My oh mY!
BMI and Historian Chick!
Where on earth have you been?
See,what happens when I don't hear from both of you?
Thanks for the input and advice,and thanks for sharing that you (BMI) did the same things too.
Alo you're right Histchick, I should definitely not attempt to do this again

Dr. J,
I knew you'd like that, creole plantation slave,
I study antebellum history and live in New orleans, and I am Creole descent.
The plantation creole house slaves are the ones who always get slapped by their mistresses,and treated like dirt ,usually if/when their mistress get jealous. Due to the fct their ,the mistresses,husbands are always hitting on them.
I just made that analogy, because that's how I feel, as if someone slapped me and treated me as if I don't count like he did.
I'm hoping for the day that our paths will cross, but he lives in another country/planet it seems. Both people tell me, I il hear from him,even if its indirectly,
That's after I put that voodoo hex on him,j.kidding :)
But that's where my test begins, I have to stop hoping to ever hear from him and BMI is right, he made no effort at all
He can go on as if I don't exist fine. Maybe one day I will get the last word,and perhaps by then I won't care
Have you ever had this happen to you Dr,J? That's my name for you if you don't mind.

:) Aww... I've been here... just not as "present" as I would like. Its been a rough few months.

Be strong, Viva, dear. You can do this. Remember, its all a mental struggle. You can "wash that man right out of your hair" (you tube that song and watch it! Its from the musical South Pacific)...

Much, much luck to you! :)

Vivia,

I am going through this RIGHT now... and honestly, I should listen to my own advice.

I am probably the worst at sticking to any type of NC with an ex.

I put myself through a lot of unneeded agony sometimes :D I guess I am a bit of a gluten for punishment... oh well. That's just me.

But through it all, I do manage to maintain a good friendship with my ex's... or at least a close acquaintance.


Oh and should you ever cross paths with him again... be sure to make HIM YOUR plantation creole house slave ;)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by DrJizzle

Vivia,

I am going through this RIGHT now... and honestly, I should listen to my own advice.

I am probably the worst at sticking to any type of NC with an ex.

I put myself through a lot of unneeded agony sometimes :D I guess I am a bit of a gluten for punishment... oh well. Thats just me.

But thru it all, I do manage to maintain a good friendship with my ex's... or at least a close acquaintance.


Oh and should you ever cross paths with him again... be sure to make HIM YOUR plantation creole house slave ;)

---

I like that,ands sell his butt at the auction block-you should be practicing NC too if someone treats you like a Virginia field slave,you seem to nice'
You really think our paths would ever cross? he seemed to be Gone with the Wind""

Hello Everyone
I appreciate al the support I have received in my previous posts and I know I can always turn to the AMHD community for some honest blunt advice,as well as support.
Well last time I posted I met this guy online,frm another forum and we became fast friends,email and call,text each other and he said he was going to make plans to fly and meet me, He's up North,I'm Down south,land of dixie.
Then he disspeared on me,after I sent my pics,even when he said they were nice,
But have never returned my emails,or texts,just plain ignored me which really hurt.
I found out in the forum where he posted and dmitted to arranging a date w/someone else,that
Explained his not returning any of my messages.which to me is beyond rude.
What's worse is that I broke NC after 6 months to my original heartbreaker,
The guy who lives in another continent,whom I met online also
Against ny better judgment,but nothing has changed
He seemd happy to hear from me and siad he like for us to talk again
But hasn't called me or make any effort,dead end as usual.
Thing is after he broke my heart months ago, I kept making friends w/guys online
Who have similar circumstances to him,broke up w/their girlfriends
So managed to strike friendship w/them.
My problem is they stop writing or not even bother return any of my calls or emails,
Mind you I do no bombard pple with messages if they don't want to be bothered
What I don't get isthese are the same men who goes on these forums and moan about how thie exes treat them like dirt and here they go on and treat someone who just want to be friends likredirt.
The guy who lived in another continent was the worst of all ( I wrote many posts on him)
And has moved on which makes me angry how is it that he can easily find someone
Knowing what a jerk he is and was to me,(I know its my fault for dealing w/him)
And here I am I keep getting snubbed by these men
So I want to know is it me or something wrong w/me the whole online cyber friendship/or possibly relationship thing.
Now these places where I nteract with guys are not online dating sites,but guys that are on broken hearts forums,
Because they seem to understand w ell what I'm going through and became great support-
Plus they see my pics and all commented that I was very pretty,unlike disappearing guy
My aunt told me to actually try dating online sites, but I am so burned out by the way
Guys can act online and disappear on people,why should I try
Also I am trying my best to meet guys in person,I live in small university town,which I am near graduation,and is planning to go back to the big city where I'mfrom
But I hardly have money to make that kind of move
My aunt says I am looking for water in the desert,(due to my location) and I should conider moving.
I just want to know how am I turning these guys off? And why do they ignore my messages after they are the ones who seemd interested in talking to me,and to cry abou ttheir woes,and mean exes, I am beginning to wonder maybe their exes are justified
Fact is I made mistake reconnecting w/the first guy which is proven dead end.
Should I give the whole onlien thing the heave ho?
Don't want to pay for dating sites to have guys act the same way,it is really hurting me
What can I do?
Sorry for long post, hope its not confusing,I 'll clarify anything that needs clarifying, Thanks!

