives a about how you feel. The girl moved on. Its over! Done! Its now tainted! The good news 1. if you let her go now hopefully you can leave with some dignity and with out a ride to the local jail and 2) is you had a girl at your age (believe it or not some guys never ever experience a girl) that means there will be many more to come. You can't see it because you are blinded by your own selfish needs. Quit thinking about yourself and your broken heart realize you have 70 yrs to go who the hell would want to stay with one person for seventy more yrs my god! We are in america look at the girls out there man! Can you imagine! I cant. And they do get better! You need to find out where the nearest alcoholics anonymous group is and try it out. Wait till you see the girls there older women too!
A girl does not control your emotions man! You control your own friggin emotions. For every 1 girl a man has in his life she probably has 7-10 guysat her disposal. Enjoy the time you have with her. Give it your all every relationship. Never cheat! Never mess with a married woman! And never hit her. Never degrade her. For the next one(and there will always be a next one) will rock your world even more! Stay up on your game! However if you two are just dating keep your girls. Always keep your one girl that's a friend.
If you are asking me if I did my fair share of work in the relationship, then yeah, I did.Quote:
Originally Posted by jasondbel
I should have went where when she invited me? To the wedding? I did go to the wedding. She didn't meet anyone there. All the wedding did was make her realize she was sick of having me as a boyfriend.Quote:
Originally Posted by jasondbel
Its been 2 months now, not five weeks. I'm at a completely different state of mind now then I was at 5 weeks. I'm at the point where I just don't give an F about dealing with her at all. Period. And I haven't. I haven't even tried to talk to her once since last Wednesday. She called me 4 times last night and texted me at like 3AM. I just turned my phone off.
No $hit. I've figured this out already. Yeah, I had to hear it from her mouth to let it really sink in, but I got it.Quote:
Originally Posted by jasondbel
I haven't tried to talk to her for days now. She is the one contacting me, and I've ignored it because I'm done with it. The only time when I couldn't ignore it was when she showed up at my job, unannounced. Plus, I haven't done anything that would get me put into the back of a cop car, not anything close.Quote:
Originally Posted by jasondbel
What? I'm not so sure browsing for serious alcoholics is my style.Quote:
Originally Posted by jasondbel
Thanks for the advice, but I've never cheated, messed with a married woman, or hit a woman, or anything of the sort. Nor do I ever plan on doing so. THAT would put me in the back of a cop car.Quote:
Originally Posted by jasondbel
Quote:
Originally Posted by nothingmore21
I've definitely been doing this as of last Wed. I haven't called her once. I haven't tried to talk to her at all. I've just completely dropped it because I just don't even want to deal with it any longer. There really is no point in doing so because it's just a waste of my time and effort.
I don't think you are an idiot. You know your girl, we don't. I don't see her as being the slut others are making her out to be.Quote:
Originally Posted by freakinconfused
This whole unfortunate incident is a 4 year relationship that has ended and nobody wanting to really let go.
All women don't play games. Games are for children, not mature adults, and trying to play games will get you nowhere. The next time she call or texts, tell her not to do so again and then don't answer any more.
I hope you will be able to heal soon and do so without anger.
I wish you well.
A/A u don't have to be an alcoholic to benefit. It could be depression, it could be about god, it could be because a person was bored and wanted some education. Of course with any educational programs there are women. U people are lame. While there check out the girls. Not all girls at AA are drunks. Before you start talking to someone learn some facts.
Why would he go to someone who has problems of their own? That makes no sense. And why would you go after vulnerable women?
First of all the biggest idiot in the world would be rosie o' donnell.Quote:
Originally Posted by freakinconfused
Second of all I appreciate it when people, like yourself ask me for advice and all the greenies I've received but do you think I just woke up one day and got "it?" No. You learn by making mistakes and most of the time that means dealing with pain that comes with it. Some people, like myself, are hard headed so you learn time and again before this stuff sinks in. The absolute last thing you should be doing is running yourself down. I may get forceful and start making touchy statements in my posts because if I say the same BS that everybody else says such as "She'll come around" or "You can do better" then you will sit there and keep doing the same stuff over and over. That isn't going to work and it's especially harder when you are leading with your emotions instead of your logic.