I think that is your problem right there.



But from what I read.. it gives me the impression that you are a very very lonely women.
Who's one thought in life.. is to have a relationship
And can not stand rejection
And over thinks things way too much


You go after people with broken hearts. And they don't have enough time to heal.

While they are healing they are talking with you..
Then.. they either lose interest.. which happens online.. and its easy to do.

Or they find someone else that sparks there interest.

You are so looking in the wrong place..
And you are going about this all wrong.

I think you should lose the safety of the computer world.

And really get out there.. and find local places to meet people. I mean even if there is nothing in your area.

Take the train or buss.. and go to another town.
There are so many things you can do.

Stop looking online for love.
And just stop looking for it. The people that want it the most.. never normaly get it.

Its when you don't look for it.. it creeps up on you.
And you know why.

Because you don't project that image of needy and want.
You are just you.. going about your own world. Doing your own thing and having fun

Not in broken heart chat rooms.. being a shoulder for people to cry on.

Get out in the real world
And stop thinking about online buddies and all that.. stuff.

Because in the end.. it does not mean anything.

What matters here.. is you.
You get your life together.
Planned out.
And get on that road.

Several issues,

A large percent of men online are not really looking to date, and many will not actually travel.

And some of those that do are just chatting with a dozen ladies and looking for a lot of sex with differnet women.

Then you have some that may be serious but are chatting to several and in the end decide on one or two to meet.

Several sites are pretty good, eharmony is very good for finding more local people, at least not more than a hour or two drive away.

The problem with long distance, you chat for a couple months, meet, and chat antoher couple months, well where is it going to go, who is going to move to the location of the other, are you willing to marry or move in with a person you only meet a couple times in person?

I have started dating myself this month and it is hard. Getting turned down by local people or worried about nut cases you may meet online.

I have nothing against online dating, it is just that people are moving too fast without any face to face meeting,;

But you need to have one strong rule, if they are still crying about their exs and their relationships don't even talk to them. Find someone who is happy with thierself, OK living alone if they have to, but just wanting to expand their lives with a new partner.
Until they are ready to actual start dating ( completely over their ex) you dn't need to have anything to do with them.

It depends. A lot of guys online are shallow and selective, and may just be big talking. Are you a good looking girl? Be honest.

Thanks True Faith,and Fr Chuck and yes to the last guy I get lots a whistle and mean stares frm women w/their boyfrends-not to sound shallow
Sure I got some guys liking me,but they're usually old enough to be my father.
You are right faith and Fr chuck,I'm going this not the right way
Men online are probably talking to more than I female online just like I talk 2 different guys but I don't act flaky like they once they meet someone that sparks interest
It seems they toss people aside and then months later come crying online how that person act flaky.
Its not that I handle rejection,well... who actually enjoys it,
But I feel as though I'm getting more of my fair share and its not helping-
Well many times I do get innterested in someone unavailable in real world,like a married man or professors,who are married.
I really considering reloacting once I have the cash,I don't want to be an old maid stuck in this small college town-especially if I'm not frm here

The right one always comes along when we aren't expecting it Vivia , just be patient. Besides THE ONE is always worth waiting for :)

You don't really think most of those online guys are telling the truth, and they sure as heck have a lot of lonely females on their string.

As was said, stop looking for love, and companionship online, when you can build a life that you enjoy with friends, and activities, you love, and just explore you.

When your happy with yourself, you'll meet someone to share it with.

Then you won't have to take chances with the online Romeo's looking for a quick, and easy target.

Don't look for love, when you can build a life, where ever you are.

I appreciate this Tali and Friend,
You guys are always right on the spot,if only I can actually let this sink in my head,
Its just fustrating that's all
See me w/out relationship and jerks who screwed me over are having a ball

Don't worry about finding love... worry about finding love within yourself. The over glorification of having to have that special someone causes people to rush into relationships that are meaningless and do more harm than good. Love will find you, and me, for that matter. You are way too good of a person to feel down.

KCtiger
Thank you that's very sweet,so the adage is true you don't go looking for love

Love will find all of us... sometimes we are just too blind with other things that we don't even realize it. Keep your chin up!

I appreciate that,
I really thought it was my fault, well maybe the signals I give out, its crazy how some folks act like you mean the world to them and then act as thou don't exist,
Like the first runner

Yes, it is funny how much people change in what seems like a short amount of time. I know what you mean. Rest easy in knowing you will mean the world to someone someday... and that will be real. Just wasn't meant to be this time, but it will happen. Don't sweat it! :)

Yes someday I'll meet someone nice
When the economy is booming and everyone's are buying 50,00 vehicles!
Sorry don't mean to be tad pestimistic
Must be the full Cajun moon shining on the bayou

People don't change , some people just give you a false impression when you first meet them to impress you.

We all find out in the long run what a person is REALLY like. Sounds like you were lucky Vivia to find someone isn't what you initially thought before you invested too much.

Like I said earlier just be patient and you'll find the right one when you aren't even looking.

It also depends on what your requirements are, I find I meet many ladies who want the man to have at least a 75,000 income to be considered, and some want over 100,000 income. So what you want in a partner often comes out.

And then others seem to be on dating sites not wanting to really DATE, I have talked to several ladies this week
Chat on one, and they want to chat, not meet for coffee, not go to dinner, online is a way to meet, but dating is still dating.

I appreciate this Friend
Bur unfortunately I did invest a lot in him
But it has been dwindling now that I seen passed his true colors
But what did I do,go on and break NC just to see if there would be any reconnecting
Waste of time,now my curiousity is filled but it doesn't help anything
Also,Fr Church,u seem to be having good time meeting people
You have a good head on your shoulder,true some folks online are not serious
But not all women want a guy making the big bucks
Its like saying all men want Halle berry looking woman,
Well sometimes I think they (men) do,and they are all about looks
I just want a non user,decent human being whose not fresh out of a relationship and looking to have someone to cry on their shoulder abouut their heartless exes than ignore that same person who was there, darn I'm negative
My requirement is that he canafford to by a decent tequila for my margaritas

Comments on this post
vivia12 agrees: do you really really think so?

Definitely... but just be yourself and try to not even think about getting in a relationship with anyone for the time being , we can sniff it if you seem too keen ;)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by friend4u178

Comments on this post
vivia12 agrees: do you really really think so?

Definately...............but just be yourself and try to not even think about getting in a relationship with anyone for the time being , we can sniff it if you seem too keen ;)

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Lol, friend! That's so funny saying we can sniff out when a lady seems desperate
Even online too?
That dog pic looks like he can whiff desperation
So you think it's a good idea to leave love be for the time being?
Feels just like I'm giving up
But on another hand, I can't keep going on being disapointed like this

You don't give up on love, you just stop looking, and change the focus to things you really enjoy, and meeting NEW people through the activities you do. Then someone has a chance to find you, no matter how busy you are.

I think the disappointment comes when we expect to find someone, especially online, but in real life also, and get so full of high expectations when we get a nibble, it's a long fall when things don't work out.

Online, or offline, the rules are the same. Take your time getting to know someone, and have fun doing it, or, to much, to fast, crash, and burn.