To call yourself the biggest idiot only reinforces the negative in this situation. Start seeing the positive. Start learning from what she's doing so that in the future when your emotions are in play you can also use your logic and make decisions that benefit you. Do you think she's learning a thing from her games? Nope. Not one thing. The reality is her game is so transparent that if you had no emotional attachment you'd probably see right through it. She thinks her games are working and she is getting reinforcement that this is the case. She's the one who's going to wind up in worse shape in the futue if you just start looking at how this negative situation benefits you in a positive way.
You are getting first hand lesson in what works and what doesn't. You are getting a first hand lesson on how to get, keep, and lose control. You are getting a first hand lesson (or you should) that when you finally put your foot down in a polite yet firm manner the woman will respond. You are getting a first hand lesson that the emotional stuff you try does NOT work. You are getting a first hand lesson that the more you pull away she comes in, and the more you go in she pulls away. There is so much that not only you can learn, but others reading this can learn from what you are going through. A mistake... several, an idiot... not in the slightest.
Once you start taking some positives from this whole thing, ask yourself this for the biggest positive boast of them all. Do you think she's learning anything from this that will help her in the future? Not a damn thing, brother. If you can take that fact and none of the others you are still coming out ahead of her.
Exactly, there isn't a manual for this stuff and the only way to learn is live it. As Jiser say, "Get busy living, or get busy dying." The pain is temporary the lessons can be for a lifetime if you take them.Quote:
Originally Posted by freakinconfused
Well it does take practice but you know what else? Experience. Unfortunately, you have to get hurt before you can learn to deal with it. You are also leading with emotions. You need to lead with logic. I will be the first to admit that is hard as hell, when you are in love and just want the situation to be over. But you saw what happened when you started to pull away. You saw what happened when you put your foot down and stood your ground. She literally started doing anything you wanted, including having sex with you to try and turn it around. Now granted it worked for her. But it was working for you. Give yourself some credit here, you were doing some things correct you just needed the experience to come with it.Quote:
Originally Posted by freakinconfused
But her game sucks. It's quite God awful in fact. You just need to recognize that this is a game to her. There is no need to brush up... just acknowledge it.Quote:
Originally Posted by freakinconfused
Quote:
Originally Posted by freakinconfused
For now leaving her behind is your best option.
If you think you're the biggest idiot then everyone in this world is the biggest idiot. We've all been blinded by love at one point or another, lol. Unless you have no heart, we all make foolish mistakes for love, especially our first love. It's as if someone removes common sense, logic, and self preserverance and replaces it with a one of those music boxes that you wind up. But that's how you learn. It will only make you a better person for your next girl. Take it easy and focus on making yourself happy through your means.
Exactly.Quote:
Originally Posted by Homegirl 50
Have you ever been to an A/A meeting? Do you really think everyone in A/A is vunerable? What is wrong with you people? There are lawyers doctors millionaires in A/A. Its more than just alcohol. Its people coming together for a specific purpose.
Why would one go to people with problems of their own? What the hell is this site lol this place is nothing but problems. This guy wrote a book to strangers about a breakup. At least be in person and get hugs and
I think the point was why would I go to an AA meeting to pick up women. If I had a drinking problem, I'd go. I had a relationship problem. I came here. I may have written a book about it, but for all you know that's all it is. I could have made all of this up. Muhhahaha!
All right, so now we are getting off track here. She's called three times in the past 24 hours, and left me a message saying she would like to make dinner for me Tuesday night, and, depending on what I'd like to do, I could go to her house after work and eat, or she can come out to my place. Hmmmm. I'm not sure what I'll do, but next time she calls I might say I'll consider it. That way if I don't feel like going I don't have to. But if I do go, I'll probably make her drive out to my place. Also, I will have to be 100% sure not to be caught up in any bull$#it games, because whether I like it or not, Chuff is right. She IS being immature and playing games with me. But that's OK, she's 24 and I'm only a year older, so it's to be expected. So, if I do commit, then I'll have to throw any game she uses back at her, but in a calm, assertive way. Plus, I can get some free food! But seriously, I know all she's doing is trying to reel me back in because she feels me pulling away. Hmmm, anyone think I should go?