Technology may give us more opportunities, but we have to give give ourselves a chance.

I agree Tal. I've been putting my profile on several dating sites, but it's not like talking to people face to face. Plus, I also think that half of the women on there are just there to see what's out there, not necessarily looking to date online.

I think I may hide them for a while... I'm not ready yet. Although, it's not like they're all breaking down my door to date me either. LOL!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by jmw0713

I agree Tal. I've been putting my profile on several dating sites, but it's not like talking to people face to face. Plus, I also think that half of the women on there are just there to see whats out there, not necessarily looking to date online.

I think I may hide them for a while...I'm not ready yet. Although, it's not like they're all breaking down my door to date me either. LOL!

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I'm taking a break too,it's a good idea,why beat dead horses

Vivia, I wonder the same things. How do I turn off all of these women?? I email a few at a time, but I don't get any responses back. That's why I don't think they are on these sites to date, with the exception of you I guess.

Maybe I am coming off as needy. Maybe my picture sucks, or maybe they don't like a guy who is fun... IDK. What I do know is, I still think about my ex at least once a day. I also think... "Well I got her, why can't I get anyone of these women?" It's strange and I am a loss right now. The whole online dating thing is a mystery to me.

I am on the online dating scene as well. I truly think that it is usually the pics that turn people on or off. That is the first thing most look at. Skip reading the long profile. If they don't look good, I won't respond (that is the overall mentality, not mine). I am not a member of these websites to find my true love, I just do it to meet new people (as I am not the type of guy to go to a bar and pick up a girl who is trashed). I do feel awkward a bit to initiate contact with girls online, but in the end, I don't care. If they don't respond, then so what. I know I am a good looking guy who would be a great boyfriend. Just have that mentality. People just become really protective and judgemental online... they are hiding behind a computer.

I have never done online dating.
And never plan to.

But you are right the net is a very Judgemental place.

Yea... thats mostly why I do it, to meet new people. BUT... I'm not going to argue if things go further.:cool:

I seriously need to get a new picture. The one I have up is like 4 years old! LOL! I look a little different now.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by jmw0713

Vivia, I wonder the same things. How do I turn off all of these women??? I email a few at a time, but I don't get any responses back. Thats why I don't think they are on these sites to date, with the exception of you I guess.

Maybe I am coming off as needy. Maybe my picture sucks, or maybe they don't like a guy who is fun...IDK. What I do know is, I still think about my ex at least once a day. I also think..."Well I got her, why can't I get anyone of these women?" It's strange and I am a loss right now. The whole online dating thing is a mystery to me.

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Lol, jmw
Sorry ,I don't mean to laugh at you nor your plight,for I am in that same,what's wrong w/me ,why am I not getting any response. Your comment just cheered me up that's all.
I thought I was the only one who felt that way,not with my pics, I actually have some more I'd like to scan,its just these guys I meet B and moan about their exes
Then they turn around and diss me too,
I don't try to get it with them,but then they act as though they are interested in me.
I tried match.com but am too lazy to even pursue it
I live in Louisiana and sorry,the men who seem interested in me look like Country ajun joe's off the bayou.

I am on match.com. It is better than E-Harmony, which is an absolute rip off in my opinion. My ex has pretty much snatched all the good pics I had, so the pics I have posted are rather uneventful. Also, I don't know why other guys (or gals) would complain about their ex to someone they just met. I know that I try not to even mention my ex to other women, especially those whom I just met. There is a time and a place for that...

Tiger
You need to get those pics back from your ex, I set one of the loser guys real nice actual fresh off the Walgreens photoshop pics of me,'he dissepeared and so are my nice pics
Never again,
Just have to make more

Yea KC. My ex has all the good pictures too. I was just thinking if I should ask for some... but then realized I just need to make my own!!

I think that Match.com is lame. There isn't anyone ever one there, at least in my area. I think I am going to sign up for Yahoo Personals and see where that goes. They have the same "guarantee" as Match, but more traffic.

There are a couple of free sites out there as well. Plentyoffish.com is OK... I got a profile on there.