Quote:
Originally Posted by freakinconfused
Well it depends where are you in the healing process?? Will you feel comfortable being in her presence? Are you ready to possibly reopen those feelings again? What happens if she wants to get intimate? What is this possible date going to do for your relationship with her? Is she sincere? Or is she doing this because she is lonely? There are a lot of questions to be asked, and you need to answer them before you get hurt again... Most importantly don't give her too much control over the situation.. You do realize she only wants you on her terms when she wants to spend time with you, when she is ready to talk to you, she has way too much control... Don't get sooo deperate that you loose focus on WHAT you really WANT and need!
You know her, we don't. Follow your heart. If you think you can talk to her without pain or anger, see her. Who knows this may be a positive thing for you two
God, I hope not, then I would feel like I wasted my timeQuote:
Originally Posted by freakinconfused
Hmmmm indeed! What’s going on here? I mean what is really going on. She is not truly interested in dinner. She is interested in getting something from you though. Right now, you have it. Right now you are winning the game……no you are winning HER game. She’s on defense, suddenly calling and texting because you have backed off. You didn’t notice it before, but notice it now. You are in control.Quote:
Originally Posted by freakinconfused
I guess this is up to you, I think you should leave her be because she has not stood by you at all. She has shown her true colors.Quote:
Originally Posted by freakinconfused
Yes.Quote:
Originally Posted by freakinconfused
That’s a given. I mean that I’m right. Also that you can’t get caught in games. But I’m still right.Quote:
Originally Posted by freakinconfused
Sorry, I just wanted to look again.Quote:
Originally Posted by freakinconfused
There are games to be expected but not at the expense of your emotional well being. That’s not a game, that’s cruelty. Would you treat her like this? Then why do you let her treat you like this. Furthermore, why do you give her excuses to treat you like this. No. Would you treat yourself like this? No. So don’t let her treat you like this.Quote:
Originally Posted by freakinconfused
Exactly.Quote:
Originally Posted by freakinconfused
It’s always hard to argue that. I love me some free food.Quote:
Originally Posted by freakinconfused
Nope. But if you want you could play the game. Commit to her, then have something come up and cancel. Ask politely if she would like reschedule two nights later. She will either reschedule at which time you can allow her to take you out or cook If she does not want to reschedule very politely say, “oh well I’m sorry you can’t be flexible enough to fit me in your schedule, call me sometime when you have time.” Then end that conversation right there. You have offered her another time, then taken a slight dig at her by pointing out that you are flexible and she is not, and then left the conversation on a high note that she can call you but really telling her you don’tQuote:
Originally Posted by freakinconfused
Hi Freak, the answer here is simple and I feel like we all going around in circles. Unless she is having this dinner to tell you she wants to recommit to you and stop the games, then I don't see why you should even entertain the thought. She is setting up a trap for you and you are falling right into it. Like I have been saying, it is black and white its either she wants to be with you all the way or NOT. Anything in between is plot to string you along emotionaly. She is 24 she is not that young. Its not like you are dealing with a 19year old girl her. By now she should be old enough to know that games are a waist of time. I am 26 and I stopped playing games playing games a very long time ago because I was serious about finding someone special to spend my life with. So I say keep to the original that everyone has been telling you. Just leave her until she is ready to be serious.
This was a 4 year relationship. I think it is hard for both of them. I don't think she is playing a game, I think she just does not know what she wants.
We are basing answers on what we think, or our own past relationships. He is the one who knows her.
You know how much you can deal with. This is like a marriage that is dissolving. The love may still be there, there is history, but it needs to end, so it's hard to let go. It can also be one that somewhere down the road there can be reconciliation.
You may be in for a rollercoaster ride, but at the end of the ride you will know what the deal is and you won't be here asking us what we think.
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