You know there is always AdultFriendFinder.com if you get desperate!! LOL!! :D

I'm gald I cheered you up Vivia. I've been to New Orleans (New Awlins), and had one hell of a good time down there. The food, the people, and the music is fantastic!! Never had a crawfish or a poboy before I went down there.

Jm
I was going to not recommend plentyoffish,people there are ruffians!
But then all I do is post my forums there never tried to look for anything on that site.
Funny,I used to live in Baltimore..
Well, I have a last shot and itys through my school's paper,
They have 'Personals' section from students
Maybe I can try there, I think its my best bet
Although it goes against all the advice stop looking
U guys just motivating by not letting this online dating thing get to you,like KC tiger
Thanks a bundle!

Hello Everyone!

It has been a while since I posted anything on AMHD,and I feel bad that since my last posts that I don't think I've progressed,even though I'm, aware of it and has seek counseling,so bear with me it's a long post.
I'm still in the same boat,in love,or in addiction to this man, an LDR relationship ago and he since met someone else in person,now he's admitted theyhave been living together,however he still wants to remain friends and talk and vent like he used to,but in a way its killing me
Because I don't see him as a friend and at times all I do is check my e-mail or phone or obsess about what he's doing and what he's not.
At first I didn't understand why he would call me late at night,I thought that he wasn't with her,even on the weekends, so every time when I -ume,I make an A out of myself in a way. I've always felt a deep connection to him and I know people would say,he's from the online,its not real,but I've always since there was something different about him,I could talk to him about anything but reality is,if he really wanted to be with me,before he met his girl,he would have been, since we spoke about this my times but nothing really happened,he lives in Germany.
My goal is to trying to stop interacting with him as much especially if I'm bothered by it and ofbecause of my situation.
Once I went full NC but to no avail broke it,I wish I could find someone else,locally that I'm attracted to but it hasn't happened in ages. I'd go out,try to meet people,go to different events,but I live in a small-ish town like area where there's not much culture and eligible decent men. So it does get pretty lonely, as a result, most of the time I would compare myself to him,that he's having a great time,-with his girl,even though at times he was very emotionally abusive towards me in the past. So now I feel that this new girl gets to benefit and gets to have him.
So Now he's happy to chat,IM or call constantly about current events,impersonal stuff, or we'd talk about careers,once he slipped in along time and we started flirting. I didn't take it seriously knowing how he switches on and off,this was before he told me he was shacking up.
Bottom line,I don't want to totally never speak to him again since he does reach out to me;However,I don't want to just be the ear piece or person he vents to about life or chitchat about impersonal stuff (breadcrumbs if you ask me) when deep inside I want more,and I realize that I'll never get it from him. I feel like a woman lost in a desert trying to get water,all I get is drops or a mirage.
Any advice, help or support is appreciated and I reiterate that I do go out and try to meet people just in case if this is the only response I get. I know it has to be sheer loneliness. Thanks everyone!

Do the No Contact, no more excuses, and stop looking for romance, and just make real friends, who do fun things, and the place to start is right where you are as even small town folks have fun.

Come on V, you have to change that attitude because, as long as your in contact with him in any way, you will be disappointed, and miserable, and blind to the positive things around you right under your nose. Even worse, you'll never be able to enjoy yourself.

Please see a doctor for a check up, just to make sure your not having depression over this situation.

For sure if you don't shake it up, and drop the excuses, you'll never be happy.

Sorry to be harsh, but I think you need a jolt to get busy, and stop having time to listen to his stuff, any more. Thats the problem, allowing any contact with him. Stop it!!! You have to much work to do for yourself.

Make some good female friends, they will get your back!

I am always single and greatly appreciate the friends I have made in real life ( guys or girls). The good friends will make you not wanting to meet a man, you will be so busy hanging out with them! Start with meeting girls, it's easy to exchange emotions with them!

LOL, to add, actually your female friends will have enough drama to tell you about THEIR men, that might become one contributing factor you don't even want a man in your life.

Good luck Vivia.

Had to spread the rep but I agree with you Tal 100%

Vivia , I've posted answers to questions of yours before and like Tal says your not doing NC because you keep in touch with him so that stops you moving on and letting go.

STOP contacting him or you'll be stuck forever. Someone will come along when you aren't even looking for it.